Rebirth

Author: Jikkiajo

Rating: PG

Disclaimer: If you think I own any of it, you’re nuttier than you look

Notes: Takes place just after the end of S5 of BTVS and S2 of ATS. Angel just saw Willow.

“It’s Buffy.” Angel stood there for a second after he said it, swaying like he was caught in an invisible storm. Willow opened her mouth as if to speak, and he cut her off with “Don’t you say it! Don’t you dare tell me my girl is dead!”

“She’s not dead Angel, she can’t be,  I would have had a vision or something.” Cordelia turned to Willow for confirmation and recoiled in shock at the look on her face.

“I’m sorry...but she left a letter for you, she said in mine that she started writing them after you left, that when she wasn’t sure whether or not she’d make it, she’d write down whatever she thought she still needed to say and leave it someplace where she knew we’d find it. She was expecting to go this time...Glory was...she knew she’d have to protect Dawn.” She fished around in her bag for a second, finally pulling out a small envelope, “If it’s anything like the others, she loved you and she wanted you to go on.” She took a few steps forward, thrusting the envelope into his hand.

Angel didn’t respond, he just stared into space until Willow said softly “Read it. It was her last request from me, to make sure you knew what she had to say.” He nodded dumbly, and stumbled into the office, gripping the envelope tightly.

“W-what happened? I know she was fighting something...I mean it’s Sunnydale. But she...she never lost. I thought she’d be here...he...he...gave up everything for them. They promised she wouldn’t die!” Cordelia grabbed her head, yanking at her hair “What good was keeping these damned visions if they couldn’t help her?!”

Willow stepped forward intending to hug Cordelia, but Gunn got there first. “Shh....come sit down.” Wesley helped him guide her to a seat, then turned to Willow.

“How is Mr. Giles? I....this must have been a great shock. What happened?”

“She...we were fighting Glory and Spike tried to get to Dawn in time, but Doc...he cut her and the portal started opening. Dawn was going to jump in, but Buffy stopped her, she said it was her work and then she...she jumped. We found her afterwards, Dawn wanted her next to Joyce, and she’s...it’s a peaceful place.” At the confused look on Wesley’s face she said quietly “Giles wrote everything down, I can’t go through it all again right now, but he’ll give you a copy of the Diary.”

“Of course.” Wesley responded, “Who is taking care of Dawn? Has Buffy’s father taken custody of her?”

“No, no one knows where he is, the court awarded Giles temporary custody. I think he’ll wind up having her permanently, Hank Summers never was what anyone would consider an attentive parent, and Dawn wants to stay in Sunnydale. Giles thinks he’ll have to go back to England, at least for a little while to deal with the Council, but I think the trip will probably do Dawn some good. Right now she spends most of her time at the cemetery, fortunately Spike doesn’t mind keeping an eye on her at night.”

“Spike...bleached blonde, about yea high, once spent the better part of any given day trying to kill us all? He’s Dawn’s babysitter?!” Cordy gave Willow a look that clearly expressed her belief the Scooby’s had lost their collective minds.

“He is...was in love with Buffy, before she died he promised to protect Dawn. He said he’d protect her until the end of the world, and as he always points out that hasn’t happened yet, so he meets her every night and walks her to the cemetery. They stay there for a while, he said sometimes they go to Buffy and Dawn’s favorite places, sometimes they just go back to the house and talk. Giles moved into the house with Dawn, and Spike stays there occasionally, she says having him around helps her sleep.”

“You trust him?” Angel’s voice startled them all. “With Dawn I mean?”

“Buffy did.” Willow murmured,  “She asked him to make sure Dawn was okay.”

“Good, then I can do this with a clear conscience.” He handed Willow a small box, then turned to Wesley and handed him some papers. “I left you guys the business, if it ever makes any money I’d like you to give my share to Dawn.” He turned back to Willow, ignoring the shocked look on Wesley’s face. “I read what she had to say.” Pointing to the box, he said, “The deed to the mansion is in there along with some other stuff. The jewelry is mostly stuff I bought for Buffy, I never had the courage to give it to her. Tell Giles to sell the mansion, there’s a developer that wants to buy the land so he’ll probably get a good price for it. The proceeds should let them keep the house, and there’ll probably be enough to pay for Dawn to finish school.”

“What...why are you giving everything away?” Cordelia pushed herself up from the couch, grabbing frantically at Angel’s arm. “Stop that!”

He glanced down, giving Cordelia a small sad smile “You know why.” He stroked her hair gently then gave her a short fierce hug. “The sun will be up in a bit, I should have time to make it to the pier. Gunn, could you take care of the car?”

“If I say no, will that stop you?”

“No.”

“I’ll handle it.”

“But...she would never have wanted this. Buffy wanted us to live, if for no other reason than that don’t do this!” Willow shrieked.

“We’ve been apart long enough. It’s time for me to go.” He kissed her gently on the forehead, shook Gunn’s hand, clapped Wesley on the shoulder and pausing only to hug Cordelia again, he strolled towards the door.

Willow’s eyes darkened and in a low clear voice she said “Thicken.” Angel tried to keep walking but the spell blocked his way. “I won’t let you do this.”

“Nice trick.” He patted the space in front of him gently “But, you can’t stop me.”

“You’re looking pretty stopped to me.” Gunn snapped. “And I’m thinking Wes and I can probably manage to help keep you here until you start thinking rationally again.

Angel shrugged “This’ll keep me here for a time, but Willow has to sleep eventually, and you and Wes aren’t willing to go to the same lengths I am. I’ll hurt you both if I have to....I hope you don’t make that necessary, but make no mistake I’m done. The PTB knew the deal and they broke it. No Buffy, no Angel.” Glancing back at Willow he said quietly “I know she told you guys to live for her, but I’ve been dead for 200 years, this is just me putting things right. I can’t...won’t live in a world without her in it. It was one thing for us not to be together in life, it’s something else entirely for us to separated in death. She’s my wife and death will not part us.”

Willow closed her eyes for a second, when they opened they were that strange color again. Waving her hand she said “Finis.”

Angel bowed and said softly “I love you all.”

They watched him walk out, each of them saying a small silent prayer to their personal Gods for their friend. 

“Willow! Stop him! Why aren’t they stopping him?” Buffy whirled towards the indistinct figure that had taken her hand after she jumped. She'd watched her body fall to the ground and her funeral, it wasn't until Willow announced she was going to L.A., that she allowed herself to think about Angel. When she’d asked to see him it had acquiesced, silently accompanying her to the Hyperion. 

“They cannot. He speaks the truth, he made what you mortals call a deal with certain representatives of our  ‘side’. Your dying broke the deal. Now, ....” A sound that could have been a sigh came from what she assumed was its mouth. It’s dimensions kept shifting and she got the sense it was much larger than it appeared. “Now, because of your rash decision, things have been set in motion that should not have been.”

“My rash decision...I made the only choice I could. My sister is an innocent, and she needed my protection.” She stepped closer to it, her demeanor rapidly becoming threatening “Stop him!”   

“I cannot.” It’s features sharpened until it took on the face of a man, the body altering slowly until a creature vaguely resembling Uncle Fester stood before her. “We cannot. There is such a thing as free will after all. He has made his decision just as you made yours. The being you call your sister should have been the one to leap into the portal. It knew that, there would have been a moment of pain, then it would have all been over. The world would have been safe.”

“And I would have had to live with my sister’s blood on my hands. There’s a decision every girl should have to make.” Buffy snapped bitterly.

‘Fester’ sighed again, “It was not your sister, and it was never truly alive to begin with. As soon as it ceased to exist your memories of it, magical to begin with by the way...well, you would not have thought of it as a sibling any longer. In your mind it would have held it’s proper place, a Key, a creature consisting only of energy. It’s only purpose to open the Way.” Gesturing at Angel it said ‘Now, because of your sentimentality when the End of Days comes this world won’t stand a chance. He will be with you, and you can watch your friends and family die. They’ll go first, primarily because they will be foolish enough to remain in Sunnydale  ‘fighting the good fight’ those of them that make it that far that is.”

“W-what are you talking about?”

“There is no Slayer, and now there will be no Companion. Your friends are not that strong. I’ll grant you the witches’ powers, but they cannot be everywhere at once, and they will be fairly busy attempting to protect the Key. As for the others’ well, most of their Talents are geared towards helping you and your Companion. They are not offensive fighters, nor are they particularly good leaders. With any luck their deaths will be relatively painless, the few that I can see will at least be quick.”

“But I died, the rule is one dies another is Called. The next one should be on her way to the Hellmouth right now!”

“You died once before, that’s how Slayer Kendra was Called, and once she died Slayer Faith was Called. She is the current Chosen and she has lost her path on the Way. Your Companion was to help her find it again, now with his passing, she is not ready. There will not be another Called, not in time anyway. No, the End of Days will come and your world will be lost.” He shrugged “Another break in the Chain, it won’t mean much in the grand scheme of things, except of course to the billions of  souls that will be lost.”

Eyeing him skeptically Buffy said “ You’re awfully blasé about this, why do I get the feeling there’s a way out?”

“That is entirely up to you. You can go back, stop your Companion from greeting the sun. The two of you can help the other Slayer ready herself for the final battle. Her Companion is beginning to find his path, but he too will be lost without your help.”

“Un-huh. There’s a minor flaw in that plan. A few of them in fact, among other things I’ve already been buried. Then there’s the little matter of the curse, as long as getting happy makes Angel evil,  finding out I’m not dead anymore could be a real problem.”

“The curse can be dealt with, although your body cannot be returned a reasonable facsimile can be created. The Key was created from your body, we can use that to create a new vessel for you.”

“That sounds too easy...what’s the catch?”

“Catch?”

“I’m supposed to believe you’re just going to send me back, give Angel and I everything we ever wanted and there’s no nasty surprise waiting?! Nun-unh, I’m not going for it. Let me guess, there’s going to be some awful bloody sacrifice involved to make this all happen.” When he didn’t respond she snapped, “Tell me! I’m tired of finding things out just before everything goes to Hell!”

“There is no ‘surprise’ as you put it. Things are simply being returned to their natural state.”

“Does that mean no Dawn?”

“If you are referring to the Key, it will be removed to a safer location until such time as it can  be dealt with.”

“No! I want to keep Dawn.” She thrust out her chin “No matter what you say, she’s my sister, and the only family I have left.”

“Do you truly believe you can protect the Key? Against all comers?”

“I think I can do a better job than you people did, and I won’t let you take her away.”

He sighed softly, finally saying “It should have been destroyed, but since it cannot be returned to its natural state without wreaking great havoc I suppose we have no choice. But make no mistake, if another comes in search of the Key’s power,  you will not be allowed to prevent it’s destruction. It’s creation was not...wise and knowledge of it’s existence should never have found it’s way into any of the lesser planes. If...”

“I won’t let anything happen, besides Glory’s dead. No one else knows enough to come after her.”  Buffy blurted.

“We’ll find that out soon enough. For now, there are more pressing concerns, although time passes differently here there is still not much time. You will be allowed to appear to your Companion to convince him to wait for your return. If you cannot, then this whole discussion is moot.”

“Why?”

“Neither of you is much use alone, initially we believed you would overcome your attachment to one another, when it became clear you would not steps were taken to correct the situation. Unfortunately, they were ineffective.”

Buffy didn’t bother asking what steps, she had a feeling she already knew. Instead she said, “I guess I’d better get to work then.”

When he got the pier Angel sat and reread Buffy’s letter,

Angel,

I love you, I want that to be the first thing you hear. If you’re reading this it’s all over, and I’m guessing we won. I had a lot to say to the others, mostly the kind of stuff you never think to say unless there’s something horrible going on. You, on the other hand, you know me, you know everything I ever wanted to tell you, because I never could hide from you. I know Willow’s told you about Dawn, and I know Giles and the others are wondering why I didn’t kill Dawn to stop Glory. I couldn’t explain it to them, but I know you’ll understand. I know Dawn’s not really my sister, but that doesn’t matter. When everyone else looks at her, they see the Key, me...I see the closest I’ll get to a child. I know you kept telling me to find someone normal, have kids and all that, but it was never going to happen. Riley talked about us getting married, but I knew I couldn’t be the Slayer part-time. He thought it was something I could eventually walk away from, and for awhile I tried to believe that with him, but I knew it was  just wishful thinking. I’m not quite selfish enough to let the world suffer for my happiness. It didn’t matter really, I never wanted a life with anyone but you. If I had to live fast and die young, well at least I knew someone loved me for who I really was. You were everything to me, and I want you to know I’ll always be with you. I know what you’re telling yourself, but believe me when I say this wasn’t your fault.  It was always going to happen, Spike was right, sooner or later, somebody was going to have a good day. I love you, we’ll see each other again.

                                                                                                    Always your girl,

                                                                                                   Buffy 

Typical Buffy, she hadn’t asked him for anything. She’d always tried so hard to be strong, to not show any weakness, but he could feel how scared and lonely she’d been she wrote it. He allowed himself to wonder briefly what a child with Buffy would have looked like. Then pushing the might-have-been out of his mind he said, “It’s okay baby we’ll be together soon.” He folded himself into lotus position and allowed his mind to drift. His body falling quickly into the inner rhythms of meditation, Angel found himself focusing on memories of Buffy. Her voice, the smell of her hair, that way she had of teasing him out of whatever as she put it ‘broody funk’ he was sitting in. She could always make him smile, and the sight of her happy was enough to lift his spirit for days. Now, she was gone and her memory wasn’t enough. “I’m sorry baby-girl, I should have been there.”

“Why? I’m the Slayer, I was doing my job.” The voice was quiet, but Angel still jumped.

“Wha-?” He spun around quickly, already starting to tell himself it was his imagination. The sight of Buffy sitting next to him on the pier like it was the most natural thing in the world left him gasping for air he didn’t need. “Buffy...I...this isn’t real. I’m hallucinating.”

“I’m real, just like the sun that’s coming up in a few minutes is real. You need to get inside.” She sighed at the look on his face and said, “Put the guilt train away. It wasn’t your fault, I made a choice, a necessary one. There was nothing you could have done.”

“How did Willow pull this one off?” He muttered, reaching to touch her face. A chill that ran down his spine when his hand passed right through it. “What are you?”

“I’m a ghost at the moment, and if you don’t get inside I’ll stay that way.”

“I’m supposed to believe you’re Buffy...conveniently telling me exactly what her friends wanted me to think. I left her alone once, I won’t do it again.”

“I didn’t die because you weren’t there, I died because it was the only way I could save the world. We’ve had this conversation...repeatedly, and the truth is you know it wasn’t your fault.”

“I still should have been there...protecting you is my job.”

“Protecting the world is mine.” Glancing at the horizon she said,  “We need to get inside.”

“I can’t, you know that. I know you told the others to live for you, but I’m not that strong. Without you...I just can’t make it alone. I’m sorry.”

“You’re not alone.”

“It’s not the same...I love my friends, but...”

“I’m not talking about them...” She turned her head, apparently listening to something. “Look, there’s a bunch of stuff I need to tell you. But, I’m going to cut to the important part, the sun will be here soon and I need you to believe me. There’s a way for me to come back, but only if you stay alive. I can’t explain everything right now, but you need to trust me. Please go back to the hotel...get everyone together...I’ll meet you guys in Sunnydale.” When Angel just stared at her she snapped “Move it ! Now! Give me three days to prove I’m telling the truth. Even if you don’t believe me, what can it hurt? The sun rises in Sunnydale too.”

“Look...” He broke off at the anguished look on her face. “I...I’ll do it. But if this a trick..”

“It’s not, I swear...now please go.” She started to fade away, then abruptly snapped back into focus, a quizzical expression on her face “Take the Scrolls of Aberdjian with you. Giles will need them.”

Angel sighed, “I love you.”

A soft voice in his ear replied, “Always” and then she was gone.

He cried all the way back to the Hyperion.

Willow couldn’t seem to move after Angel left. She and Cordelia sat in the lobby watching the clock for awhile, eventually Gunn lifted Cordelia and carried her to one of the rooms upstairs, telling her when she would have pulled away, “He wouldn’t want you watching the clock, it’ll be better if you just take a shower and get changed. It’ll be over soon enough anyway.”

Wesley called Giles, who was not particularly surprised. His only response had been to ask Wesley to bring Angel’s ashes to Sunnydale.

“Why?”

“They deserve to...to be buried together.” He’d responded softly. Wesley could hear someone shrieking their denial in the background as Giles hung up. Willow was standing next to him when he turned around, and she stopped him when he would have redialed the Magic Box’s number.

“That was Spike, he’s been...helping us this year. Buffy’s death hit him hard, and since he and Druscilla aren’t together anymore...Angel was really all he had left.” She stared at the clock again, “He’ll be gone soon too...we haven’t been able to get him to eat anything...actually I think if it weren’t for Dawn he wouldn’t have made it this far...she’s the only one that can get any response out of him.”

“I’m sorry...I wish we could have been here. We were working on a case and...”

“What difference would it have made? Much as I hate to admit it, she made the only choice she could. The only difference you guys would have made was...” Willow burst into tears, “to watch her die.”

“Shh...why don’t you let me take you upstairs? I’m sure a shower and some sleep before we head back to Sunnydale would do you some good.” He guided Willow up the stairs, whispering whatever words of comfort sprang to mind as he went.

Gunn manhandled a sobbing Cordelia into bed, “Try to get some sleep.”

“Will you...will you come get me when it’s time?”

“I...yeah, we’ll all go together.”

She grabbed his hand, “Could you sit with me?”

“Yeah.” He sat next to her for a few minutes, waiting until she calmed down. When her breathing settled into the gentle rhythm of sleep he rose and made his way to Angel’s room. Wesley found him there, just sitting on the bed.

“Willow’s resting...I spoke with Giles, he wants us to bring any...any remains we find to Sunnydale. He feels, and I concur that it would be comforting to have their remains together.”

“It’s weird, he never really talked about her. I knew there was somebody, and I figured out who it was from stuff Cordelia said, and from that picture he thought he was hiding in his desk drawer.”

“I remember he used to stare at that thing for hours. He’d stick it in a book and pretend he was reading, I always felt so sorry for the two of them.”

“They broke up what...two years ago?”

“Just after Buffy and Cordelia graduated from high school, he thought it was best in light of the clause attached to his curse. She tried to move on eventually, but...”

“Neither of them ever did, did they? I remember Cordelia telling Kate that once, that no matter what happened in Angel’s life, Buffy was always going to be his first true love. We were here late one night and she found some sketches he’d done. She got curious...”

“And Cordelia wasted no time letting her know Angel was in love with Buffy...typical” Wesley picked up the sketchpad Angel kept next to his bed, flipping through it he said, “They were never exactly friends, but she knew how much they meant to one another.” He found what he was looking for and said, “This was their dream for a time, I wish it could have come true.” He dropped the pad on the bed next to Gunn and walked out.

Gunn found himself staring at a sketch of Angel and the girl from the picture. She was wearing a big dress, and Angel’s arm was around her waist. Angel’s face was ecstatic, but it still took him a second to understand the picture was his image of their wedding. “I do too my friend, I do too.”

TBC

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