Part 2 - The Light

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"Is it time?"  I turn to Willow, and she gives me a huge hug.  I love it when she's like this.  She's practically bouncing with excitement.

"She's ready.  We need to get in our places.  Are you nervous?"  I can't stop smiling today.  I favor her with a particularly wide grin and a shake of my head.

"I thought I would be, you know?  But now that it's time, I don't feel nervous at all.  Just...eager.  It feels like Christmas morning."  Willow smiled back at me, and I let her wheel me into place.  The justice of the peace looks at me and grins.  Our wedding might look to a casual observer like some kind of haphazardly thrown together shotgun affair, but this woman knows true love when she sees it.  I never thought I'd get to this place a month ago, but I'm here.  Marrying the woman I love, giving my name, such as it is, to my child.  It's almost perfect.

Willow stealthily wiggles her fingers, and music suddenly starts to play.  Pacabel's Canon in D.  That's what Willow told me the song was called. I smile up at her. She looks lovely in that special Willowy way, wearing a pale green dress, flowers braided into her hair.  My best friend, standing by my side at my wedding.  My 'best woman,' we call her, and it works, because she is one of the best women I know.

Tara comes first, holding a small bouquet of violets.  Her dress is like Willow's, only pale purple.  Her hair is up in some kind of twist, and she looks so delicately beautiful.  She smiles at me as she approaches and her eyes don't look so sad.  She gives Willow a quick loving glance before taking her place on the other side. 

Dawnie is the maid of honor, and in her baby blue dress, a crown of baby's breath on her head, she ironically looks so grown up to me.  She's lost so much, and yet she's such a remarkably resilient young woman.  Willow has moved into the Summers house and has been able to maintain the illusion that Buffy is still there to avoid custody issues.  Dawn's become a model student.  They're not making noise about taking her away anymore, which is definitely a relief for all concerned.  I give her a little thumbs up and she rewards me with a saucy grin and a wink.  She takes her place by Tara's side.

Willow waves again, and now the music changes to the traditional Wedding March.  Our two guests stand to watch the bride's entrance.  Deadboy, actually smiling.  Amy, finally deratted by Willow a month ago, pretty in pale yellow that matches her hair.  Anya really wanted to invite Spike for some reason I cannot even guess, but no one knows where he is, not even Angel.  Can't say I shed any tears over that.  Everyone else that I wanted to be here is involved with the ceremony.  Well, almost everyone.

Giles is beaming with fatherly pride as Anya places her hand in the crook of his elbow.  But Anya.  She takes my breath away.  She may be six months pregnant, but she's never looked more exquisite to me than she does right now.  Her hair is back to it's natural brunette shade, and she's wearing it really short, framing her lovely face with soft curls.  Her dress is a light pink, blousing out over her expanding stomach, and she carries a bouquet of pink roses, her favorite flowers.  She's glowing with happiness and her eyes never leave mine as she moves forward.  It feels like forever until she reaches me.  And when she does, I pull my surprise.  Locking the wheelchair into place and bracing myself against it, I stand beside my bride.  Willow and Giles stay close in case I need them, but I know I can do this.  I'm not going to fall.

As the ceremony progresses, it feels like a dream.  The kind you never want to wake up from.  And now the justice of the peace is wiping a tear from her own eye, telling me I can kiss the bride.  Anya's smiling against my mouth as I give her the deepest, most loving kiss I can.  I try to put a lifetime of love into that kiss, then I realize that I actually have that long to get it right.  We break apart to the sound of our friends’ applause.  Willow does her little Jedi wave again, and now the haunting strains of Elvis Presley fill the air.  I can't get my arms around Anya very well anymore, and it's not so much dancing as prolonged rhythmic leaning, but I hold her close to me, singing along with the King.

Wise men say

Only fools rush in

But I can't help falling in love with you...

After the dance, Anya orders me back into the wheelchair.  I respond with, “Yes, wife!“ which earns me yet another amazing kiss.  Now I really do have to sit down.  Everyone is applauding, smiles all around.  Giles is tapping his glass to get our attention, and we all turn towards him.

"Thank you.  I feel on this wonderful and very happy occasion, a toast is in order.  And while I will be the first in line to drink any number of toasts to the happy couple, there's someone else I want to toast first.  Someone without whom, we wouldn't be together, and someone who I know is smiling at all of us right now."  Tears are shining in his eyes as he raises his glass.  "To Buffy, whose legacy lives on in us.  Those who loved you best salute you."  One by one we raise our glasses and echo Giles' toast.

"To Buffy."  Dawn's voice breaks as she raises her glass, but with her chin raised defiantly I see so much of her sister in her.

"To Buffy."

"To Buffy."

"To Buffy."  The three witches raise their glasses simultaneously, smiling back at Giles through their tears.

"To Buffy."  Angel's face is solemn for a moment, then he gives me the hint of a smile.

"To Buffy."  Anya turns to me, it's my turn.  I raise my glass and try to clear the lump from my throat.

"To Buffy.  We love you."

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Today's the day we're going back.  We're going to rescue Buffy.  Willow, Dawn, Amy, Deadboy, Faith, and me.  Willow and Amy think they've finally managed to work out the kinks in the spells so that we can open the gateway without bringing hell into our dimension.  It won't be open long, but it will be long enough.  It has to be long enough.

Tara's left town, for good I think.  Willow won't talk about it, and she pretends she's okay about it, but she can‘t hide her pain from me.  I know her too well.  Tara was totally against trying this spell, and she and Willow argued about it constantly.  Then one day she was just gone.  She left a note for Willow, but after she read it she tossed it in the air and it turned to ash.  She hasn't spoken her girlfriend's name since.

Giles is leaving too, heading back to England.  When Buffy vanished, it was like she died, so a new Slayer was called with a new Watcher.  He's made arrangements for Willow and Anya to buy the Magic Box together; they'll run it as co-owners with Amy's help.  He says he's given up trying to talk us out of our 'insane and suicidal mission', but that he won't stay and watch our destruction.  The last time I spoke to him he begged me to respect Buffy's memory by not wrecking what she gave her life to save.  He claims that Buffy wouldn't want us to do this, and I think he's probably right.  But I also know that if one of us was the one trapped, she'd do whatever was necessary to bring them back.  And we're going to do the same for her, no matter what we have to risk.

Besides, this time we know what we're in for, so we've got a much better plan.  Willow is going to do the spell to open the gateway, and Amy is going to do the one that will close it.  Less witch wear and tear that way.  Angel is going to go into the portal to get Buffy, being the one with the most being-in-Hell experience, and then back in to close the gateway.  This time instead of tying a rope around him we have a metal chain on a cinch hooked up to a mechanical crank that he can operate remotely.  Very high-tech.  Much better than a Xander on a rope.

The big surprise was when Faith arrived with Deadboy.  We knew she was out of prison, though it's still unclear how that happened, and that she's been working with Angel's crew in La-la Land.  Things were a bit tense at first, but then Willow shrugged and said something about how handy it would be to have a Slayer around, and we could suddenly breathe again.  Faith is going to watch the gateway and take out any nasties that manage to make their way through before we're done, just in case.

Dawn's job is the hardest.  Dawn has to bleed.  Willow tried desperately for weeks to find another way to open the entry, but there isn't a way other than the Key.  So much blood is required, we decided to not to risk it, but Dawn insisted.  She's just as stubborn as her sister when she wants to be, and right now she's determined to get Buffy back, even if it means her own life.  My job is to make sure that doesn't happen, and also to be the 'Murphy's Law backup', as Amy puts it.  In case something goes wrong.

The truth is, I’m still a liability to this mission, and everyone knows it.  I only just stopped using my cane a couple of days ago.  The pain is still unreal if I stand or walk for too long, and running is completely out of the question.  I was determined to come, and none of them questioned it.  They know I need to be here for Buffy.  I won’t let her down again.

Anya and I had our first marital spat last night.  Actually, more than a spat, a full engagement, a  battle royale.  The baby isn't due for a couple of weeks but it could come any time, and where  am I going?  To the place where she almost lost me a few months ago.  She can't understand, and I get why she can't understand.  She said she'll never forgive me.  She actually called me a stupid mortal, which would have made me laugh if she wasn't breaking my heart with her tears.  I ache to be with her, waiting for our girl to be born, but I can't leave Buffy in this hell a moment longer.  If we succeed, I'll bring Anya around.  She's my life.  I have no choice. 

And if we fail, it won't matter.

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Buffy is smiling.  The first time since the rescue that she's smiled, and I'm proud to say I can take partially responsibility for the cause of that small upside-down frown.  I feel a lightness in my heart that hasn't been there for forever, and for the first time I think it might be okay.  Buffy might be okay.

There were times when I despaired that this day would ever come.  The day we rescued Buffy was the best and worst day of my life.  Best, because we rescued our Buffy and closed the portal without bringing hell to earth or killing ourselves in the process.  Worst, because the Buffy we rescued was almost unrecognizable and completely insane.  A frenzied, terrified Slayer is not of the good.  Angel had to knock her unconscious more than once to get her into the car, his face more stricken every time he did it.

We rushed Buffy and Dawn to the hospital.  No one seemed to find it significant that this was the second time Dawn inexplicably had to have major transfusions in less than a year.  Major blood loss still not a red flag in Sunnyhell.  They locked Buffy up in the psych ward, but they couldn’t hold her, she kept escaping.  Deadboy and Faith took to sleeping in the hospital corridors, because they were the only ones who could subdue her.  She calmed down eventually, but she still wasn't there, she wasn't Buffy.  After a while they let Willow and Dawn take her home, at which point Spike suddenly resurfaced.  I think he must have been close by watching us all this time, because I have no idea how else he could have found out about Buffy's return.  Against my better judgment, Dawn demanded that he be allowed to stay at the Summers house with them, and Willow agreed.  The three of them have taken such good care of Buffy during her slow return to sanity.  She still barely speaks, but she recognizes us all now.  I can see it in her eyes.  But she still hadn’t smiled until today, not until she held Christina.

Christina Eugenia Harris.  My amazing, precious, beautiful daughter.  She's the image of her mother, but they tell me she has my eyes.  I said I couldn't see it, because she's always smiling and laughing.  Now I see that they're right.  The sound of her laughter is the sweetest music imaginable.   I may never sleep again, but as I can’t think of anything more wonderful than holding this child in my arms, sleep really doesn’t matter to me.  I want her to grow up surrounded by the love I never got from my parents.  I know Anya feels the same way. We’re both so full of wonder when we look at her.  Anya calls her ‘the most pleasant of all the tiny squalling infants in the neighborhood,’ but she’s laughing when she says it. 

Today was the first time that Anya brought Christina here.  She walked in and without a word placed our baby in Buffy’s arms, her eyes conveying a total sense of trust in our friend.  At this moment I’ve never been more proud to be her husband.  An incredible woman, my wife.  And Buffy, looking down at this precious gift, smiles.  Then she looks at Anya questioningly.  I don’t understand, but Anya knows what she wants to know.

“Her name’s Christina.  Christina Eugenia Harris.”  Buffy looks down at our baby and smiles again.  Then she looks at me solemnly.

“What is it, Buff?”

“Xander.”  Tears spring to my eyes.  It’s the first time she’s used my name since we rescued her.  Now I know that Buffy will definitely be back.

“Yes, Buffy,” I answer her, wiping my eyes with my sleeve.  She looks back at my little girl.

“Good job.”

**************************************

“Higher, Aunt Buffy!  Higher!” 

Buffy laughs and swings Christina into the air.  Thank God for Slayer strength, even at three she’s too heavy for me to lift like that anymore.  Of  course, Buffy’s not technically the Slayer anymore, but she still patrols, Angel at her side.  It used to be Spike, but ever since Angel came back to stay, our blonde vampire friend seems to have vanished again.  I still can’t believe I think of Spike as a friend, but he turned out to be one of the best ones I ever had.  Anya and I miss him terribly, but we understand why he had to go.  It was hard for him to deal with the inevitability that is Buffy and Angel.

On the bright side, Willow was able to rid him of that pesky happiness clause, so until Deadboy ‘becomes human’ as has been prophesized - and I shudder as I even think the word ‘prophesized’ - the two of them can be together.  In every sense of the word.  Who knew that comparing exiles in hell could help them rediscover each other?  There was a time when Buffy and Angel together would have really bothered me, but I’m so glad to see Buffy happy...that it only somewhat bothers me.

I think I can finally stop worrying about Willow, too.  Ever since Tara left she’s had no one in her life, and she’s dedicated herself to working at the shop and taking care of all of us, especially Dawn and Buffy.  She’s always been so strong and upbeat, but there was always a trace of sadness in her smile.  But yesterday I caught her smiling at a postcard, a happy, knowing smile I remember well.  A smile that a lifetime ago she used to give only me.  I think Willow’s in love, but she’s playing it close to the vest.  When I asked her about the postcard, she just blushed and mumbled something about Istanbul.  I don’t really understand, but if the blush was any indication I think I will soon.

Giles is coming back for Dawn’s graduation.  He says they’re staying the month so that he won’t miss the birth of our second child.  Knowing Buffy is alive and the world is still here made all the difference, and despite the long distance between us we‘ve remained close.  He‘s Christina‘s godfather, though he hasn’t seen her live since she was a baby.  He’s watched her grow thanks to Anya’s relentless sending of photographs and videos through e-mail.  G-man actually finally got the hang of the infernal computer, and even runs the technology section of the Watcher’s Council now.  He married a really cool Watcher babe and we keep asking when he’s going to start making little Watchers.  Okay, I keep asking, Anya keeps hitting me when I do.

Dawn’s coming over to me, her boyfriend Kevin in tow.  I give him my best don’t-mess-with-my-daughter glare, because I figure I need the practice.  It works, he actually gulps.  Actually, he’s a nice kid, and he’s been pretty good to her.  It’s just, for me, no one is ever good enough for my girls.  They’d kill me if they heard me say that, but that’s how I can’t help thinking of them, they’re my girls. Anya, Buffy, Willow, Dawn, and Christina.  I cherish each and every one of them.

We’ve been through a lot in the dark.  I know we’ll go through a lot more.  But at this moment, the light is shining, my girls are happy and life is good. 

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