You Gotta Get A Puppet


(Ya Gotta Get A Gimmick)

Puppeteer:

You can out-act DeNiro

Be a Strasbourg hero

Sweep Meryl Streep off the stage

But ya gotta get a puppet

If you wanna be the rage!

Hey! Welcome to Avenue Q!

You can warble on- or off-key

Study Stanislovsky

Boast you’re the toast of Broadway

But you gotta get a puppet

If you want a hit today!

That’s right fellas!

And although

We’re a low

Hasty pudding show

The kiddies cheer on cue!

Families come

If they’re dumb

But then out they go

When our fuzzy people screw!

Don’t expect the Muppets!

These are horny puppets!

Rated X on Avenue Q!

But if you get a puppet

You can have a hit show too!

Woman:

When I sing

Anything

During Lion King

The audience is dead!

But they care

When I wear

Feathers in my hair

Or a parrot on my head!

Once I starred in Czekov

Now I make I wreck of

My twisted body, aching and bent

But if you get a puppet

You can always pay the rent!

Audrey II:

She can roar

But they snore

If they don’t get more

Than some old jungle chant!

My routine

Is obscene

When I dress in green

As a mean, man-eating plant!

Little Shop of Horrors

Wakes up all the snorers

My tentacles make gentle kids scream!

But if you play a puppet

You can make the critics cream!

All:

When songs are rotten

Wear some colored cotton

And sport a mask that’s bizarre!

So never get a gimmick

Be a Muppet mimic

That’s the way today to go far

Woman:

If you want ovations

Work for corporations

Audrey II:

If you wanna send ‘em

Be a philodendron

Puppeteer:

If you want a Tony

Flash a cloth cahoney

All:

Get yourself a puppet and you too can be a star!