I'm lost,
because you were everything I needed to stay here.
But I have to go now,
you don't want me like you used to--
I can see it in your blank stare,
feel it in your numb touch (that you won't even remember tomorrow)
and hear it in your empty words
that I still struggle blindly
to believe.
I'm so sorry,
I wish I could have made you
the person you wanted so bad to be
but that I could never quite make you.
I wish I could give you everything inside myself
so you could understand just how much
I need to feel something real--
Life scares me, you should know that,
But
if you don't want
my reality
then maybe I wouldn't mind the numbing quality of death...
I don't want to die though,
I just don't want to live in a world
with so much to aspire to,
(I never was any good at being perfect.)
If I can't feel real with you
then I would be anything fake
just to keep my hand touching yours.
I need everything you are to undertsand
what it's like to be alive--
death scares me.