Second Chances

Jennifer helped Jenn into the bedroom. Jenn had already hung the strap of her assault weapon over one of the bedposts, and she checked, making sure it was within reach as Jennifer helped her into the bed.

“I don’t see how you can expect me to let the Wells Project go.” Jennifer jumped right in, pacing. “I don’t see how you could just let it go. For the past three years, all I’ve wanted----all we’ve wanted---- is to travel back through time. To save Mom and Dad. Have you forgotten?”

“Look at me closely, Jenny. I’m your own personal ghost of Christmas future. Look into my eyes, really look, and see what you have to look forward to if you continue on your current path.”

Jennifer stopped pacing.

“Do you really want to find out what it feels like to have the man you care more about than anything else in the world die in your arms?”

Jennifer was silent. She couldn’t answer.

“Look at me,” Jenn commanded her harshly. “I’m a dead woman. I have no future. And it was my obsession to change my past, my refusal to reconcile myself with their deaths, that’s led me right here. Right here.”

Jennifer took a deep breath. “I realize that there are difficulties to overcome,” she said, “but surely there’s a way to keep Brian safe, to prevent the Merlin agents from using the Enterprise to plant that bomb, and still have access to time travel. All we need to do is to think it through….”

“There’s not.” Jenn leaned her head wearily back against the pillows. “You know, I had plenty of chances to go back and save them, but I didn’t. It was one thing to dream about it, but another to actually do it. I realized that I would risk totally changing history.”

“By saving the lives of just two people?”

“Absolutely.” Jenn sat up again. “Did you know that the trucker who killed them was driving drunk? Did you know that he went to jail for vehicular manslaughter? If he hadn’t been stopped, God only knows who he might’ve killed either later that night or some other day. He might’ve killed someone who grew up to play some tiny, stupid, but vitally important part in world history. He might’ve killed the boy or girl who was destined to grow up to be a mechanic, that due to his or her shoddy work made a car break down before it could get into an accident and kill someone else-----someone destined to be a U.S. President.”

Jennifer shook her head. “That’s ridiculous.”

“Is it? One movie was all it took to change our life.” Jenn shifted uncomfortably on the bed, clearly in pain. “Do you know who Leighanne is?”

Jennifer was caught off guard by the change in subject. “I’m sorry, who?”

“Leighanne.”

“Nope, can’t say I do.”

“If you’re not careful, Brian’s going to marry her next year. Wait and see. I was invited to the wedding. If you’re smart, you won’t make the same mistakes I did, and you won’t have to live through that laughfest. But even if you don’t you will have residual memories. They’ll be enough to give you nightmares.”

Jennifer started pacing again. “Tell me about residual memories. I’ve theorized about them, but when I had one---I remembered meeting Brian at the Labor Day party at the Hard Rock---it was much clearer than I’d imagined.”

“Some are more clear than others. I don’t know why.”

Jennifer glanced briefly at Jenn, and the older woman’s lips twisted into a half smile.

“Yes, I remember rather vividly what you and Brian did in that closet last night,” Jenn said quietly.

Jennifer closed her eyes. Oh, God. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what it is about him, but I couldn’t….I didn’t…” she opened her eyes and met Jenn’s level gaze. It was almost like looking into a mirror. “He loves you,” she said. “And as similar as we are, I’m not you.”

“Thank God.” Jenn’s voice rang with heartfelt conviction.

“You don’t understand. I have the power to make you disappear. And by making you disappear, I’ll end up taking a different path to the future, a path that virtually guarantees that I’ll never be you. Not even in five years. I’m not sure I can handle knowing that I’m not quite the woman Brian loves. I don’t think I can handle knowing that he’ll always be mourning the loss of a person that I’ve never quite become.”

“You’re so wrong,” Jenn argued. “If Brian loves me, then he loves you, too, because every single bit of you is here, inside me. The rest of me, the part that’s not you, is poison. And Brian knows that, he sees it. There’s so much I can’t give him.”

Jennifer was silent.

“I’ve known him for five years,” Jenn continued, “and in only a few days you’ve given him far more than I ever have. You told him about Mom and Dad. You told him how you felt. That’s all he ever wanted. He fell in love with me because of the danger, because of the excitement. But with you…….You’ve cemented his love for us-----for you. Don’t you see?”

Jennifer sat down on the edge of the bed, suddenly so tired. “I have the distinct disadvantage of not having known him for the past five years,” she finally said. “I haven’t even known him for five days.”

“Double memories,” Jenn said again. “You’re going to live through everything that I did through double memories. You’ll catch up in plenty of time.”

Jennifer smiled. “He’s incredible.”

“You should tell him you love him.”

“But I’m not sure I-----You know, it’s only been a few days….Assuming that I love him seems a little bit premature…”

“Don’t forget, I was there too,” Jenn reminded her. “In the closet? I remember exactly what you were thinking. I remember how you felt. You love him almost as much as I do. In time you’ll love him even more.”

Jennifer was silent.

“You have to tell him.”

She looked at Jenn sharply, suddenly understanding. “You haven’t told him, have you? I can’t believe it. After five years you didn’t tell him you love him?”

“Even now, I can’t bring myself to say it,” Jenn admitted quietly.

“I think you could say it,” Jennifer countered. “I just think you won’t. I think you figure I’ll come off looking like the better woman if I say it, but you don’t.”

Jenn made a sorry attempt at a smile. “We always were too smart for our own good, weren’t we, kid?” They sat for a moment in silence. Then Jenn shifted again, in pain. “I know you’re going to do the right thing. I just wish you’d do it soon. My leg hurts like a bitch.”

“What about Mom and Dad?” Even as Jennifer said the words she could hear an echo of Brian’s voice. After all this time their lives are still more important to you than your own. And she knew what she had to do about her parents. She had to let them go. Because she didn’t want to end up like Jenn, burned out and battle-worn, hard and cynical. She didn’t want to watch Brian die.

Yet her very attempt to save Brian would guarantee that she didn’t become the woman he loved.

“Let them rest in peace,” Jenn said. “Spend the rest of your life trying to save the people who haven’t died.”

Jennifer stood up. “Do you….want me to send him in? To say….good-bye?”

Jenn shook her head. “No,” she said. “Do it right, Jenny, and you and I will never have to say good-bye to Brian ever again.”

next chapter