Host:
A fangirl in the balcony. Sounds crazy, no? But in our little theater called McCrary, every one of us sits in the balcony. You might say, why don't you sit in the front row? That, I can answer in one word... Acoustics!
All:
Acoustics, acoustics! Acoustics!
Host:
Here in McCrary, you want to hear everything. All the lines, all the songs--even the music from the pit. For instance, if one of the students is singing, you'll need to know what he's singing about. You may ask, why is it so important to hear the words? I'll tell you... I don't know. But we love the students.
Perry:
Who has to play a straight Puerto-Rican
Beating up the Jets and
Managing a gang, and
Who, though he's gay, has
Got himself a fangirl
Who thinks that she can change his ways?
It's Perry--he's using... self-tanner!
Once pasty--But now he's... Latino!
Rob:
And who will get the lead
In every Elon show?
They know his gorgeous voice will
Rake in a lot of dough.
It's Rob--his voice is... so pretty!
His hair--is magic... and flippy!
Guys:
Then we have the others who are kind of loved
Sort of loved, sometimes loved
Simon, John, and Basingstoke are mostly loved
Though it's true we don't use their real names.
The others--the others... they're okay!
Be jealous--of Rob... and Perry!
(the parts are sung together)
Host:
The students! The students! Without the folks at Elon, our lives would be as lame as... well... as a theater with bad acoustics!
Disclaimer: This song was certainly not intended to hurt anyone's feelings. None of these were. They're simply jokes... Although clearly some Elon students aren't too worried about hurting my feelings.