*Then one of the cats comes to the front! He sees something!*
Asparagus: There's a man over there. With a look of surprise. As much as to say, "Well now how about that!
Munku: Do I actually see with my own very eyes. A man who's not heard of a Jellicle cat! "What's a
Jellicle cat?!"
What's a Jellicle cat?! What's a Jellicle cat?!?
*Then the cats get in a group. They tell about cats and the significance of his or her name!*
The Naming of Cats is a difficult matter. It isn't just one of your holiday games; You may think at first
I'm as mad as a hatter when I tell you, a cat must have three different names. First of all, there's the name
that the family use daily. Such as Peter, Augustus, Alonzo or James. Such as Victor or Jonathan, George or
Bill Bailey. All of them sensible everyday names. There are fancier names if you think they sound sweeter.
Some for the gentlemen, some for the dames: Such as Plato, Admetus, Electra, Demeter. But all of them
sensible everyday names.
*They start crawling forward, pressing home their point*
But I tell you, a cat needs a name that's particular. A name that's peculiar and more dignified. Else how
can he keep up his tail perpendicular. Or spread out his whiskers, or cherish his pride?
Of names of this kind, I can give you a quorum. Such as Munkustrap, Quaxo, or Coricopat. Such as
Bombalurina, or else Jellylorum. Names that never belong to more than one cat. But above and beyond there's
still one name left over. And that is the name that you never will guess; The name that no human research can
discover. But the cat himself knows, and will never confess. When you notice a cat in profound meditation,
the reason, I tell you, is always the same: His mind is engaged in a rapt contemplation of the thought, of
the thought, of the thought of his name. His ineffable effable, eff - and - ineffable deep and inscrutable
singular Name...name...name...name...
*During the last lines of the song, Victoria, the one white queen, separates herself and moves to the
back, only to take center stage when the rest leave. She shows off her agility and from the darkness Misto
watches her. He jumps out to dance with her.*
Misto: Jellicle cats come out tonight, Jellicle cats come one, come all, The Jellicle moon is shining
bright, Jellicles come to the Jellicle ball. Jellicle cats come out tonight, Jellicles come to the Jellicle
ball.
Munku: Jellicle cats meet once a year, At the Jellicle ball where we all rejoice. And the Jellicle leader
will soon appear. And make what is known as the Jellicle choice. When old Deuteronomy just before dawn,
through a silence you feel you could cut with a knife, announces the cat who can now be reborn, and come back
to a different Jellicle life. For waiting up there is the Heaviside Layer. Full of wonders, one Jellicle only
will see. And Jellicles ask, because Jellicles dare: Who will it be?
Who will it be? Who will it be?
*The cats are excited and mingle with each other and with Munku, who gives them all some of his attention,
but Munku already has a cat in mind for this year's Jellicle choice and Misto is pretty sure he's the one.*
Munku: I have a Gumbie cat in mind, Her name is Jennyanydots. *Misto realizes his error, and Rumpleteazer
makes fun of him and the kittens scold him* Her coat is of the tabby kind, With tiger stripes and leopard
spots. All day she sits beneath the stair, Or on the steps or on the mat. She sits and sits and sits and
sits, And that's what makes a Gumbie cat. *Munku motions to Misto to open the trunk of the car, which he does
by magic and a rather plump cat is disturbed in her sleep* That's what makes a Gumbie cat!
Dem/Bomb/Jelly: But when the day's hustle and bustle is done then the Gumbie cat's work is but hardly
begun. And when all the family's in bed and asleep, she tucks up her skirt to the basement she'll creep. She
is deeply concerned with the ways of the mice.
Jenny: Their behavior's not good and their manners not nice. *Jenny motions to the kittens to go get
their mouse heads on*
Dem/Bomb/Jelly: So when she has got them lined up on the matting. She teaches them...
Jenny: Music, crocheting and tatting. *Mice **kittens** crochet*
Munku: I have a Gumbie cat in mind, Her name is Jennyanydots. The curtain-cord she likes to wind and tie
it into sailor knots. *Jenny takes a strand of the imaginary ball of curtain cord and almost hypnotically
watches it glide back to earth, for a moment it looks like she will fall over, but Munkustrap helps her up
just in time.* She sits up on the windowsill, Or anything that's smooth and flat. She sits and sits and sits
and sits, and that's what makes a Gumbie cat. That's what makes a Gumbie cat! *Munku scratches her tail,
which she seems to enjoy*
Dem/Bomb/Jelly: But when the days hustle and bustle is done then the Gumbie cat's work is but hardly
begun. She thinks that the cockroaches...
Jenny: Just need employment.
Dem/Bomb/Jelly: To prevent them from...
Jenny: Idle and wanton destroyment.
Dem/Bomb/Jelly: So she's formed from that lot of disorderly louts, a troop of well-disciplined helpful
boy scouts.
Jenny: With a purpose in life and a good deed to do.
Dem/Bomb/Jelly: And she's ever created a beetles tattoo! *Munku, Demeter, Jelly & Bombs help her out of
her fur, while the rest of the cats appear dressed in beetle costumes and with cutlery as weapons.*
Jenny: Squad salute! *Squad returns salute*
For she's a jolly good fellow!
Jenny: Thank you my dears! *Jenny goes around thanking everyone, but everybody jumps up as the Casanova
of cats appears.*
(author note: Throughout this song you must imagine Sol & Luna imitating the Kittens & Tugger)
RTT: Meow! Meow!
The Rum Tum Tugger is a Curious Cat.
RTT: If you offer me pheasant I'd rather have grouse. *From this point onwards the kittens, Victoria,
Jemima, Electra and Etcetera, all go kinda mad and can't leave RTT alone; they seem especially interested in
his hips.* If you put me in a house I would much prefer a flat. If you put me in a flat then I'd rather have
a house. If you set me on a mouse then I only want a rat. *He picks up an imaginary mouse he just caught, and
flings it away in disgust.* If you set me on a rat then I'd rather chase a mouse. *He kicks a football away,
almost hitting Misto, and causes a large crash behind Misto.*
The Rum Tum Tugger is a Curious Cat. *Etcetera faints as she gets a hip a her face*
RTT: And there isn't any call for me to shout it. *He picks up another mouse/rat from under his foot and
feeds it to Etcetera.*
For he will do as he do do.
RTT: And there's no doing anything abou-oowouwout it! *He points at Jemima which she doesn't mind at all.*
Misto: The Rum Tum Tugger is a terrible bore!
RTT: Oh, when you let me in, then I want to go out; I'm always on the wrong side of every door, and as
soon as I get home, then I like to get about. I like to lie in a bureau drawer, But I make such a fuss if I
can't get out.
The Rum Tum Tugger is a Curious Cat.
RTT: And there isn't use for you to doubt it!
For he will do as he do do.
RTT: And there's no doing anything abou-oowouw-oowout it! *RTT tickles Jemima under her chin; this she
certainly doesn't mind! Bombs is also interested in RTT and proceeds to try and impress him!*
Bomb: The Rum Tum Tugger is a curious beast.
RTT: My disobliging ways are a matter of epic. Now if you offer me fish then I always want a feast; And
if there isn't any fish then I won't eat a rabbit. If you offer me cream then I sniff and sneer, for I only
like what I find for myself; *He holds Bombalurina close to him to check her out, he looks her in the eyes
and...* Yeah! *He is after all her mate now! (remember Sol?)* So you'll catch me in it right up to my ears,
you put it away on the larder shelf.
The Rum Tum Tugger is artful and knowing, The Rum Tum Tugger...
RTT: ...doesn't care for a cuddle; So I'll leap on your lap in the middle of your sewing, Cause there's
nothing I enjoy like a horrible muddle. *RTT jumps up onto the car-trunk and leaps onto the sewing of
Jellylorum and Jennyanydots and kisses them both, to their annoyance. Demeter stares off into the distance,
sensing a cat she hasn't felt for a very long time. RTT moves a hand in front of her face to try to snap her
out of it; as usual his help is not appreciated.*
The Rum Tum Tugger is a Curious Cat. The Rum Tum Tugger doesn't care for a cuddle. The Rum Tum Tugger is
a Curious Cat.
RTT: And there isn't any need for me to spout it.
For he will do as he do do.
RTT: And there's no doing anything abouwwwwwww... *kittens follow the movement of his hips with great
excitement* aboowouwouwww... *The kittens start hyperventilating* aboowouwouwww... *The kittens get more
exited, Etcetera starts screaming like a 14 year old at a Hanson concert, RTT puts his had in front of her
mouth; she's quiet.* -about it!
*The mood suddenly changes as RTT points, and an old, scruffy, dirty cat appears on stage. They all know
who she is; Grizabella. Once a popular stage show cat, she left the tribe to explore the world, she let
herself go and turned into a sad, alcoholic, has-been, who doesn't even keep her fur clean anymore. In the
light of the perfection of the Jellicle cats, she is everything they are not and they hate her for it. How
dare she come to the Jellicle ball. But Grizabella knows what they think of her, she has come because she
knows it is her last chance. As all the others she longs to go up to the Heaviside Layer. Perhaps this time
the others will show some kind of sympathy. Tugger is not amused and walks off. Misto is not sure who this
strange cat is and smells her, but Munku jumps in and pushes him away and assumes a defensive stance. Jemima
comes up to touch her but is warned off by Skimble. Bombs walks past and makes no doubt about what she feels
toward Grizabella. Electra tries to get near her but is warned off by Jenny. Pouncival beckons Grizabella
towards him with a false smile, and when she comes near, he scratches her on the arm. Demeter walks up to up
her and seems more curious than the others, she seems to know Grizabella better, but her own senses tell her
to stay away from this has-been, and she turns away with pain in her heart, she finds she cannot even look
her in the eye. Grizabella turns toward Munkustrap, who doesn't really know what to make of her.*
Griz: Remark the cat, who hesitates toward you. In the light of the door which opens on her like a grin.
*Etcetera and Victoria decide to have a closer look, but Jelly tries to hold them back. Griz turns to Jelly.*
You see the border of her coat is torn, and stained with sand. *Griz now turns to Cassandra, but she's not
interested.* And you see the corner of her eye twist like a crooked pin. *Demeter now walks toward her once
again, Bombalurina looks at her friend with worry. Demeter begins to sing, but there is no hate in her voice,
only sorrow.*
Dem: She haunted many a low resort, near the grimy road of Tottenham court. She flitted about the no
man's land. From the 'Rising Sun' to the 'Friend at Hand'. And the postman sighed as he scratched his head,
"You really have thought she'd ought to be dead." And who would ever suppose that that was Grizabella the
glamour cat. *Bombalurina joins her friend and assumes a protective posture; she sneers at Grizabella.*
Bomb: Grizabella the glamour cat.
Dem/Bomb: Grizabella the glamour cat.
Who'd have ever supposed that that was Grizabella the glamour cat. *Demeter is clearly saddened to see
Grizabella in this state.*
*Bustopher Jones, the popular club-going cat appears, everyone grabs the opportunity to forget Grizabella,
except Demeter.*
Jenny: Bustopher Jones is not skin and bones--
Bomb: In fact, he's remarkably fat.
Jelly: He doesn't haunt pubs--
Jenny: he has eight or nine clubs,
Bomb/Jelly/Jenny: For he's the St. James's Street Cat!
Jenny: He's the Cat we all greet as he walks down the street In his coat of fastidious black.
Bomb: No commonplace mousers have such well-cut trousers.
Jelly: Or such an impeccable back.
Jenny: In the whole of St. James's is the smartest of names--is the name of this Brummel of Cats,
Bomb/Jelly/Jenny: And we're all of us proud to be nodded or bowed to by Bustopher Jones in white spats!
*Bustopher goes around greeting and being greeted and saluted by various cats.*
Males: In the whole of St. James's is the smartest of names--is the name of this Brummel of Cats. And
we're all of us proud to be nodded or bowed to by Bustopher Jones in white spats! *Skimble dusts of the chair
for Bustopher with his tail.*
Bustopher: My visits are occasional to the Senior Educational, & it is against the rules for any one Cat
to belong both to that and the Joint Superior Schools. For a similar reason, when game is in season I am
found, not at Fox's, but Blimp's. *Misto motions to the others to be ready to start singing.* I am frequently
seen at the gay Stage and Screen which is famous for winkles and shrimps. In the season of venison I give my
ben'son to the Pot-hunter's succulent bones. And just before noon's not a moment too soon, to drop in for a
drink at the Drones. When I'm seen in a hurry there's probably curry, at the Siamese--or at the Glutton. If I
look full of gloom then I've lunched at the Tomb, on cabbage, rice pudding and mutton. *Misto licks his lips
at the thought of all the niceties.*
In the whole of St. James's is the smartest of names--is the name of this Brummel of Cats. And we're all
of us proud to be nodded or bowed to by Bustopher Jones in white - Bustopher Jones in white - Bustopher Jones
in white spats! *Bustopher tries to get up, but only ends up falling over, being caught by Misto and Munku.*
Jenny: So, much in this way, passes Bustopher's day- At one club or another he's found. It can be no
surprise that under our eyes, he has grown unmistakably round. He's a twenty-five pounder,
Bustopher: or I am a bounder.
Jenny: And he's putting on weight every day. *Etcetera and the other kittens make faces.*
Bustopher: But I'm so well preserved because I've observed all my life's a routine, and I'd say. I am
still in my prime, I shall last out me time.
Jenny: That's the word from this stoutest of Cats.
It must and it shall be Spring in Pall Mall while Bustopher Jones wears white - Bustopher Jones wears
white - Bustopher Jones wears white spats! *He gives Jenny a rose, she almost faints*
Bustopher: Toodlepip!
*Thunder and Lightning, a fire engine draws near, for a second everyone knows for certain it is that evil
cat, somewhere a wanted poster flies up. It reads: Macavity: wanted for everything.*
Dem: Macavity! *Everyone scatters, Munku makes sure everyone is gone, and then also leaps out of view.*
*A naughty giggle is heard, followed by a SHH! Teazer comes out with a bag of loot, checks if the coast
is clear, then beckons Jerrie, who is also carrying a bag. Teazer giggles. Jerrie, "SHH!" In trying to be
really quiet, they clumsily bump into each other. A young female's voice is heard telling about these two
cats* Mungojerrie, and Rumpleteazer, they're a notorious couple of cats. As knockabout clowns, quick-change
comedians, tight-rope walkers and acrobats. They have an extensive reputation. They make our home in Victoria
Grove. This is merely their center of operation, for they are incurably given to rove. *Throughout this whole
time Jerrie and Teazer are doing acrobatics and other stunts.* When the family assembles for Sunday dinner,
their minds made up that they won't get thinner, on Argentine joint, potatoes and greens, Then the cook would
appear from behind the scenes, and say in a voice that is broken with sorrow, "I'm afraid you must wait and
have dinner tomorrow! The joint has gone from the oven-like that!" Then the family'll say: "It's that
horrible cat! Was it Mungojerrie or Rumpleteazer?" And most of the time they'd leave it at that. Mungojerrie
and Rumpleteazer have a wonderful way of working together. And some of the time you would say it was luck,
and some of the time you would say it was weather. They go through the house like a hurricane, and no sober
person, could take his oath. Was it Mungojerrie, or Rumpleteazer? Or could you have sworn that it might have
been both? And when you hear a dining-room smash. Or up from the pantry there comes a loud crash. Or down
from the library came a loud ping from a vase which was commonly said to be Ming--
Teazer: Oh!
Then the family'll say: "Now which was which cat? *now Jerrie and Teazer sing*
Jerrie: It was Mungojerrie!
Teazer: AND Rumpleteazer!"
Both: And there's nothing at all to be done about that! *The rest of the cats appear. They have been
caught and try to make a run for it, but the rest of the cats surround them and present the confiscated loot,
which they throw away much to the disappointment of the cat-burglar cats. The owner of the voice is shown in
a beam of Moonlight, it's Jerrie & Teazer's kitten, Luna.*
Luna: And there's nothing at all to be done about that!
*Suddenly the twins smell something, followed closely by Misto, & Luna. Misto speaks,* Old Deuteronomy?
*He is not entirely sure, Munku motions to the twins, but by the looks on their faces, there can be no
question.*
Corico/Tanto: I believe it is old Deuteronomy! *Misto runs out to meet him.*
Well, of all things. Can it be really! Yes! No! Ho! hi! Oh, my eye! My mind may be wandering, but I
confess I believe it is Old Deuteronomy! *Everyone is excited about their Jellicle leader appearing, Munku
catches their attention for a moment to tell about old Deuteronomy.*
Munku: Old Deuteronomy's lived a long time. He's a Cat who has lived many lives in succession. He was
famous in proverb and famous in rhyme. A long while before Queen Victoria's accession. *Tugger appears which
surprises Munkustrap for a moment; he hadn't really thought RTT would have so much respect for anyone.*
RTT: Old Deuteronomy's buried nine wives and more--I tempted to say, ninety-nine; And his numerous
progeny prospers and thrives. And the village is proud of him in his decline.
Munku: At the sight of that placid and bland physiognomy, when he sits in the sun on the vicarage wall,
the Oldest Inhabitant croaks:
Munku/RTT: "Well, of all things. Can it be really! Yes! No! Ho! hi! Oh, my eye! My mind may be wandering,
but I confess I believe it is Old Deuteronomy!" *Tugger's face brightens as he sees the Jellicle leader, and
he points.*
Well, of all things. Can it be really! Yes!, No! Ho! hi! Oh, my eye! My mind may be wandering, but I
confess I believe it is Old Deuteronomy! *Munku walks to Deuteronomy, with the kittens in hot pursuit, who is
guided by Misto. Munku pushes the kittens toward their Jellicle leader, who is practically overrun by a
kitten stampede.* Well, of all things. Can it be really! Yes! No! Ho! hi! Oh, my eye! My mind may be
wandering, but I confess I believe it is Old Deuteronomy! *Deuteronomy is hugged and welcomed by everyone. He
looks to Tugger, almost as if he needs permission to enter the group. Tugger bows in respect. All the cats
are totally overjoyed to see him, they turn round as if to scream their happiness to the world.* Well, of all
things. Can it be really! Yes! No! Ho! hi! Oh, my eye!
Old D: My legs may be tottery, I must go slow. And be careful of Old Deuteronomy!
Munku: Jellicle cats meet once a year, on the night we make the Jellicle choice. And now that the
Jellicle leader is here, Jellicle cats can all rejoice! *Munku motions to the other cats to prepare for the
play they hastily put together for Deuteronomy.*
Munku: Of the awful battle of the Pekes and the Pollicles, together with some account of the participation
of the Pugs and the Poms, and the intervention of the Great Rumpus Cat. The Pekes and the Pollicles, everyone
knows, are proud and implacable passionate foes. It is always the same, wherever one goes. And the Pugs and
the Poms, although most people say, that they do not like fighting, yet once in a way, they will now and
again join in to the fray. And they,
Bark, bark, bark, bark, bark, bark, BARK, BARK!
Munku: Until you can hear them all over the Park. Now on the occasion of which I shall speak almost
nothing had happened for nearly a week. And that's a long time for a Pol or a Peke. The big Police Dog was
away from his beat, I don't know the reason, but most people think he'd slipped into the Wellington Arms for
a drink. And no one at all was about on the street when a Peke and a Pollicle happened to meet. *Rumpleteazer
and Mungojerrie appear on stage dressed as a Peke and a Pollicle. Mungojerrie starts advancing* They did not
advance, *Jerrie stops advancing, Teazer start retreating* Or exactly retreat, *Teazer jumps back into place
and Munkustrap frowns and motions them to get back together* But they glared at each other, And scraped their
hind feet, *Jerrie and Teazer scrape their hind feet* And started to,
Teazer: Bark
Jerrie: Bark
Teazer: Bark
Jerrie: Bark, bark
Teazer: BARK!
Jerrie: BARK?
Teazer: Bark!?! *Jerrie had messed up the sequence, so Munkustrap rather irritatedly starts again*
Munku: Until you could hear them all over the Park. And they,
Teazer: Bark
Jerrie: Bark
Teazer: Bark
Jerrie: Bark, bark
Teazer: BARK!
Jerrie: BARK?
Teazer: Bark!?! *Teazer shakes her big Peke head in disappointment, Munku gives Jerrie a pat against the
head, but decides to continue.*
Munku: Until you could hear them all over the Park. Now the Peke, although people may say what they
please, is no British Dog, but a Heathen Chinese. And so all the Pekes, when they heard the uproar, some came
to the window, some came to the door. There were surely a dozen, more likely a score. And together they
started to grumble and wheeze in their huffery-snuffery Heathen Chinese. But a terrible din is what Pollicles
like, for your Pollicle Dog is a dour Yorkshire tyke. *the male cats come out as Pollicles and start marching
around as disorderly louts, and manage to bump into Munku in the process.*
Males: There are dogs out of every nation, the Irish, the Welsh and the Dane. The Russian, the Dutch, the
Dalmatian, and even from China and Spain. The Poodle, the Pom, the Alsatian and the mastiff who walks on a
chain.
Munku: And to those that are frisky and frollical, let my meaning be perfectly plain: *The troop, led by
Pouncival, tries to advance but is stopped by Munku. Pouncival tries to get past Munku, but Munku is merely
annoyed and drops Pouncival on the floor.*
Males: That my name it is Little Tom Pollicle - And you'd better not do it again. *Misto and Skimble
appear doing a Jig.*
Munku: And his braw Scottish cousins are snappers and biters, & every dog-jack of them notable fighters.
And so they stepped out, with their pipers in order, playing 'When the Blue Bonnets Came Over the Border.'
*Skimble annoys Munku with his Scottish gloves. RTT jumps out with a bagpipe and starts playing, and bumps
into the Pollicles, knocking them down. All the female cats appear in Peke outfits* Then the Pugs and the
Poms held no longer aloof, but some from the balcony, some from the roof, joined in to the din with a,
Females: Bark
Males: Bark
Females: Bark
Males: Bark
Females: Bark
Males: Bark
Females: BARK
Males: BARK
Munku: Until you could hear them all over the Park. *Pekes and the Pollicles advance.*
Females: Huffery-snuffery; huffery-snuffery; huffery-snuffery; huffery-snuff!
Munku: Until you could hear them all over the Park. *Everyone starts barking. Munku reaches boiling
point; he has had enough!* NOO! *Everyone is silent* When these bold heroes together assembled, the traffic
all stopped, and the Underground trembled. And some of the neighbors were so much afraid, that they started
to ring up the Fire Brigade. When suddenly, up from a small basement flat, why who should stalk out but THE
GREAT RUMPUS CAT. *Everyone moves forward and looks to the front-left of the stage to see their hero jump
out. So of course he jumps out at the back-right. Munku looks up at the heavens with total desperation and
runs to the back to get the idiot Rumpus Cat to the right spot.* His eyes were like fireballs fearfully
blazing. He gave a great yawn, and his jaws were amazing. *Rumpus Cat snaps his jaws at Munku. Munku warns
him with his eyes while his blood pressure rises higher and higher.* And when he looked out through the bars
of the area, you never saw anything fiercer, *realizing how stupid their Rumpus cat looks he sighs with a fed
up look on his face* or hairier! And what with the glare of his eyes and his yawning, the Pekes and the
Pollicles quickly took warning. He looked at the sky and he gave a great leap, and they every last one of
them scattered like sheep. *Munku tries almost in vain to keep Rumpus Cat dancing the same steps as he is*
And when the Police Dog returned to his beat, there wasn't a single one left in the street. *RTT strikes up
the bagpipe, Munku is not amused*
All hail and all bow to the great Rumpus Cat! *they all turn to Old D*
Old D: Jellicle Cats and dogs all must, Pollicle dogs and cats all must, like undertakers come to dust!
*there's lightning and thunder*
Dem: Macavity! *Macavity's dark outline appears in the night sky for just a second, Munkustrap takes up a
defensive posture once again and makes sure that everyone is safe. Old D looks around to see if everyone is
gone. His coat starts shaking. A nervous Misto comes out from behind the fur and disappears into the
darkness. Victoria comes out, not sure where to go, Old D extends his paw and for a moment she extends hers,
but she is too confused and backs off. Macavity is gone, but something else is up, Jemima comes on and starts
an obscure dance with Victoria. Old D knows. It is time to worship themselves and their Jellicle moon.*
Old D: Jellicle Cats come out tonight, Jellicle Cats come one come all.
Old D/Jemima/Vicki/Munku: The Jellicle Moon is shining bright. Jellicles come to the Jellicle Ball. *now
Alonzo appears and starts flirting with Vic and Jemima*
Alonzo: Jellicle Cats are black and white, Jellicle Cats are rather small. Jellicle Cats are merry,
Pounce: And bright,
Vicki/Jemima: And pleasant to hear when they caterwaul.
Skimble: Jellicle Cats have cheerful faces,
Tumble: Jellicle Cats have bright black eyes;
Misto: We like to practice our airs and graces
And wait for the Jellicle Moon to rise.
Munku/Plato/Admetus: Jellicle Cats develop slowly,
Tumble: Jellicle Cats are not too big;
Asparagus: Jellicle Cats are roly-poly,
Misto/Skimble: We know how to dance a gavotte and a jig.
Dem: Until the Jellicle Moon appears
Bomb: We make our toilette and take our repose:
Jenny: Jellicles wash behind their ears:
Jelly: Jellicles dry between their toes.
Twins: Jellicle Cats are white and black,
Jerrie/Teazer: Jellicle Cats are of moderate size;
3 toms: Jellicles jump like a jumping jack,
Cass: Jellicle Cats have moonlit eyes.
We're quiet enough in the morning hours, We're quiet enough in the afternoon,
Munku/Misto: Reserving our terpsichorean powers
To dance by the light of the Jellicle Moon.
Alonzo: Jellicle Cats are black
Vicki/Etcy/Teazer: and white,
Pounce/Misto/Skimble: Jellicle Cats, as we said, are small;
Munku/Admetus/Plato: If it happens to be a stormy night
Pounce/Misto/Skimble: we will practice a caper or two in the hall.
If it happens the sun is shining bright
RTT: You would say we had nothing to do at all:
We are resting and saving ourselves to be right, for the Jellicle Moon and the Jellicle Ball. *Kittens
surround RTT again* Jellicle Cats come out tonight, Jellicle Cats come one; come all: The Jellicle Moon is
shining bright. Jellicles come to the Jellicle Ball. Jellicle Cats come out tonight, Jellicle Cats come one;
come all: The Jellicle Moon is shining bright. Jellicles come to the Jellicle Ball. *They dance a mystical
moonlit dance that seems to enhance the energy they think they receive from the Jellicle moon. They get more
and more enthusiastic and even Old D is surprised. The males try to impress Bomb and each other with their
dancing skills, they invite Cass and Bomb to join them, which they do. And once Bomb takes center stage, the
music livens up. More girls join in and a party atmosphere develops. Misto and Pounce show of their ballet
routine. They all start doing the same spinning dance and Old D tries to calm them down, but to no avail.
When a sudden bolt of Jellicle energy hits them, they are both surprised and rejoiced by its intensity. Plato
shows his interest in Victoria. She hesitates for a moment, but then lets herself go. Victoria and Plato
dance and everyone comes closer and closer together. What seems to happen at this point you can decide for
yourself. The twins jump up; they smell something. Misto jumps up. Skimble sticks his nose in the air. They
all awaken and see Grizabella above them in the darkness, now exposed by the lights that Misto makes appear
with his magic. They all dance almost electrically, high on moonlight, and show off and taunt Grizabella who
is frightened away. They dance some more, reveling in their perfection.
*once again Griz appears again. The twins pass her and hiss. RTT sneers as he walks away. Jemima extends a
friendly paw, but is stopped by Skimble. Pounce again acts as if he is her friend and rubs up against her,
only to push her away. Demeter once again comes close and is shocked by the appearance of a cat which at one
time was close to her, but she is held back by Bomb. Munku stops Griz from going any further, but when she
tries to look him in the eye, even he backs off, unable to face her. Jelly explains to Victoria, echoing
Griz's own words, why she is unworthy of their attention*
Jelly: You see, the border of her coat is torn, and stained with sand. *even as she sings, Victoria
reaches out to her and Jelly is forced to act. Jemima appears, and she is still curious, but at the same time
she repeats Griz own words as well. She understands why Griz is hated, but she is not filled with hate, her
eyes are filled with curiosity and sympathy.*
Jemima: And you see the corner of her eye twist like a crooked pin. *Jenny turns Jemima away and hisses
at Griz. Griz is deeply saddened by this hate against her. After all she was once so popular. Has she still
got any of that old charm left, any at all? She dances and tries to act out those movements of long ago, but
the more she does it, the more she realizes it is of no use.*
Griz: Midnight, not a sound from the pavement. Has the moon lost her memory. She is smiling alone. In the
lamplight the withered leaves collect at my feet, & the wind begins to moan. Every streetlamp seems to beat a
fatalistic warning. Someone mutters and the streetlamp gutters & soon it will be morning. Memory, all alone
in the moonlight. I can smile at the old days; I was beautiful then. I remember the time I knew what
happiness was. Let the memory live again. *Unknown to her, Old D has been watching her. He feels an immense
sympathy for her. He extends his paw, and for just a moment Griz thinks she can feel it. But no, it must have
just have been her imagination. Old D watches her leave, his heart bleeding for her.*
*All the cats come out again, they appear to have been sleeping. Jelly helps a very old cat out onto the
stage. His coat is shabby and his paws are shaking. They help him onto a seat. He looks around, a bit
bewildered. Various cats rub up against him and he really doesn't know what to make of it all. Gus is Jelly's
choice for the Jellicle choice and Old D explains what they can learn from such an old cat, knowing full well
that he is contradicting himself with regards to Griz.*
Old D: The moments of happiness. We had the experience, but missed the meaning, & approach to the meaning
restores the experience. In a different form beyond any meaning we can assign to happiness. The past
experience revived in the meaning, is not the experience of one life only, but of many generations. Not
forgetting something that is probably quite ineffable. *The cats who thought they had it all figured out now
ponder on something they had never considered and no one really understands yet, that is, except for one of
the kittens...*
Jemima: Moonlight, turn your face to the moonlight. Let your memory lead you. Open up, enter in. If you find there the meaning of what happiness is, then a new life will begin.
Moonlight, turn your face to the moonlight. Let your memory lead you. Open up, enter in. If you find there the meaning of what happiness is, then a new life will begin. *suddenly they see the moon in a completely different light, and they start to understand*
*Old D helps the old cat onto center stage. They sit him down on an old hat.*
Jelly: Gus is the Cat at the Theatre Door. His name, as I ought to have told you before, is really Asparagus. But that's such a fuss to pronounce, that we usually call him just Gus. His coat's very shabby, he's thin as a rake, & he suffers from palsy that makes his paw shake. Yet he was, in his youth, quite the smartest of Cats. But no longer a terror to mice or to rats. For he isn't the Cat that he was in his prime; though his name was quite famous, he says, in its time. And whenever he joins his friends at their club which takes place at the back of the neighboring pub. He loves to regale them, if someone else pays, With anecdotes drawn from his palmiest days. For he once was a Star of the highest degree. He has acted with Irving, he has acted with Tree. And he likes to relate his success on the Halls, Where the Gallery once gave him seven cat-calls. But his grandest creation, as he loves to tell, was Firefrorefiddle, the Fiend of the Fell.
Gus: I have played, in my time, every possible part & I used to know seventy speeches by heart. I'd extemporize back-chat, I knew how to gag, And I knew how to let the cat out of the bag. I knew how to act with my back and my tail; with an hour of rehearsal, I never could fail. I'd a voice that would soften the hardest of hearts, whether I took the lead, or in character parts. I have sat by the bedside of poor Little Nell; when the Curfew was rung, then I swung on the bell. In the Pantomime season I never fell flat, And I once understudied Dick Whittington's Cat. But my grandest creation, as history will tell, was Firefrorefiddle, the Fiend of the Fell. *His memory of the greatest part he ever played is so strong, you can almost see it*
Jelly: Then, if someone will give him a toothful of gin, he will tell how he once played a part in East Lynne. At a Shakespeare performance he once walked on pat, when some actor suggested the need for a cat.
Gus: And I'd say that these kittens, they do not get trained as we did in the days when Victoria reigned. They never get drilled in a regular troupe, & they think they are smart, just to jump through a hoop.
Jelly: And he says, as he scratches himself with his claws,
Gus: Well, the Theatre's certainly not what it was. These modern productions are all very well, But there's nothing to equal, from what I hear tell, That moment of mystery when I made history as Firefrorefiddle, the Fiend of the Fell. *The spirit of Firefrorefiddle draws Gus near, only to disappear into the darkness.* These modern productions are all very well, but there's nothing to equal, from what I hear tell, that moment of mystery when I made... *Old Gus sobs, and is lead away by Jelly*
*They have considered many cats for the Heaviside Layer, but then suddenly Old D comes up with yet another. He turns to Jemima & at the mention of his name she and the rest join in.*
Old D: Skimbleshanks
Old D/Jemima: the railway cat!
The cat of the railway train! There's a whisper down the line at 11:39 when the Night Mail's ready to depart, saying "Skimble WHERE IS SKIMBLE! Has he gone to hunt the thimble? We must find him or the train can't start."
Skimble: All the guards and all the porters and the stationmaster's daughters would be searching high and low, saying "Skimble where is Skimble for unless he's very nimble then the Night Mail just can't go." At 11:42 with the signal overdue & the passengers all frantic to a man. That's When I would appear and I'd saunter to the rear: I'd been busy in the luggage van!
*Skimble has to watch out he doesn't lift his legs; his kilt’s too high!*
Then he gave one flash of his glass-green eyes & the signal went "All Clear!"
Skimble: They'd be off at last for the northern part of the Northern Hemisphere!
Skimbleshanks the railway cat! The cat of the railway train!
Skimble: You could say that by & large it me who was in charge Of the Sleepin' Car Express. From the driver & the guards to the bagmen playing cards I would supervise them all, more or less.
Down the corridor he paces and examines all the faces of the travelers in the first and the third; He establishes control by a regular patrol & he'd know at once if anything occurred. He would watch you without winking and he saw what you we're thinking & it's certain that he didn't approve of hilarity and riot, so the folk were very quiet when Skimble was about and on the move. You could play no pranks with Skimbleshanks! He's a Cat that cannot be ignored; so nothing went wrong on the Northern Mail when Skimbleshanks was aboard.
Skimble: It was very pleasant when they found their little den With their name written up on the door. And the berth was very neat with a newly folded sheet And not a speck of dust upon the floor. There was every sort of light--you could make it dark or bright; There's a button you could turn to make a breeze. And a funny little basin you're supposed to wash your face in And a crank to shut the window should you sneeze. *which Teazer does* Then the guard looks in politely and will ask you very brightly "Do you like your morning tea
All: WEAK OR STRONG?"
Skimble: But I was just behind him and was ready to remind him, For Skimble won't let anything go wrong.
And when they crept into their cozy berths & pull up the counterpane, they ought to reflect it was very nice to know that they wouldn’t be bothered by mice. They would leave all that to the Railway Cat, the Cat of the Railway Train! Skimbleshanks the railway cat! The cat of the railway train! Skimbleshanks the railway cat! The cat of the railway train! *The cats make a makeshift train out of junk and old wheels and stuff.*
Skimble: In the watches of the night I was always fresh and bright; every now and then I'd have a cup of tea with perhaps a drop of Scotch when I was keeping on the watch, only stopping here and there to catch a flea. They were fast asleep at Crewe and so they never knew that I was walking up and down the station. They were sleeping all the while, I was busy at Carlisle, where I met the stationmaster with elation. They might see me at Dumfries, if I'd summon the police if there's anything they ought to know about:
When they got to Gallowgate there they did not have to wait, for Skimbleshanks would help them to get out! *the Makeshift train collapses* And he gives you a wave of his long brown tail which says: "I'll see you again! You'll meet without fail on the Midnight Mail. The Cat of the Railway Train! The Cat of the Railway Train!
*the sound of smashing glass*
Mac: MWHAHAHAHAHA! *Mac's awful voice comes from the left, but when they look, Mac's not there!*
Dem: Macavity!
Mac: MWHAHAHAHAHA! *they are still trying to find him* MWHAHAHAHAHA! *Mac appears center stage, he summons his ratty minions and they appear with a net. Old D reaches out just before he disappears under the net and is led off. Mac draws the cats' attention away from the kidnapping, and they realize too late that they are alone. Everyone scatters in the panic, Demeter and Bomb look at each other both knowing that they could have expected something like this. This is not the first time the two of them have had a run-in with Mac*
Dem: Macavity's a Mystery Cat: he's called the Hidden Paw. For he's the master criminal who can defy the Law. He's the bafflement of Scotland Yard, the Flying Squad's despair. For when they reach the scene of crime--Macavity's not there! Macavity, Macavity, there's no one like Macavity, he's broken every human law, he breaks the law of gravity. His powers of levitation would make a fakir stare, & when you reach the scene of crime--Macavity's not there! You may seek him in the basement, you may look up in the air, but I tell you once and once again, Macavity's not there! *Bomb, who has watched her friend from the background, also want to speak her part. But with Bomb there is something else; some kind of admiration for this sinister cat.*
Bomb: Macavity's a ginger cat, he's very tall and thin. You would know him if you saw him, for his eyes are sunken in. His brow is deeply lined with thought, his head is highly doomed. His coat is dusty from neglect, his whiskers are uncombed. He sways his head from side to side, with movements like a snake. And when you think he's half asleep, he's always wide awake. Macavity, Macavity, there's no one like Macavity, for he's a fiend in feline shape, a monster of depravity. You may meet him in a by-street, you may see him in the square. But when the crime's discovered, then Macavity's not there!
Dem: And his footprints are not found in any files of Scotland Yard's.
Bomb: And when the larder's looted,
Dem: Or the jewel-case is rifled,
Bomb: Or when the milk is missing,
Dem: Or another Peke's been stifled,
Bomb: Or the greenhouse glass is broken,
Dem: and the trellis past repair--
Both: There's the wonder of the thing! Macavity's not there! Macavity, Macavity, there's no one like Macavity, There never was a Cat of such deceitfulness and suavity. He always has an alibi, and one or two to spare. Whatever time the deed took place--MACAVITY WASN'T THERE! And they say that all the Cats whose wicked deeds are widely known,
Dem: I might mention Mungojerrie,
Bomb: I might mention Griddlebone.
Both: Are nothing more than agents for the Cat who all the time just controls the operations: the Napoleon of Crime!
Macavity, Macavity, there's no one like Macavity, He's a fiend in feline shape, a monster of depravity. You may meet him in a by-street, you may see him in the square, but when a crime's discovered, then Macavity, Macavity, Macavity, Macavity! When a crime's discovered then Macavity's not there!
*Munku return with news that he cannot find Old D. That's when the real panic sets in for Demeter and Bomb. And when Mac appears once again, that doesn't help things either. But he points to the distance, and the rats bring Old D out again. The kittens, Teazer and even Jenny and Jelly run up to him and hug him, but Demeter doesn't trust this one bit. Bomb feels something is wrong also and when she sees Demeter’s reaction to Old D she begins to back away as well. Prompted by this, one or two other cats now look to their Jellicle leader with suspicion. Demeter runs up and gets everyone away from him. She hisses and jumps on his back. Mac throws her of. He jumps around showing off his evilness and then grabs Demeter and tries to drag her off, but Munku comes to her rescue and they fight over her until finally Alonzo carries her off and Munku and Mac fight. Munku is wounded and Alonzo takes over, but he is no match for the Napoleon of Crime. But then everyone stands and takes on Mac and pretty soon he starts retreating. He backs away and he grabs the ends of two power cables with his hand. Everything goes dark. Someone lights the flashlight used for Skimble’s train and searches around while Demeter consoles Munku*
Macavity's not there! *Demeter feels guilty and checks to see if Munku is ok. Mac is gone, but Old D is still missing.* We have to find Old Deuteronomy.
RTT: You ought to ask Mr. Mistoffelees! The Original Conjuring Cat. There can be no doubt about that. Please listen to me and don't scoff. All his inventions are of his own bat. There's no such Cat in the metropolis. He holds all the patent monopolies for performing surprising illusions & creating eccentric confusions. The greatest magicians have something to learn from Mr. Mistoffelees' Conjuring Turn. And we all say: OH! Well, I never! Was there ever a Cat so clever as Magical Mr. Mistoffelees! He is quiet; he is small; he is black from his ears to the tip of his tail. He can creep through the tiniest crack. He can walk on the narrowest rail. He can pick any card from a pack. He’s equally cunning with dice. He’s always deceiving you into believing that he's only hunting for mice. He can play any trick with a cork or a spoon and a bit of fish-paste. If you look for a knife or a fork & you think that it’s merely misplaced. You’ve seen it one moment, but then it is gone! But you'll find it next week lying out on the lawn. *Misto appears sporting a flashing jacket. He is lowered down to the ground by a wire he vaporizes* And we all say: OH! Well, I never! Was there ever a Cat so clever as Magical Mr. Mistoffelees!
Misto: Presto! *The lights switch on, and everything is bright again.*
OH! Well, I never! Was there ever a Cat so clever As Magical Mr. Mistoffelees! *some lightning spouts from Misto's fingertips and blows up half the set, his magic fails once and he looks at his paws confused for a sec.* OH! Well, I never! Was there ever a Cat so clever as Magical Mr. Mistoffelees!
RTT: His manner is vague and aloof, & you would think there was nobody shyer. But his voice could be heard on the roof while he was curled up by the fire. And he's sometimes been heard by the fire while he was about on the roof. At least we all heard that somebody purred which is incontestable proof. And of his singular magical powers: I have known the family to call him in from the garden for hours, while he was asleep in the hall. And not long ago this phenomenal Cat produced seven kittens right out of a hat! *Misto produces a cup, but does not produce 7 kittens, instead the cats have to make do with a sparkling ribbon.*
And we all say: OH! Well, I never! Was there ever a Cat so clever As Magical Mr. Mistoffelees! *His lightning bolt materializes Victoria on stage. Misto shows of his dancing skills, and the cats cheer him on*
RTT: Magical! *He pulls out a big red cape and motions to the cats he needs a volunteer. He chooses Cass* And not long ago this phenomenal Cat produced seven kittens right out of a hat! *Cass is made to conceal herself under the cape. Misto guides the cape towards him, and the bulge underneath grows bigger and bigger. He pulls the cape off and reveals Old D. Everyone gasps, except RTT, who knew this would happen.* And we all say: OH! Well, I never! Was there ever a Cat so clever as Magical Mr. Mistoffelees! *He points toward Misto, who presents himself and then jumps into Old D's arms.*
OH! Well, I never! Was there ever a Cat so clever as Magical Mr. Mistoffelees! OH! Well, I never! Was there ever a Cat so clever as Magical Mr. Mistoffelees! OH! Well, I never! Was there ever a Cat so clever as Magical Mr. Mistoffelees! OH! Well, I never! Was there ever a Cat so clever as Magical Mr. Mistoffelees!
RTT: I give you the Magical, the marvelous, Mr. Mistoffelees! *Mistoffelees jumps into the air and vanishes. Dawn is approaching, and the time has come for the Jellicle choice, but there is still time before the sun rises and as you watch young Jemima rises to sing about her best friend, Luna, and her connection to the moon, which they both share in common. The young silver queen is seen near Jemima and her other best friend Sol, who everyone believes that next year they will be mates.*
Jemima: Luna seems like your average cat by day. She’s a feisty kitten and has a rightful name. All the time with her friends, she’ll play. But by night, Luna just isn’t the same. When the sun sets she retreats to her secret lair. High above the city it towers. Into the deep, dark sky she’ll stare and call upon her incredible power. Luna can whisper in the moon’s ear and the moon whispers back, just the same. She tells Luna any secrets there are to hear. And that’s what gave Luna her honored name. Luna has a special connection to the moon that lives in the sky. It’s still a mystery to me and to you. Only Luna knows why. Luna can whisper in the moon’s ear and the moon whispers back, just the same. She tells Luna any secrets there are to hear. And that’s what gave Luna this honored name. Some say she descended from the moon. Some say she was chosen to be this way. With this power she can escape danger and gloom. Luna’s just special in her very own way. Luna can whisper in the moon’s ear and the moon whispers back, just the same. She tells Luna any secrets there are to hear. And that’s what gave Luna her honored name. *once Jemima finishes you see Luna rise and turn towards her friend Sol, the young tom smiles at her, his golden fur shimmers in the moonlight. She begins to sing of her friend and his connection to the sun. as she begins you see Jemima climb to the top of the fence to await the sunrise*
Luna: At a glimpse Sol seems like your average cat. Always talking with his friends, or chasing a rat. "Of course he is normal," you would say. But my friend, you must carefully watch him all day. Every afternoon when the sun reins high stretching its rays across the sky, Sol sneaks away from his huddle of friends and climbs up a cliff that never seems to end. The sun seems like his friend, his brother. He is convinced that there could be no other. They communicate together with terrific ease and tell each other anything they please. Yes, Sol can talk to the sun. And as far as I know, he's the only one. The sun listens to his words with open ears. It has been this way for many years. The sun guides Sol through everyday life. It helps him through the pain and strife. Sol looks up to the sun with admiration. And in turn, the sun helps him with desperation. The sun is like his friend, his brother. Sol is convinced there could be no other. They communicate together with terrific ease and tell each other any secrets they please. *now Luna lies down next to Sol and curls up, she turns and watches as the moon begins to set, now is the time for the Jellicle choice. Munku and Old D stand to tell the cats this, but they are interrupted by the one cat who truly understands.*
Jemima: Daylight, see the dew on a sunflower, & a rose that is fading. Roses wither away. Like the sunflower I yearn to turn my face to the dawn. I am waiting for the day.
Munku: Now, Old Deuteronomy just before dawn through a silence you feel you could cut with a knife, announces the cat who can now be reborn, & come back to a different Jellicle life. *They surround Old D, but he cannot answer, for Griz appears. They all know why she is here, but surely she can’t seriously believe she has a chance to be chosen. In pure sarcasm RTT tells her to go make her appeal. The cats scatter and hiss as they pass her. Except for Victoria who again tries to touch Griz, but she is pulled away by Jelly again. The cats turn their backs on her or look down-shunning her. Griz walks toward Old D and he motions to her to begin.*
Griz: Memory, turn your face to the moonlight. Let your memory lead you. Open up, enter in. If you find there the meaning of what happiness is, then a new life will begin. Memory, all alone in the moonlight. I can smile at the old days; I was beautiful then. I remember the time I knew what happiness was. Let the memory live again. *One by one cats begin to turn around and face her, finally accepting her* Burnt out ends of smoky days. Stale cold smell of morning. A street lamp dies, another night is over. Another day is dawning. Daylight, I must wait for the sunrise. I must think of a new life and I mustn’t give in when the dawn comes tonight will be a memory too. And the new day will begin. *she collapses in despair*
Jemima: Sunlight through the trees in summer, Endless masquerading.
Jemima/Griz: Like a flower as the dawn is breaking
Griz: The memory is fading. Touch me, it's so easy to leave me all alone with the memory of my days in sun. If you touch me you'll understand what happiness is. Look! A new day has begun. *She turns to walk away. She stretches out her paw behind to feel if anyone will touch her, but she knows no one will. Victoria stands, looks back to get reassurance, and goes over to the outstretched paw and ever so gently puts her own paw in it. For a moment Griz cannot believe it, but then a warmth long-missed spreads across her face and she smiles, a real smile for the first time in a very long while. She turns toward Victoria and Victoria looks at her with all the love any cat could ever have for another. She turns Griz towards Misto and he takes her paws in his with his eyes closed. And when he opens them again, he does not see the dirty, ragged old has-been, but a Jellicle cat, like himself. Others now reach out to her: Alonzo, Skimble, Jenny and even Jelly...Asparagus, Demeter, Bomb and finally Munku. She feels his paws twice to be sure this isn't some dream but when she sees Old D's face as he bows to her, she knows it is not, in fact she will go beyond dreaming, beyond living, she will be born anew.*
Up up up past the Russell Hotel. Up up up up to the Heaviside Layer. Up up up past the Russell Hotel. Up up up up to the Heaviside Layer. Up up up past the Russell Hotel. Up up up up to the Heaviside Layer. Up up up past the Russell Hotel. Up up up up to the Heaviside Layer. Up up up past the Jellicle moon. Up up up up to the Heaviside Layer. Up up up past the Jellicle moon. Up up up up to the Heaviside Layer. *She rises together with Old D up in sky and the gate of the Heaviside Layer appears in front of her, and Old D pushes her onward to her new life. She hesitates for just a second and then goes up. She looks back one more time to thank them and then she is gone.* The mystical divinity of unashamed felinity. Round the cathedral rang 'VIVAT'. Life to the everlasting cat!
Old D: You've heard of several kinds of Cat, & my opinion now is that you should need no interpreter to understand our character. You've learned enough to take the view that Cats are very much like you. You've seen us both at work and games & learned about our proper names, our habits and our habitat. But, how would you address a cat? So first, your memory I'll jog & say A CAT IS NOT A DOG.
So first, your memory I'll jog & say A CAT IS NOT A DOG.
Old D: With cats, some say one rule is true: Don't speak till you are spoken to. Myself, I do not hold with that I say you should address a cat. But always keep in mind that he resents familiarity. You bow and taking off your hat address him in this form:' Oh, Cat'. Before a cat will condescend to treat you as a trusted friend some little token of esteem is needed like a dish of cream. And you might now and then supply some caviar, or Straussburg Pie, some potted grouse or salmon paste. He's sure to have his personal taste. And so in time you reach your aim, & call him by his NAME.
A cat's entitled to expect these evidences of respect. So this is this, and that is that. And there's how you AD-DRESS A CAT. A cat's entitled to expect these evidences of respect. So this is this, and that is that. And that's how you AD-DRESS A CAT.