Title: Between
Author: Jeanny
Disclaimer: I own no one and
nothing, especially the characters in this story. I'm merely borrowing them for
the pure pleasure of messing with their lives.
Distribution: I don't mind,
just credit me and let me know where it's going.
Rating: PG
Spoilers:
Through the end of Season 5.
Feedback: Please. jeannygrrl@hotmail.com
Summary: What happened to
Buffy after she saved the world again (spoilers for The Gift).
**************************************
It hurt.
It really, really hurt. She
remembered that, that it hurt. But
then, all of a sudden, it didn't. And
that was good. It was really nice not to suffer anymore.
She wasn't sure how much
time had passed since then. She no
longer had a sense of it here. She'd
had time to take in her surroundings in detail, she knew that. Of course, there wasn't much.
Detail that is. Pretty much
white on white with white trim. Some
silver, that's great. Hoo boy.
There was a chair, pretty much all there was was a chair, so she sat.
She still had a body of sorts it seemed.
Which made sitting possible. Yay.
"This was not what I
expected," she said to the room (if you could call it that, because there
weren't really walls; more like a space) at large.
"What did you expect,
Buffy?" She stood at the soft voice behind her, and was more than surprised
to see who it was.
"I thought I'd see my
mother. I really didn't think I'd
see you, you're not even dead...unless...are you?" He arched an eyebrow ironically and gave her a small smile.
"Pretty sure I'm not
dead, but you never can tell, can you? But
I'm clear I'm not your mother."
"Why are you
here?" Buffy stared at him but he only shrugged in response. Silence between them, for seconds or years, she could no
longer be sure.
"Why am I here?"
He finally repeated back to her, crossing his arms across his chest.
She stared at him, her annoyance rising and rapidly becoming anger.
"You must know.
Where am I? And why am I here with you?
It makes no sense."
"What does?"
Buffy threw up her hands and stalked away in exasperation at another
noncommittal reply.
"This is what I get?
This is my reward? If this
is heaven, they've WAY exaggerated in the brochures."
"Um, I can't be sure,
Buffy, but I don't think that this is heaven," He called after her.
She whirled and headed back to him, still bristling with aggravation.
"Why not?
I'm dead. I know I'm dead,
because I died."
"You did that," he
agreed pleasantly.
"So if I'm not in
heaven...oh God, did I go to..."
"Hell?
As if!" he snorted. "Although, got to love the irony.
But fairly certain not, pretty easy on the eternal torment here."
"Where then?
Where is this place?" He looked at her solemnly for a long moment.
"Between."
"Between what?"
"Just between,"
he shrugged again. Buffy exploded.
"You can't have just
between! Between implies other
things that you are...stuck between! Like
between heaven and hell, between a rock and a hard place, between life and
death. I can't be between, I'm
dead, dead is not between...unless it is."
Buffy sank back into the chair, staring at him balefully.
"But that would just suck so royally. And it still doesn't explain where my mom is."
"It doesn't," he
agreed.
"Are you just going to
agree with me or answer my questions with other questions all the time, because
it's really getting on my nerves."
"Am I?"
He responded with another shrug. She
stared at him coldly.
"Can I slay you?"
"Probably.
But you don't really have to. If
you really wanted me gone, I'd be gone already."
Buffy smiled at him.
"Bye, Oz."
She said to the empty space.
**************************************
"Can't say as I like
between," she grumbled a few (seconds? hours? days? years?) later.
"Of course you don't.
It's really unsettling." Buffy
looked over her shoulder at her new companion and sighed.
"Let me guess.
You're not dead either." The
new visitor cocked her head for a moment, considering the question, then shook
it confidently.
"No, though I could be
lost again, I guess. Why am I here,
Buffy?" Buffy buried her face
in her hands.
"I wish I knew.
I don't know why I'm here. I
don't understand any of this. Oz
said that I'm between."
"Oz?
Oz was here?" She sounded shocked.
"Yes, he was here, but
I sent him away. He couldn't answer
any of my questions."
"Of course not,"
she snorted derisively. "What
does he know about this sort of thing? Oh,
except in that overall being smart and understanding existentialism kind of way.
But Angel read Sartre too, and in French.
I'm pretty sure Oz doesn't read French. Maybe you should get Angel."
"No...Tara,
there's no way you could know all those things.
Willow didn't tell you that stuff, did she?"
Tara shook her head sadly.
"I'm not sure if Willow
even knows all that."
"But I do," Buffy
answered quietly. "You're not
really here, are you? It's all just
me. I'm alone."
Tara reached out as if to touch Buffy's cheek.
Buffy closed her eyes and sighed, the sound of it echoing in the
emptiness. "I'm alone."
**************************************
Later...
"This can't be all
there is!" Buffy cried into nothingness.
"What an absurd notion!
Of course it isn't!" Buffy didn't need to turn, this voice she knew almost
better than her own.
"Go away.
You're just a part of me talking to me.
Been there, done that, hated it, go."
She didn't bother to look to see if he was gone, she knew how to deal
with this now. She stared into the
whiteness for an unknown time.
"You're amazingly
stubborn, you know that?" Buffy
jumped and whirled around.
"Why are you still
here, Giles? I wished you
gone."
"You cannot wish me
gone. I'm not like the others,
Buffy." Buffy considered that
for a moment, then shook her head despondently.
"But you're not really
you, are you?" Giles regarded
her solemnly. He removed his
glasses and wiped them with a gesture so familiar that Buffy felt her heart
shatter. She found herself feeling
more alone than she had before, and she hadn't thought that was possible.
"You are correct that
I'm not Rupert Giles," he answered finally.
"Then who are you?
And do you know why I'm here?" She gestured wildly around at the
whiteness she had come to despise.
"Between," he
offered helpfully. She glared at
him.
"Yes, between,"
Buffy answered between clenched teeth.
"It's not a punishment,
you know." Buffy couldn't help
it, she punched him in the gut. She
was a bit startled to connect with something solid, but the fact that there was
something tangible there made her feel a bit better. Watching the faux Giles collapse to the ground with an
astonished expression made her feel a lot better.
She stood over him, hands on hips, her voice steady and cool steel.
"That's not an answer. I'm
so sick of not getting answers. And
when I was creating people out of my own head to talk too, which by the way,
thanks for that," she interjected sarcastically, "well, that made
sense, because I can't tell me what I don't know.
But you're different, being apparently someone not made by me, so you
must have an answer. And, gotta
tell you, for something that isn't punishment this right now pretty much feels
like hell!"
"I'm sorry you feel
that way. Please don't hit me
again, it's quite unpleasant." He answered with a little Giles-like huff.
He looked at her expectantly. Rolling
her eyes, Buffy helped him to his feet. He
brushed himself off even though there was no possibility that anything could
have gotten on his clothes in this all white void. "Now,
I'm here to tell you some, er, things that you need to know.
I've taken this form because it represents the one of the two greatest
authorities in your life. My companion has taken the form of the other.
We thought it best that I speak to you first, so as to minimize any
confusion." Buffy stared at
him blankly.
"Huh?"
"Oh dear, you don't
understand," He ran his hand through his hair, pacing a bit in a manner so
like her Watcher that Buffy was again heartsick. "I know that you have expectations which we have sought
to mitigate, and I'm afraid we've failed rather miserably in that regard.
I warned them that this would be quite hard for you, but of course they
never listen to me."
"Giles...whoever you
are...stop. What are you saying?
Who are they? Never mind that, who are you, really? What expectations?"
"Who did you really
assume you'd see here, Buffy? You've
said it time and time again." Buffy
sensed the presence of another person behind her, and she knew who it would be
before she even turned around.
"My mother."
**************************************
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