*So give me a footnote and show me where you can find Kerman talking about plop.*
Dr. Payne, Music Seminar
*If you're a string player, most of the time you're playing microtones. In other words, you're playing out of tune.*
*We can call them chords stacked in seconds or we can call it "punch the piano with your fist."*
Prof. Serghi, 19th Century Tonal Theory
*There's no right answer, but there are lots of wrong answers*
*This is not a ternery form; this is rounded binary on steroids*
*These lines are insignificant - violists will be disappointed but not surprised*
*Come see me. That's what you're here for - to make my life miserable*
*If you're lay people, that makes me a priest*
Dr. Williams, Tonal Comp II
*Give me an answer in one word or less*
Prof. Raphael, Midrash
*I like teaching you because you can play, you're a nice person, and you're cynical*
Susan Via, Viola Lessons
*I'm being particularly difficult with Patrick, being the tenor I am with the ego I have*
Wes Kenney, Conducting II
*You can't improvise a cadenza for three instruments*
*Bless you. Bless you. One more and you get a bicycle!*
*Damn you audience! You don't understand me. I'm going to sit in my corner. I'm an artist!*
Dr. Armstrong, Music History
*If you put it [your hand] in boiling water, first, it hurts*
*It could be water, but alcohol would be better*
*I will not leave the light off for more than five minutes - I know what will happen*
Dr. Perdrisat, Physics
*The flea's death equals us having sex*
Dr. Hagedorn, English
*You're all women, except for the men*
Prof. Saporito, Social Problems
*Why does this sound so good? It’s not in First Species Counterpoint*
*You don’t know whether I’m misreading the score or having an acid flashback*
Dr. Williams, Tonal Comp I
*Because I’m a Medievalist, I always put men on top – at least on the board*
*I’m a nice Catholic girl from the south side and I have one child; I’ve had sex once*
*It was a fascinating talk, I wish you had been there, but you weren’t invited*
*She figured it out to my benefit, so I owed them less. I always vote for her*
*Sex was often prescribed as a medical cure*
*I wish I could take those of you who are 21 to the Green Leaf and buy you vodka – those are the meaningful rituals of the world*
*You can’t type the final, nor can you engrave it in the side of a watermelon*
Prof. Potkay, Intro to LCST
*Yellow and purple – the colors of some godforsaken school*
”Do you date?”
“Nah, I don’t date.”
“Do you have sex?”
“I forget.”
*They always figure out I’m a professor. It’s that whole sentence thing*
*Oh, I’m in my midlife now. I’m in a crisis. Blah blah blah*
*My father’s at this stage now, looking back at what happened. Except when he’s hallucinating*
*If you look at a baby and it has a big smile, it’s just taken a dump*
*How could you care for me? Look – I have ten toes!*
*Think about your grandparents having sex. I mean, they’re home at noon*
*Think about it. You’ve been taught that it’s fun to have your head spin and fall down when you drink*
*They believed that energy was in your nose – they did a lot of cocaine*
*The strip joints have mostly farm animals*
*”Why are you putting your Budweiser cans in the recycling bin? Are you some kind of Communist or something?” (giving an example of “Ronnie Redneck” responding to his friend’s actions in the Theory of Planned Behavior)*
*So I’m driving along and this guy falls out of his car*
*How do you commonly see yourself? In the mirror. How do you commonly see other people? Not in the mirror, unless you’re doing something funky*
*Hi, my name is John Nezlek. I’m depressed a lot and want to commit suicide. Let’s talk about god, and oh, do you touch yourself? (an example of excessive interpersonal penetration)*
*You might get subtle hints like “What the hell are you doing?”*
*You’re a two-legged rat*
*Tell your parents to screw off. Tell them I said so. You can tell them all to f**k off*
*They go “two hands here, food. Two hands here, no food.”*
Dr. Nezlek, Social Psychology
Oh, My, God... what did you do???? LOL
Gary Green