Nature's Gift

"Kevin? Kevin... it is done. Wake up, Kevin..." Night's voice called to him urgently.

Kevin slowly shook off the peyote as he struggled to open his eyes. He finally managed, with great effort, to do just that. As his vision cleared, he saw Night's concerned face hovering over him.

"Kevin... it's been four and a half days... you are very weak... here... drink this." Night said softly as he lifted Kevin's head with one hand and placed the stone cup to Kevin's parched lips. Kevin drank deeply. The water was infused with healing herbs, and Kevin could feel them begin to work their magic almost immediately. When the cup was empty, Night sat it down and retrieved the cool, wet cloth. As he bathed Kevin's face and chest, Kevin grabbed his hand.

"What is it? What do you need, Kevin?"

"I need you, Night... I... I thought I was dead... I thought I would never see you again. I love you..." Kevin struggled to form the words, his voice raspy and quiet.

"Rest now, Kevin. You are safe now. You must build your strength and then we will talk. I... I love you too..." Night smiled at him. With a weak smile, Kevin gave up his struggle and slept.

He slept for two days, vaguely aware of Night's presence... vaguely aware that he slept safely in Night's arms. When he finally awoke, he found himself alone in the lodge, with only Raven keeping watch over him. The bird flew down from the rafters and landed softly next to Kevin.

"Hello old friend..." Kevin smiled weakly.

The bird cawed.

"Where's Night?"

Again, the bird cawed. Then, reaching back with his beak, he pulled out one of his own feathers and dropped it on Kevin's chest. Kevin smiled and thanked him for the gift, then the bird flew back toward the rafters, and out the smoking opening in the center of the roof. Night entered only a few moments later, carrying two fresh salmon he had just finished cleaning. He put the fish to roast over the fire and hurried to Kevin's side.

"How do you feel?"

"Like I've been to hell... but I'm ok."

"I see Raven left you a gift. You should put that in your medicine bag. As long as you honor him and have the feather, you can use his medicine."

"Ok... There... its in there."

"Has your strength returned?"

"Yeah... some... could you help me up? I need to go outside for a minute."

"Take my arm... there you go... easy..."

Night helped support him as they walked outside. The snow was still there, though the Sun was out now. The world somehow looked more alive to Kevin than it had before. He could hear the Wind and the Earth speaking to him softly. He could feel the familiar heat of the Sun, and it seemed as if he could hear millions of creatures all around him now. He mentioned this to Night, who laughed gently and explained that this is what its like after you become attuned to the Earth and all she offered. Night continued to hold him up as he relieved himself, and they walked back to the lodge. Kevin's strength was returning with each step he took, and he felt intensely alive now. More alive than he had ever felt before.

The fish were soon done, and as they ate their first meal in over six days, they talked of Kevin's vision quest. Excitement filled his voice as he described each part of the quest in vivid detail. Night listened with genuine interest to every word Kevin spoke. Then, as Kevin excitedly told him of the Green Fire, he could see Night's mind at work. When he had finished talking, Night sat quietly for a few minutes, mulling over what he had said.

"Well? Do you think that's it? Is that the Green Fire?"

"No, Kevin. I do not believe that is the Green Fire of which Raven spoke. Your logic makes perfect sense, though."

"But... if that isn't it, then what is it?"

"You, Kevin. You are the Green Fire..."

"Me? I don't understand, Night..."

"Your eyes, Kevin... they shine with an internal flame. When I first saw you on the plane, they made me think of Green Fire. I should have known then that I had found what I was sent to find."

"You mean, we were supposed to meet on that plane?"

"Yes. Did I not tell you that I was in the hands of destiny?"

"Well... yeah... but..."

"You are that destiny, Kevin."

"I... I don't know what to say..."

"Say nothing more. Just continue telling me about your quest." Night smiled.

Kevin told him of the serpent, the fight, and the volcano. He explained to Night that he had thought he had somehow failed, and that his body had died. He told him how his heart had shattered at the thought of never seeing him again... of never tasting his kisses or feeling his warm body cuddled close. He told Night of how he had screamed his name in a deafening roar, then had blacked out when he felt the sharp pain in his chest.

"You were afraid of never seeing me again? That was your fear?"

"Yes... Night... I know now who I love... I know what role people play in my life, and I know what is right for me. I learned a lot about myself... and even more about the Earth... and I'm going to use that knowledge to its fullest potential. But the first thing I have to do is to tell you that I love you more than life... and that I want to be with you." He said softly.

"I don't know what to say, Kevin..."

"Just tell me that you love me."

"I do... I love you, Kevin..."

"Come here, Night..." Kevin said as he pulled Night into a passionate kiss. As the kiss ended, they looked deeply into each other's eyes, saying nothing at all. Kevin stood and held out his hand for Night to help him up. Once on his feet, Kevin led him to the pile of furs on the floor...

Kevin awoke the next morning with a smile. He watched Night sleep for a while and thought how much he looked like an angel. Night was snuggled tightly in Kevin’s arms, and he couldn't help but think back to how they had made love the night before. It had been the most incredible experience Kevin had ever had, and he surprised himself that he couldn't get enough of this man. They had made love for hours on end, and Night had shown him pleasures he had never dreamed of before. He had never known that he was capable of multiple orgasms, and it still blew his mind when he remembered how that felt. It had been not only a physical experience, but it had even become a spiritual one, too.

One thing he knew for sure... Night was an incredible man, and he loved him more than he had ever loved anyone else... even Kris. He was happier now than he had ever been. As much as he loved his work and as happy as his fans made him, there was nothing that could compare to the happiness he was feeling right now. He smiled at the vision of himself and Night living out their lives here, in the wilderness, living as the ancestors had. He knew, though, that he would eventually have to go back home... back to the studios, the media, the tours, the fans... he would have to go back to all that. And he would have to somehow face Kris. What was he going to do about her?

They spent a few more days in the lodge before hiking back to the cabins. Kevin wasn't exactly sure why he still had his own cabin... after all, he was spending all his time at Night's cabin, and wouldn't even consider sleeping one night without him. Each day, Night taught him more and more about Shamanism, the Earth, and the animals. He was amazed at how much he had learned... even about plants.

Over the next six weeks, Kevin became proficient in herb medicines, learned how to communicate with animals, and learned all kinds of things about how the Earth was being mistreated and what needed to be done to save it. So many of the questions he had come here with had been answered more completely than he had hoped, yet he still had one nagging question to find an answer to... what to do about Kris.

He had been here for two months now, give or take a few days, and the time was drawing near for him to get back to LA and back to work. An air of melancholy descended upon him seemingly overnight, and Night couldn't help but notice it as they took their swim one morning. As usual, Night was the first one back to the cabin, and he was waiting for Kevin when he finally stood and walked out of the water. Night stood and stepped in front of Kevin to block his path, and Kevin, who had been lost in his brooding, suddenly looked at him as if he had appeared out of thin air.

"Kevin... what is wrong? You are sad... your eyes do not shine. What has happened to the fire within you?"

"Its nothing, Night..."

"No... there is something, Kevin. Do not insult me by thinking I don't know your heart. There is a darkness of spirit there, and it troubles me."

"I'm sorry, Night... I guess you and I need to talk... Come and sit with me?" Kevin said as he took a seat on the ground, pulling Night down with him. Kevin pulled Night close and held him tight, kissing him gently on his forehead as he prepared to speak. Night could sense Kevin's nervousness and took him into his arms lovingly, waiting patiently for Kevin to begin.

"Night... you know our time here is almost over. I don't want to go back... I want to stay here with you. I want to live here with you like the ancestors lived. But, the truth is, I can't. I have responsibilities that I can't walk out on, Night..."

"What kind of responsibilities, Kevin?"

"Baby... have you ever heard of the Backstreet Boys?"

"No... I don't think I have. What do they do?"

"They're a vocal group... a very famous vocal group... with thousands of fans world wide." Kevin smiled.

"Oh... well, I don't keep up with popular culture that much... I'm far too busy with being a Shaman..."

"Night... I'm one of the Backstreet Boys. There are four others... they depend on me to be there, and we have commitments to a lot of people that have to be honored."

"Then you should honor them, Kevin. One does not walk away from such commitments. But, I must ask... do you enjoy this work?"

"Yes... I love this work, Night! Knowing that I can touch someone's life and maybe make it better through music is a very rewarding thing..."

"Then I do not understand the sadness..."

"Well... there's someone else that's waiting for me back home. Her name is Kristin..."

"Do you love her?"

"Yes... but not the way I love you, Night. Even though I married her, I'm not in love with her..."

"Then, why did you marry?"

"Because I do love her and care about her... because she's my best friend... because I was trying to hide from who I really am. I was trying to hide from a lot of things, and that seemed like the best choice at the time."

"These are not reasons to marry, Kevin. This does not honor your spirit or hers. This is not good."

"I know, Night. But I don't know what to do about it. Kristin wouldn't understand... she would be hurt. I don't want to hurt her..."

"Then you must find a way to find happiness and honor with her, Kevin."

"No! No... I don't want that, Night. My happiness is with you! I belong by your side, Night... I couldn't bear to be without you..." Kevin's voice caught in his throat at the thought of not having Night with him any longer.

"Then this is a problem, Kevin. It is one that you must figure out on your own. You can not honor your spirit if you sleep with lies. I can not be your mate if there is another who holds claims on your heart, regardless of whether you choose to honor her claims or not. You must decide what it is that you should do, and you must do what is best for all whom you touch. It is the only way..." Night said as he looked deeply into Kevin's sad eyes.

"Please don't turn away from me, Night. I love you... I need you..."

"I will not turn away, Kevin. But I do expect you to do what is right. Whatever your choice, I will honor you by accepting it. You are my heart. You make my spirit rejoice and dance. But this decision is not mine... it is yours and you must make it soon. Now come... we have much to do and the time grows short..." Night said as he kissed Kevin on the cheek, then stood and walked back to the cabin.

Kevin sat there for a few minutes, thinking over what Night had said. There was only one way to take care of this... that much was clear. He would simply have to explain it to Kristin as best he could, and ask her for his freedom. This was simply another crisis that he had to take care of, and he was certainly experienced with those. A smile slowly crept across his face as a plan began to take shape in his mind. He jumped up from his seat and ran into the cabin.

next chapter