The door flew open and Chris stepped out. "Hey! Rach!" Chris' voice stopped short of Rachel clamping her hand over his mouth.
"Shut up!" She hissed.
Chris took Rachel by the arm and led her over to a deserted dressing room. "Talk, now."
"I'm so scared. What do I do now?"
Chris stared at her incredulously. "I don't understand. You mean to tell me that you're not going to forgive him? That you're actually having a hard time deciding?"
"Do you know how many times I've agonized over this? DO YOU!!??" Rachel covered her face with her hands as she sobbed. Chris reached over for her, and she slapped his arms away. "I have gone over and over this! I've been racking my BRAINS trying to figure out what I should do. Why should I just decide to proclaim my love for him? He's KNOWN that I've always loved him and I've known that he's always loved me. But just because he's FINALLY ready to commit and tell me how he feels, I should just go for it? Is that it?"
Chris stared at her wide eyed. "Do you even know how many times I've sat and thought about why Sierra got a chance and I didn't? Lance fell in love with me! He fell for me and because he got too scared, he broke it off. Oh yeah and then a week later, he starts seeing my BEST FRIEND and they SLEEP together! Now, you tell me. How easy would it be for you to forgive something like that, Chris?"
"I don't know, Rachel. I know that Lance has agonized and thought over this just as much as you have. I've seen him everyday for the past three years, I see how he acts, how he thinks, how he cares about things. About you. Do you even know how jealous he gets when he sees you with Justin? He loves you so much, so much that it scares him." Chris took one of Rachel's hands. "I wish I could find a love like that, you guys have spent your whole lives together. You've seen his whole past and you can see his future."
"I don't know... I'm not sure if I can." Tears streaked her cheeks. "Do you know every time I look at his lips and his body or anything that reminds me of him, sometimes all I can see his Sierra. It's there, every time." Rachel's mouth trembled.
"Rachel, do you know what I heard one time? I heard this great advice, I think I'm gonna tell it to you." Chris paused and Rachel looked at him, waiting for him to continue. He scratched his head. "I just have to ummm... I have to think about it for a second."
Rachel giggled and smiled at him through her tears. He could always make her feel better, even if it was by accident.
"I remember it now! This is how it goes, I read it in a book though. Not all of it will apply to you, but the last part does - "
"Chris! Just tell me the damn advice, for the love of PETE!"
"Alright, jeez oh pete's. You didn't have to yell at me." He hurried up, when he saw the look on her face, "Alright, alright. Here it goes: You will never be subject to the temptation or feeling you must forgive, a man, as a woman. It's difficult to resist, But remember that forgiveness too is a power. To beg for it is a power, and to withhold or bestow it is a power, perhaps the greatest."
Rachel's eyebrows almost merged in confusion. She waited for Chris to continue and he said nothing. He just kept shaking his head up and down and looking at the wall. "CHRIS!" She exploded. "What the hell does that mean!?"
"Huh?" It was his turn to look confused.
She threw her hands up in the air. "What does that mean? What you just told me, I don't understand."
"Oh! Well, why didn't you just say so! Jeez! You can't control what you feel when you look at him right? You see Sierra and him together?"
"Chris, I wanna talk about this!"
"I am, I'm trying to explain it to you. Okay, now that's right, right? you can't control how you feel?"
"Yeah, that's basically it."
"Forgiveness is something you can control. You can control your anger and your forgiveness. That's an amazing power, Rae. When you start to feel out of control with your helplessness and anger, think of that power you have. Love should start to overtake that feeling of power and then that's all you'll feel, is love."
Rachel stared at Chris in open shock. "How did you..."
"I just do. Can you answer me a question though?"
"Yeah, you know I can."
"Do you love him?"
"Do I..." Rachel swallowed hard and looked away. How could she answer a question when her whole body and soul and world was the love she felt for him?
"Rachel, I asked you a question?" Chris ventured.
Rachel snapped herself back to reality and looked sharply at Chris. "I love him so much, sometimes it chokes me. Sometimes, I feel it so intensely, I can't sit still. If he's near me, I feel like I have to touch him. I'll go cuddle up against him, or brush my hand against his hair, or back, or arm, or stomach. I have to do something to just make sure that he's still there by me. I'll wake up in the middle of the night, panicked. I panic because I get so scared. I'm scared that I'll wake up and he won't be there anymore. That one day, somebody's going to take him away from me. What if that happens, again? Chris? What if it happens again!?" Rachel screamed at him.
Chris stared at her, his mouth hanging open in awe. "I never knew you felt that strongly about him."
"Chris, it's not the point. What happens if I lose him again?" Rachel swallowed, forcing the tears back down her throat. "I can't handle losing him again, I can't go through that anymore."
"I don't know what you can do, I don't think there is anything you can do. I do know that you have to trust him. Trust him with your heart, trust yourself with his. He knows what he did was wrong, and trust me when I say, he's regretted every single millisecond of Sierra. I know because he tells us every day. He knows how bad he messed up last time, I seriously doubt he would do anything like that again." Chris paused, taking a breath. "Rachel, he knows what he lost. We all know what he lost, he will not do it again. I promise you that."
Rachel closed her eyes and sighed deeply. She leaned against Chris' shoulder for support and neither of them talked for a few minutes. "I need him so badly, there is no other option. I can't lose this." Rachel turned and looked at Chris, "Right?"
He squeezed Rachel's hand and kissed her cheek. "Yeah, baby. That's right, you can't lose it again. Because, if you lose it again, you'll lose yourself."
"What would I do without you?" Rachel whispered, returning the kiss. She stood from the couch. "Come on, let's go see the other's." Rachel held out her hand and Chris grabbed it.
They walked into the room hand in hand and the whooping and hollering of the guys stopped suddenly. Justin turned in the middle of pulling on his shirt, his stomach and chest glistening to the lights. Lance lay sleeping on the couch, Joey and JC were in the middle of a wrestling match and JC had pulled the shirt over Joey's head. He couldn't see, the shirt covered his eyes. He spun in circles flailing his arms.
"What's goin on? Why'd we stop fighting? Are you scared of me? Huh? Huh?" Joey yelled.
Justin roughly pulled the shirt down over his head. "Shut up, fool!" Justin turned him around and Rachel waved slightly at Joey, her eyebrows raised in the air.
Joey laughed and walked forward, enveloping her in a hug. "Hey, kid! How are you? Did you like the show? Did you see me waving to you?"
"Woah! Slow down, killer! I'm good. I can see you're doing fine. I liked the show, it was really good. Yes, I saw you waving to me and I also saw the thousands of girls who thought you were waving to them!" Rachel laughed and patted Joey's cheek.
"Yes, but they'll never know I was waving to the prettiest girl in the arena!" Joey winked at Rachel, kissing her lightly on the side of the head.
"What can I say? You're too good for me Joe!" She squeezed his hand. "Thanks for everything tonight, though. And, I don't mean waving to me. I mean, everything." Joey nodded his head in understanding and kissed the top of her head one last time.
Rachel looked over at JC who was leaning against the sink. She walked over to him and leaned into his chest, nuzzling just slightly, as her arms slid around his waist. JC sighed and tightened his arms around Rachel's back, his cheek against her hair. "What are we gonna do with you, Rae?"
"I don't know Jace. I guess I keep things lively, so you'll probably keep me!" Rachel smiled at JC's throaty laugh, it could always make her giggle.
"Thank you for everything tonight. It means a lot to me."
JC leaned down to whisper in her ear. "I hear a present tense in that 'it means a lot to me.' Does that mean..."
Rachel leaned back to look in his eyes. "You're too nosy for your own good." She placed a gentle kiss on his cheek and smiled into his mischievous eyes.
Justin stood from his seat in the wicker chair and held his arms out towards Rachel. She rushed into them, hugging him to her tightly. "Can I talk to you outside for a minute?" Rachel asked.
