SPOILER WARNING: If you do not want to know about Season 9, then do not read on. Contains a major spoiler regarding ER Season 9 story line.

NC-17 WARNING: If you are under age, please do not read any futher. Seriously I do not want angry e-mails from parents who have found out you have been reading this page!

Uncertain Destiny

I came home early and collapsed into my favorite chair. Elizabeth had been unkind, and I was mortified that I'd actually lost it in front of her. Then again, these days, I wasn't myself.
I held the crutch against the leg of the chair and laid my head back, eyes closed like some defeated ruler of Roman times when I heard the key in the front door. I sighed.
She came in wearing her firefighter uniform, her caramel hair in wavy dissarray about her head, staring at me. I opened my eyes and regarded her.
"Hi." I said softly.
Her half-smile made my heart flutter. I'd never get used to that.
"Bad day?" she asked, hands on hips.
I shook my head. "About normal. I cried."
Now, her eyes clouded with concern as she kneeled in front of me.
"You cried? What happened?"
I waved the question away, but she wouldn't let it go.
"Tell me." her hand was on my knee.
I cleared my throat. "Elizabeth Corday hates me." I sighed again, feeling like an adolescent after a first day of middle school. "I can understand why she hates me, but..."
"Screw Elizabeth Corday." she said, standing and going towards the kitchen. "I'll make us some tea."
I shook my head, slowly, watching her go through the threshold. "I don't want to screw Elizabeth Corday. It's not her fault." I shrugged. "I'm a bitch. It's finally cathcing up with me." My throat began to constrict and I felt anger coloring my ears. Mood swings had become my life. I stood. "I'm going upstairs." I shouted as I went.

In the bedroom, I tossed the crutch on the floor and set about the task of removing my clothes. I wouldn't be beaten by this. I wouldn't be defeated by my own aspirations. I wasn't a quitter. I was strong. I was...I...
"You're stewing over this." I glanced up not sure when she'd arrived in our bedroom.
"I'm not." I said softly. "I'm okay."
"You don't seem okay."
"Where's the tea?" I asked, pulling off my blouse.
"Water's boiling. In the microwave." She sat next to me and very softly spoke. "We don't have to do this."
I turned away from her. "Don't say that." I murmured. "Don't."
Her hand was at my cheek, and I met her eyes, deep pools of chocolate, her full lips in a straight line. She was serious. I leaned to her and kissed her, gently.
Her hand traveled down my cheek, across my clavicle, fluttering down my sternum until she reached my belly. Her hand lingered there, her fingertips lightly touching causing light involuntary muscle spasms.
"Sometimes, " she began. "I imagine there's already someone inside you. Growing, getting smart - like you." I felt my eyes fill with tears. "Kerry...it doesn't have to be now - if you don't want. We could adopt or..."
"Stop it." I said, standing, leaning against a wall for leverage.
"I'm just letting you know." she said, watching me, intently.
I turned to face her. "You make it sound like I don't want to do it." I was breathing hard. "But you forget, Sandy that it was my idea."
She nodded. "I know. But if you can't even get through the fertility drugs..."
I glared at her, angry. "Don't you presume to tell me what I can get through."
She bit her lip, throwing her hands up in surrender. "Okay. I'm sorry."
I clenched my jaw as she stood and approached me.
"I'm sorry." she repeated, touching my cheek.
Now, her arms were around me, holding me close. I was rigid in her embrace until I felt her warm breath on my neck.
"I'm sorry." I said softly, raising my arms to bury hands in her hair.
We kissed, gently.
"Kerry." she pulled back to look in my eyes. "I'm so happy with you."
I touched her face, silent. I was staring at her, memorizing her face, memorizing the sound of her voice, the scent of her hair.
"I love you, Sandy Lopez."
Her uniform against my naked skin felt rough and real. Her hands were a sharp contrast to that. Wanting to feel her warmth, I began tugging at her jacket until it came free, and her starched white shirt was against my skin.
Our lips met again, and no words were needed beyond this point. Just gentle sighs and murmured 'I love you's'.
She laid me down on our bed, and pulled off the rest of my clothes while i fumbled with hers, and her hands were everywhere I needed them at once.
Beneath her, I moved slowly as her hands found the secret places she already knew so well, and my fingers were lost in her endless head of hair.
Her mouth played me so well, making sensitive breasts more sensitive than ever before. I was at her mercy even as I manipulated her throbbing sex in such a way that she was whining against my shoulder.
"Kerry...Ker...." her hot breath against me was pure ecstacy as she hovered above me, giving and recieving the pleasure that stemmed from our mutual love. It was a familiar dance, and the anticipation of things to come made it all the more exciting.
Choosing my orgasm over hers, she lost contact with my probing fingers to kiss down my chest, to my abdomen, planting soft kisses on my belly until she reached my apex, kissing and devouring me. Her hand never lost contact with my stomach as she brought me to a mind-numbing release, churning and burning and writhing beneath her, clawing at her, breathing with irregularity.
"Sandy..." I murmured, pulling her up to meet my mouth in a post-coital kiss. My tongue sought out hers as she held me tight to her, opening her mouth wide above mine, and we were a sweaty, entangled mess of resolution.
"God, I love you, Weaver..." she said against my lips as I held onto her, our sweat mingling, our breath mingling, our heartbeats one. "...so much." I stroked her hair and collapsed against the pillow as she stayed on top of me, breathing deeply as I felt the stirrings of something inside of me. It felt like a tiny pea of hope, or perhaps a sliver of promise but whatever it was, it would be a part of us both.

FIN