(Ya Gotta Get A Gimmick)
Puppeteer:
You can out-act DeNiro
Be a Strasbourg hero
Sweep Meryl Streep off the stage
But ya gotta get a puppet
If you wanna be the rage!
Hey! Welcome to Avenue Q!
You can warble on- or off-key
Study Stanislovsky
Boast you’re the toast of Broadway
But you gotta get a puppet
If you want a hit today!
That’s right fellas!
And although
We’re a low
Hasty pudding show
The kiddies cheer on cue!
Families come
If they’re dumb
But then out they go
When our fuzzy people screw!
Don’t expect the Muppets!
These are horny puppets!
Rated X on Avenue Q!
But if you get a puppet
You can have a hit show too!
Woman:
When I sing
Anything
During Lion King
The audience is dead!
But they care
When I wear
Feathers in my hair
Or a parrot on my head!
Once I starred in Czekov
Now I make I wreck of
My twisted body, aching and bent
But if you get a puppet
You can always pay the rent!
Audrey II:
She can roar
But they snore
If they don’t get more
Than some old jungle chant!
My routine
Is obscene
When I dress in green
As a mean, man-eating plant!
Little Shop of Horrors
Wakes up all the snorers
My tentacles make gentle kids scream!
But if you play a puppet
You can make the critics cream!
All:
When songs are rotten
Wear some colored cotton
And sport a mask that’s bizarre!
So never get a gimmick
Be a Muppet mimic
That’s the way today to go far
Woman:
If you want ovations
Work for corporations
Audrey II:
If you wanna send ‘em
Be a philodendron
Puppeteer:
If you want a Tony
Flash a cloth cahoney
All:
Get yourself a puppet and you too can be a star!