Road Doc
Chapter 33
It was early afternoon and Brian was restless. He had indulged in a few beers with his lunch and was feeling a bit fuzzy. He paced about his hotel room, searching for the answers that were spinning through his head. He had hoped the beer would numb him enough to ignore his thoughts, but it had only made them more pronounced, more confusing.
Frustrated, he left his room and trotted down the hall to Nick’s room. He pounded upon the door harshly, cursing himself for not having the ability to just let things go. He wanted to just turn his brain off, but instead he was now standing at Nick’s door about to confront him with what was flooding his thoughts.
A sleepy Nick finally answered the door after Brian had practically beat it down.
“What’s up, Brian?” he said, running a hand over his face and through his hair.
“I need to talk to you, right now” Brian said, pushing past him and sitting down on the corner of Nick’s unmade bed.
“Uh, okay” Nick said, still half asleep. He shut the door and sat down on the floor in front of where Brian was sitting.
Brian sat with his elbows on his knees, chewing on his thumbnail. It was obvious that he was nervous but Nick was too sleepy to notice. The two men sat quietly, Brian continued to chew upon his fingernails and Nick struggled to stay awake.
After several minutes of silence Nick spoke.
“For somebody who needed to talk right now you sure aren’t saying much”
Brian looked at him and sighed deeply.
“What’s wrong, Brian?” Nick said, concerned over Brian’s silence.
“It’s about this whole gay thing, Nick” he said in a soft voice.
“Uh, okay” Nick said, kind of rolling his eyes to himself.
“Look....” Brian said, as if he were trying to grasp at the right words to say.
Nick moved up to sit next to him on the bed.
“I know you’re pissed at me because of it” Nick said, assuming that was what Brian had wanted to talk about. “And I know that I’m probably going to go to hell for it.”
“Nick...” Brian tried to stop him.
“And I know that everyone in the group is pissed off because this could cause problems with our careers.” Nick continued. “And I know that...”
Brian silenced Nick with a firm kiss on the mouth. Nick’s entire body tensed in shock as Brian pressed his lips against his. Once the realization of exactly what Brian was doing hit him he pulled away and sat back staring at Brian in disbelief.
“W-what w-w-was that?” Nick whispered, so stunned he could barely speak.
“Look” Brian said, putting his hand on Nick’s shoulder. “I don’t know what is wrong
with me. I’m a little bit drunk and...I don’t know. I just wanted to see what it was like to...you know....with a guy”
“Brian you are not gay” Nick said, moving Brian’s hand from his shoulder.
“Just show me, Nick. I can’t think of anyone else who I would want to...you know...” Brian leaned over and kissed Nick again, this time parting Nick’s lips with his own.
“Dude....stop” Nick said, jumping up off the bed. “I...I...you’re like my brother, man”
Brian hung his head in his hands and silently cussed himself.
“Sometimes I look at you and I think....I just like what I see. You know what I mean?” Brian said.
“No!” Nick shouted. “No I don’t know what you mean. Brian....you are NOT gay.”
“How do you know?” Brian said, raising his voice as he jumped from the bed.
“Because I know you.” Nick shouted back. “Just go, okay?”
“I’m not leaving until you....” Brian yelled. “Until you and I....”
“NO!” Nick screamed. “That is not going to happen....ever!”
“How can I know I’m not gay if I’ve never been with a guy?” Brian said, his voice
cracking.
“You’re not gay, dammit!” Nick shouted. “Get that out of your fucking head!”
“Nick...” Brian said, moving towards him.
“No!”
“I just...”
“NO!”
Nick walked quickly to the door and opened it. He stood there silently waiting for Brian to leave.
"You're my best friend, Nick" Brian said, trying still to convince him.
"I know. That's why you have to leave right now"
"Just show me" Brian said, moving over and running his hand down Nick's arm.
Nick startled at his touch as if Brian's hands were poison to him.
"Just one time" Brian said softly.
Nick shook his head, slowly at first and then more violently.
"Get out" Nick said slowly.
"Nick..."
Nick's body was trembling.
"Get out and don't EVER do this again. Don't even THINK about it. Just GET OUT!!"
34