Rachel ripped her hand away from Lance's chest. "Don't tell me that you're heart is breaking!" Rachel sobbed with him. "My heart is breaking too! That's not fair, don't act like you're the only one hurting here!"
Neither spoke as they swam in their pain. Rachel spoke first after a few minutes. "You have no idea how hard these past years have been on me. I've been trying to get past certain issues, I've been trying to understand these emotions and feelings, I've been trying to deal with the fact that you're never here."
"How about what I'm feeling? Do you know how hard it's been for me? How I've been trying to get past the same issues, how I've been trying to understand the emotions and the feelings, how I've been trying to deal with the fact that I'm never there? You haven't even put yourself in my position and all I've been doing is putting myself in yours. Tell me what you talked about with Sierra?"
Rachel looked away, crossing her arms over her chest. "I don't have to answer that."
"Yes, you do! We're being honest, so be honest. Tell me." Rachel stayed silent. "TELL ME!" Lance yelled, his hands gripped into fists.
Rachel sighed. "Fine! She told me to be careful, she knew that I couldn't live without your friendship. She said to think before I act, to remember what it was like, when you weren't in my life! Sierra told me to remember the heart ache you have caused me! All right? Is that what you wanted to know?"
Lance saw red, he was so angry. His jaw was clenched and he was staring at Rachel as if she had two heads. "And you listened to her? What the hell is wrong with you, Rachel? Since when did you actually take her advice into consideration?"
"Since she told me the truth!" Rachel hissed, glaring at Lance. "How dare you ask what's wrong with me! Why is it, that it's okay for me to forgive you, but forgiving Sierra is a different story? What are YOU so afraid of, Lance? Huh? Are you scared that I'm going to be friends with her again and she's going to tell me the truth? Or are you scared that you'll fall for her again?"
Lance grabbed Rachel by the arm. "Would you listen to yourself? You sound so ridiculous, it's not even funny! Why would I fall for her again? Why would I be scared of the stuff she would tell you? I have nothing to hide -"
"Oh really? Nothing to hide! Tell me why you had sex with her! Tell me why you are so angry with me forgiving her?"
"It's none of your business why I had sex with her!"
"I'm not going to sit here and listen to you lie to me! You got angry when I hid my feelings from you and now you're sitting here doing it. You don't have to worry about asking me to leave this tour! I already have!" Rachel stood up, ready to storm out of the room.
Lance jumped up and grabbed her by the arm, pulling her off balance. She slammed against the wall, flinching at the impact. "Don't you walk out on me Rachel! You know better!"
"Don't tell me what to do!" Rachel pushed against Lance's chest. "Move out of my way, Lance!"
Lance had Rachel blocked in with his body, his arms blocking her in against the wall. He leaned down, looking her in the eye. "I am not moving. WE are going to talk about this, even if it kills US." Lance squeezed out the words between his clenched teeth.
Rachel's voice was raspy. "Tell me now. Are you scared of falling in love with Sierra?" Lance's face filled with rage and anger. Rachel visibly trembled from his look, but she refused to back down. "Tell ... me ... now, Lance!"
"Yes, okay! I am afraid of falling in love with her again!" Lance screamed in anger.
Rachel gasped and tears filled her eyes. "Let go of me now!" Lance gently released the grip he had on her and slid against her body's stiff position finding himself losing Rachel all over again. He was helpless and scared of everything that could happen to the only thing that made sense to him. His weary body found himself fallen onto the floor hugging her knees, hoping that she'd see how much she meant to him.
Rachel froze against the wall, unsure of what to do. The strong best friend she'd known her entire life was crumbling to pieces. "Lance, get up." Rachel ordered after a few moments of not moving. She sighed when Lance stayed on the floor. She knelt down to his level and touched his shoulder. "We can't fix this problem at all, when you're on the floor, refusing to move."
Lance lifted his face up to hers and sniffled. "I've ruined everything, haven't I?"
Rachel ignored his question and looked away, "Why are you scared of falling in love with Sierra again?"
"For the same reason, you're scared of falling in love with me again." Rachel turned and looked Lance in his eyes.
"Ahh, now see. That's where you're wrong, I've already fallen." Lance's eyes widened and tears gathered in them, he impatiently wiped them away. "I'm scared of falling in love with her again, because I'm scared of hurting you. I know I won't fall in love with HER again, I'm scared that ANYBODY might come in between us. Look how easy it was the last time, what if it happens again?"
"I don't know Lance, I don't know if it will happen again. I'm not saying it won't, but I'm just not sure. There is no sure thing that says we'll be together for the rest of our lives and there's nothing that says we'll break up tomorrow."
Lance sighed and hung his head. Rachel's chin trembled at his pitiful sight. "Lance, please tell me something?" Lance made no move and Rachel continued, "Please tell me that you're... that you're still in love with me?" Rachel whispered painfully, the words rising and falling along with her choked back tears.
"I've never stopped being in love with you, Rach." Lance raised his head and gently touched Rachel's face, "I have never stopped. Not for one-second."
Rachel's shoulders shook up and down with her sobs, tears continually falling from her face. She scooted over until she was sitting in Lance's lap. Rachel wrapped her arms around his back, burying her face in his neck. He held on just as tight, wrapping his arms around her waist, pulling her close. Lance couldn't get Rachel close enough to him, there was no end to him and no beginning to her in the embrace. "Please don't ever let me go." Rachel whispered into his ear.
"I'll try my best, my hardest, with all of my heart, not to."
"This time we're going to do it better, no more promises. We're just going to say that we'll try and maybes, it's too hard to say promise." Rachel wondered out loud. "I like that idea, I do promise one thing though," Lance breathed, "I will never forget this love I feel right now." Rachel brought her head up and rested it against Lance's forehead. "I love you." Lance breathed in quickly, "Oh God. I love you too, Rachel."
The End
