Getting Married Today
Bless this day, pinnacle of life, Husband joined to wife. The heart leaps up to behold This
golden day. Today is for Amy, Amy, I give you the rest of my life. To cherish and to
keep you, To honor you forever, Today is for Amy, My happily soon to be wife. Pardon
me, is ev’ry body there? Because if ev’ry body’s ther, I want to thank you all for coming
to the wedding. I’d appreciate you going even more, I mean you must have lots of better
thingd to do and not a word of it to Paul. Remember Paul? You know, the man I’m
gonna marry, but I’m not because I wouldn’t ruin anyone as wonderful as her is; But
thank you all for the gifts and the flowers. Thank you all, now it’s back to the showers.
Don’t tell Paul, but I’m not getting married today. Bless this day, tragedy of life, Husband
yolked to wife. The heart sinks down and feels dead This dreadful day. Listen ev’ry
body, look I don’t know what you’re waiting for. A wedding? What’s a wedding? It’s a
prehistoric ritual where ev’rybody promises fidelitly forever which is maybe the most
horrifying word I’ve ever heard, and which is followed with a honeymoon where suddenly
he’ll realize he’s saddle with a nut and wanna kill me which he shouls, so listen, Thanks a
bunch, But I’, not getting married, Go have lunch ‘cause I’m not getting married, You’ve
been grand, But I’m not getting married, Don’t just stand there, I’m not getting married,
And don’t tell Paul but I’m not getting married today! Go! Can’t you go? Why is
nobody listening? Goodbye! Go and cry at another person’s wake. If you’re quick, for a
kick, you could pick up a chistening, But please, on my knees, There’s human life at stake.
Listen, ev’rybody, I’m afraid you didn’t hear, or do you want to see a crazy lady fall apart
in front of you? It isn’t only Paul who will be ruining his life, you know, we’ll both of us
be losing our identities. I telephoned my analyst about it and he said to see him Monday,
but by Monday I’ll be floating in the Hudson wiht the other garbage. I’m not well, So I’m
not getting married. You’ve been swell, But I’m not getting married. Clear the hall
‘cause I’m not getting married. Thank you all, but I’m not getting married, And don’t tell
Paul, But I’m not getting married today. Bless this bride, totally insane, Slipping down
the drain, And bless this day in our hearts, As it starts to rain. Go! Can’t you go? Look,
you know I adore you all, But why watch me die like Eliza on the ice? Look perhaps I’ll
collapse in the apse right before you all, So take back the cake, Burn the shoes and boil
the rice. Look, I didn’t want to tell you, but I maybe coming doen with hepatitis and I
think I’m gonna faint, so if you wann see me faint, I’ll do it happily, but wouldn’t it be
funnier to go and watch a funeral? So thank you all for the 27 dinner plates and 37 butter
knives and 47 paper weights and 57 candle holders... One more thing. I am not getting
married... softly said: But I’m not getting married... With this ring Still I’m not getting
married... I thee wed. See, I’m not getting married. Let us pray, and we are (that we’re
not) getting married today!
