Ch.I It Couldn’t Hurt

I woke up the next morning with a small head, full of blonde ringlets, buried in my chest .
Zoe.
I thought. She’d always been my girl, ever since she was born. Thanks God. I thought to myself. Although Zoe loves all of her family very much and would gladly spend time with any of them, me and the Zoster , well, we have something special. She comes to me when she’s scared or afraid, even before Mom . I guess she feels safe with me. Even though I don’t know why. I’m a skinny little runt even compared to my younger brother(Although I’ve got both him and Ike in the height department).
Anyway, every other morning I wake up and find Zoe curled up, her head buried in my stomach or lying completely on my pillow, wrapped around my head, asleep. This is usually because she’s had a bad dream or “ight-mare” as she calls them.
I look over and see my two little brothers asleep in Zac’s bed. Zac has his hand resting on top of Mackie’s head, also a pure-blonde mess. Although they don’t have what Zoe and I have they are definitely best buds. Mackie adores Zac. Zac is the coolest person on the planet as far as Mackie is concerned, and Zac knows it. He handles it pretty well if you ask me. The two of them are only 8 years apart and that’s not as far apart as you might think..
Then I look at Ike and he’s sleeping soundly, but alone. He’s alone alot. Not that he’s lonely. Not in the least. He’s got tons of friends that love him to death. But he doesn’t have one of those “special-sibling-relationships” with any of us. He’s got it with all of us. Now, I’m a big boy and I can take care of myself, but I feel a whole hell of a lot safer when I’m with Ike than when I’m alone.
I was mulling all of this over early this morning, (and stretching) when I felt Zoe’s head move. I looked down at her and she was staring up at me with humongouse sparkling eyes. Her eyes are that of a pure innocent. Hey, I could use that in a song . Cool.
Anyway, I said, “Hi.” and her hand came up to her face and she waved a pinkie at me and smiled.
I had to laugh softly at this. The gesture makes me think of a lyric in the Lauryn Hill song “Zion” that always makes me think of Zoe:
How beautiful if nothing more, than to wait at Zion’s door. I’ve never been in love like this before.
It was true too. I know deep down I’ll never love anyone quite the way that I love my sweet baby sister.
Then she wrinkled he brow, pointed her finger accusingly at me, and said seriously,” You was late las’ night.”
“Were you waiting up for me?” I asked her amused.
“NO!” She said, sounding offended, “I had a ight-mare, an I comes in here. You was gone do’ . But then I heard ya comin’ in so I hid till’ I seen ya’ sleepin’ then, I lies down right here an’ this where I woked up Thus-morning .”
“What was your bad dream about?” I asked her.
She got real serious at this, got up on her knees, put her face next to my ear and said, ”Bugs.”
I had to swallow to keep from laughing.
“What kind?” I asked
“Bed bugs.” she said and then looked around the room as if something was about to bite her.
“Bed Bugs?” I said in pretend exasperation,” Bed bugs aren’t real. They don’t exist !”
“They don’ ‘zist?” She said leaning forward, eyes as wide as ever.
“Nope.” I answered.
“Oh, good.” she said, an air of true relief in her voice. She paused for a moment, thinking, and then said, “Want juice?”
“Yeah, sure.” I said in a half laugh.
So we got up and went to the kitchen. I sat her up on the counter, back a bit in Indian style. She sat there and watch me make her a juice.
Then, just as I was about to give her the sippie-cup with the non-spill lid, she said, “Can I have a cube in that please?” (Cube was the term she used for A piece of ice)
“Sure.” I said and her face lit up.
So, I got her a “cube” and we sat on the couch for about an hour watching Barney and Bear in The Big Blue House. Then Jess came in all sleepy-eyed and groggy.
She’s getting so big. She’s lookin’ like mom more everyday. I can’t wait to meet her first date. Which probably isn’t very far off because she looks older than she really is, which is a blessing for her and a frightening prospect for me. In the next couple of years I’m going to come to hate any guy over the age of thirteen who looks cross-eyed at her.
As if she’s reading my mind she said, “Can I ask you something?”
“Sure, wait, you know about the whole birds and bees thing right?” I asked her.
She looked at me like I’m stupid and then said, “YES!, But it is kind of along those lines.”
“Then, Shoot.” I said.
“If I decided I wanted to have a friend who is a guy come over hear, would you make Ike and Zac be nice to him?” She looked at me.
“Depends on the guy.” I said to her.
“Well, Sam, Sam Roman.” she said.
I turn to her with utter amazement on my face, Not only at eleven dose she want me to say it’s alright to have a boy come into the house to see her, but she wants me to say alright to the little brother of the girl I dislike the most out of anyone I’ve ever met, Lynn Roman.
“Oh, Jess. Of all people, why did you have to pick Lynn Roman’s kid brother?” I asked.
“Because he’s nice to me, and I think he likes me a little, and I think I like him a little. And mom said I could” She looked at me with the saddest eyes I’ve ever seen.
“Please?” She said.
“Oh God Help me, alright, But just make it clear to him that he is to come alone and I can get Ike, Zac and the other kids to stay away from you for an hour or so while he’s here.” I said.
“Oh Taylor! You are the greatest big brother a girl ever had!” she said as she got up, ran over and put her arms around my neck.
“You better believe it.” I said in misery at the thought of being even ten feet away from something associated with Lynn Roman.
“Oh, and don’t worry Lynn won’t come, I promise.” She said and ran off to her room.
This dampened my spirits a little, but it didn’t ruin my good mood completely. It did, however, put thoughts of that awful Lynn Roman in my mind. Now it isn’t that Lynn isn’t pretty or smart ; she is both of those things. No, Lynn has a personality disorder. She is the biggest snob I’ve ever had the misfortune of knowing and she’s an even bigger phony. All that aside, she is terribly jealous of the success that my brothers and I have come upon in the last five years. In her own words we are “ the three most untalented guys she’s ever seen and our agent must have been drunk and deaf when he signed us”. In the beginning her hate for us wasn’t personal. I’d known Lynn since I was little. I’d never particularly liked her, but we’d always gotten along pretty good, I’d even suspected that she liked me for a while. But’ the one thing that I knew I never liked about Lynn was that she tried to out-do everyone. She didn’t like it when she was not the center of attention and she liked it even less when someone beat her at something or just had more success at something.than she did. Her one mission in life is to become a famous model. She believs that she is the most attractive person that was born this side of the planet and she doesn’t think twice about telling this to any given stranger. So, needless to say, when she heard about us being signed to an actual record company, she was none too happy. When news broke out all over our town that three border-line adolescents from Tulsa had been signed to a major record deal and all our friends got together to first see if it was true and second to congratulate us if it was, Lynn came, but acted coldly toward all of us and kept making comments about how it was so appaulling to her how many untalented people get let into the music business now-a-days. From then on she simply dispised us and everything we stand for, and, for some reason, she seemed to have a personal thing against me. Now, I will admit to anyone who asks, how much I dislike this girl, so the feeling is overly-mutual. But, I dislike her because she can’t stand the sight of me and when ever she is around me she has this way of making my blood boil so-to-speak.The only thing I can’t figure is why the girl took such a disliking to me as a person. I’m not that bad of a person. I like different sorts of people and I would have probably even come to like her or, at the very least come to respect her in the long-run.
“Morning.” Zac said, breaking into the room and into my thoughts.
“Hey.” I said to him.
“So, are we enjoying Blue’s Clues this morning?” he asked sarcastically, smiling at me.
“Yes, we are.” I said looking down at my baby sister, eyes wide in childhood innocence and wonderment.
“Hey, I just saw Jessie run into her room like a mad woman. What’s her deal?” He asked after a minute or two of silence.
“Oh, she came in here and asked me, if she were to invite Lynn Roman’s lttle brother over here would I keep, mainly, you and Ike away from her.” I answered. he just looked at me puzzled.
“So, what’d you say?” he asked me.>br> “I said that I’d try, but I reminded her how much I disliked Lynn and if she came anywhere near this house I would let you two loose to do all your big-brotherly-third-degree-to-little-sister’s-boyfriend routieen and that I would gladly join in.” I finnished.
“Did you say boyfriend?” Zac asked, a smile threatening to surface.
“Yeah,” I said in a half-laugh, “ I think she likes him pretty much ‘cause she’s never said anything to that effect to me before and I think she was pretty embarassed about the whole thing.” we both looked at each other and started to laugh.
“I’m gonna go wake Ike up, he’s gotta hear this before anybody eles gets up.” Zac said laughing harder.
“Gotta hear what?” Ike’s voice came from the doorway.
“Jess’s got a boyfriend.” Zac said in a sing-song voice.
“A what?” Ike said seriousely.
“Jess asked me this morning if I would keep the two of you away from her when Lynn Roman’s little brother came over.” I said.
“Oh, God help me, I seriously dislike that girl.” Ike said with disgust.
“I know,” I said,” So, I told her that I would try if she would keep Lynn away from this house.”
“You know what? I think, deep down, that Lynn likes you something fierce and that makes her hate you even more. You know, it’s like she can’t hate you, and she hates that, and so there-fore her hate for you is ten times worse than it is for either of us.” said Zac.
“What in the world are you talking about?” I said increduousely.
“Actually, for once in my life I agree with the little twerp, I think she’s crazy about you and it drives her up a wall.” said Ike.
“Your have gotta be kidding me!” I said.
“ Well, I wasn’t kidding, I’m seriouse.” said Zac actually sounding sincere.
“Well, she was at that dance I went to last night, and she made the fact that I was there painfully obvious to all her littlle cronies.” I replyed, “and in a very not-nice way too.”
“How was that whole ordeal last night anyway?” Ike asked.
“ I don’t want to talk about it.” I said
“That can only mean one of two things: one, you had a better time than you would care to discuss,” at this juncture Zac raised his eyebrows up and down,” or two, you did something really stupid that we’re going to make fun of you about and you’d rather keep it to yourself.”
I gave him the nastiest look I could muster that early in the morning.
“And by the look on your face you didn’t have the best time, so how did you make a fool of yourself?” He asked without flinching.Ike snickered.
“ Well, there was this really pretty girl there and I knew I had no chance, but low and behold, she asked me to dance. “I said
“Oh, that’s never a good thing.” said Zac who, along with Ike shared my lack of dancing ability.
“And, from past dancing experience you could have probably guessed that the minute I got on the floor it was a non-stop circus.” I said.
“She didn’t laugh did she?” Ike asked almsot sounding like it hurt him to even think about it.
“Oh, no, she didn’t laugh, She LEFT!” I said exasperated.
“Aw, that one hurts man.” said Zac honestly trying to console me.
“Actually, besides the major razzing I took when I went back over to Amy and all the guys the night did turne out pretty good.” I said smiling..
“So?” asked Ik e, a sly look surfacing.
“So, I met this other girl and, I don’t know, she was different. I could talk to her and not be afraid that she would laugh at me or, you know, make fun.” I said, sort of not remembering that there were three other people in the room.
“So, did you ask her out, well, as out as we can get anyway.” Zac said.
“No, but I got her number though.” I said.
“Then ask her!” Ike urged.
“Well, alright. Hey, would you two come too, just get Kay and Fi to come they’ll be nice to her.” I said.
“Why wouldn’t they be?” Zac asked.
“They would be, some other girls might not be.” I said seriousely.
“Why?” saked Ike
“She’s kind of s big girl.” I said looking straight into my older brother’s eyes.
“Oh, yeah. Taking Maryanne and Senna would not have been a good Idea.” said Ike
“They’re pretty shallow if you ask me.” I said.
“Yeah I don’t really like either one of them that much.” Zac said.
“Me neither.” said Ike.
“But anyway, I’ll call her and ask for Saturday.” I said.
“ ‘Kay.” they both said.
After that Ike drifted over to the kitchen table as usually did early in the morning. I don’t know exactly why. He’s usually escapped into a new book or what-not. Zac sat back on the couch next to me and watched Blue’s Clues laughing more at Zoe’s enjoyment than at the silly pre-school cartoon. This was how it usually was too. Then Mom walked in bringing with her the prospect of a “Doris-Day” morning.
“Good morning boys!” she said.
“Hey, Ma.” we said almost in unison.
“Would you boys like to help me make pancakes?” she asked, the smug smile of assurance that we would help.
We looked at each other excitedly and hurried to the kitchen. Now, it’s not like we all have this major thing for pancakes or anything, but ever since Zac was big enough to walk on his own, Mom would bring the three of us into the kitchen and we would make pancakes together, without Dad. After a while when some of the other kids were born it became sort of our special thing. When we were making pancakes with Mom none of the other kids were allowed in the kitchen. Some of the best times that I can remember with my Mom and my brothers were making pancakes. She gave us so many things on those mornings in the kitchen, some snowy or rainy and some so bursting with warm light that the windows were begging to be opened. On those mornings there were on bariers, we talked about little kid things when we were little and she would nod and then turn around the conversation, she would instill in us some of the most baisic morals and values and make it seem like a big game. Then we we got a bit older, around the time Zac was six or seven, she would bring us in and we would do something that made a memory of hers surface and she would tell a story. There were funny stories and sad ones but they were all about our different relatives. The person she loved most to talk about was Grandma. Grandma had the most interesting things happened to her and all of the stories about her were funny. That’s about the time where we really got into singing. It was also about the time that we began having less and less “pancake-mornings”. We would have one or two every so often but those even disappeared with time. The morning after we were signed we had the first “pancake morning” we’d had in almost a year. That morning Mom told us one thing, That home would never be a place that we couldn’t come back to. After that we had occasional “pancake mornings” , but that perticular one is the one I’ll never forget as long as I live.
Just then Avie came into the room.
“Hey, could you watch Blue’s Clues with her and make sure she doesn’t kill herself?” I asked Avie pointing to Zoe.
“Sure.” was her only reply as she ploped down next to Zoe.
I went into the kitchen.
“Does anyone in here know the meaning of the word ‘wait’?” I asked, seeing that they had gotten the ingredients out without me.
“Nope!” said my Mother.
“Okay, just asking.” I said.
Then we set to work, in silence. after a few minutes Mom looked us all over and said,” I don’t know where you get it from.”
“Get what from?” I asked.
“This.” she said patting my bare chest.
“ My chest?” I asked completely confused.
“No, those muscles. Even Zac, well especially Zac, but he’s got reasons.” she said as Zac posed in a couple of body-builder stances.We all laughted.
“And you’re all taller than me, and...and....” she trailed off.
When I looked back at her she was standing there, leaning against the fridge, looking at the three of us.
"Group Hug!" I yelled.
We all went over and hugged her, not one by one, but all at once.
“You know, you three must stop getting taller.” came her voice from inside our protective circle.
We laughed at this, then broke apart and finnished making breakfast.
(that is the corniest thing I ever wrote!)
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @
The deliciouse smells of pancakes filled our house and roused the rest of the family. We ate and talked and acted for the first time, in a long time, like a normal family. It was truely a great morning.
After breakfast I volunteered to help Mom with the dishes (‘cause dishes for nine people on any given day is a pain anyway). So, everyone but Mom, Zoe, and me left the kitchen, all toward different destinations in the house.
Mom and I stood in silence. She rinsed, I loaded. After a while I started humming to myself, nothing in particular. It was actually a melody I’d made up the day before. I thought it was pretty good.
Then Mom broke the silence.
“They’re pretty funny to watch you know.”
“Who?” I asked.
“You’re fans. The girls I mean,” she snickered,” My absolute favorite ones are the ones with all your names painted in lipstik on their faces, they’re hillariouse.”
“Yeah, I know they’re pretty funny.” Then I took a shinny pan off the counter, looked at my reflection and said,” And I still ask myself, “ What are they thinking?”
“I know what they’re thinking.” she said as if it was the most stupid thing in the world.
“So, what are they thinking?” I asked her.
“You’re too young to hear what they’re thinnking.” she said smiling, knowingly.
“You know, if you continue to withhold this kind of information from me I’m never going to get ahead.” I said smiling slyly.
“Ahead of what?” she asked, an eyebrow raised.
“You know, aheasd of girls.” I said.
“Ah, Well, It’s okay. Your father still hasn’t figured me out and we’ve been together a long time “ she said.
“Speaking of girls, I really made a fool of myself because of one last night.” I said, feeling strangely as though I needed to vent.and to my of all people.
“What happened?” she asked.
“Well, to make a long story short, cute bleach-blonde, asked me to dance, dancing’s never been my strong point,-”
“I might be able to help you there.” she said a little too non-shalantly, cutting me off.
“Oh, and how would you be able to help a guy who has, for lack of a better phrase, two left feet?” I asked.
“Well, as you heard at breakfast this morning, I’ve been trying to find a summer dance class for Avie.” she said.
“Yeah.” I said.
“Well, not only did my efforts bring forth a dancing class just perfect for Avie, I also, now that I think about it, might have found help for your rythmically-challenged feet as well. Look here.” She finnished, handing me a slip of paper containing a list of dance classes and lessons.
“Yeah, right.” I said and put the paper down on the table. (We’d finnished with the dishes)
I was about to walk away when she put her hand on my shoulder to turn me back around.
“Did you like the way you felt last night?” she saked, giving me that I-know-your-answer-to-this question- you-just-have-to-say-it look.
“No, of course I didn’t.” I said,”Who would?”
“No one would, that’s just my point. You could do this and no one would have to know. Look, see? It says: “Twenty lessons for twelve dollars. Come to a dance studio and learn all the baisics of a variety of dances. Singal lessons, lasting two hours each. Call - (301) 278-4560 for sign ups.” she recited.
“I don’t mean to sound sexist or anything, but aren’t dance lessons a bit, oh I don’t know, unmanly?” I asked looking back at aggravated eyes.
“Well, you won’t have to worry, because you can just forget it for all I care.” she said as she slammed the paper down on the table, and started to stalk out of the room, but I stopped her.
“Alright, but you have to come and watch evey other lesson, this was your Idea and you have to be there at least half of the time for moral support. I might also need someone there to give the instructor a ride to the hospital when I put her feet out of commission for good.” I said.
“Oh, Taylor, you’ll never regret it as long as you live.” she said her eyes sparkling up at me.
“I don’t know about that, but if you say so.” I said giving her a you-sold-me-so-stop-the-sweet-talk look.
“You know, it might even help you in the girl department, not that I’m saying you need help.” she said smiling.
“Well, judging from last night’s little performance, it couldn’t hurt.” I said.
After that, Mom left the kitchen to do, whatever mothers do on a calm Saturday morning. I, on the other hand, sat down next to Zoe who was perched in her high-chair concentrating hard on a Pretty-Pretty-Princess coloring book with her tongue sticking out of the corner of her mouth.
“You know what, Mom just talked me into learning how to dance.” I said this more to myself than to her,but she turned her head and looked at me anyway.
“What?” I said.
“Boogie down.” she said with a completely sraight face and went back to her book.
I cracked up, partly at my sister but, partly because I was thinking about what my Mother had said about how learning to dance would help me with the opposit sex.
Like I said before, I thought, It couldn’t hurt, It definately couldn’t hurt....

Chapter 2
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