Ok, so we lie, but just a little. In all fairness we weren’t disappointed much. Until we discovered that because our VIP passes hadn’t arrived in time, (imagine there must have been some terrible mix up, can’t think what else it could’ve been? -our agent will suffer!), we had to queue with the masses. Now under normal circumstances we wouldn’t have minded being treated this way, but this was no ordinary queue. This queue was bigger than Jade from Big Brother’s mouth, and it seemed to stretch all the way back to Peterborough. However, luckily for us, we hadn’t forgot to pack our trusty companion ‘War and Peace’ to provide some light reading to keep us feeling refreshed while we were waiting, and to help keep us entertained.

Then a couple of comets hit the Earth, a few civilisations were wiped out, and then finally we were let into the festival site, although we still didn’t manage to finish the book! Next we proceeded to get nice and soggy, but it’s all good ‘clean’ festival ‘fun’ afterall! Tell you something though. We’d never been more glad to have remembered to bring a designer umbrella along (well,£2.99 from Woolies) to keep us looking vaguely human like. Although, it didn’t really prevent the development of hood hair – but that was kinda inevitable. (Hood hair is closely related to tent hair. For those of you not familiar with either, tent hair is achieved after spending the night in a tent, hood hair is achieved by having the hood of your zip-up top up for a long period of time. Both result in glorious, static, not been comed for a year, hair. Gorgeous.)

So, we parked our rears on the damp grass at the back of the festival site on top of the hill, which was absolutely necessary. It soon turned out that not only had the organisers forgot our VIP backstage passes but they had also forgot to hire our bodyguards. Unforgivable. You just can’t get the staff these days! So naturally we knew that it would be safer for us (and everybody else, especially if they looked like they were in a band!) to stay out of the glare of the public and try not to draw too much attention to ourselves. However, we don’t think it would have mattered much anyway because the only unwanted attention we seemed to be attracting (apart from the usual drunk and druged up kind), was the kind you get when there is an unusually huge amount of insect life, but I think that was because we smelled..........really nice!

Capdown were on first to kick off the festival with their interesting blend of ska punk. Good job. They were ace. Although we are used to seeing them up a bit more close and personal when they play at the Park but we were still impressed by their set all the same. Next were Snuff , which were nothing to sniff about. Although I was sniffing a bit, but I guess that’s hayfever for you. Boom…..boom. Interestingly Snuff were followed by Spunge . Hmmm, this did not bode well with a hOOchy* brain cos we kept on getting mixed up and was never quite sure which band was on. Why can’t bands try to differentiate themselves better. Consequently, they could have been called Spliff or Snunge as far as we were concerned, we wasn’t really impressed with either to tell you the truth!

The next band we hadn’t even heard of before. They were called Face To Face . Apparently this festival was the first appearance playing in England, which is probably why we hadn’t heard of them. We thought they were a bit rubbish, so hope it is their last too, but at least it meant that we had ample time to catch up on our beauty sleep – not that we need it, but I guess you knew that.

The Levellers were a welcome relief. They were actually rather good. But by this stage we were more concerned about our possible backstage date with Roddy. Unfortunately, they didn’t pick our number out in the raffle, although by jingo, it was a close one. The number picked out was from the set of tickets that we got our ticket from. Unfortunately they blatantly didn’t pick the right ticket. We told them it was number 66, and they picked number 150. It was fixed. (We’ll get you next time Roddy!) Or there was a mix up in the communications! As a result we were forced to listen to Hundred Reasons , which was painful to say the least. But, at least they made a lasting impression. So much so that we still haven’t quite got over it, and still have nightmares which consist of round, furry, ginger curly haired creatures. Still not entirely sure what this is all about but we think it could be associated in someway to Colin, can’t imagine why! By this stage we honestly didn’t think it could get any worse, but it did. Raging Speedhorn followed. They aren’t music, this is comical. Even the sound of a jumbo jet engine starting up is surely more musical than this. Come on people, if you want to here this then why don’t you just plan a trip to Gatwick airport for a day of plane spotting. Useless, useless, useless. But we managed to entertain ourselves by having an indepth conversation about the advantages of clouds and how leafy trees are better than non-leafy trees. No-one likes a bald tree.

The next couple of bands divided the hOOchy* camp, and for this, (what could have turned into a full scale punch up), we had to come down off our hill and (gasp)mingle with the masses. I wasn’t particularly impressed with A , but I can see their appeal with their catchy pop-punk vibe. They’re not exactly my cup of tea, but I guess that’s probably because they sing about Starbucks, and they don’t brew tea in there...boom..boom. Ok, I know, it’s just not funny anymore. But, I still thought they were ok, but clearly no rival to the next band. Walter Schreifels of Rival Shools can certainly bang a cracking tune out and I was certainly charmed by this band with their emocore music. Definitely a band worth looking out for. The much anticipated Idlewild followed, and the boys didn’t disappoint with their blend of old and new. Dispite the fact it was lashing down, they were, as always, fabulous. They started off with good old fashioned punky esque Idlewild in the mould of 'When I argue;' and 'Film for the Future' and rounded it all off with some of their newer offerings including 'American English’'. Influences from REM and the Smiths clearly evident, which makes it all the more harder for me to even attempt to hate Idlewild. Men! Talking of men, we saw you Roddy with your groupies backstage, and don’t you think for a second we can’t find out who they are. They will suffer for this! We gave you a hOOchy* sticker under the strictest instructions that you NEVER talk to another female again!
We must have blacked out by this stage (Roddy clearly must have proved to be too much for us!) because we can’t remember seeing The Wildhearts at all. Shame really. Reckon we would have liked them. Think we were possibly doing lunch, (although lunch at 6.35 is kinda late. Maybe we were seductively sucking our long ice-creams whilst wondering why we didn’t bring enough money for alcohol. A sober day is not a happy day in the hOOchy* camp).

Next it was time for something a little different, well Iggy Pop is certainly that! He felt the need to tell us that we were all "useless burger eating mother fuckers!". Thanks Iggy P! He also felt the need to tell us how shit the music scene was at the moment, and that there was no Rock'n'Roll in music anymore. We don’t want to sound big headed but we assume he had been checking out the lastest rant on this website before he was on. Roddy must have given him the web address.... Oh righty then.

By now we are feeling a bit worse for wear. We were huddled under the wheelchair ramp, along with 6 other people, drinking cold tea and eating a cold hotdog, but even this cannot dim our anticipation. We waded our way through the squidgy grass and 6 inches of mud, kicked a few million mini-moshers out the way and eventually got back to the front of the stage, just intime to see a cute ickle pink fluffy bunny hoping around it. It eats a carrot and then downs a pint (did I mention It wasn’t a real bunny?!), before Green Day burst on stage with their usual humour and flair and dazzle us with their undeniable talent! Why can’t other Punk bands these days be like them? Blink 182, and Sum 41 will never be any competition. Ever. Why? Well, because Green day have such enduring widespread appeal and an ability not only to entertain you musically but entertain you per se with their wacky, intelligent humour, and their love of their fans. They did the usual thing of forming a band on stage made up of people from the crowd. "Pick me, I can play guitar!", we shout in vain, whilst jumping up and down and waving our arms madly. But alas he didn’t, but there is always next time, and maybe then we’ll flash him, that might be more affective! Anyway...Green Day may have been fantastic, but their show is always the same old thing. Forming a band, getting everyone to repeat what he says, soaking the crowd with a big hose pipe, Tres setting fire to his drum kit. Once you’ve seen them do it 4 times it gets a bit boring. The best thing about a gig is the anticipation of what it will be like. If they want to stay as one of the best live bands around, they should start to think of something new to do. But apart from that...WE STILL LOVE YOU BILLY!!

Rocking or Shocking?
Rocking. 4/5. Have a green day. Or should that be brown?!