Engineer:
Tonight who will play Miss Saigon?
Lea Salonga can’t go on!
I am Jonathan Pryce,
And I am here to present
The non-traditional cast version
Of Miss Saigon!
No Orientals in my version!
Get your white ass onstage
It’s a non-traditional cast tonight!
Girls:
Tonight who will play Miss Saigon?
Engineer:
Orientals are white, or British, all!
Girls:
Tonight who will play Miss Saigon?
Engineer:
We could cast white girls in the black male roles!
We’re gonna push that equity rule so far!
What a great Miss Saigon!
Everyone is cast wrong!
Voila! And welcome the new Miss Saigon...
Man Using Falsetto:
Tonight I will play Miss Saigon!
Kim:
Jesus, John, who is she?
(Sun and Moon)
Chris:
You are Hallmark
And I moved
Just like a Chinese fortune
Greeting and cartoon
“Have a nice day”
We have regressed to cliche
Kim:
You know Hallmark’s the biggie
But you can also use Ziggy
For lyrics so dumb!
You’ll lose your mind when you find
We’ve become... Viet-numb
Chris:
Oscar Hammerstein’s gone
Kim:
Larry Hart’s laying low
Chris:
The rose is red
Kim:
The violet’s blue
Chris:
The sugar’s sweet
Kim:
And so are you!
Both:
That’s as deep as we go!
You sing Hallmark and I sing
Postcard. Reach out and touch...
FTD’ed with love
You are Hallmark postcard...