Journal of Etcetera
by Barbalurina

Part 5:

I kind of floated through the next several days, just
because Mungo had called me Love, and he said that I
was beautiful.  I guess that's pretty silly, but it
made me feel special.  

So I just sat on the oven and groomed myself most of
the day.  I didn't feel like doing anything else. 

"Etcetera, come quick!" Jemima looked absolutely
terrified.

"What is it?" 

"It's Vicky.  She's asking for you."

"Jem, you know where our mother lives.  She could
probably help her better than I could."

"No, she said you.  Only you.  There's something wrong
with her."

Wrong?  With Vicky?  

"All right, take me to her." 

Jemima led me quickly through several back alleyways
to an old shed.  

"She's in there."  

"Wait out here, Jem." I cautiously opened the door
with my nose.  "Vic?"

The wail she let out sounded like it couldn't have
come from her.  "Et!  Help me..." she wailed again.

I went in immediately.  She looked terrible, like she
hadn't eaten or slept.  Even I could see she was in
terrible pain.  "What's wrong?" 

"I-I think I'm having a miscarriage."

"Oh, Vicky!  I don't know anything about this!  Let me
get Mama, please!"

"No!  I can't have her knowing about this, knowing I
failed."  

"We need someone.  I don't know what to do."  I
thought quickly through all the queens who'd had
kittens.  All of them would tell Mama, I was sure.
Except one.

I went to the door of the shed.  "Jem, get
Bombalurina.  Tell her it’s an emergency."

She scampered off.  I went back to Vicky's
side.  "Hold on.  Jem's getting help."

"Thank you.  I didn't know what to do, myself.  I'm
scared."

"You'll be all right, Vic."  I stroked her head.  

"But my kittens...."

"You know we'll save them if we can, and if we can't,
they'll get the proper sendup to the Heaviside.  I
promise."  

I didn't think about how blunt that was, but I guess
it was the right thing to say, as she seemed to relax,
as much as she could.

"Where is Plato?  Shouldn't he know?"

"I don't know where he is and I could care less.  I
haven't seen him since the Ball."

I didn't have a chance to ask further as Jem came back
with Bombalurina, who was somewhat irate.

"What is the emergency?"  

"Please, it's Vicky.  She thinks she's having a
miscarriage."  I brought her into the shed.

"And you called me?  Never mind.  Vicky, are you
bleeding, dear?"

"No, but I am leaking something."  She groaned again.
I felt totally helpless.

"Etcetera!  You stay near her head.  Try to keep her
calm.  I'll be...looking down here."  She didn't look
too happy about it, but at least she was willing to do
it.

I was glad to have something to do, and glad that
someone knew WHAT to do.  

"Et....if something happens to me....."

"Vicky, nothing will happen to you.  You're related to
me."  

That made her smile.  

"Seriously, Et.  If something happens to me, please,
take my kittens."

"But what about Plato?"

"It's too late for him.  He abandoned me, so the
kittens are MINE."

"Change the subject, Kits, it's making her tense up,"
Bomba ordered.

I nodded.  "All right...Vic, I will."

"So I heard you're with......AHHHHH!!!!"  Vicky wailed
in the middle of her sentence.  

A few minutes passed, in which Vicky couldn't speak.  

"Well, Vicky, you have a Tom Kitten and a Queen
Kitten. I-I'm sorry about your loss."  Bomba seemed at
a loss for words after that.  

We both moved to see the Kittens.  They looked so
peaceful, even in death.  

Vicky started crying.  I couldn't blame her.  

Bomba was ready to slip out, I could tell.  "Wait!"

She turned back to us.  "I'm sorry.  There's nothing
more I can do.  You're young, Vicky.  You'll have more
chances, really."  

"I just need you to not tell anyone....all right?  At
least, not now.  I need time." 

"All right.  Just take it real easy for the next
couple of weeks.  I'm not kidding.  Don't move too
much."

Vicky nodded.  

Bomba left us with the Kittens.  

What were we going to do?  

Three days later: 

"Et, I'm tired of lying around.  I need to stretch!"

I looked at her critically.  I didn't want anything
else to happen to her.  I supposed a stretch wasn't
too much for her.  "All right, just do it gently.  We
don't want you to bleed to death."

She stretched herself slowly.  "I need to take the
kits to Old Deuteronomy.  For their sendup." 

"You need to rest."

"It's been three days.  It doesn't feel right, and it
won't until they're properly sent."

I sighed.  "I'll take them.  You stay here."  Vicky
could easily be as stubborn as I.  

"All right.  Just be careful.  Something doesn't feel
right." 

"I will."  I picked up the two Kittens.  They were SO
tiny.  Not really ready to be born, poor things.  

I made my way swiftly and silently to the Vicarage
Wall, hoping that Old Deuteronomy was alone.

Thankfully, he was.  

I placed the Kittens before him.  "Sir, these are
Vicky's - I mean, Victoria's Kittens.  She asked me to
bring them to you for their sendup to the Heaviside."

"This is always the hardest part about my job.  I've
seen so many Kittens who never had a chance to live."
He shook his head in sorrow.

I said nothing.

He picked up the Kittens, and if possible, they looked
even smaller when he held them.  

I won't go into everything he said and did, but
needless to say, those Kittens were sent with all the
dignity and respect that even Mama would approve.

I left the Vicarage Wall with a heavy heart.  

When I got back to shed, Vicky was gone!

Where would she go, and why?  She wasn't well enough
to go anywhere, I knew.  

I looked around in the shed, hoping for some clue.
Nothing.  

"Etcetera?"

"Who is it?"  I was wary. 

"It's me, Jemima." She looked afraid.

"Come in.  Do you know where Vicky went?"

"No.  Some big cat came and took her away."

Damn!  "What did he look like?"

"He was brown with white spots.  I never saw him
before.  I sorry I couldn't stop him."  She looked
ashamed.

As if a Kit her size could have!  "No one would expect
it of you, least of all, Vicky.  Come on, we have to
tell Papa and Munkustrap."  I dreaded it.

So that was how everyone found out about Vicky's
miscarriage.  We couldn't very well lie about why
Vicky was staying in the shed.  She was a Housecat in
every sense of the word, and wouldn't stay outdoors
overnight without a good reason.  Even in a shed.

Jemima and I each had to stand under their scrutiny.
I, for Vicky's secret, and she, for the unknown Cat
that took Vicky.  It was not pleasant.

We were finally dismissed.  

Dismissed?  I wanted to help them find her!    

I knew, though, that Papa and the Toms would never
allow it.  Queens just weren't put in danger like
that.  I suppose it's the fact that we bear the
Kittens, or something like that.  

Ah, but no one said I couldn't go out on my own to try
and find her!

Oh, who was I kidding?  I didn't know the first thing
about finding a catnapped Cat.  I didn't even know
what direction they went!  

I suppose I would have to wait, and pray the
Everlasting Cat would keep Vicky safe.

All this made me pretty touchy, since I almost took
off Pouncival's head when he came to talk to me.

"Et?"

I turned, then dived right in.  "You!  What was that
ridiculous display, a few days ago?  Did you really
think you would defeat Mungo?  Did you really think I
would just leave if him, if, by some miracle, you DID
defeat him?"  I was advancing on him, not at all
worried about what he, or anyone else might think or
do.

"Et, really, it was only..."

"Only what?  A game?  Huh?  A dare?"  I was getting
wound up.

"Well, honestly....it was just to impress the others.
A lot of Queens felt sorry for me after."

Oh, Pounce, you are not helping yourself.  "Really?
That's pathetic.  Can't you impress a Queen honestly?"

"Lots of Toms do it."

"Well, then I am less than impressed with 'Lots of
Toms'."

"Oh, and what did Mungojerrie do to impress you?"

"He....hey!!  It's none of your business.  The point
is, he didn't resort to some stupid deception."

"I wasn't trying to deceive you."

"Yes, you were.  You deceived me and all the other
Queens present."

"You!  I knew you wouldn't go for me!"

"That was part of your deception.  When you challenged
Mungo, I thought you might have had feelings for me,
but now I see it wasn't true."

"What does it matter?  You're with HIM!"

"I suppose in the big picture, it doesn't matter that
much.  I just thought it was sweet.  Foolish, but
sweet.  It endeared you to me, in a strange way.  Now
I know it was all a lie.  You used me and Mungo just
to get some tail!  I hope it was worth it!"  I stalked
off.  

He yelled after me, "Mungo got some tail out of that
fight, too!"  

I considered going back and flattening him, but
didn't.  He was right.  

Surely Mungojerrie wouldn't have been in on such a
ridiculous plan?  Help the younger Toms win Queens
while impressing the one he had?  He didn't have to
impress me!  I was his, and he knew it.....didn't he?

My anger receded, the more I thought about it.  

Did he and all the other Toms feel they had to prove
themselves like that?  Were all the the other Queens
impressed by such displays?  

They must be.  I know how it had affected me.   I was
certainly very receptive to Mungojerrie after
the "fight".   

I suppose I overreacted to Pouncival.  I would
apologize to him later.   

Getting Vicky back should have been the most important
thing on my mind, anyway.
 
A couple of days later:

Two days went by and no sign.  Mungo said she wasn't
at Macavity's, and he didn't know who the Cat was,
either.  

I felt terribly guilty for leaving her alone.  I
should have been there.  I should have protected her.

"Don't worry, Love, they'll find Vicky.  She's
stronger than ya think."

"Oh, Mungo, it's my fault!  I was with her until the
time I took her Kittens to Old Deuteronomy!  I should
have found someone to stay with her, I should
have......"

"Don't do this to yourself, Et.  Chances are, if
you 'ad been there, you'd be dead, or gone, too."

"I can take care of myself.  I could have......"

"Stop it!  This will not 'elp Vicky, or you!" 

I flinched.  He was right, but I still felt bad.  "I
want to help Vicky!!!!  There's just nothing for me to
do but brood and think!  I need something to do!"

"You might try....." he trailed off, seeming uncertain.

"What?  Tell me!"

He nodded in the direction of the old car.  My mother
sat alone, staring, but saw nothing, I think.  

I didn't even think how this might affect her.
Whatever I might think, she did care for Vicky and me,
however misguided I might have thought her affections
were.  

I went over to her.  "Mama?"  

"Etcetera......"

"Mama, may I sit with you?"

She nodded.  She continued to stare at nothing. 

I jumped up next to her.  I wondered what I could do
to comfort her.  

"Mama...."

"Why, Etcetera?

"Why what, Mama?"

"Why didn't you tell me she had Kittens?"

"Oh, Mama, she asked me not to.  She didn't want to
you think she failed."

"Failed?  She didn't fail.  That no-good Plato.....he
failed her."

"Mama, Plato didn't cause her miscarriage.  It just
happened, like it happens to other Queens."

"Why do you defend him?  He should have been there
protecting her."

"I think their relationship was over before she found
out she was having his Kittens.  She didn't want him
in her life anymore."

"Ah.  A clean break.  Probably best."

I said nothing.  

"You know, no Tom is ever faithful for long."

"Why do you say that, Mama?"  

"I know from experience.  I just want to warn you.
Don't give your heart.  By all means, enjoy the
pleasures of his body, but don't give your heart.
He'll only hurt you."  

I didn't tell Mama that my heart was pretty much given
already.  "I don't want to argue with you about
Mungojerrie, Mama.  I only want to comfort you during
Vicky's absence."

"And I want to protect you.  There are things you
don't know.   I don't know what I'd do if I lost you,
too."

"Mama, I'm here.  And....if my heart gets broken, I
will survive.  You won't lose me if I can help it."

"You need to end it with him.  He's dangerous."

"Mama, please!  Don't do this.  Not now."

"It's only a matter of time before Macavity finds
out.  When he does......   Please, break it off.  For
your own safety."

"Mama, I realize now, that you mean well.  I know you
have my best interests at heart, but my relationship
with Mungojerrie, or any other Tom, is my concern, not
yours.  It's probably the danger that attracts me,
anyway."

"Yes, you and Aleanna.  She was the one before you.
My little sister.  She was attracted to the dangerous
Mungojerrie.  She didn't care what anyone said.  Now
she's dead, and he STILL works for Macavity to this
day."

"Did you ever think that maybe what he does might be
more important than personal feelings?"

"Huh.  More important.  More important than his
Queen.  More important than his Kittens.  What could
possibly THAT important?  So important that he didn't
even care that she died, that their Kittens died.   I
was there.  He was cold, like ice."

I remember how cold he'd been a few weeks ago.  I
could quite imagine it, but I just couldn't believe
that he didn't care.  I know he was terribly guilt-
ridden for what happened then.  Even Old Deuteronomy
had said so.

"Mama, I'm not going to argue with you.  We should
concentrate on Vicky."

"There's nothing we can do for her.  My baby is
gone.....and you are, too.  Sooner or later." 

"Mama!"

"No!  You're dead to me!  Leave me alone!"  She jumped
down from the old car and left the junkyard.

"Mama, please!"  I called after her.  She continued as
if she hadn't heard. 

I was so stunned, I didn't know what to do.  I sat on
the old car probably looking much like Mama had before
I'd spoken to her.  

Mungo came over and jumped up next to me.   He said
nothing, which was probably wise.  I was as close to
tears as I had been in weeks, at least, in public, and
I didn't want to appear weak.....not with so many
others around.  I still had SOME pride, after all.

"She hates me," I murmured.  "What did I do to make
her hate me so much?"

"She doesn't 'ate you.  She's 'urting."

"I'm hurting, too!  She just said I was DEAD to her!
Dead!  Because of something that MIGHT happen.  If I
took that attitude, then you might as well be dead to
me!"

He looked stricken.  

I quickly amended myself.  "You're not, though.  I
care about you, and I want us to be happy.  Is that so
wrong?"  

"No, 'course not.  She just can't get past 'er own
pain.  She's worried 'bout Vicky and she's
worried 'bout you.  She's always 'ad trouble
showing 'er feelings."

"It didn't seem so to me.  She made her feelings
pretty clear."

He shook his head.  "Give 'er time.  She'll come back
to you."

"Why are you always defending her?  She's the one who
keeps trying to split us up.  She hates you with a
passion that I never knew was in her!"

Again, he shook his head.  "She's trying to protect
you, such as it is.  She only knows o' me what she's
seen.  You know me as a lover, and she knows me as the
one who got 'er sister killed.  Imagine you were
her.....you would probably fight tooth and claw to
protect your daughter from me.  I can't say I
blame 'er.  I'm a dangerous Cat to be with."

"So I've heard."

He looked at me.  "You like that, don't you?  I must
appeal to your reckless streak."

"I haven't been particularly reckless since I've been
with you.....but yes, I suppose your being dangerous
holds a certain....attraction for me." 

"I know.  I think we've been pretty discreet, except
for tha' incident with Pouncival.  Did you leave him
any fur after you ripped into 'im?"

I chuckled.  "Some.  I honestly wanted to knock him
flatter than you did." I paused.  "I need to apologize
for getting so mad.  I'm so worried for Vicky that I
just threw it all at him.  He didn't deserve that."

"You do 'ave a way of flyin' off the 'andle."

"You don't.  I don't think I've ever seen you angry.
Ever.  Not even when Pounce challenged you.  Not when
my mother said terrible things about you.  Does
nothing affect you?"  

"Sometimes.  It's just not a good idea for me to fly
off the 'andle, that's all."

"Papa says its better to get things out in the open."

"Maybe, but not where I go.  Need to keep a clear mind
over there."  Over there, being Macavity's.  

"Oh......Do I embarrass you when I 'fly off the
handle?'" I know that I'd embarrassed Mama and Papa
enough with my temper.

He laughed.  "No, Love, it's nice to know you'll
defend me against your mother." He laughed again.

"I'd defend you against anyone.....up to and including
Macavity."  I meant it.

He stopped laughing.  "Et, that's very sweet, but I
can defend myself.  Don't do anything foolish.  If ‘e
ever took you.....I don't know what I'd do, either.
There, now you know.....THAT would affect me."

I sighed and lay down on the trunk.  It was nice to
know that someone would be affected if anything
happened to me.  

"Me, too!"  Piped up from the ground.  I looked over
the edge of the trunk.  Jemima stared up at me with
her big round eyes.  "Nothing's gonna happen to you,
is it Et?"  She looked like she might cry.

I jumped down next to her.  "No, Jem, of course not."
She leaned against me.

"Well, Vicky's gone, Papa's gone to find
her.....you're the only family I've got left here!"

"What about your - ?" I stopped myself just a bit
late.  We usually don't talk about Bombalurina to Jem.

"Mother?  HA!  She doesn't even know I exist!  She
doesn't care about me, only all those TOMS!"  She spat
the word as though it tasted bad.

Mungo chose that moment to make a hasty exit.  

I didn't know what to say to Jem, so I just sat with
her, one of my paws across her shoulders.

"I will never be with a Tom."  

She sounded so like I used to be, I laughed.  "Never
say never, Jemima.  They're not so bad."

She shook her head.  "I mean it.  They are nothing but
trouble.  I don't want anything keeping me from MY
Kittens!"

"Nothing will.  You'll be a good mother, Jem."  

"Will I, Et?  As good as my own?"  She sounded awfully
bitter for Kit.  Sarcasm suited her not at all.

"You and your mother are two different Cats, Jem.
You'll be better.  You've had Jenny to teach you,
after all!"

She calmed somewhat.  "I know.....I know that.  But,
if my own mother doesn't love me, who else will?"

"Jem, Papa and Jenny do.  Vicky and I do.  And
someday, maybe a Tom.  If your mother doesn't love
you, then that's what makes HER bad, not you." 

She shook her head again, saying nothing.  I could
tell she didn't really believe me.  Perhaps I didn't
say it right.  

So we sat together in an uncomfortable silence, until
she got up and left without a word.

I hoped she would be all right.


Part1.2.3.4.6.7.8.

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