(No One Mourns the Wicked)
Company:
No awards for Wicked!
Kristen:
Aren’t you glad I starred in Wicked?
I’m Kristen Chenowith beloved by all!
But I’ve been costarred with
You-Know-Who...
Fellow New York-ians, I would like to introduce to you my beloved friend and glamorous costar... Idina Menzel!
(Defying Gravity)
Idina and Kristen:
We’re both so happy
We’re both so happy now
We’re both so happy how
Kristen:
She gets the big ovation
Idina:
But she’s the big sensation
Both:
We both defer the final bow
Cos she’s the bigger star... right now!
(Popular)
Kristen:
Popular!
I’m glad you’re so popular!
You’ve been on more TV shows
And you’ve modeled clothes
Some would even call obscene!
You’re in all the PR shots
And the promo spots
You even look attractive green!
Idina:
Yes I’m popular
But you’re the more popular
You’re even Ben Brantly’s pet
And you’ve got a set
Of pipes to rival Barbara Cook
You’re the star who wrote
The “I’m Loved and I’m Famous” book!
Kristen:
You’re such a sweetie that my zero malice is
Putting all my bitchiness into paralysis
Both:
Thank God you’ve chosen me to be your pal
Your sis-ter and advisor
You’re bigger now than ?
You’re in demand and popular
Kristen:
I love that you’re popular!
It must be your destiny
To be big as me!
I know you’ll make the bigger stare ... star
I’m genuinely happy
You’ve become more populer... lar...
La, la...
Idina:
What a love-fest!
La, la...
Kristen:
She’s the bestest!
Both:
I’m glad that you’re so popular!
Announcer:
And now, the Tony Award for Best Actress in a Musical...
Kristen:
Oh, Idina, wait! Before they announce the winner let’s make a blood oath no matter what happens, whoever wins, we will always love each other and remain the dearest of friends!
Idina:
Yes, always!
Announcer:
And the winner is... Idina Menzel in Wicked!
Idina:
Ha! I am the star!
(Defying Gravity)
Kristen:
I hope you’re happy!
I hope you’re happy now!
I hope you’re happy how you
Stole from me the Tony!
You vulgar one-trick phony!
Idina:
I am so happy!
I am so happy now!
I am so happy how I
Won your little Tony,
You cute, obnoxious phony!
Kristen:
You give me back my final bow!
Both:
And no one’s happy right now!
Kristen:
Idina, listen to me! We can still be friends, just say you’re sorry, and hand over the Tony to me.
Idina:
What?
Kristen:
I mean...
Steven Schwartz could use that Tony
For he’s never won before!
You could save a starving writer...
Idina:
I know.
Kristen:
Trust my wisdom...
Idina:
No.
I don’t want to... anymore...
Kristen:
Huh, she doesn’t want to. I wonder why. That’s a thinker. Hm.
Idina:
I’ll be the star of Wicked
After you leave the show
And once the cast has changed
I’ll grab top billing when you go!
It’s time I tried defying Chenowith!
I’m gonna fly defying Chenowith!
You’re not the best in town!
Kristen:
You’re losing your equilibrium
That grease paint’s seeped in your cerebrum!
So don’t you try defying Chenowith!
Both:
You’re/I’m gonna die defying Chenowith!
I’ll wear the diva crown!
Idina:
So strap me in a harness
And hoist me up to the sky!
In all the big shows lately
All the leading ladies have to fly!
And hanging from the rafters
I’ll dangle like a blimp!
Pump up my volume
As I kill my flying chimp!
And suddenly I am defying subtlety
With death defying lack of subtlety
I’ll capture world renown
I’ll blow the Gershwin up because
I am the loudest witch in Oz
And no one’s gonna turn
My volume down!
Company:
Wicked!
Wicked!
Intermission!