"Sorry," Kevin said, snickering, moving off of her body. It had been a sneak attack. Tickle fight. He loved to tickle her. He loved to hear her laugh. It was like music to his ears. He loved it when she was happy.

"I hate it when you do that," she said, trying not to laugh.

"No you don't," he said, propping his temple on his hand. He smiled a little, and she couldn't help but return the smile.

"You're right. I don't."

"Come with me," Kevin said, not taking his eyes off of hers.

"Come with you where?"

"On the road. Back out on tour. We've got to go back out there in a week. I want you with me."

"Why?" she asked, laughing.

"Because. I don't want to leave you. I kinda like having you around."

"I... I don't know," she said, looking up at the ceiling. She was getting so attached to him, and she knew this was a bad, bad idea. There was so much going on in her life... so much she had to do... And Kevin... ugh, she couldn't even begin to fathom the problems with Kevin. It's not like they could ever have a "normal" relationship.

"What's the problem?" he asked, trying to delve into her mind. She was hiding something. He knew she was hiding something, but he just couldn't reach in and find what it was.

"Nothing," she said, trying to smile. She couldn't tell him. Too much information...

"Kathleen, tell me why you don't wanna go with me."

"I've just got... so much to do."

"Like?"

"Like..." How could she tell him? Tell him that she wanted to see the pyramids? And the Louvre? And the Roman Colosseum? And climb Everest? Well, maybe not Everest... But still... she had so much she wanted to do before... Nope. She couldn't explain it to him. "Just stuff, ok?"

"You're hiding something from me," he said quietly.

"I'm... I don't want to talk about it, ok?"

"You can tell me anything. You know that, right? I love you, Kathleen."

"Stop saying that. This has nothing to do with love, ok?" she snapped. As soon as the words left her mouth, she wanted to take them back. But, as she had always heard... words are like toothpaste... once you get them out there, you can't put them back in.

"Ok," he said quietly. "If you don't want to, then I guess you just don't want to."

He got up and walked out of the room, leaving Kathleen lying on the floor staring at the ceiling fan. Round and round and round. It was making her dizzy. She closed her eyes.

"Hey," a voice said.

She opened her eyes. Nick.

"Hey Nick," she said, smiling up at him. He laid down beside her and looked up at the ceiling fan.

"Anything interesting up there I should know about?" he asked.

"Nope. Just thinking."

"About what?"

"Stuff."

"Oh. Stuff. I like thinking about stuff. Care to share your stuff with me? I'll tell you mine if you tell me yours," Nick said, lacing his fingers behind his head.

"Nah. I don't wanna know your stuff."

"Hey thanks," Nick said, rolling his eyes. "You really know how to make a guy feel loved."

"Not my job," she said, laughing.

"So... are you coming out on the road with us?"

"No. I don't think so."

"I wish you would."

"Why?"

"Because. You make Kevin happy. I like it when he's happy. It makes life easier for us all. He hasn't been really happy in a long time."

"I make him happy?" Kathleen asked softly.

"Yeah. You do. Amazing, huh? Kevin's so intense most of the time, but he laughs when he's with you. I think he kinda likes you."

"Yeah, I got that impression too," she said, closing her eyes again. Dizzy. Damned ceiling fan.

"Well? Are you gonna come with us?" Nick asked again, rolling up on his side.

"I don't know. I'll think about it."

"Think long and hard," Nick said, trying to keep a straight face. Kathleen gave him a look... Nick burst into laughter.

"You're sick," Kathleen said, shaking her head.

"I know. Sick sick sick... But seriously. Think about it, ok? It'd be kinda nice having you around, you know? Somebody to share secrets with and all. Brian and Howie still have no idea about... you know... AJ and Kevin's... condition. It'd just be nice to have somebody to talk to."

"I'm gonna go find him," Kathleen said, standing.

"What are you gonna say to him?"

"Don't know yet. I'll know when I find him."

Kathleen walked out onto the back porch. Kevin was sitting in the dark, stretched out in the swing, arms folded across his chest, one leg dangling so he could keep the swing moving. He didn't look up at her, so she stopped the swing. She sat down between his legs and leaned back against his folded arms. He paused for a moment, but put his arms around her. He was cool to the touch. Kathleen shivered a little. He kissed the top of her head, lingering for a few moments to smell her hair. He closed his eyes. He loved her scent. She stared up at the full moon. It was so bright that it lit everything up almost like daytime. The blue hue it cast down made the dew on the grass glisten.

"Kevin..."

"Hmmmmm?"

"I'll go with you."

Kevin was quiet for awhile. When he finally spoke, his voice was barely more than a whisper.

"I'm glad. But I don't want you to come if you really don't want to. I don't want to guilt you into doing something. I just want you with me," he said, rubbing her arms.

"I want to," she said, smiling. "Besides, I'd miss you too much if I didn't see you every day."

"Do you really want me to stop telling you I love you?"

"No. I don't. I didn't mean that. I love to hear you say that."

"How come you don't ever say it back?" Kevin asked. "Wait. Don't answer that. That was rude of me. I shouldn't ask questions like that."

"No. It's ok. Really. I just... can't say those words. I've never..."

"No, you don't have to explain. I'll just keep telling you, and when you feel like it, IF you feel like it... you know..."

Kathleen nodded. She knew she loved him, but she just couldn't say it... It would just make it harder for him later.

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