Wickeder


(No One Mourns the Wicked)

Company:

No awards for Wicked!

Kristen:

Aren’t you glad I starred in Wicked?

I’m Kristen Chenowith beloved by all!

But I’ve been costarred with

You-Know-Who...

Fellow New York-ians, I would like to introduce to you my beloved friend and glamorous costar... Idina Menzel!

(Defying Gravity)

Idina and Kristen:

We’re both so happy

We’re both so happy now

We’re both so happy how

Kristen:

She gets the big ovation

Idina:

But she’s the big sensation

Both:

We both defer the final bow

Cos she’s the bigger star... right now!

(Popular)

Kristen:

Popular!

I’m glad you’re so popular!

You’ve been on more TV shows

And you’ve modeled clothes

Some would even call obscene!

You’re in all the PR shots

And the promo spots

You even look attractive green!

Idina:

Yes I’m popular

But you’re the more popular

You’re even Ben Brantly’s pet

And you’ve got a set

Of pipes to rival Barbara Cook

You’re the star who wrote

The “I’m Loved and I’m Famous” book!

Kristen:

You’re such a sweetie that my zero malice is

Putting all my bitchiness into paralysis

Both:

Thank God you’ve chosen me to be your pal

Your sis-ter and advisor

You’re bigger now than ?

You’re in demand and popular

Kristen:

I love that you’re popular!

It must be your destiny

To be big as me!

I know you’ll make the bigger stare ... star

I’m genuinely happy

You’ve become more populer... lar...

La, la...

Idina:

What a love-fest!

La, la...

Kristen:

She’s the bestest!

Both:

I’m glad that you’re so popular!

Announcer:

And now, the Tony Award for Best Actress in a Musical...

Kristen:

Oh, Idina, wait! Before they announce the winner let’s make a blood oath no matter what happens, whoever wins, we will always love each other and remain the dearest of friends!

Idina:

Yes, always!

Announcer:

And the winner is... Idina Menzel in Wicked!

Idina:

Ha! I am the star!

(Defying Gravity)

Kristen:

I hope you’re happy!

I hope you’re happy now!

I hope you’re happy how you

Stole from me the Tony!

You vulgar one-trick phony!

Idina:

I am so happy!

I am so happy now!

I am so happy how I

Won your little Tony,

You cute, obnoxious phony!

Kristen:

You give me back my final bow!

Both:

And no one’s happy right now!

Kristen:

Idina, listen to me! We can still be friends, just say you’re sorry, and hand over the Tony to me.

Idina:

What?

Kristen:

I mean...

Steven Schwartz could use that Tony

For he’s never won before!

You could save a starving writer...

Idina:

I know.

Kristen:

Trust my wisdom...

Idina:

No.

I don’t want to... anymore...

Kristen:

Huh, she doesn’t want to. I wonder why. That’s a thinker. Hm.

Idina:

I’ll be the star of Wicked

After you leave the show

And once the cast has changed

I’ll grab top billing when you go!

It’s time I tried defying Chenowith!

I’m gonna fly defying Chenowith!

You’re not the best in town!

Kristen:

You’re losing your equilibrium

That grease paint’s seeped in your cerebrum!

So don’t you try defying Chenowith!

Both:

You’re/I’m gonna die defying Chenowith!

I’ll wear the diva crown!

Idina:

So strap me in a harness

And hoist me up to the sky!

In all the big shows lately

All the leading ladies have to fly!

And hanging from the rafters

I’ll dangle like a blimp!

Pump up my volume

As I kill my flying chimp!

And suddenly I am defying subtlety

With death defying lack of subtlety

I’ll capture world renown

I’ll blow the Gershwin up because

I am the loudest witch in Oz

And no one’s gonna turn

My volume down!

Company:

Wicked!

Wicked!

Intermission!