One of my fellow classmates in art class one day gave me a copy of this great list, which I thought was hilarious. He has moved from our little dinky town and moved to a bigger school system. So this part is in here just for him…plus I asked him if I could put it in here, so here it is…
We always hear “the rules” from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male point of view. These are our rules! Please note…these are all numbered “1” ON PURPOSE!
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday = sports. It’s like the full moon and changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work. Strong hints do not work. Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. Anything we said six months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after seven days.
1. If you won’t dress like the Victoria’s Secret girls then don’t expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us.
1. If something we said is interpreted in two ways, and one of the ways make sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know how to do it, do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you want during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus didn’t need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only sixteen colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, we will scratch it. That’s what we do.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” we will act like nothing is wrong. We know you are lying, but it’s just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don’t want to hear an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine…really.
1. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking of unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks, hunting, fishing, or sex.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.
Thank you for reading this, yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know that men don’t really mind that, it’s like camping…really...it is...
