How toned are the Bluetones?
Very toned. Especially after our super, keep fit 50 date UK tour we’ve just done. We call it the tour r cise. (made up spelling). You tour and you diet. At the moment we’re on the Ginster diet!

What, like Pasties?
Yes, a pasty for breakfast, one for lunch and a shake for dinner!

That doesn’t sound very healthy. Don’t you drink loads of alcohol though?
Oh no I don’t surprisingly. Not as much as I used to, because I can’t bounce back as soon as I used to in the old days. In the old days I could go to bed and have six hours sleep and ping be as fresh as a daisy.

The one song you seem to be most associated with is Slight Return, and you’re always expected to play it. Do you ever regret writing it?
No. Next question…Only joking! .urr..no of course not. There are no regrets it’s just that it’s not our favourite song. It does get annoying from time to time when we have done 70 or 80 other songs, recorded and available, when everyone still goes on about one song, but that was just one song that went big – it was kinda like a blip in our career. But a successfull blip. A highpoint commercially, and I’m not bitter. I don’t feel bad about the song. I don’t have any feelings of resentment for having success, but having said that it is difficult for us to go and play it every night and put the same schizbar into it so we leave it out from time to time, and you can’t resent the song that opened doors for us.

What makes you blue?
Apart from this shirt? (This shirt being a shirt that Mark has had for years and has to get specially cleaned under the arms due to being mangled by deodorants. It’s his favourite you see – and very nice it is too). I’ve just lost a button on it. Look! (If you insist!)I keep on getting it restitched. It’s really tight on me.

Have you got any safety pins? You can have one of ours if you want, but they’re really, really big.
I’ve got safety pins in my other bag. I’ve got this thing in my bag it’s really heavy...safety pins, sewing kits, hand wipes, headache tablets, paper clips, elastic bands, name something, I carry all sorts of crap around with me.

Sausages??
What’s the biggest argument you’ve had with each other?
We don’t really have big, shouting rows, we have sulks. Sulking being a very effective way of getting your own way. It’s usually over silly thing like song titles, chord progressions.

What makes you happy?
The smile on the face of a newborn child.

….ahhhhhh (synchronised sying – must stop doing that).
……and kittens

Puppies?
..and moons in June.

How toned are the Bluetones?
If you could wake up tomorrow and have it all, what would your life be like? Pretty much the same as it is today. I already have it all. That’s a conceited answer isn’t it. I guess I’d have thirty years of leisure time then. There’s a million things I would like to change though. There’s things I would change everyday. Mainly it’s things that I’ve said.

(As if by magic a Bluetones song starts playing in the background).

Do you hear your own voice and think aaggghhh?
On the radio or TV I do, but at home on the stereo I’m quite used to it. However, when it comes out of the TV when I’m around somebody else’s house it’s embarrasing. I just don’t know where to look. The worst incident being World Cup 98 when they played ‘Marelade Johnson’ when England were knocked out. I was round my friends house and I felt like it was my fault.

Do you prefer happy or sad songs?
I think I prefer sad songs. They say so much.

What’s your favourite song at the moment?
I don’t know what it’s called but it’s by Stephen Malkmus. Have you heard it? He’s really good. He’s one of those things you’re not going to read about. He won’t be in magazines or talked about on the radio. He’s a bit more obscure

So you’re having a dinner party. What five guests will you invite if you could invite anyone?
Oh hello who’s been watching BBC 4 (we think he means Channel 4 – we’ll let him of 'cos he’s ridiculously cute!)...I’d have Michael Winner for starters 'cos I think he would be a wonderful dinner guest, he can be very objectionable. His films are certainly objectionable. I’d love to have him round for a spot of turkey. Kate bush, and…how many is that?

Two. Three more to go!
Right okay…then Destinys Child!

Cheat!!
What do you like to watch on TV.
Well, I’m not the kind of person who you can just plonk in front of the TV to watch any old crap. I do like watching quiz shows though, and I’m gutted that they have taken 15 to 1 off. You get addicted to it, and even though you are lazing around doing nothing you feel like you are doing something.

How do you feel about the new format of Countdown then?
Yeah I like Countdown so I don’t mind 45 minutes of it.

As a child what name did you wish you had?
Good question. Not Mark – it’s a dull name. The name I wish I had was Alowishes (Ulysses)

Laura – I’ve always wanted an unusual name, my name is so common.
I like the same Laura! What name would you like? Pedra?

Laura - Caroline suggested Flora the other day, which is about the shittest name ever. I don’t want to associate myself with sandwich spread.
Do you watch blue movies?
From time to time I have been known to watch a dirty movie.

Channel 5?
That’s not dirty, you can watch that as you walk down the highstreet. When you have a DVD player it opens up the World. Yeah, I’ve got a collection of porn, some of it quite old. You can get some good porn in Germany and Holland.

Tell us something no one else knows.
Erm…..Well I’ve told you about my button, I don’t know what else to tell you. Not sure if I have anymore secrets left.

Okay, tell us something you do which nobody knows.
Well I’m one of those people who phones up the council and winges. Mostly about litter and dirty streets. I phoned up the council this week. (Rock and roll).l I’d just finished cleaning out the garden and two days later there’s rubbish strewn all over it, but when I go back hopefully it will be rectified. They said it would be done by today.

What’s your biggest regret?
Putting this shirt on too fast and ripping the button off, so I have to but a whole new set now 'cos I don’t think you can get them individually.

Caroline – Try John Lewis (DIY Girl to the rescue)

Cue far too deep conversation about whether it would be possible to remove a button from lower down on his shirt and fix in in place of the lost button.

Do you wear ties often……oh actually you wore one tonight didn’t you?
WOW! YOU WERE PAYING ATTENTION!

Yeah, it was kinda pinkish.
It was black!

Moving on...Have you ever smoked a pipe?
Mark – Tobacco in a pipe? No, never. Although, maybe when I was a teenager. When someone was like.. ‘well, go on then’. I’ve smoked a cigar though.

How important do you think image is for a band and do you think you have a good image?
I don’t think that is a very easy question to answer because what is image? It can be something projected onto you not necessarily something you project. Sometimes we get bored, mess around and get dressed up. We went through a suit wearing phase 3 years ago but but we aren’t thinking about image anymore, we’re thinking that we have to put something on for the picture!

What inspires you?
Don’t know. Lots of different things. Nothing specific. Moments inspire you, Don’t they. You hear a conversation, thoughts, you see something or are present somewhere, and it will give you something that you will remember when you get home and put it on paper.

Last question, it’s quite hard, well, not really. There’s a lot of bands with the word ‘Blue’ in there names. How many can you think of.
Blue Oyster Cult, The Bluetones, Blue (x2) …err…blue…..skins?, Blue airplanes, Bluebells, Deacon Blue.

Wow, you’ve done really well, you thought of all those just off the top of you head like that! Have a gold star.

And then it was time to join the rest of the band for frantic groupie sex on their tour bus.

They'll blue you away!