Title:- Inizi Sopra

Authors’ name:- Cat

E-mail:- Please note the new e-mail. The old address still works, but soon you’ll be talking to a nice woman named Jean, not me. So I’m phasing this new one in Naughty_cat@lycos.co.uk

Disclaimer:- Would B/A be separate if I owned them? No, I don’t think so.

Distribution:- http://www.geocities.com/fallenangel0206/CatsFanfic.html If you want it, just ask

Spoilers:- Season 6 Buffy, season 3 Angel.

Rating:- PG13

Parings:- B/A

Summary:- OK, so after the end of season 3 I wanted to write a fic but I had too much on, seeing how season 4 is progressing this fic just begged to be written. So I did. And for this fic, Connor is still 16, like he was in season 3.

Feedback:- Please. It’s like chicken soup for the muse.

Authors Notes 1:- Inizi Sopra means start over, which is what I’m doing really.

AN2:- This was supposed to be a fun, fluffy fic to help my mews out of her rut. It was fun and fluffy in my head but as I wrote it, it became much more angsty and a lot more Connor centric. Don’t ask me why, the character just spoke to me, telling me how he wanted to act. So, this is it. Thanks for your time, hope you enjoy.

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Chapter 1

Buffy lay in bed, awake as usual. Her alarm clock blinking 3:14 AM at her. She was beginning to hate that clock.

Turning away from the awful reminder, she pulled the covers up higher and tried to sleep.

Things were so different now. Willow was off in England getting over her ‘destroy the world’ kick. As was Giles. Tara was gone.

Suddenly the Scooby gang, the one that had once seemed so large and secure was three people. Buffy, Dawn and Xander.

It wasn’t that she didn’t love Dawn and Xander, they just weren’t enough. Not enough to feel safe and loved and that someone would always be there.

Her Mom dying had been hard, but they had all been there for her, her rocks, her safety net and her lighthouse in the abyss of responsibility.

She didn’t need them quite as much as she had then, and nowhere near as much as she had after they brought her back from the dead. It wasn’t needing them that made her miss them, it was simply that they were gone that made her miss them.

Sure, they might be back. Well, Willow might. Giles probably wouldn’t. Tara and Joyce definitely wouldn’t.

The scoobies. Buffy, Xander, Cordelia, Willow, Oz then Tara, Giles, Angel, Dawn, Wesley.

From ten to three.

"It’s not a good idea." Said Xander.

"She has to know." Argued Dawn.

"No, I know she doesn’t want to die again but she isn’t exactly back to her old self. This might just push her over the edge. Do you want her like she was?"

"It might not happen like that."

"Yeah, ‘cos leaving Angel is always SO easy for Buffy."

Dawn glared. "You…" She sighed, not having a suitable insulting comeback.

"What’s the what?" asked Buffy as she came in to the kitchen. She had heard Dawn and Xander talking from upstairs, now they were glaring at each other.

"Nothing." Said Xander.

"No it’s something."

Xander and Dawn continued staring at each other.

"Now you’re scaring me." Said Buffy. "Tell me."

Dawn looked at Buffy. "We got a call… From Wesley."

"Dawn." Said Xander, warning her not to say any more.

"She has a right to know Xander. If Buffy says no, then fine."

"What? Guys, just tell me about Wes. OK?"

Dawn swallowed. "He called about Angel."

Buffy’s features clouded with worry. "Is he OK?"

"He’s alive, but he’s not OK."

"What does that mean?"

"Wes said he’s been trapped for months. He starved, basically, now he’s too weak to eat or stand and he’s… a little wacko."

"Wacko?"

"Not his words. He said Angel was hallucinating and demented, I think."

"What does he want from me?"

"He wants you to go there, see if you can help him at all."

Buffy nodded, taking a seat as this information sank in.

No one spoke for a long while as Buffy thought things over.

Sure, he had left her, but his intentions were good. And no matter what, Buffy still loved him, she couldn’t not help him. She could never live with herself.

"Xander, you’re driving."

Buffy arrived at the Hotel nervous as hell. She was nervous about seeing him and what state he would be in but most of all, she was scared that she might not be able to help him.

"Buffy." Greeted Wesley as they entered.

"Hi."

"Good to see you."

"You too. You look… different."

Wes smiled tightly. "Well, things have changed."

Buffy nodded, understanding.

"You look good." Said Wes.

"Yeah, sure beats that rotting corpse look I had last year."

"Yes." There was an uncomfortable silence for a few moments. "Shall I take you to see him?"

Buffy nodded and Wesley lead Buffy, Dawn and Xander up to Angel.

Wesley stopped outside the door of Angles room and turned to them. "I should prepare you first." He said quietly. "He’s lost a lot of weight, looks very gaunt. He’s also… The lack of blood has caused his higher brain functions to shut down. He hallucinates frequently, sleeps a lot. When he is awake, he speaks gibberish."

Buffy nodded that she was ready but she wasn’t. As she stepped into the room, nothing could have prepared her for the sight of Angel. He was painfully thin, his hair a matted mess and he was thrashing about under the covers, as though he was having a bad dream.

"Any change?" she heard Wesley ask the woman in there.

"Nothing." She answered in a southern accent.

Wesley sighed.

Swallowing, Buffy turned to them.

"Fred, this is Buffy, Dawn and Xander."

Buffy didn’t pay attention to the name. "Why can’t you feed him?" Buffy asked.

"We’ve tried." Said the woman. "We tried spooning the blood into his mouth but he choked on it. When we try and sit him up he fights us."

Buffy noticed she had a black eye. "So he still has strength?"

"Some." Answered Wesley. "Not much though. He’s probably weaker than Xander right now, he just thrashes about when we move him. It hasn’t been possible to keep him upright long enough to fed him anything. We also tried a tube through his nose into his stomach. He… lets just say his natural reflexes are still working, he didn’t like that."

Buffy nodded, her brain thinking of all the possible ways one night feed a vampire who was helpless. "What about a transfusion?"

Wes shook his head. "All the blood in his body has been used. His veins have collapsed."

Buffy turned back to the bed, out of ideas. Angel still thrashed around lightly under the covers. Buffy took a few steps closer until she was beside the bed.

He looked so small, fragile. She had never seen him like this before. Even when he came back from hell he hadn’t been weak.

Tears stung her eyes as she sat on the edge of the bed.

"Angel." She said softly. "Can you hear me?"

Angel moaned in his sleep.

"It’s me, Buffy."

He continued moaning but Buffy couldn’t make words out of what he was saying.

Gently she took his hand and held it in hers.

"Angel, wake up. Angel, it’s Buffy." She said, shaking his hand gently.

Slowly his eyes opened. He squinted at her and sat forward slightly.

"Ring, stop the ringing!" he said, becoming panicked.

"No Angel, there is no ringing. Shhh, it’s ok, I’m here and I’ll take care of you."

"No, ringing, stop it, stop it!" he began to thrash around again, trying to release his hand from Buffy’s grip.

Buffy released his hand and gently brushed his brow. "Sleep Angel, it’ll be OK soon. Sleep."

He closed his eyes and relaxed somewhat under her soothing words.

Buffy stood up and left the room. Wes, Dawn and Xander followed.

Once her emotions were reigned in again Buffy spoke. "What happens if we can’t get him to eat?"

Wesley sighed. "The council have done tests like this before. First they metabolise their own bodies and utilise all the blood in it. Then their functions begin to shut down. Eyesight blurs, higher brain function slows. It’s common for delusions to occur during this time. That’s also why he complains of ringing, tinnitus it’s called, the audio region of the brain is… malfunctioning" He paused. "Eventually they will enter a vegetative state, much like a human coma."

"How long does he have until that happens?"

"It depends on the size of the vampire, how recently they feed, how fit and active they are…"

"Wes!"

"I estimate about another week. He won’t die from starvation but… well those brought back from that state were never the same Buffy. That’s why I called you, we’re running out of time."

"I need a walk." She said, turning and leaving the others behind.

Buffy returned to the hotel about an hour later with a brown paper bag.

"You’re back." Said Wes, looking up from the black man he was talking with.

"Yeah."

"This is Charles Gunn, an associate of… Angles."

Buffy nodded at him.

"Wes." Came another voice. Buffy turned to see a teenager walk out from the kitchen.

Wesley turned white. "I, Uh, Connor, I wasn’t expecting you back so soon."

"Got finished early. Pretty easy one."

"Right. Well this is Buffy, she’s here to help Angel."

The young man looked startled for a second. "Great."

Buffy nodded at him, wondering who he was and why he looked jumpy.

She shook those thoughts away; she had other things to do now.

"I’ll be up with him, I need some privacy."

"Of course. Dawn and Xander are settling into their rooms, we put your belongings in a room too."

"Great. Now, privacy, remember."

"Of course." Said Wesley, suspecting he knew what Buffy had planned.

Buffy shooed Fred out of the room and locked the door behind her. She sat at a table and opened the bag, getting the contents out.

It contained two baby bottles, one baby non-drip childs beaker, a sharp knife as well as dressings, bandages and gauze.

Buffy looked over to the bed to remind herself why she was doing this. Swallowing, she turned back to the table. She picked up the knife and laid the point on her wrist. She took a few deep breaths then slowly cut into a vein, from the wrist, towards the elbow.

The cut was about a centimetre long and immediately began to bleed so she quickly held it over the bottle, watching as it trickled in. She flexed her hand and arm muscles to increase the flow of blood. It soon began to taper off and she opened the wound up again, repeating the process.

After opening the wound for a third time she had almost a full bottle. She screwed the teat on and squeezed the bottle. Sure enough a few drops came out.

She put the bottle back and quickly dressed her wound. It would heal soon but she didn’t want to loose more blood than she had to. Angel would need it.

She headed for the bed, hoping this worked. It worked for babies who had no higher brain function; hopefully it would work on reflex for Angel. He would only get blood when he sucked so he shouldn’t choke on it. Well, that was the theory anyway.

She sat next to him on the bed and gently put her arm under his head, raising it slightly. Squeezing the bottle she put a few drops on his lips. He licked them and murmured. Buffy squeezed a few more drops out and he opened his mouth for the teat. Buffy gave it to him and he began sucking at its contents.

He didn’t seem aware of what was happening, he still looked to be asleep but he was feeding and that was all that counted. In some ways it was good that Angel wasn’t all here right now because she knew he would never willingly take her blood. She also knew it was the fasted way for him to heal. Slayer blood was legendary for its properties on Vampires.

He continued feeding and Buffy gently wiped his brow and stroked his hair as he fed.

An hour later and the bottle was empty. He didn’t look healthier yet but he had only had a little. She refilled the bottle, this time opening a different vein on her wrist.

It took just over half an hour for the second bottle, which Buffy took as a good sign.

Once finished he opened his eyes and looked at her. He didn’t seem to see her too clearly and still squinted.

"Angel?" she asked.

"Angel."

"That’s right, you’re Angel."

He reached his hand out and cupped her face. "Angel."

"No. Buffy." She said, pointing to herself, then she pointed at him. "Angel." She repeated the process. "Me Buffy, you Angel."

"Angel." He said again. Buffy sighed. Maybe she had been too late.

"Rest, get some sleep then we’ll bath you and cut your hair."

Angel sighed and took her hand. "Shtay." He said thickly.

"You want me to stay?"

Angel nodded.

"I wont go anywhere." She said, lying next to him.

He reached out and gently stroked her face, murmuring to himself.

Chapter 2

Buffy awoke to the realisation she had fallen asleep. She looked beside her and saw Angel lying quietly, staring at her.

"You didn’t sleep?" she asked.

He shrugged.

"Well, I’ll run a bath then help you wash, OK."

He neither agreed nor objected.

Buffy sat up and headed for his bathroom. She drew a warm bath and was returning to fetch him when she heard a thud. She found the bed empty and Angel lying beside it.

He had probably tried to walk. She got down beside him and reassured him. "It’s OK. Don’t try and walk yet. Soon. Not yet."

She picked him up and carried him through to the bathroom.

Now she had 2 choices. Undress him or bath him fully clothed.

Clothed seemed silly. It wasn’t like she hadn’t seen him naked before, after all. Carefully she sat him on the toilet seat and stripped his clothes away, averting her gaze at the right times. Then she lifted him and placed him in the bath.

His head rolled back and he appeared to doze while Buffy began to clean him with a sponge. He wasn’t dirty, exactly, just not clean. She wondered if anyone had bathed him since he came up from the ocean.

Probably not.

His hair proved to be the hardest part since it was long and matted. Buffy kind of liked the look, if it were tidied up a bit. She left him to retrieve her conditioner from her things then returned and gently picked the tangles out of it. She also brought her bag back to Angles room with her, figuring she’d be sleeping here for the foreseeable future.

She then left him soaking as she filled up both baby bottles with more of her blood, this time she opened a vein in her elbow which was sufficiently large enough not to need repeated reopening.

She got him out of the bath, dried him off and dressed him in sweat pants then she helped him clean his teeth and carried him back to bed.

She tucked him in then as he drifted in and out of sleep, she got the two bottles and began feeding him the first.

Buffy was disturbed a few hours later by a gentle knocking. She left Angel sleeping and went to the door, pulling her sleeves down over her bandages before she opened it.

"Wes. Hi."

"I just wanted to check you were OK." He said.

"We’re good. He’s sleeping. He looks better, he isn’t thrashing around in his sleep but he’s still weak. He hasn’t said much yet."

Wesley nodded and handed her a bag. Buffy opened it to see two sandwiches and two orange juice cartons.

"You need to keep your strength up." He said, letting her know he knew what she was doing.

"Thanks. Wanna come in?"

Wes hesitated. "Yes. I’d like that."

They both took a seat in the next room where they could still watch him.

"You bathed him," said Wes.

"Yeah."

"We weren’t able to, he kept thrashing… wasn’t pleasant."

"It’s done now. I’ll trim his hair when he’s up to it."

Wes smiled, pleased Angel had someone who cared for him so much.

"So, I know about the box, I don’t know why. And where’s Cordelia?"

Wes supposed it was time for the whole truth. "Well, it started with Darla."

"Dead Darla?"

"Yes, that one. Wolfram and Heart brought her back to torment Angel."

Buffy didn’t question it having been recently brought back herself.

"They, that is Angel and Darla, they… had a child together. It was prophesised. We still aren’t sure how or why but it happened. I…" Wesley paused, this part was never easy. "I was misled into thinking Angel would harm the child, so I tried to escape with him." He felt his neck. "Didn’t exactly go to plan. He was taken by Holtz, a demon hunter who’s been after Angel for centuries. Holtz took the boy to another dimension, raised him there."

"Is he still there?"

"No… The young man you saw earlier, Connor, that’s Angles son. Darla is dead, she died giving birth to him. He returned a few months ago with Holtz. You know about time moving differently in demon dimensions?"

Buffy nodded. She didn’t speak, just let him continue.

"Needless to say Angel wanted nothing to do with me after that, I left them alone and tried to recover. Then Angel went missing. I discovered it was one of Holtz people who had done it. They tricked Connor into believing Angel killed Holtz, then Connor and Justine imprisoned Angel and sank him into the ocean. I discovered the where abouts of the box from Justine, recovered the body and that’s where we are today. Cordelia on the other hand seems to have ascended to a high plain."

"Huh?"

"Gone to help the powers or something. Lorne was finally able to tell us she had ascended but my research hasn’t dug much up."

"Wait, THE Cordite, the bitch of Sunnydale? The one who’s never short of a bitychy remark or selfish thought? The one who takes pride in other peoples falls and is as much use as a cucumber when it comes to fighting evil?"

"Well, she isn’t quite that woman any more, but I must say it surprised me too."

"Wow… Ever considered writing a novel?" Buffy asked. She was still reeling from all this information.

"So his son did this to him?" she asked after a pause.

"Yes."

"No wonder he looked worried."

"Quite. No one else knows yet. Just you and me."

"Why not?"

"It isn’t my place. I’m just here because I found Angel; his relationship with his son isn’t my… it’s none business any more. Once Angel recovers I’ll go."

"Sorry, I’m still having problems with a vampire child."

"Me too. I can’t find an explanation for it. It shouldn’t happen. What’s more, he is human, a normal human boy with a soul."

Buffy took a deep breath. "And I thought my life was complicated."

Wes shrugged. "How are you coping?"

"Better. Much better."

Wes nodded and they sat silently for a moment.

"You shouldn’t give him too much of your blood you know." Wes said.

"It’s the best thing for him."

"I realise that, just be careful. Supplement it with other blood. It wouldn’t do anyone any good to have you ill as well."

Buffy nodded.

"How did you get him to feed anyway?"

"With a baby’s bottle."

Wesley turned to her, smiling slightly. "I never thought of that." They sat in silence again for a few moments before Wes stood. "I’d better go."

"OK." Wes was at the door when Buffy said. "I’ll keep my eye on Connor for you."

"I suspected you would."

The next time Angel came round he was weak but much more coherent. Buffy prepared his blood out of his vision, in the beaker this time, so the delivery was faster. He smiled at the child’s container.

"Can’t I just have a glass?" he asked in a raspy voice.

"Maybe next time, I’m not taking any chances."

Angel accepted it and drank the blood. He didn’t have the strength to argue right now.

"Can you take more?" she asked as he finished.

Angel thought about it. He was ravenously hungry but he wasn’t honestly sure his body would take too much.

"A little." He said. "In a glass."

Buffy smiled. "I’ll be right back."

She left the room and headed downstairs to get Angles pigs blood.

"Buff, how’s it goin’?" asked Xander who was perched on a chair in the lobby talking to Gunn.

"Good. He’s going to make it."

"So we can head home then." Said Xander, a little too eagerly.

"You can, I need to stay on." Turning to Gunn she asked. "Where’s Wes?"

"He left, said he wasn’t needed here now." He rummaged in his pocket and pulled a small tape recorder out. "He said to give this to you though, said you might need it."

"Thanks," she said, taking the appliance. "And Dawn?"

"Last I saw she was in the kitchen."

"Thanks," said Buffy, heading to the kitchen for Angles blood.

Buffy went in to see Connor and Dawn giggling at the table.

"DAWN! Get away from him!" she shouted.

"Buffy, we were just talking." Whined Dawn.

"I don’t care, you are to have nothing to do with Connor while we are here, is that clear? If you can’t stick to that I’ll send you home tonight with Xander."

Dawn pouted while Connor turned in his chair and glared at Buffy.

Buffy glared back. "Dawn, go to your room."

"But Buffy…"

"Just go."

Dawn got up from the table and sulked off. Connor continued to glare at Buffy.

Buffy figured he was trying to work out if she was an over protective sister or if she knew about him.

Buffy smiled tightly at him then turned away to the fridge. She retrieved two containers of blood then closed the fridge.

"You know, I’d have thought you’d want to know how your dad is." She stated.

"Maybe I do."

As much as she wanted to beat this kid over the head for what he did, she couldn’t drive Angles son away. If she told him she knew he could well run, he looked the jumpy kind.

"Well he’s doing better." She said, turning and leaving him alone.

"How’s that?" asked Buffy, handing the Polaroid photo of his new haircut to him.

"It’s a little longer than I’m used to." He said. She had cut it straight along both sides with a centre parting.

"Quit griping. If you think you can do better, be my guest." She said, handing him the scissors.

"It looks good."

Buffy smiled. "OK, lets get you back into bed." She said, helping his up from the chair and over to the bed. He could walk now but he wasn’t able to do so alone.

She made him comfortable then went to prepare some more blood. The best thing seemed a little and often. He had tried drinking both containers she brought him yesterday and ended up being sick. Now he had a glass an hour when he was awake.

He was healing well, Buffy thought; she would have liked Wes there to confirm it. His speech was still a little raspy but improving, his strength was returning and his mind seemed much better, if a lot slower than he had once been.

He hadn’t mentioned Connor to her, nor had he asked why she was there. Buffy thought both were odd but probably due to his starved mind.

As yet no one else had seen him, Buffy wanted to keep it that way for now. The less Connor knew, the better. Besides, she didn’t want Connor coming in here and spinning some bogus story to his dad because Angel wasn’t up to full mental acuity.

No, they would just have to wait. Buffy kept the door locked and opened it herself when anyone knocked. So far only Fred and Dawn had asked about him, other than Wes of course. Fred seemed the most concerned about him and Buffy didn’t like lying to her. It didn’t help that whenever she called she brought food or a drink for Buffy and always asked how she was coping.

She liked Fred and as the days wore on she found it harder and harder to keep lying.

Buffy thought Angel must have a lonely life. He had people around him but seemed so alone. She could relate to that feeling.

She returned to the bed and handed him his glass.

"How do you feel?" she asked.

"Tired."

"Sleep then. I wont go anywhere."

"Why don’t you sleep too? You look tired."

Buffy had to admit she was. "I’ll sleep out in the other room."

"No don’t, stay here. With me."

Buffy didn’t see a reason why not. She didn’t have a boyfriend, he didn’t have a girlfriend. There was nothing stopping her sharing his bed. Except that it brought up feelings she wasn’t supposed to have. Now he was more himself it would me much easier to fall for him again.

Right now though, she wasn’t sure she cared. The last few days she had purpose again, she enjoyed taking care of Angel and being around him. It felt nice, normal.

Buffy shrugged. "Sure."

She didn’t undress, one because neither needed that temptation and two, Angel would see her dressings and want to know why she had them. So far he hadn’t twigged than every fourth glass was her blood and she wanted to keep it that way.

She climbed under the covers and snuggled in close, kissing him lightly before closing her eyes.

Chapter 3

Buffy lay in bed thinking about the situation Angel, and now she, was in. Angel had a son…

Hadn’t that been why the broke up, because he couldn’t give her children and a normal life?

Darla… if it was possible she hated her even more than when Darla first died. She also had a grudging respect for her. She had died so her child could live, how many people would do that?

But in doing so she had enabled Connor to do this to his father.

Swings and roundabouts.

At least Holtz was dead. His grip on Connor seemed to extend beyond the grave but he himself wasn’t around. She supposed you had to be grateful for small mercies.

Buffy had gathered from Gunn and Fred that morning that Connor was part of the team, fighting demons and such with them. He was stronger than a regular human and a bit of a loner but otherwise normal, according to Fred.

Considering he had grown up in a demon dimension he turned out pretty OK. Helping people, though he was a little short on the people skills. As a certain vampire used to be.

Buffy wondered what to do with Wesley’s tape. It had Justin’s confession that she killed Holtz and set Angel up. She suspected Connor wouldn’t listen to her if she tried to play it for him.

Should she make friends with him? Try and gain his trust that way maybe. Or just leave things to Angel.

He still hadn’t mentioned Connor. Perhaps he didn’t even know Connor was still here, it’s possible he thought Connor had imprisoned him and run off since his memory after being brought up probably wasn’t great. And not many people would stick around after something like that, after all.

Buffy sighed and got up from bed. It was lunch time and she was hungry. She knew Angel would sleep for another few hours so he wouldn’t miss her. His sleep now seemed restful. He had an occasional dream but mostly he slept soundly.

She padded down to the lobby to see Gunn and Fred there. Gunn looked pretty beaten up and Fred was tending to his wounds.

"What happened?" Buffy asked.

"Demon infestation, not pretty." Replied Fred.

"Did you get them?" asked Buffy.

Gunn shook his head. "No, they ran. Connor’s tracking them for now."

"So what happens next?"

"He’ll call when they stop." Said Gunn.

"I don’t think you should go back out there." Said Fred, concerned.

"I have to, Baby. I can’t leave Connor alone, there are at least five still alive."

Fred nodded, not happy but accepting his words.

"I’ll go." Said Buffy.

Gunn looked sideways at her, as though he couldn’t quite believe what he was hearing.

"I’m the slayer, professional demon fighter since I was14."

"She has a point." Said Fred.

"You’ll just hold things up if you’re hurt." Said Buffy. "I can take it." ‘And possibly bond with Connor at the same time.’

"Yeah, that’d be good." Said Gunn. "Thanks."

"It’s nothing. I just need some food and to speak to Dawn."

"I’ll get the food." Said Fred. "You talk to Dawn, I don’t think we have long until he calls."

Buffy nodded and headed upstairs.

"Come in." called Dawn.

Buffy entered and saw Dawn reading a magazine. She saw Buffy and turned back to it’s pages.

Buffy sat beside her on the bed. "I’m sorry I shouted at you. I didn’t mean to."

"But you did."

"I know. I can’t tell you everything but I need your help. Can you help me?"

Dawn looked up at her sister. "What?"

"I need you to watch Angel for a while. I have to go out."

"OK, I guess I could."

Buffy smiled. "Thanks Dawnie. I promise, as soon as I can tell, you’ll know what’s happening. For now, lock the door when you go in, don’t let anyone in, my orders so refer them to me if you have trouble. Anyone asks how he is, say fine, he’s getting better, you think."

"Got it. That all?"

"He’s sleeping right now, when he gets up he needs one glass of blood an hour. The blood’s in a cooler in the living room, glasses on the table."

Dawn pulled a face.

"Don’t be a baby." Teased Buffy.

"It’s OK, I can do it." Dawn reassured her.

Buffy ate her wrap and juice as Gunn drove her to Connor. She felt fine but having lost blood recently it was probably a good idea to have some carbs in her system.

Gunn pulled over as she downed the last of her juice. "He said go round the back and up the fire escape."

Buffy nodded and exited the truck, heading for the back of the flats. It was just after noon, which made a nice change demon fighting wise. It also meant she could observe Connor better than in darkness.

She soon scaled the fire escape and found Connor on the roof, looking through a skylight.

"Connor." She whispered. He turned and crept over to her.

"Why are you here?"

"Gunn’s badly hurt. Don’t worry, I’m pretty good at this. What’s the stitch?"

"Stitch?"

"What’s the what? What’s going on?"

"There are 6 in the flat below. 5 healthy, 1 wounded."

"Go in through the sky light?"

Connor nodded.

Buffy pulled her axe out from behind her. "Lets do it."

Buffy went through first, crashing through the skylight to land in the middle of the room. She immediately began fighting the things. They were grey and scaly with long claws. Connor landed just after her and they formed a team, protecting each others backs as they fought.

Buffy was amazed how much it felt like fighting with Angel. It had taken them time to learn each others moves but with Connor there was none of that, it was like they worked together all the time. Connor wasn’t quite as sure of Buffy as she was as him though.

Buffy despatched the last demon by throwing her axe into his head then turned to Connor.

His jaw was slack. She had taken out four compared to his two.

"Not bad kid." She said.

"Where did you learn to do that?" he asked.

"Well, I have a secret. I’m the slayer."

"The what?"

"The chosen one? The one girl in all the world, yada yada yada."

He looked blankly at her.

"Ask Uncle Wes about it, he’ll fill you in.

"He’s not my uncle."

"Well no, not literally. But he cares about you. Anyway, your moves were good, I’m impressed."

He paused before answering. "Thanks."

Buffy looked down at her goo stained clothes. "Can we get out of here now? I need to lather rinse repeat demon out of my hair."

"Huh?"

"You really need to brush up on pop culture kid. Come on, Gunn’s waiting for us."

Back in the truck Connor sat in between Buffy and Gunn.

"He’s good." Buffy praised Connor to Gunn.

"I know, he’s got some great moves on him."

Buffy saw Connor blush and look downward. She guessed he wasn’t used to praise.

"So, you guys do this a lot?" Buffy asked.

"Not so much since Cordie disappeared with her visions." Said Gunn. "Now we just wait for calls from people having problems." He paused a moment. "I tell you though, since Angel disappeared, I don’t know what we would have done without Connor here."

Buffy showered back at the hotel then went to check on Angel. She found Dawn sitting next to the bed, talking about the last year in Sunnydale.

"Things haven’t been easy." She heard Dawn tell Angel.

"Dawn!" said Buffy sharply, afraid she would tell Angel about Spike. She knew he would have to find out, just not right now.

"It’s OK." Said Angel, "She’s taken good care of me."

Buffy softened slightly. "Oh. Good. Thanks Dawn."

"Whatever." She said, miffed. "Guess you want alone time now." She said, heading for the door.

Buffy stopped her. "Thanks Dawn."

Dawn shrugged and left.

Buffy took a seat, wondering just how much Angel knew about the last year.

"You need anything?" she asked. "Blood, bathroom, newspaper?"

"No, I’m fine."

"Good, that’s good. So you feel OK?"

"Yeah, Buffy I’m fine." Silence reigned for a few moments. "Why didn’t you tell me about Spike?" he asked.

Buffy sighed. She he did know. "It was a hard year Angel. I felt so… alone."

"You don’t have to explain."

"Yeah, I do. The truth is he was there for me. Kinda… and he just… he was… cold. He felt cold…"

"He felt like me."

Buffy couldn’t meet his gaze. "Yeah. If I didn’t think too much it was like being with you. But without the love and respect part. Or the happiness."

"I’m sorry."

"No, I’m not blaming you Angel. I just… it was so hard, so lonely. I wanted to go back to something that made me happy… And the last time I was really happy was with you. I know, I can’t go back, and I shouldn’t have tried. Like I said, I just felt lost."

"And now?"

"Now what?"

"How are you? And what’s happening with Spike?"

"She didn’t tell you?"

"No."

"Oh great." Buffy took a deep breath. "I broke things off with Spike and he didn’t like it. He tried to attack me… rape me."

"Are you OK?"

"Fine. After that I knew I couldn’t go back to him. Since then I haven’t seen him. A demon friend of his said he’s left town. I just hope he doesn’t come back."

"And you’re doing OK?"

"Not sure. I don’t want to die again but I think being here is my crutch now, being close to you…"

"I know the feeling." Said Angel, breathlessly. He opened his arms and Buffy fell into them. He caressed her hair as he held her.

Finally Buffy pulled away. "So, are you mad at me?" she asked.

"Mad?"

"You left so I could have a normal life, I end up with Spike."

Angel shook his head. "I’m not mad. I just wish I could have been there for you."

"Me too. Though I heard you had an eventful year yourself."

"Connor."

"Yeah."

"It’s complicated."

"I know. He’s a messed up kid."

"You’ve seen him?"

"I’ve fought with him. He’s here, in the hotel."

Angel’s jaw went slack. "I just assumed he went with Justine. I never… In the hotel? Right now?"

"Yeah. You want to see him?"

"I… Has he asked about me?"

"Not much. I think he’s scared."

"Then no, I don’t want him running off. Not yet."

Buffy smiled. "I think that’s the right thing too."

"But I don’t want him here either. He’s dangerous Buffy, you and Dawn shouldn’t be around him."

"He didn’t know what he was doing, you realise that? Holtz and Justine tricked him into thinking you killed Holtz. He’s a troubled boy Angel."

"You’re defending him now?" he asked, incredulously.

"Not what he did, but I think he’s basically a good kid. He made a mistake, I’ve made some pretty huge ones lately. So have some friends."

Angel sighed. "I’m just not sure I can forgive him Buffy."

"You forgave me a lot. I sent you to hell." She said.

He couldn’t help but smile a little at her attempt to lighten the mood. "That was different."

"I took your soul away."

"But you did it nicely."

"I made you drink me."

"That wasn’t actually too much of a hardship."

Buffy smiled, relieved the tension was gone. "Just give him a chance. I gave you another chance, doesn’t he deserve one too?"

"You never used to be like this."

"What?"

"So forgiving."

Buffy shrugged. "When you sleep with a soulless demon, your best friend tries to destroy the world and you try and save the man who killed your friends lover, you tend grow up a bit."

Buffy left Angel sleeping and went to try and find Connor. She found him in the lobby with Gunn.

"Yo Buff, how’s the A man doing?" asked Gunn.

"Better, still weak though."

"What can I do for ya?"

"It’s Connor I wanted to see." Connor looked her way but didn’t speak. "Wanna work out with me?"

"Me?"

"Yeah. I like training with someone when possible."

Connor seemed to contemplate the idea for a while. "Sure."

"You have a training room here?"

"In the basement."

Buffy took things fairly easy on Connor. He fought like his dad and she could have easily taken him down if she wanted. She just wanted to observe him for now though. He was fast and pretty strong.

It was clear Buffy had the upper hand though, Connor hardly landed a punch. After 15 minutes Buffy called for a break.

Connor looked at her oddly while she drank her water and eventually Buffy had to ask.

"What?"

"You don’t look like a man." He said.

Buffy almost spat her water out. "Excuse me?" she asked, trying hard not to laugh.

"Gunn told me you were a mystical He-Man type person. I just don’t think you look like a man."

"You mean the slayer gig?"

"Yeah,"

"We really have to work on the pop culture." Buffy took a seat on the floor. "OK, this is how it works. The slayer is a force for good; in every generation there is a chosen one, a girl, the Vampire Slayer. Her job is to fight the demons and vampires of the world and basically keep order and stop the world ending. Once she dies, another slayer is called to look after things."

"Oh."

"You want to ask something?"

Connor sat opposite her. "Who chooses you?"

"Mmm, toughie. Some think the Powers choose the slayer, some thing it’s fate or destiny. Basically we don’t know how we get chosen, just that we are."

"How long have you been doing it?"

"Too long. About 7 years."

"Does it ever… Don’t you have enough?"

Buffy took a deep breath. "Sometimes, yeah. Sometimes all I want to do is curl up with a good book and forget the whole slayer thing. Move to Hawaii, run a little bar, hang out, have a family."

"Why don’t you then. You sound like you’ve thought about it a lot."

"Yeah, I have. Thing is, I can’t turn my back. I have a gift and as much as I hate it, I can’t stop. Too many people would die if I stopped and I couldn’t live with that."

Connor was silent.

"What about you, why don’t you stop?" she asked.

"I can’t."

"Why not?"

"Because he’d be disappointed. I’m here to rid the world of evil, it’s my destiny."

Buffy sighed. "Funny thing about destiny, it isn’t always what you think."

"What do you mean?"

"Well I was supposed to die when I was 16. I did, for a little while, but Xander and Angel revived me. Life isn’t always what you think and appearances can deceive."

Connor remained silent for a while and Buffy left him to his thoughts.

"You’re a vampire slayer right?" he finally asked.

"Yeah."

"So you supposed to kill vampires."

"Right."

He looked into her eyes. "Then how could you let him live?"

Buffy sighed. "Angel. Like I said, things aren’t always what they seem. When I met him I didn’t know what he was at first, by the time I found out, I already loved him. I was tricked into thinking he’d hurt my Mom, then I wanted to kill him… But I looked at him… Somehow I knew he didn’t do it, he wouldn’t have betrayed me like that."

"Who set him up?"

"Well… Your mom actually."

Connor looked confused. "Why would she want him dead. Darla and Angelus were a team, together for centuries."

"Just over a century actually. About 150 years. Darla dumped him once he got his soul back. Turns out though, that she was the jealous type and when she found out about me, she wanted him back… I guess."

"But he’s evil." Protested Connor.

Buffy shook her head. "No, he isn’t. Angel is kind and sweet. He’s saved my life countless times."

"But you sent him to hell."

Things were getting a lot more complicated. "Gunn told you about that huh?"

"Yes."

Buffy nodded. "I won’t lie. His curse has a clause in it. If he ever stopped suffering for his crimes and experienced one moment of pure happiness, his soul would be stripped form him. Unfortunately I didn’t know that and gave him a happy. I’ve seen Angelus in action, hell, I was his victim. It isn’t pretty but Angel isn’t the same person. With his soul he’s a new man and he does regret what he did when he didn’t have his soul."

"Why should I believe you?"

"You shouldn’t. You have to learn to decide for your self. Holtz told you one thing, I’m telling you another. You decide what’s truth or fiction."

"How?"

"Watch, listen and when all else fails, go on instinct." Buffy stood. "I think that’s enough with the deep and meaningfulls for today."

"I’m sorry."

"For what?"

"I upset you."

Buffy crouched in front of him again. "You didn’t upset me." She said, confused.

"But you want to stop, I must have upset you."

Buffy sat back down. "No. Believe me, if I’m upset you’ll know. It’s just painful, you know? You must, you grew up in hell."

"So you aren’t angry with me?"

"No! What would make you think that?"

Buffy had an idea what. This Holtz hadn’t liked being spoken back to; he had probably been abusive when crossed.

"Nothing. You really aren’t angry?"

Buffy took his hand and looked into his eyes. "No, I’m really not. It’s OK to ask. I just find it hard sometimes. My relationship with Angel was very emotional and telling the story can bring those feelings back."

"So he was bad to you? Made you feel bad?"

"Sometimes, mostly when he lost his soul. He also made me happy. My time with him was the happiest of my life, over all. I still turn to him for help. Like when my Mom died, he was there for me, he listened, and when I came back from heaven, he took my pain away for a few hours."

"So why didn’t he stay with you? Was he being selfish?"

"NO, no." she took a moment to compose her words. "Angel and I don’t work. Loosing his soul was proof positive of that. We can never be a couple because we can’t risk him losing his soul again. And since we can’t be together, it’s easier if we’re apart. Seeing him every day is just too hard, it reminds me of what I can never have."

"So is it hard for you now?"

"Being here? No, that’s easy, because I get to live in a little fantasy life where Angles still a part of my life." Only a partial lie. "Leaving again, that’ll be the killer." She said softly.

Connor nodded and Buffy stood again. "I should check on him. You OK?"

Connor nodded. Buffy guessed he needed some time to digest everything he had learnt.

"I’ll come down later for dinner, want to join me? We could watch a movie."

"You and me?"

"I was thinking you, me, Dawn, and anyone else who wants to join in. You up for it?"

"Yeah, I guess."

Buffy smiled. "Later kid."

Chapter 4

Buffy left Angel with one of his favourite books of poetry for her night with the others. Fred had volunteered her and Gunn’s room since they owned the only video recorder in the hotel.

"Someone really needs to get Angel into the 20^th century." Said Dawn upon hearing this news.

"It’s the twenty first century Dawn." Said Buffy.

"I know, but little steps. 20^th, then on to the 21^st!" she declared, covering her mistake.

Buffy had got Xander to rent Terminator one and two, feeling they were probably good films to start Connor on. She couldn’t believe he had never watched TV, not even since he’d returned to this dimension.

They finally settled down with pizza’s and began the first film.

Connor was enthralled, watching everything with a child like wonder.

The second film was put on and the pizza was exchanged for popcorn.

"You get that in my bed you gonna pay." Gunn warned.

Connor watched, again enthralled. Buffy hoped he would make the connection between Arnie being evil in the first, but good in the second. She hoped he would relate that to his dad. He looked like Angelus, but he wasn’t.

Mind you, she was probably asking a lot from a film to be able to do that.

Buffy also noticed how Dawn kept looking at him all night. Connor was oblivious but it seemed clear that Dawn had a little crush.

Buffy would have to have a quick word with her.

As the evening drew to a close Buffy showed Dawn back to her room and stepped in for a quick word.

"What’d I do now?" asked Dawn, exasperated.

"Nothing." Said Buffy, sitting on Dawn bed. "But I can see that you like Connor, right?"

"He’s OK."

"Come on, I’ve been through the crushes myself, you like him."

Dawn blushed.

"I’m not saying there’s any thing wrong in that, I just want you to be careful."

"Buffy." Whined Dawn.

"No Buffy’s! I mean it. You can hang out with him but be careful, I don’t want you going anywhere alone with him and try and let someone know where you are, at all times, OK?"

"Why. Don’t you trust him?"

"No."

"But he’s never done anything to you, why would you say that?"

"Because I know things you don’t. Please trust me on this one. I might be totally wrong here, but do you really want to risk it? I’m just asking you to be careful."

Dawn pouted. "Fine."

"Thank you."

Buffy returned to Angles room to see he was still reading. He looked up as she walked in.

"Hi." He smiled.

"You moved." She said.

"What?"

"The book you’re reading is the one I left on the table which means, unless you have some telekinetic ability I don’t know about, you walked over and got it all by your self."

He smiled. "You caught me."

Buffy grinned. "That’s great." Her smile faded and she sat next to him on the bed. "Any problems? Shaky legs, stumbling, anything?"

"No, I was fine." He said, smiling at her over protectiveness.

"What? I worry ok."

"It’s fine, I like that you worry."

"And I like that you like that I worry." She smiled back, kissing him lightly on the lips.

Suddenly she realised how close to him she was. Millimetres away from him and looking directly into those wonderful deep brown eyes.

She swallowed. She had two choices. Pull away now or lean in for the kiss.

Pulling away wasn’t an appealing choice. But leaning in would lead to so much more heartache later on.

She found she could do neither; she was frozen in place.

Then she wasn’t, she was right next to him, her body pressed into his, her hands around his neck and her lips exploring the forbidden fruit.

His hands roamed her back, pulling her even closer, needing her.

Buffy forgot her doubts and let go, losing her self in this forgotten pleasure.

Thankfully Angel was the one to regain his senses, pulling away from her, although not exactly quickly.

"Sorry." Breathed Buffy, breathlessly. Still she couldn’t seem to move away from him.

"Yeah." Said Angel.

Buffy took a deep breath and lay on the bed beside him, curling into his chest. At least this way their mouths weren’t in danger of contact.

Why did love have to be so hard?

Finally they fell asleep in that position, both knowing they shouldn’t but neither caring.

Buffy awoke first the next morning and while Angel still slept she prepared him a glass of her own blood for that morning.

Last night had been a huge mistake. Buffy shouldn’t have done that. Neither of them should have.

It was just to easy a trap to fall into. Kissing Angel was like a natural high, it made her feel whole and slightly giddy. Buffy still wondered every day why they couldn’t be together. Of course she knew why but she wondered what kind of world made you feel that way about someone, then put a huge road block in the way. It was cruel.

Mind you, the world often seemed cruel so that fitted.

But she had died twice, been torn from heaven, fought and killed countless evil things, risked her life nightly, been given a sister she never had, and succeeded in protecting her, defeated a god, averted too many apocalypse’s and her reward never came.

Didn’t she deserve something? A little nod from the good guys to say thank you?

Buffy sighed as she dressed the wound on her elbow then turned to take Angel his blood.

He was standing in the doorway to the bedroom, looking disapprovingly at her.

"Do you have to do that sneak up on me thing? I never liked it and I don’t like it now."

He just continued looking disapprovingly at her.

"What?" she said standing and handing him the glass. He didn’t take it. "I was trying to help. You think you’d be all up and walking if I hadn’t done this? No, you’d still be lying there drinking from a baby’s bottle."

"You shouldn’t have done it." he said.

"Why? So you could play martyr? You needed it Angel and I was happy to give it. Just be gracious and drink it."

"It isn’t that."

"Then what is it?"

"You shouldn’t risk your life for me."

"I haven’t."

Angel turned and sat on the sofa.

Buffy sat beside him.

"I don’t understand Angel. Why is this so bad? I was trying to help you. I haven’t been reckless or taken too much. What did I do wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Tell me. Please."

"I… You don’t understand what it’s like. Your blood… It’s your life, it’s what keeps you alive, keeps your body going…" His words tapered off.

Buffy still didn’t understand. "Angel?"

"It makes me want you more. You’re inside me, part of me and it makes me crazy with desire for you. Not to mention that I don't deserve it Buffy. You have risked your life to get me that blood. I don’t know what I’d do if something happened to you because of me."

Buffy took his hand. "Sorry. I didn’t realise." She looked to the glass she was holding. "Last one, promise." She said, handing him the glass.

He looked at the contents.

"It’s done now, you want to throw it down the sink?" she asked.

He looked up at her with sad eyes.

"What?" she asked.

"You have so much faith in me. Why?"

"Because I know you."

"You don’t. Sometimes… Sometimes."

Buffy pulled her to him and cradled him.

"Shhh." She cooed. "Life is hard, we all want to quit sometimes. We all make mistakes. But I know you are a good person Angel. I know it. You’ll be OK, I promise you."

Buffy held him for a while, it seemed like hours but was probably only minutes.

"You better drink that before it goes bad." She said, standing up and heading for the door. He probably didn’t want an audience for this one so she left him alone to get some breakfast.

Once downstairs Buffy found Dawn, Xander, Connor and Fred in the kitchen eating breakfast.

"Morning guys." She chirped, though she didn’t exactly feel chirpy.

"Hi." They chorused.

"Maybe you can help us." Said Dawn. "We’re trying to explain TV to Connor. He thinks the people are real."

Buffy poured some cereal and sat at the table.

"Ever seen a play?" she asked him.

He looked confused. "No."

Buffy thought a moment. "Have you ever read a story?"

"No, but Holtz used to tell me them sometimes."

"Like what?"

"How Angelus killed his family, how he tracked Angelus to a barn, how Angelus killed innocents."

"Wow, that sounds like fun bedtime stuff." Said Buffy. "What about fairy tails, when you were young. Like little red ridinghood? Or sleeping beauty?"

"Or the grinch." Said Dawn.

Connor thought. "There was one, about some goats."

"The billy goats gruff," said Fred. "I always liked that one."

"Good." Said Buffy. "So you know that the goats weren’t real right?"

"What is a goat?"

Buffy sighed. "OK, a goat is an animal, but they can’t talk. And trolls don’t exist. That means that the story isn’t real, just made up. Now what TV does is make up a story and have people play other people in the story."

"Like theatre?"

"YES! Just like theatre, except they can record it, like on a photo, and send it into TV screens so everyone can watch."

"So it’s like Theatre at home?"

"Yeah." Said Dawn. "But without the boring Shakespeare stuff."

Fred was relieved. "I tried explaining after he went to the drive in but I couldn’t really explain it well."

Buffy finished her cereal then said. "I have to check on Angel, you want to work out later Connor?"

"Uh, sure, I guess." he said.

Buffy smiled and retrieved some blood from the fridge then left.

Buffy returned to see Angel trying his Tai Chi movements. She watched him from the doorway for a few moments. He looked good. He was still thin but his strength was returning and he seemed steady.

As he noticed her in the doorway he stopped.

"Hi."

"You look good." She said. "Work out wise I mean. You looked to be doing good."

Angel nodded. "Where did you go?"

"Breakfast, and food for you." She said, brandishing the containers of blood.

"Oh, thanks."

Buffy didn’t ask whether he drank her blood. If he had, good, if he hadn’t, well, too late to do anything about it.

"Buffy, we need to talk." Said Angel.

"Right. About what?"

"About you staying here, about Connor, about a lot."

Buffy nodded. "You want me to go."

"No, I just… this is a lot to put on you, shouldn’t you be back in Sunnydale having fun?"

"Fun, right. Fun flipping burgers, yeah, must get back to that." She said slightly sarcastically.

"What?"

"I work at a burger bar. They didn’t accept me back into college so I’m flipping burgers for a living."

"Oh."

"It’s OK. I should get back. Bills to pay, demons to slay. I’ll be out of your hair soon."

"Its not that I don’t want you Buffy, I do."

"I know. I was there, remember? It’s OK. I’ll leave you to your life. Go start getting on with mine. We’ll be gone by tonight."

"Buffy, please, I don’t want to upset you."

"I know, you want what’s best for me. Don’t worry, I get that." She said, turning back to the door and leaving, slamming it closed behind her.

Buffy stormed through the lobby, down into the basement and began punching the bag down there. She wasn’t sure why she was upset. She knew this had to end, she had to go home, and she had to leave him again. She just didn’t like it.

She pummelled away at the bag, fists and feet flying, unleashing all her hurt and anger on it. The bag didn’t deserve it, fate did, the gypsy’s did.

Buffy continued punching the bag until her strength finally gave out and she collapsed to the floor, crying. Her pain finally coming out.

Buffy felt him pull her up slightly until her head rested on his lap. Like that would make everything OK.

She didn’t push him away, what would be the point. He didn’t speak to her but he began gently brushing her hair, like he had a few nights ago, soothing her with his touch. Finally her tears dried and she sniffed a few times, wiped her eyes then sat up.

"Connor!" she exclaimed.

He looked crestfallen.

"No, I… I just didn’t think it was you. I’m sorry."

He shrugged and Buffy pulled him into a hug where they both comforted each other.

"I’m sorry I wasn’t him," he said.

"I’m not." Said Buffy as she held him.

Connor pulled out of the hug first. "Did he hurt you?" he asked.

Buffy wiped her eyes and shook her head. "No, I knew I had to leave, I don’t know why I’m so upset. We aren’t a part of each others lives any more, I have to get used to that."

"He’s sending you away?"

"He thinks it’s time I went. He’s probably right."

"But I don’t want you to go."

Buffy smiled. "I’m sorry." She took a deep breath. "But the issues you have with your dad aren’t my business. I’m just stuck in the middle, getting in the way."

"No, you aren’t. I… I like having you here."

"And I like being here it’s just… It’s complicated Connor."

"Then uncomplicated it." he said, becoming agitated.

"It’s not that easy."

"Yes it is, you’re going because he’s sending you away."

"No, I’m going because he’s right."

Connor’s expression was a mixture of hurt and anger. "Just stay a little while longer. Please."

Buffy sighed. "OK, I’ll see what your dad says."

"Why do you have to ask him? Don’t you want to stay?"

"I do but… we’re back to the complicated thing again." Buffy took Connors hand. "I’ll stay a few more days OK?"

Connor nodded.

Chapter 5

Buffy returned to Angel, unsure what she was going to say.

She didn’t have to though, he spoke first as she entered the room.

"Buffy, I’m sorry if I hurt you earlier, I didn’t mean to."

"No, it’s OK. Really."

"I just thought, after last night…"

"I know."

They were silent. "Connor asked me to stay." Buffy finally blurted out.

Angel looked surprised. "What did you say?"

"I told him I’d stay a few more days."

Angel nodded. "OK."

"You should see him, talk to him."

Angel remained silent.

"You have to revolve things Angel, don’t let them fester."

"Do you think he’ll listen?"

"I don’t know. But I do know you can’t stay up here forever."

Angel nodded.

"What?" asked Buffy at his hesitance.

"I don’t know whether to kill him or hug him."

Buffy shrugged. "That’s for you to figure out." She went to her bag and began putting the things she had unpacked back in.

"I thought you were staying."

"I am. I have a room though, probably best if we don’t stay together any more, you’re mobile now."

"I didn’t mean to hurt you Buffy."

Buffy looked at him. "You didn’t. You were right, it is time to go. But since I’m staying it’s best of we don’t see too much of each other. I’m not doing this to punish you." That wasn’t true, she did want to hurt him, like she hurt right now.

"OK." Said Angel quietly.

Buffy finished packing her things and left. His life was up to him now. If he wanted to see the others and let them see how well he was healing, Buffy wouldn’t stop him. If he wanted to see Connor, Buffy would let him and if he didn’t, Buffy was OK with that too.

Her time with Angel was over; he was on his own now.

Angel came down to the lobby a few hours later. He walked slowly, slower than he could. He was taking Buffy’s advice not to give all his cards away and appear week.

"Yo Angel." Called Gunn. "Good to see you up and about."

His greeting made Fred dart out from the office, smiling broadly. "Angel, you’re OK."

"Yeah. I’m OK." He said, slowly coming down the stairs. "Where’s Connor?"

"He’s out with Buff, Xander and Dawn. They went to the movies and ice cream parlour." Said Gunn.

"You didn’t go?"

"Nah, we decided to watch the phones."

Angel sat on a chair in the lobby. "So, what’s been going on?"

Gunn shrugged. "Not much. Cordelia’s gone missing."

"WHAT!"

"It’s OK, chill! Lorne came back for a few days, told us she’d been taken by the powers, ascended to a high plane or something."

"What?"

"Wes knows more than I do, he’s been researching it."

"Wes?"

"Yeah, the one who found you, called Buffy down here to look after you."

"I didn’t know that." He said, realising a lot had happened that he hadn’t been privy to recently.

"Well you were pretty out of it."

"But your getting better now." Said Fred.

"Yeah." Agreed Angel. "What about… Connor?"

"Oh he’s fine. Said Fred. "He’s been helping us fight demons. He’s still a bit of a loaner but he’s doing OK. He’s taken a real shine to Buffy too."

"So I hear." He said tightly.

Fred’s smile faltered. "What?"

"Nothing." Angel had to assume they didn’t know about Connor dumping him in the sea then. "So Wes has been here?"

"Yeah." Said Gunn. "He brought you back and stayed while we tried to help. He left once you started to get better."

Angel nodded, wondering if he should talk to Wes. He didn’t really feel inclined to though. Wesley was the reason he lost his son, the reason his son hated him and so also the reason he had spent month on the ocean floor.

"Buffy’s a lovely girl." Said Fred. "She’s been taking real good care of you."

"And she helped up out on an infestation too." Added Gunn.

"Good. I’m glad." Said Angel.

"So, any idea when you’ll be back to full strength?" asked Fred. "Not that we’re rushing you or anything."

"I know. I’m not sure Fred. Maybe a week, maybe two. This hasn’t happened to me before so…"

"It’s OK, take all the time you need. We’re just glad you’re back."

Angel nodded. "I think I’m gonna return to my room for a few hours."

"OK, we’re here if you need us." Called Fred.

Buffy didn’t pay any attention to the movie; she had other things occupying her thoughts. Angel, Connor, her feelings. She had come to the realisation that the reason she didn’t want to leave was because here was better than Sunnydale.

She had Fred, Gunn, Connor and Angel as well as Xander and Dawn. Not to mention the absence of burgers to be flipped. Here was OK and she was sorry to have to leave it. She even had a watcher type if she needed one.

Buffy noticed partway thought the film that Dawn was trying to get Connor to hold her hand. She kept brushing against his leg, putting her hand on his while it rested on the armrest. He brushed everything off. Buffy wasn’t sure if that meant he wasn’t interested or that he just had no idea how to date.

Either way, Dawn took it as rejection. As they left the cinema Buffy let Xander and Connor walk ahead.

"It might not be about you, you know." She said, trying to reassure Dawn. "Connor probably has no idea what a date is."

Dawn didn’t appear too cheered up.

Buffy put her arm around her shoulders. "Come on, lighten up, things will look much better after a nice big ice cream sunday."

Dawn cracked a small smile.

"See, works every time." Buffy praised her own abilities.

On the way back to the hotel Connor surprised Buffy by asking. "Can I see Angel when we get back?"

"Uh, sure, I don’t see why not." Said Buffy.

Once at the hotel though she pulled him aside, "Connor, I know what you did to Angel." He looked shocked. "It’s OK, I’m not upset. I just want to make sure you’re ready to see him. I don’t know how he’ll take seeing you, he was pretty angry when he first came round."

Connor nodded. "I know. It’s just something I have to do. I looked, I listened, now I’ve decided I have to see him."

Buffy accepted it and led him upstairs.

She stopped outside her room. "There’s something you should probably hear first." She said, entering. She retrieved the tape recorder Wes had left for her. She pressed play and Justine’s voice filled the room.

"He had me stab him in the neck with a fork thing, told me to make Connor thing it was Angelus." Sob. "So I did. The sea was Connor’s idea, I just wanted him dead but I helped him capture Angelus, told him what to do, how to act."

Wesley’s voice broke in. "So, just to be clear, you killed Holtz, not Angel."

"At his request, yes."

Buffy shut the tape off.

Connor didn’t say anything and his face expressed no emotion.

"She lied." He finally said.

Buffy nodded.

"Why would she lie?" he asked.

"To turn you against your dad. That’s what this whole thing has been for Connor. She never cared for you, she never wanted to help. She was just fighting someone else’s war."

"She killed him," he whispered. "She killed my father."

Buffy took him by the shoulders and hugged him. "I’m sorry you had to find out like this. I’m so sorry."

"No, it’s best I know the truth. Why didn’t Wesley tell me?"

"He didn’t think it was his place."

Connor nodded and pulled out of the hug. "I want to see him now."

Buffy nodded and led him down the hall. She had him wait outside while she spoke to Angel then told him to go in.

Connor took a few steps in then stopped. "Aren’t you coming?" he asked.

"Do you want me to?"

He nodded.

"Ok, if you want." She said, following him in.

Everyone was uptight, wondering what was happening. Buffy and Connor took a seat on the sofa and Angel sat on a chair opposite. Buffy noticed he exaggerated his movements, appearing weak.

No one spoke for a long time.

Finally Buffy had to say something. "If no one’s going to speak, how about writing a letter." She said.

"No." said Connor. "I can do this." He looked up, into the angry eyes of his father for the first time. "Angel, Dad…" he looked down again. "I shouldn’t have done it. I’m sorry. I was angry and I thought you killed Holtz."

Angel took a deep breath, the anger abating slightly. "I’m sorry he died."

Connor looked up again to see if Angel was sincere.

"Thanks."

No one spoke again.

"Angel, anything you want to say?" Buffy prompted.

"I… I’ll do everything I can to help you, son. I know… well things haven’t been easy… but I want to get to know you, be a part of your life."

"I want that too… Dad."

Buffy smiled. Of all the ways this could have gone, this was the best she could hope for.

"OK," she began. "That’s probably enough bonding for now."

Angel and Connor nodded.

"So. Lets uh, do our own thing for a while. Maybe we can all have dinner tonight." Suggested Buffy.

"Sounds good." Agreed Angel.

"Yeah, sure." Said Connor.

Dawn was waiting for them outside Angel’s room.

"Dawn, hey." Said Buffy.

"Hi, I wondered if Connor wanted to watch Star Wars, I rented the trilogy, the original ones, not the sucky new ones."

Connor looked away. "I was going to work out." He said.

Dawn looked crushed. "Oh. OK, maybe later."

"Sure." He replied noncommittally.

Dawn headed off to her room, leaving them in the hallway.

"You want to work out?" Connor asked.

"Me? No. I have stuff to do. I need to see Dawn them go out for a little while."

"Oh." Buffy headed off to Dawns room. Just before she got there she turned back.

"Hey," she called. He turned back. "Good job with your dad in there." She smiled.

Connor blushed and headed downstairs.

Dawn sat on her bed looking miserable. Buffy sat beside her.

"He hates me." She mumbled.

"He doesn’t hate you." Buffy reassured her. "Even if he isn’t interested in you that way, he certainly doesn’t hate you."

"But why doesn’t he like me?" asked Dawn.

"Maybe he does, like I said, he just isn’t used to girls. Or he could be gay, or he could be into leggy blondes. There’s no way to tell Sweetie."

Dawn sighed. "Why is it so hard?"

"Relationships? I guess because a good one is worth working for, and you wouldn’t appreciate the good ones if they were all easy."

"That’s a cop out." Replied Dawn.

"True, but it’s a clever one."

Dawn cracked a smile and Buffy hugged her.

"There’s plenty of guys out there who’d kill for someone like you. You just haven’t met them yet."

"Don’t think I ever will."

"I know the feeling. Just be patient, you’ve got time."

Dawn sighed.

"That didn’t help much did it?" said Buffy. "OK, well the guy you’re after is probably just around the corner."

Dawn smiled. "Thanks Buffy."

"I know it’s hard Dawnie but we all go through it. It’s part of growing up."

Buffy arrived at Wesley’s apartment early evening.

"Buffy. I wasn’t expecting you." He said as he opened the door.

"I know."

"Well, come in, please."

Buffy entered and perched on a sofa.

"Can I get you a drink or something?" he asked.

"No, I’m fine."

"Right." He said as he sat other end of the sofa. "So what can I do for you?"

"I wanted to check you were OK."

"Me? Oh, I’m fine."

"I heard from Fred about your throat."

"Yes, well it’s healing nicely."

"I’m sorry."

"Don’t be, my own fault."

"You were tricked, it isn’t your fault."

Wes shrugged. "I’ve become rather fickle of late Buffy, things don’t tend to bother me as much as they used to."

"Like being thrown out of the hotel."

"Yes. Exactly."

"I don’t know if I can put that right but I do think they miss you."

"They do?" he asked, his hope shining through on his face.

Buffy nodded. "Fred is always going on about you and how she could use your help or how good you were at stuff. Gunn doesn’t mention you much but I think he misses you too."

"What about Angel?"

"He hasn’t said anything to me." She admitted.

Wes tried not to look bothered. "And Connor?"

"He hasn’t said much, but I played the tape you gave me earlier. I think it helped, even though it was painful."

"Good. At least it helped someone."

Buffy paused. "It wasn’t your fault Wes."

"It’s all my fault. At the hotel Connor was safe, protected. I took him away from than and look what happened."

"But you didn’t know, you couldn’t have known, you were just doing what you thought was best for him."

Wes took a deep breath. "Somehow that doesn’t help much."

"Anyway, I wont be here much longer but if you ever want me, I’m just a phone call away."

"Thank you Buffy, I appreciate it."

They chatted a while longer and Buffy informed Wes of Angel progress, then she stood to leave. She hugged Wes goodbye then noticed something move out side his window. She pulled away and stared, ready for attack.

"What is it?" Wesley asked.

"There’s something outside, I just saw it."

Wes turned and looked as well. "Did you see what?"

"No," she went up to the window and looked out. "Just a blur of movement."

Wesley retrieved an axe from behind the sofa. "Don’t worry, I’m well protected."

Buffy smiled. "Axe hey. Well, never hurts in my experience."

They hugged again and Buffy left.

All the way back to the hotel Buffy kept watch. Occasionally she saw movement but she was never fast enough to see what had moved.

She hoped it wasn’t a vampire, she really didn’t need that right now. Then it occurred to her, maybe Angel was stalking her. It wouldn’t be the first time.

She stopped. "Angel, is that you?" she called to an empty alleyway. "Show yourself."

Nothing.

"This is so childish." She said quietly. "Fine." She yelled at the empty alley. "Stalk me, follow me everywhere, I’m past caring."

She carried on back to the hotel. She didn’t see the movement again.

Buffy walked into the lobby to see Connor sitting on the reception desk. "Have fun?" he asked.

"Well fun wouldn’t be the word, but I feel better. Sorry I missed dinner."

"Where’d you go?"

"To see Wesley, say goodbye."

Connor nodded.

"So, what have you been up to?" she asked.

"Nothing."

"How was dinner with your dad?"

"OK."

Clearly a dead end. "Didn’t watch Star Wars then?"

Connor shook his head.

"You should. They’re pretty good."

He shrugged.

There was an awkward silence for a few moments.

"Well I’m heading off to bed, I’ll see you tomorrow." said Buffy, heading for the stairs.

"Wait."

Buffy turned back.

"Would you train with me tomorrow?"

"Uh, sure, no problem. What time?"

"After breakfast maybe. Then we could go out somewhere."

"Like where?"

"Uh…"

"We’ll sort it tomorrow. Night."

"Night Buffy."

Chapter 6

Buffy awoke the next morning to Fred shouting through her door.

"Uh, what?" she called.

"Wes’s is on the phone for you, thought you’d want to take it."

"Yeah, I’m up, I’m up." She said sitting. "I’ll be down in a sec."

"OK."

Buffy hauled herself from bed, wiped the sleep from her eyes and headed for the lobby.

"Hers she is." Said Fred into the receiver, just before passing it to Buffy.

"Wes?" asked Buffy.

"Yes. Morning. Hope I didn’t wake you."

"Only in the literal sense. Don’t worry about it."

"Sorry, anyway, after your visit, it sounded like Angel was ready for some testing, just to make sure there’s been no permanent nerve damage."

"Well…"

"You don’t want to speak in front of the others?"

"Not really."

"Perfectly understandable, just answer these questions. Mentally, would you say Angel was 50% back to normal?"

"No."

"More?"

"Yes."

"Stop me when I get close. 60%… 70…80… 90."

"Yep."

"90 or above?"

"I’d say."

"And physically?"

"Little less."

"80%."

"85."

"Well he should be up to some testing then. I’m faxing through some tests for you to do on him. They test short and long term memory, basic motor functions and things of that nature. You can perform the tests regularly if the results aren’t what you hoped, that way you can see if there’s any improvement or if the damage is permanent."

"Sounds good. But you didn’t have to do this Wes."

"Well, I thought it was something I could do."

"I appreciate it."

"Thank you. I’ll fax the sheets through as soon as we hang up. OK?"

"Great."

"Well, take care Buffy."

"You too. Bye." Said Buffy, hanging up.

Realising she had bed hair and nasty breath she headed back upstairs before breakfast.

Dawn and Xander were the only ones in the kitchen this morning.

"Hi guys." She smiled.

"Hey Buff." Said Xander. "You missed a really uncomfortable and awkward meal last night."

Buffy sighed. "What happened?"

"Well, first the tension was so thick you could cut it with a knife, then Connor stayed about fifteen minutes before he bolted, saying he wasn’t hungry."

"How’d Angel take it?"

"He looked pretty upset." Said Dawn. "But he covered well."

"After that," continued Xander, "Everyone was on egg shells. As nights out go, this is one for the Worst Night Ever hall of fame."

"Sorry guys. I thought it would help them." Said Buffy.

Dawn and Xander both knew that Connor was Angles son but both were still unaware that Connor had dumped Angel in the sea.

"Those two have some serious issues." Said Xander.

Buffy poured some cereal and a coffee then sat down to eat. "Well I don’t suppose you’re needed here any more Xand. If you want to go back to a tension free life, you can."

"How long you staying?" he asked.

"Just a few more days."

"Can I stay?" asked Dawn.

"If you want to."

"I’ll head back soon, can’t take too much time off work." Xander said.

"It’s ok Xander, I understand."

"I’ll stay if you need me though."

"No, it’s just damage control now, not much you can do."

"I’ll head back today then, if that’s OK with you gals?"

"Sure." Said Buffy. "You wont be too lonely?"

"Me? Nah, that’s what big old flats are for, being all by your self in."

"Xander?"

"Really buff, I’ll be fine."

Xander and Dawn left Buffy and she took out the sheets of paper Wes had faxed through and began to read them over a fresh mug of coffee.

Connor came in a few moments later.

"Buffy, ready to work out?" he asked.

"I uh, I have to see your dad first."

"Why?"

"There’s some things we need to check about his recovery, that’s all."

"You always put him first." Connor said quietly.

"He needs me, he’s weak. And thanks to you and he needs help recovering."

Suddenly Connor turned towards her, his eyes cold. "He doesn’t even love you, you know. He loves Cordelia."

"Connor don’t be silly."

"It’s true, the night I took him he was going to profess his love for her. He doesn’t even want you but you still follow around after him, putting him first all the time, looking after him. Well he doesn’t deserve it."

"Why would you say that?" she asked, her voice cracking at the possibility he was right.

"Because it’s true Buffy. Ask Fred, she knows it’s the truth. Angel is in love with Cordelia."

Buffy swallowed, trying to keep her tears from falling.

Conner saw the hurt on her face and his anger abated somewhat. "It’s the truth. The truth is good right?" he asked.

"Yes, the truth is good. I’m glad you told me… But I need to be alone right now. OK?"

Connor left and Buffy felt her tears flow as she stared into her coffee mug. She wrapped her hands around it like it could ward off the internal chill she felt. Nothing could warm her though, because right now she felt like there was an icicle piercing her heart, draining her heat and numbing her senses.

She shouldn’t be this upset; they weren’t a part of each other’s lives any more. Of course he would move on like she had with Riley.

Except that she had never really moved on, she just appeared to. Given half the chance she would gladly run back to Angel, if only he had asked her to.

Now she saw why she didn’t ask though, he had moved on. Really moved on, emotionally.

She had no idea how long she sat there, looking into her mug. Minutes, possibly hours but probably not days.

"Buffy?" she heard the concern in his voice and the unspoken question.

She looked up, certain that she looked a tearstained mess. "Why didn’t you tell me you were in love with Cordelia?" she asked, her voice venomous.

Angel looked sadly at the floor, unable to meet her gaze.

"Oh no, you do not get to pull that injured puppy craw with me!" She shouted, throwing her mug against the wall. "I am the injured party here Angel, not you."

"I’m sorry."

"You are sorry. You’re so pathetic, you know that?"

"Buffy, I didn’t mean to hurt you."

"You never do, yet you seem to be so good at it."

"I didn’t plan on this happening, I just…"

"Don’t bother, don’t even try." Buffy stood up to leave. Once at the door she paused but she didn’t turn back. "I believed you," she said softly. "When you told me you’d only ever lover one person, I bought it, hook line and sinker… I don’t know who you are any more Angel. You aren’t the Angel I fell in love with."

Then she left, returning to her room to sob quietly into her pillow.

"Buffy." Came Dawns voice through the door. "Can I come in?"

Buffy didn’t answer and the door slowly opened. Dawn quietly sat next to Buffy on the bed and leaned down, over Buffy, silently giving comfort and gently rubbing her shoulder. Buffy turned and embraced Dawn as she continued crying.

Dawn was pissed, more so than usual. This wasn’t an "I can’t do what I want" pissed, this was an "you hurt my sister and deserve to die", pissed.

She didn’t bother knocking, she just barged right into Angles room, looking defiantly at him until he explained himself.

Angel put his book down and looked up at her.

"Dawnie."

"I’m not Dawnie to you any more."

"I’m sorry Dawn but… it’s complicated."

"Complicated my ass. You hurt her."

"I didn’t mean to fall in love with Cordelia, Dawn, it just happened."

"I used to look up to you, I used to respect you. The love you had with Buffy was how it should be. Then you fall in love with Cordelia. I mean CORDELIA! Don’t you have any standards?"

"She isn’t the same woman who left Sunnydale."

"Yeah, she’s Mother Teresa. How could you do it to Buffy?"

"You know, it’s not like Buffy hasn’t moved on Dawn. I’m gone two minutes and she’s with Riley, rubbing my face in how good he is and how she can trust him more than me."

"You are SO blind. She said that to hurt you because you hurt her! The difference is Buffy never loved Riley. She’s only ever loved you. You don’t deserve her; you should still be lying in that bed suffering for eternity. And without Buffy, you would be."

Angel’s head shot up as Dawn walked out.

Buffy pulled herself together enough to train with Connor, as she promised but her heart wasn’t in it. He took her down three times during their hour session. As they finished Buffy broke the news she was returning home.

"But you said you’d stay."

"I know, I’m sorry Connor but I can’t stay here forever. I have my own life to lead."

"Is this about him?"

"No, it’s about me. I don’t belong here… I never did."

Connor turned his back to her. "Don’t go." He begged. "Stay… for me."

Buffy was sorry she had to leave him, but if she was going to get out of here with any hope of not becoming a wreck, she had to go now. "I’m sorry. I have to." She said, turning and leaving him alone.

Buffy returned to her room to see Angel sitting in the darkness.

"What do you want?" she asked.

"I don’t know."

"Then call me when you figure it out."

"Please Buffy, let me explain."

Buffy sat on the bed, her arms crossed over her chest. "Go on then."

"You don’t know how hard the last few years have been."

"Yeah, because mine have been a breeze."

"Please, let me finish."

Buffy didn’t agree but she didn’t stop him.

"Cordelia, no, it starts before that. Darla. She drove me crazy, drove me to the point where I didn’t care any more, I just wanted not to care. That’s when we slept together. Didn’t work though, my soul stayed… Then she came back, pregnant. I was… Within a week I was a father. I had a child. You have no idea what that meant to me… Cordie was there. She helped me, sort of became Connors mom, until he went… I didn’t know what I was doing, I was a wreck, everything was changing, falling apart. A few weeks earlier these spirits have over taken us, the spirits of dead lovers, that was when things began changing. I don't know if I was missing something or if I just wanted a mother for Connor… A family. But things changed."

"Do you love her?"

"I don’t know. I always loved her like a sister but real love… that’s not something I…"

"Angel, what are you trying to say?"

"That’s a good question." He took a deep breath. "I never lied Buffy. What I said, about only having loved one person, I meant it."

"So how can you love one person in 243 years, and another within 3?"

"Don’t go Buffy. Please."

"Why?"

"I don’t want you to go. I want…"

"I don’t think you know what you want."

As Buffy slept, she dreamed. She was in the bronze, sitting at a table with Willow. The bronze was almost empty, just a few couples dancing.

"Willow, why are we here?"

"We’re waiting."

"For what?"

"Cordelia."

Buffy pulled a face. "I so don’t want to see her right now."

Willow smiled. "It’s OK, she needs to speak with you."

Buffy sat, not having much else to do.

"Good, you’re here." Came Cordelias' voice from behind.

"I’m here." Agreed Buffy.

Cordie took a seat. "Good, now I can’t tell you much, but I can tell you Angel doesn’t love me."

"How do you know?"

"Hello? Higher being here."

"Is that why the white clothes?"

"Yeah, wish they did Gucci in this stuff though." She said pulling at her clothes. "Anyway, Angel was a test for me. They made us feel for each other to see if I could give him up."

"Who’s they?"

"The powers. They have this whole testing thing before they make you into an Okaran."

"A what?"

"What I am. Please Buffy, keep up."

"So what do you do?"

"I’m like a guardian Angel type, sent where I’m needed to try and make sure things work out like that should."

"But to do that you had to give up Angel?"

"True love, that’s what I had to give up. I didn’t have anyone like that so they built on the feelings Angel and I already had for each other."

"So he doesn’t love you?"

"No."

"And he’s not in love with you?"

"No."

"Could you maybe tell him that?"

"He was supposed to realise it on his own, as soon as I left, they said he’d be OK again."

"But he isn’t."

"I know. Something to do with the lack of blood."

"Cordie, if there’s a point here, please get to it."

"OK. Right, this is it. You can’t leave yet."

"Why not?"

"Because things aren’t finished. You can’t go until… Oww! I know!" she yelled to the ceiling. She looked back at Buffy. "Well I can’t say what you’re supposed to do." She said, glaring at the ceiling again. "But you can’t go yet."

"What if I do go?"

"That wouldn’t be pretty. I can’t stay much longer, they really are slave drivers up here. But one last thing, I’m supposed to make things work out, so that’s what I’m doing here. Oh, and things happen for a reason. Remember that. "

Buffy awoke with a start to an empty room, wondering if that had been a bad case of eating too late, or if Cordelia really had spoken to her.

Chapter 7

Buffy was still thinking about her dream when Dawn found her the next morning.

"So are we leaving?" she asked. "I just don’t wanna pack if we aren’t."

"I don’t know Dawnie." Buffy told her about her dream.

"Wow, cryptic."

"Yeah."

"Maybe that Lorne guy could help."

"The demon?"

"Yeah. Can’t hurt to ask him."

"I guess not, but he’s in Las Vegas."

"Road trip!"

"No road trip. We’ll call him, see what he says. I’ve already called Wes, he'll see what he can find out. He thinks he’s got a lead on what Cordelia is, if it was really her in my dream."

"OK, but a road trip would have been cool."

Buffy headed down to the lobby to find Lorne’s phone number.

"Morning Buff." Said Gunn. "Got a call about a possible demon problem, if you wanted to help."

"Sure."

"Well it’s either a demon problem or bad plumbing."

"Uh, right. Anyway, do you have a phone number for Lorne?"

"Sure, somewhere. So you want to come on the demon job?"

"If it isn’t bad pluming, count me in."

"Deal." He said, ducking behind the desk and rummaging around. "Fred would know where it was." He said.

"Never fear, Lorne is here!" called Lorne entering the hotel.

"Lorne, what you doin’ back?" asked Gunn.

"I got a call from Cordelia, she wasn’t best pleased with me, I can tell you."

"You’re Lorne?" asked Buffy.

"Yes cup cake, I am. You must be Buffy."

"How did you know?"

"Well I know things. Apparently not enough to please Cordelia though! Man that woman can be shrill."

Buffy nodded her agreement just as the phone rang.

"Angel investigations." Answered Gunn. "Oh hey Wes… yeah, she’s right here." Gunn passed the phone to Buffy saying. "It’s for you."

"Wes. Did you find out anything?"

"Yes." He replied. "Apparently Cordelia is now…"

"You know." Interrupted Buffy, "Why don’t you come here, we could have a little reunion now Lorne’s back."

"Lorne’s there? Oh, well it probably is best discussed in person. If you’re sure Angel wouldn’t mind?"

"He’ll have me to deal with if he does. Just come, I’m inviting you."

Half an hour later Buffy, Dawn, Fred, Wes and Lorne sat at the kitchen table discussing what was happening.

"Right." Began Wes. "The name you told me Buffy, Okaran, did ring a bell. Didn’t take long to find. Okaran’s are a… Well they can be most likened to a cross between a guardian Angel and an oracle, they help people out. The difference is that Okaran’s aren’t assigned to any one person, rather to a situation, they go where necessary. They are typically described as stubborn and headstrong. Their mission is to make sure good wins over evil, using what ever means necessary."

"Well Cordie fits that description." Said Dawn.

"Yes, I can see way they’d call Cordelia for such a job." Agreed Wes. "They are opposed by Quikaran, essentially angles of darkness. Often the two fight over a situation, each trying to help their… opponent I suppose, win the fight. That’s why those called to be an Okaran are typically hard edged, because they are often in direct opposition to the Quikaran."

"So what does that mean?" asked Buffy.

"To become either an Okaran or a Quikaran, you must be tested. One test is faithfulness, how dedicated you are to the fight, the second test if responsibility, can you handle the power you will be given, the third test is sacrifice. I believe that’s why Cordelia was taken when she was, her sacrifice was to give up love."

"Right." Said Buffy, slightly confused. "So this means?"

"Cordelia never loved Angel." Said Lorne. "See the powers set up her and Angel to become a couple, fall madly in love yada yada yada. That’s why they ended up at the opera that night, they were meant to be possessed by those spirits."

"But how could they know?" asked Fred. "We didn’t even know we were going there until the last minute."

"Exactly." Said Lorne. "They set you up. You think Angel just happened across those tickets? No, he was meant to buy them. So, all goes as planned, then Groo comes back."

"What grew?" asked Buffy.

"The Groosalug." Said Fred.

"Who grew a slug?"

"No one. He’s a person."

"Oh," said Buffy, still confused.

"Can I continue?" asked Lorne. "Anyway, Groo came back, big spanner in the works because Cordie really did love him. Turns out though, it wasn’t true love on her part. Also turns out that Groo wasn’t very susceptible to the powers wants. He did love Cordie but he could also see what the powers had tried to build between her and Angel. I think he’s a little psychic, I’d love to talk to him about that."

"Ahem!" coughed Buffy.

"Right, moving right alone. Groo got in the way; he could feel it too and he left. Leaving the powers no option but to go back to plan A and convince Cordie she loved Angel. Took some doing though, let me tell you. They had to show her this huge vision of herself declaring her love for Angel before anything the powers had been doing made any impact."

"So then what?" asked Dawn.

"Then she goes to meet him, declare her love and is stopped before she gets there and given the choice, Angel or helping fight the good fight."

"So she didn’t choose Angel." Said Wes.

"Right, she chose to help. Then she was taken above, changed into an Okaran and the rest is history."

"So why does Angel still love her?" asked Buffy.

"Well he always did." Said Lorne. "Like a sister. Cordie explained that, after she went, his feelings were supposed to leave, it had been a test for her, nothing more. Unfortunately he had to get dumped in the ocean and the starvation affected him. He never got the message that he didn’t love her."

"So he still loves her but he doesn’t really?" asked Dawn.

"Right, he’s been made to feel like he loves her, but he doesn’t."

Buffy stood up to relieve some tension. Her blood was boiling. How dare they!

She turned back, her anger barely masked. "So we’re just little puppets to them huh? They can fool with our feelings and crap in the middle in peoples lives when ever they feel like it?!"

Lorne really didn’t want to piss of an already upset slayer. "That’d be one to ask them."

"So what happens now?" asked Dawn. "How do we get Angel to stop loving Cordelia?"

"I don’t know, exactly. She told me I had to read him, that’s all she’d say."

"So do it." Said Buffy. "Lets see if it’s true."

Buffy sat on the roof of the hyperion, looking out over the city.

"You OK?" asked Dawn.

Buffy shrugged but didn’t turn to her.

Dawn sat beside her, looking out over the city with her. "Must be hard."

Again Buffy shrugged.

"I mean, here’s the love of your life, in love with someone else, but then he isn’t really but he doesn’t know it."

"Dawn." Buffy warned.

"Just talk to me Buffy."

"I don’t know what to say."

"Say how you feel."

"I feel hurt, and used, and like I want to kill something."

"Well Gunn’s going out to kill these demons soon, you could kill them."

"I don’t think that’ll make much difference."

"Why not?"

"Because the people I want to kill, I can’t. The powers, where do they get off treating people like that? Using us?" she paused. "I just feel like I don’t want to work for people who would do that, play with our feelings for their own ends."

"Maybe it was for good reasons."

"Maybe it wasn’t, maybe it’s just because they can."

Dawn didn’t really have a reply for that. "Will you be OK?"

"Probably. I’ll bounce back, like I always have, I’ll slay, I’ll fight, I’ll die and come back, and I’ll carry on fighting in the hope that one day it’ll all be over. The hope that one day I’ll stay dead and out of the reach of the powers or witchcraft or…" she began crying and Dawn pulled her into a hug.

Buffy still sat on the roof long after the sun set. The cold didn’t bother her though, it just matched her pain.

"Buffy?"

"Angel." She said, not turning around.

"Can I join you?"

"Free country."

He sat beside her.

Buffy didn’t speak; she didn’t know what to say.

"Lorne told me." He said.

Buffy nodded, figuring he had.

"I don’t know what to say." He told her.

"Me either."

They sat silently for a while until Buffy was compelled to ask. "So, do you still love her?"

Angel sighed. "How do I answer that?"

"Yes or no would be good."

"I…"

"Angel." She stopped him. "I’ve put up with a lot. I forgave you when you turned evil, I forgave you killing Miss Calendar, I accepted you leaving. Now all I ask is for the truth. Do you love her?"

"Yes."

Buffy’s tears rolled down her cheeks.

"I always will Buffy, she was a huge part of my life, she was like family. I’ll never forget her. But I’m not in love with her, not in that way. Not any more."

Buffy didn’t dare hope it was true. "So what happened?" she asked.

"Lorne, he told me what he said Cordie had told him. It made sense. Those spirits… Then he read me and Wes did what he called a cleansing ritual, to rid me of the spirits feelings."

"So you’re all, like, over her now?" she asked, harshly.

"Buffy, please this isn’t easy."

"I know." She sobbed.

Angel reached his hand out but pulled back before he touched her. "I’m sorry you had to find out this way."

"I’m just sorry."

"Buffy, I can’t do anything to make this right, but I do still care about you… I love you."

Buffy’s tears fell harder.

"Why are you crying?" he asked.

"I… What made you think you could have a relationship with her, but not with me?"

"What?"

"You were going to tell her you loved her that night. Why could you be with her, but you had to leave me for the same reason?"

"I just wanted someone." He said, as his own tears flowed. "I couldn’t be alone any more. I didn’t care if I hurt her, I didn’t care what happened, I just didn’t want to be alone. Ever since I left Sunnydale there’s been this huge gap, a hole in my life. Then when you died it grew, because I knew I could never have you, never again. When I began to feel for Cordie, I didn’t want to loose her like I lost you. I couldn’t do it again."

Buffy knew that feeling well. She leaned her head to the side until it rested on his shoulder. Neither spoke again.

Connor watched as they sat together. He had listened to the conversation this morning, he knew everything. He just couldn’t understand why she kept forgiving him.

He was hurting her, he always did. She would be better off if she never saw him again, then she could carry on with her life instead of being pulled back to him, time after time.

Buffy and Angel didn’t return inside the hotel until Dawn approached. There had been more tears and more revelations and an uneasy peace settled between them.

Buffy wasn’t sure how she felt any more. She knew she hated the powers even more now than she ever had before. They weren’t just standing by, ignoring her pain. They were helping cause it now.

As for Angel though… Well that one had never been easy. Buffy hugged him at her bedroom door and tried to get some sleep.

Above on babble

Chapter 8

Buffy awoke about lunchtime and lay in her bed for a while, trying to figure out what happened now. Angel had said he didn’t want to risk loosing someone again, did that mean he wanted her now? He had still sent her away after he got better, but then he had still had feelings for Cordelia then.

So did that mean that he had put his feelings for Cordie above his feelings for her? He would rather be with her than Buffy?

Or was she making a mountain out of a molehill? Over thinking things and making them even more complex than they really were?

She laughed at that thought, how could things possibly get more complicated between her and Angel?

A quiet knocking came at the door.

"Buffy, you awake?" came Dawns voice softly.

"I’m up." she called back.

Dawn came in with a tray. "Thought you might be hungry, you didn’t eat much yesterday." She said, laying the tray of toast, coffee and cereal on Buffy’s lap.

"Thanks Dawnie. Anything happening today?"

"Nah, that demon infestation from yesterday turned out to be blocked plumbing."

"Is Angel up?"

"Kinda. He’s… weird."

"Weird?"

"Yeah, all… well, jumpy, and he’s asking everyone if they’re OK, and how you are and…"

"And what?"

"Well he asked me if you’d… if I thought you’d stay here."

"How long?"

"He didn’t say."

"What did you tell him?"

"I told him I didn’t know." She answered truthfully.

"Anything else?"

"Connor’s MIA."

"Since when?"

"No one’s seen him since yesterday."

Buffy’s features creased with worry. "Are they looking for him?"

"Well they’ve called a few places but they say the thing with Connor is, if he doesn’t want to be found, you wont find him."

Buffy certainly had no idea where to look.

"Can I say something Buffy?"

"I have a feeling you’ll tell me anyway." Teased Buffy.

"Well that’s what sisters are for. But, I was thinking… You and Angel, you were good together."

"But that’s history Dawn."

"But does it have to be? I mean isn’t there any way?"

Buffy took a deep breath. "I don’t know. Angel and I… we’re…"

"You were great together."

"But it doesn’t end there. And even if I did want to try again, he might not."

Dawn pouted.

"Don’t worry kiddo, you’ve got all this nice relationship stuff to come." Buffy smiled.

Buffy was drying her hair after a shower when another knock came on the door.

"Come in." she called. She could see Dawn appearing to push something into her room from the mirror. She turned to see it was Angel being manhandled into the room.

Turning the dryer off she asked, "Dawn, what is this?"

"He wants to try again too, he told me."

Buffy looked to Angel. "Is that true?"

"It is, he told me." Dawn confirmed. "Now, you both need to talk. And if I see either of you coming out of this room before things are resolved, I have a nice big axe from Angles collection waiting for you."

Then she turned and left, closing the door behind her.

Buffy didn’t know where to start. Neither did Angel by all appearances.

"Is it true?" she finally asked again, unable to meet his gaze.

"I’ve been thinking, ever since last night. I… Leaving you was the hardest thing I ever did. There isn’t a day goes by I don’t miss you or want you. Sometimes I think I made the wrong decision, that we were supposed to stay together."

"And what do you think now?"

"I still think us is unfair to you."

"Please tell me there’s a but coming."

"But…" He smiled slightly. "I also realise you didn’t really have a choice, I never gave you the choice."

"So what are you saying?"

"I’m saying I still want you, if you still want me."

Buffy was about to speak but Angel held up his hand to stop her. "Don’t answer now. I want you to think first. It’ll mean giving up any hope of children, a sex life, picnics in the sun." he paused. "I don’t want this if you haven’t thought everything through. If we do this, we both do it with our eyes wide open."

"Fair enough." Buffy took a deep breath. "I’m 21 Angel, I’ve died twice already. Family and children don’t really feature in my vision of the future. Even if I wanted them, it’d be cruel to have one and die when they’re still a baby. Plus, just think about another Dawn!" she joked. "As for sunlight, it’s highly over rated. I mean sun burn, skin cancer, not pretty."

"I’m not kidding Buffy."

"I realise that." She said, becoming serious again. "I’m trying to say that what I’d have to give up, isn’t that much compared to what I’d gain. I know what you and I mean, I know what I’m getting into."

"Do you? Really?"

"Haven’t we had this conversation? I know a lot more than I did back then Angel. I know what us means, I know the risks and I know the pitfalls."

"Is that a yes?"

Buffy smiled softly. "It’s a yes… on one condition."

"What?"

"If you ever get to feeling that us isn’t good for me again, give me a choice."

Angel nodded and walked over to her. Buffy stood and embraced him. She felt him smell her hair as he grip her so tightly that she might have broken had she not been a slayer.

Then Buffy realised he was crying. "God I missed you." He said. "I missed you so much."

Buffy felt her own tears prick her eyes. "Me too."

Buffy wasn’t quite sure where things went from here. Did she move to LA, did he come back to Sunnydale? Maybe they were supposed to commute.

Was this why Cordie had wanted her to stay? Or was there something else.

After Angel left to return to his room, she decided to find out. After asking Gunn where he was, she knocked on Lorne’s door.

"Enter." He called lightly. Buffy walked in.

"Well hello. Someone looks happier."

"Yeah." Said Buffy.

"What can I do for you sweet cheeks?"

"I was wondering if you’d do a reading for me."

"Shakespeare, Poe?"

"No, a psychic reading. The others said you were good."

"Sure sugar. What is it you want to know?"

"Well Angel and I are kind of on again. I just need to know is it’s the right thing, and what happens next."

"That sounds doable. Why don’t you give me a few verses?"

"Verses?"

"Sing."

"I have to sing?"

"That’s how I get a reading. Nothing fancy, just a nursery rhyme will do."

Buffy shrugged, she supposed she had done worse things. And after the whole singing extravaganza in Sunnydale recently, she was more used to singing.

"OK, here goes…" she sang the Nickelback song, How You Remind Me. It was the first thing she could think of.

Lorne stopped her after two verses.

"What?" Buffy asked.

"Don’t worry, things are just as they should be."

"What does that mean?"

"It means you’re on the right path. Things are going to get rocky though, watch out."

"What’s going to happen?"

"I’m not a mind reader, nor a fortune teller. I just see the paths people are supposed to take. When things get rough, just use your instincts, go with it and you’ll be fine."

"So you can’t tell me?"

"If I told you, you wouldn’t react the same. Just trust in yourself. I think that’s something you haven’t been doing lately."

"But Angel and I?"

"Are supposed to be together. You needed to be apart for a while but it’s time to correct that now."

"Oh. OK."

"Something dramatic." Said Dawn.

"Dramatic?"

"Yes, you need to make a grand gesture now, show her how much you love her."

Angel sat down. "Like what?"

"Um, flowers, candy…"

"See, not that easy." He smiled as she ran out of ideas.

"I’ve got it. First you take her to the theatre, then to a late dinner at a restaurant, then rent the honeymoon sweet somewhere."

"I’m not sure that would be Buffy’s thing."

"It’s every woman’s thing. Trust me Angel, she’ll appreciate the gesture."

Angel considered the idea. "I’ll tell you what. You take Buffy dress shopping, nothing to grand but defiantly evening ware."

"So you’ll do it?"

"No, I’ll do it my way, you just take care of the dress."

Buffy had no idea what to expect as she got ready. Dawn had tried to force her into a red satin gown but Buffy thought that too showy. She had settled on a black, full length dress with spaghetti straps and a split in the skirt. She thought she looked presentable.

She finished her makeup and sprayed on a light perfume when there was a knock on the door. Probably Dawn coming to check Buffy looked suitably glamorous.

"Come in." she called, but no one entered. Buffy went to the door and opened it.

Lying in front of the door was a red rose. Buffy stepped out into the hall.

"Angel?" she called. She looked left, then right for him. To the right lay another rose, about ten feet away.

Buffy smiled, thinking this must be a breadcrumb trail.

She picked up the first rose, then walked to the next rose and collected it before heading on to the next, and the next.

Thirteen roses later she was at the door to the roof. She pushed it open to see the roof was surrounded with church candles of all different sizes. There must have been hundreds, all flickering gently in the light evening breeze. It created a warm light and matched the magic of the starlight.

Softly playing in the background, Buffy could also hear Love Letters by Elvis.

Buffy stepped out onto the roof. Angel stood, smiling at her, dressed in a tux and another rose in his grasp. He walked over to her and handed her the final rose.

"Angel, this is just… How did you do it all?"

"Wasn’t hard."

Buffy smiled warmly at him. "You needn’t have gone to all this trouble."

"It’s worth it all just to see that smile."

Buffy’s smile widened. It was true; she hadn’t smiled like this in a long while.

"Shall I take those?" Angel asked.

Buffy handed him the roses. "Why 14?" she asked, perplexed it wasn’t the usual dozen.

"It took thirteen to get you here, but that’s an unlucky number. I don’t want us to have any bad luck."

Tears pricked at Buffy’s eyes.

"Waitress." Angel called, causing Dawn to come running out from behind Buffy. She smiled brightly at them both, took the roses and silently left them. Angel walked to a table Buffy hadn’t noticed yet and picked up two champagne flutes. Buffy noticed that a small, old fashioned sofa stood beside the table. He handed one flute to Buffy.

"You’re amazing." she said, sipping her drink.

"Not half as amazing as you." He said, reaching his hand out and cupping her cheek, softly stroking it with his thumb. Buffy leaned into the touch. "But I want to get serious for a moment if I can."

Buffy’s smile faltered, she knew this couldn’t last. She looked down at her glass. Angel placed his finger under her chin and tilted her head up. "Don’t be sad." He implored.

Buffy’s brave face came back and she smiled at him.

"We can never go back to what we had," he began. "I realise that. We’ve moved on, we’re different people now."

Buffy nodded her agreement.

"I hope that now we can move on, to something new, something stronger." He looked down and fumbled in his pocket. "I don’t know if you remember this." He said, looking into her confused eyes. "I’m not trying to go back with this gesture, just… it’s a symbol of my devotion to you… To us." He held his hand out and lying in the palm was her claddagh ring.

"Oh my god, Angel… where did you find this?"

"In the mansion, where you… I kept it, hoping this day might come."

Buffy picked the ring up and handed it back to him, holding her left hand out so he could place it on her finger. He did, heart pointing inwards.

"There’s something else. We have to be honest with each other and there’s something I haven’t told you."

Again, Buffy’s expression of happiness became forced.

Angel led her to the sofa and sat her down, sitting beside her and taking her free hand.

"It’s not bad news Buffy, it’s good. The best. But I want you to remember firstly that I’m immortal. What I’m going to tell you could happen tomorrow, or in two hundred years. There’s no way to tell. That’s why I haven’t told you before, I didn’t want to give you false hope."

"Angel, what is it?"

"A prophecy, about me…" he paused, seeming to collect his thoughts. "Wes found it, it says that once I’ve paid my penance for my crimes, and averted the apocalypse, I’ll become human."

Buffy’s jaw dropped. "H… Human." She looked away. "I can’t… human." She repeated softly.

"But we don’t know when." He reminded her.

Buffy took a deep breath, then a few sips of champagne, before looking back at him, grinning. "I understand. But just the possibility is enough Angel. You don’t know how many times I’ve thought about it, dreamed about it."

She saw his concern and squeezed his hand. "Don’t worry." She reassured him. "I appreciate what you’re saying. I wont put all my eggs in this basket." She hugged him. "I’m just so happy for you." She sobbed. "It’s what you’ve always wanted."

Angel hugged her back, relishing the contact.

They stayed on the roof for a long time, sipping champagne and talking or listening to the love songs playing. Then Angel asked her to dance and led her to the middle of the roof. He gently took her in his arms and she rested her head against his chest as they swayed softly to the music.

Above on babble

Chapter 9

Buffy felt like she was floating as she turned over in bed the next morning to look at her sleeping Angel.

She wasn’t foolish enough to think that all their problems were behind them; indeed they had some major ones to face immediately, such as living arrangements. The difference today though, was that she was certain they could overcome them. No obstacle was too great.

He looked back to perfect health now, his face had filled out and the harsh angles on his body and been smoothed. She would have to do Wesley’s tests on him soon, she shouldn’t forget about them.

She lay staring at him for a while longer before finally getting out of bed. She knew Angel would sleep for a while longer so she headed down to breakfast.

Buffy walked back into the bedroom lightly humming Eric Claptons, The Way You Look Tonight from last night. She carried a fresh glass of blood for Angel, knowing he would wake soon and her wash bag.

The tune on her lips abruptly stopped and the glass slipped from her fingers at the sight before her.

Angel’s hands were tied to the bed and he was pooled in gasoline. She could smell it. Her gaze followed the pool of gas to a stream, running off the bed to a pair of feet. As though in slow motion, her gaze rose, taking in first the lighter, then the face.

"Connor!" She cried.

His expression was hard and challenging.

"Connor, don’t do this." She implored him.

"Buffy, get out of here." Angel cautioned her.

Buffy looked from Connor to Angel. "Not without you." She said firmly, turning back to Connor. "Please, don’t do this Connor."

"I have to." He said, his voice ragged with rage.

"No, you don’t, we can talk about this. Talk to me."

"He’s bad for you. He’ll use you and hurt you and leave you. This is the only way to end it."

"NO! It isn’t. He wont hurt me Connor. I trust him."

"You’re a fool to trust him. You can’t see it, you’ve been blinded by him."

"Let her go Connor." Said Angel. "This is between you and me."

Connor looked back towards Angel. "This is your fault!" he cried. "You… You just take what you want and you don’t care who you hurt. I wont let you hurt her again."

"I wont hurt her. I promise Connor."

Connor shook his head. Tears began spilling from his eyes but his fury hadn’t abated. "All you do is hurt her! You can’t see it, nor can she. You aren’t what she needs."

"And you are?" Angel asked.

"I’d be better for her than you!" he shouted back. "She needs someone who can care for her, look after her."

"And you can do that?" Angel challenged.

"Angel." Buffy warned, afraid that he would push Connor too far.

"I couldn’t be worse than you!"

Buffy took a step towards Connor. "Connor, listen to me." He looked back at Buffy.

"Stay where you are!" he said, brandishing the lighter.

"I will, I’ll stay right here. But you have to listen to me. OK?"

Connor nodded.

"I care about you Connor, I care a lot." She explained in a steady voice. "I want to see you happy. I know you’ve had a crappy life and I’d like to make it better. But I don’t feel that way about you."

Connor began crying harder.

"Please Connor. I do love you, but not in that way."

"But you can love him!"

"I do love him. I can’t explain it; I don’t know why I feel one way about someone and not someone else. But what ever you do now," she took another step closer. "Wont change how I feel about him." Another step.

"No, NO!"

"Yes. I’m sorry Connor, I can’t love you that way. I love you like a child, like I love Dawn." Another step, now she was standing in the gasoline.

"Doing this wont accomplish anything Connor." She continued. "Please, stop this."

Connor broke down sobbing, falling to the floor. Buffy was on him in a second, flipping the lighter closed and extinguishing the flame before she cradled Connors sobbing form to her, cooing softly to him.

Dawn finally came in, shocked by what she saw to say the least. At Buffy’s silent gestures she untied Angel and they left.

Gunn, Fred, Angel and Dawn came back and began stripping the bed and cleaning the floor. Connor didn’t seem to notice, he just lay in Buffy’s arms, crying.

Buffy came down stairs early evening, exhausted.

"Hey." Greeted Angel. "How is he?"

"Sleeping, finally." She said, slumping on one of the seats in the lobby. "I left Gunn with him, he’ll tell us if he wakes up."

Angel nodded.

"I’m sorry you can’t be with him." Said Buffy.

"I understand, I’d just make things worse."

"It isn’t your fault. He was raised in hell by your arch enemy."

Angel sat beside her. "Somehow that doesn’t help."

"I know."

They were silent for a long while until Angel asked. "What happens now?"

"I don’t know. I guess we try and help him."

Angel nodded. "I called Wesley, asked if he knew of anything that could help."

"That’s good." She said, pleased they were healing their rift.

"He’ll be here tomorrow morning with what he’s been able to dig up."

Buffy could feel her eyelids drooping.

"You want to sleep?" he asked.

Buffy shook her head. "I’ll take over from Gunn in a while."

"Coffee?"

"Mmm, that’s a good idea."

Angel returned a few moment later with a mug of steaming coffee for her. She accepted the mug and took a sip.

"You remembered." She smiled.

"Two sugars and lots of cream. I’d never forget. Turn around." He said, pushing her shoulders until her back was to him. He began massaging her shoulders.

Buffy hadn’t realised how tense she was until his fingers began working the knots out of the muscles in her shoulders, she began to relax and moan.

"Mmm, That feels so good." She encouraged.

After a few minutes Angel asked. "Do you think he really loves you?"

Buffy was glad she didn’t have to look into Angles eyes for this conversation.

"I don’t know." She answered truthfully. "He might. Or he might just not know what he’s feeling."

"How so?"

Buffy placed a hand on his to stop his massaging her, then she leaned back into him. Angel kissed the top of her head and wrapped his arms around her.

"Well he’s 16," said Buffy. "Slap bang in the middle of puberty. Add to that he was raised in a hell dimension where I doubt they had women."

"Well…"

"Not the two legged, two eyes, two breasted kind anyway."

"Mmm." He agreed.

"I’m the first woman Connor’s ever connected to, he does have feelings for me. I just don’t think he knows what those feelings are."

They were silent for a moment.

"I don’t think I should carry on trying to help him." said Buffy.

"Why not?"

"Because it’s causing problems. One, his feelings for me. I just don’t feel right about it. And then I’m not qualified, at all for this. I can’t even raise Dawn very well."

Angel kissed the top of her head again. "I think you’d hurt him more if you severed contact."

"Maybe."

"Truth is Buffy, I think you’re the only person who can help him. he respects you, looks up to you. And if he is just misguided about his feelings towards you, he’ll learn how to deal with it."

Buffy considered all Angel had said as she lay down on Connors floor. Maybe she could help him. But then again maybe she’d just screw him up further.

‘Just trust in yourself.’ Lorne’s words came back to her. Perhaps this was the rough time he had spoken of. Maybe she should help Connor, and if she trusted herself and her instincts, it would work out.

Then again, that was a lot of maybes.

Although sleeping, Buffy was still alert for any noise or movement and as soon as Connor woke up, she sat up.

"Connor?" she asked. There was no reply but as her eyes adjusted to the dim room, she saw him lying in bed. He was awake and as she looked at him, he closed his eyes and looked away.

Buffy sat beside him on the bed. He starred blankly ahead, his covers pulled right up to his neck.

"Wanna talk?" she asked.

He blinked rapidly but didn’t answer.

"OK, I’ll talk." She said, wondering where to start. "Firstly Connor, I want you to know that I love you, you’re my family. And if you ever need me, I will always be here for you. Always." She paused. "Now, the way you feel about me. I’m sorry I don’t feel the same way. I can’t love you romantically, I’m sorry. That doesn’t mean we can’t be friends though. You’re young, you have your whole life ahead of you and the right girl is out there, waiting for you."

She paused again. "What you did yesterday was wrong. You shouldn’t have done it. You risked all out lives over a vendetta and I do not want to see you fire bomb your self for something so petty. Understood?" she asked.

Connor closed his eyes.

"Good." She said, taking that as a yes. She reached into his covers and pulled his hand out, holding it in both of hers. "Now, I want to put yesterday behind us, move on, forward. No one holds it against you and everyone just wants to forget it ever happened. OK?"

No reply.

"Well you can lie here all day if you want, or you can come down to breakfast with me. Your choice. I just have one final thing to ask. Don’t you ever run off again. If you need time alone, that’s fine, I wont get in your way. Just tell us where you’re going. I care about you and I worry about you. If you feel like running again, please don’t. Talk to me. I don’t want to loose you Connor. Will you promise not to run off again?"

He nodded his head slightly.

Buffy smiled and brushed his hair put of his face. "Thank you." Then she stood up. "I’m heading down, you coming?" she asked.

"Yo… you’re not mad about…"

"Yesterday? I’m mad as Hell, it was stupid, foolish and irresponsible and I’m ashamed that you did it." she said, her tone harsh. "But I also think I understand why you did it. It was still wrong but I don’t blame you." Connor smiled slightly. "Do it again though and I will kick you ass. That was your get out of jail free card, you wont get another."

Wesley came over later that day to speak to Buffy. His advice was simple, be a parent. Don’t be too hard on him, but also, don’t be too lenient.

"Connor needs boundaries." He explained. "Being soft on him will do as much damage as being too harsh."

"So just be a good parent?" Buffy said.

"Essentially yes. I realise you probably don’t have much faith in your parenting skills, but you are probably better than you realise."

Buffy rolled her eyes. "I doubt that."

"Look at Dawn." He said. "She’s had an unusual start in life but she seems to be turning out OK."

"She’s a klepto, her grades were falling, she almost got vamped by her first boyfriend… What do I know?"

"But look at her now." He said. "Her grades are back up, she isn’t stealing any more. Things have been tough, on both of you, but over all, you’re on course to raise a bright young woman there. It’s hardly surprising she acted out given recent events. Don’t be too hard on yourself."

Buffy shrugged.

"Here. I also brought some books on my way over that might help."

Buffy took the four books.

The Teenager and You, Teenagers and Tantrums, How to be a Good Parent, and Parenting 101 - Everything you need to raise a well rounded child.

"Wow, didn’t know parenting came with homework." She joked.

Wes smiled warmly at her. "You will be OK Buffy."

"I know. Thanks, for all your help."

The next few weeks were tense. Connor didn’t leave his room for the first week, Buffy brought him all his meals and worked out with him in there.

The next week he still didn’t want to see anyone but Buffy talked him into a day out with her and Dawn. They went to the beach, played ball, swam, played a few arcade games and ate sandwiches with sand in.

Connor seemed to have fun. He was still surly, but a couple of times he cracked a smile. He hadn’t wanted to play though.

"Play is a distraction." He told her.

"Yes it is." She agreed. "And right now we all need a distraction. You can’t work and fight and train all the time."

He agreed to play catch.

After lunch they walked down the pier, just being a family.

Buffy wished with all her heart than Angel could be there, this was his family really, not hers. But this was the best thing she could do for him, try and help Connor.

The next day Fred joined them at the movies and for Pizza. Then the next day Gunn and Wes took the place of Fred and Dawn as they went hiking outside the city.

After that, Connor began to venture out of his room at the hotel.

Buffy and Angel lay in bed, thinking about stuff. It was nearly time for the new school year to start and that meant Buffy had to return to Sunnydale.

Angel realised that while Dawn could transfer to a local school here, Buffy couldn’t leave the Hell Mouth for too long. All was quiet for now but how long would that last?

"We’ll have weekends." Buffy reassured him. "We can alternate, you come to me one week, I’ll come to you the next." But she knew his real concerns were about Connor. Neither wanted to broach the subject though. Angel didn’t want to loose his son, and Buffy didn’t want to take his son away from him.

So they lay there, neither really saying what had to be said.

Connor now had contact with his father, although it was limited and the two hadn’t spent any time alone. Angel was OK with that. He couldn't hope for anything with Connor any more so he took what he could get, how ever he could get it.

"Connor’s doing well." Buffy said. "He’s much happier I think."

Angel took a deep breath. "You should take him with you." He said.

Buffy couldn’t look him in the eye.

"Maybe you could enrol him in school with Dawn." He suggested.

"I don’t think he’s really a school type."

They lay silently for a while longer.

"We still have three days until I have to go." Buffy said. "Let’s think about it, talk again later."

The next morning Connor, Angel and Buffy worked out together. Both men had been reluctant to be in such close quarters but Buffy had other reasons here. Her hope was that by pushing them together for the next three days, they would form some kind of connection, there by leaving her free to leave and not take Connor.

The session was tense but no one made any snide remarks and the fighting was professional.

Buffy was often amazed at how alike they were, their movements were synchronised, like they had trained together for weeks, perfecting a routine.

They finished their workout and headed up to the lobby.

"Anyone want a drink?" Buffy asked, heading towards the kitchen.

"Yeah, I’d love a…" before Connor could finish a strong wind blew through the lobby, bringing Gunn and Fred running out of the office.

Then the noise started, like thunder, crackling again and again.

Dawn appeared at the top of the stairs shortly afterwards.

"What’s going on!" she shouted, but no one was able to hear her.

Everyone stood ready for attack.

Just then, the thunder like noise stopped and a loud pop sounded as Cordelia appeared in the middle of the lobby.

"Hi guys." She beamed.

Chapter 10

"Cordelia?" asked Buffy.

"Yep, it’s me. Now I don’t have long. They gave me five minutes with you, and for that I have to work every holiday for the next two years."

"What are you doing here?" Angel asked.

"Well I have a message for you which I thought best delivered in person, plus I wanted to congratulate you two. You make a great couple. Plus I should probably apologise for the powers love thing."

"Why spoil the habit of a life time. What’s the message?" asked Buffy.

"Still all work and no play, I see." Cordie said to the others present.

"If you only have five minutes, yes, it is all work." Buffy persisted.

"OK. You have to stay here Buffy."

"What about the Hell Mouth?"

"Don’t worry about… OUCH!" she looked up at the ceiling, rubbing her head. "I wasn’t going to tell her!" she continued staring up. "Well it hurts so stop it!"

She looked back to the others. "They have this headache thing they do when you displease them." She explained. "It’s not nice."

"So I have to stay here?" asked Buffy.

"Yeah, in a few days it should all be clear, plans are in motion to protect the hell mouth. You will soon be needed here though. And although it pains me to say it, it would not be pretty if you left."

"Oh."

"Yeah. Well I’m fine thanks for asking."

"Sorry," said Angel. "What’s it like up there?"

"Awful. They order you around, make you wear while all the time AND they don’t have cappuccino!"

"Must be tough." Said Gunn.

"It is. I’m trying to get the uniforms redesigned in a Gucci style with less scratchy material, but it’s taking some time."

"Other than that?" asked Fred.

"Well, I do get to float, and see in the future."

"So how does your job work?" asked Dawn.

"Well, I’m given a situation, told what outcome I have to make happen, then it’s up to me. I shouldn’t really be here in person so, say if I had to keep Buffy here, without telling her in person, I’d do something like make Dawn ill, or as you were about to leave, I’d have a demon attack, something like that. Which is why I have to see into the future, so I can plan these things."

Cordie looked to Connor. "You look good." She smiled. "I’ve been keeping an eye on you, you’re becoming a very handsome young man."

Connor blushed and looked at the floor.

She looked up at the ceiling again before turning back to them. "They say I have to go now." She said sadly. "But I’ll be keeping an eye on you. If you need me, I’ll probably already be here."

"Take care." Said Buffy.

"I will. And you two are going to have such beautiful kids. OWW! Stop that!" "No, I will not! Do it again and I’m gonna ram that stick you carry so far up your …." She faded out as she spoke.

"Well, least her leaving wasn’t as dramatic as her entrance." Said Fred, looking at the papers, strewn all over the office.

"Children?" said Buffy softly.

Buffy explained what she knew to Xander, which wasn’t much. He agreed to her staying a little longer, as long as things got sorted soon. It wasn’t a very good idea to have an unguarded hell mouth.

Buffy agreed, and reassured him she would come running if anything happened.

Dawn was enrolled in Hemmery High, Buffy’s old school.

Buffy also sent for a few more things from Sunnydale. If she was going to be living here now, she wanted her stuff with her.

She wasn’t 100% sure she’d stay here. She couldn’t be sure until she knew what was happening with the hell mouth. Cordelia’s word just wasn’t enough.

Thankfully the answer came a few days later with Wesley.

He and Angel had become friends again, often sharing a late night drink in the kitchen.

Buffy was proud of Angel. She knew it wasn’t easy for him to forgive Wes, plus he didn’t have the benefit of being on the outside to see that Wesley’s intentions were only ever good. Still, they seemed to have a relationship again.

Buffy often wondered why they always drank together. Neither normally drank. She eventually came to the conclusion that either it enabled them to talk more freely or, if they said too much, it was an excuse the next morning.

It was at one of these late night talks the next day that the powers plan began to form.

Buffy was about to leave then for the night when Wes asked her to stay.

"I should tell both of you this." He said.

Buffy took a seat and listened.

"I’ve been visiting Faith of late." He began.

Angels eyes widened in shock. "You have?"

Wes nodded. "I don’t really understand it myself. I just… To begin with I think I went just to see her. How she was getting on, coping what the things she’d done. It turned out that we actually aren’t all that dissimilar."

He paused before continuing. "I just thought I should warn you really, she’s up for parole. Her hearing is on Monday."

Angel smiled. "That’s good news."

Buffy wasn’t quite so happy. "Wow." Was all she said.

"I understand you have reservations Buffy, as did I at first. But I do believe she has changed, she wants to make up for her crimes now."

"Right." Said Buffy, non committaly.

"I know it isn’t easy to believe Buffy, but she was lost, frightened. She felt like she had no one, then after the deputy mayor was killed, it sent her over the edge."

"Look, Wes, I’m not down on her getting out, just cautious. As you should be."

"Perhaps. However I have offered her a place to stay, with me, that should help her case at the hearing. I also offered a character reference."

"Wes, she tortured you!" said Buffy.

Wesley nodded. "I know, I was there."

"And you’re still doing this?"

"Yes. She needs help. I might be being foolish, on the other hand, I could be right."

"Well…" Buffy took a deep breath then looked into Wesley’s eyes. "I hope things work out." She said sincerely. "I really do."

"Thank you Buffy. I appreciate it."

"It’s time I went to sleep. Have fun." She said, kissing Angel lightly as she left.

Faith was granted Parole and moved in with Wesley. A week later they relocated back to Sunnydale to protect the hell mouth.

Shortly afterwards, Willow returned to America, recovered though still grieving. She transferred to UCLA to complete her degree.

Dawn got on well in school, making friends easily and doing well with her grades.

Connor was home schooled by Fred and Angel.

His relationship with Angel was complex, but slowly they were reaching an understanding.

Connors crush on Buffy had been just misguided feelings. He hadn’t met the right woman yet, but Buffy was sure one day he would.

Slowly, life at the hotel resumed some order. Buffy worked in the business and was eternally grateful not to be flipping burgers any more. They became a well oiled fighting team.

It wasn’t until nearly 8 months later that things began getting bad.

The signs were all there. The beast arose in LA and the first manifested itself in Sunnydale.

The apocalypse was here. Not just any apocalypse though, this was the end of goodness. The reign of evil was about to begin if they couldn’t stop it.

Buffy also discovered that she was the reason. If she hadn’t been brought back from the dead, the first wouldn’t have been able to manifest. Ying and yang.

Connor was the reason for the beast’s appearance. A warrior for good, a warrior for evil. Ying and yang.

They put these thoughts behind them though, they had other things to worry about.

The fight was fought all over the world, although the biggest battles were in Sunnydale and LA. It was long and bloody. Casualties around the world must have totalled thousands. The Battle of Peace it came to be named, it was anything but peaceful though.

As the first was finally defeated, the beast killed and the final binding spell performed, the sun broke through over the west coast.

This was the light that would cleanse the world of evil. The first was gone. The only thing mankind had to worry about for a while was it’s own evil, the evil than men do.

Angel was unprepared for the light since the sun didn’t rise slowly, the cloud suddenly broke and sunlight swamped them.

Bathed in sunlight he cried out and fell to his knees. He was too exposed, there was nowhere to run.

Buffy immediately jumped on him, shielding him with what she could of her body.

She called for blankets, coats, anything they could find to protect her love. Although bloody and battered, everyone struggled to help shield him.

He was unconscious when they finally had enough covering to move him. They took him straight back to the hotel and into his bed.

Buffy sat beside him, knowing there was nothing she could do. He didn’t look hurt by the sun, but she couldn’t explain his state, why didn’t he wake up?

For three days and nights she sat beside his bed, holding his hand, reading to him, doing anything she could to wake him. None of it helped.

Connor visited frequently. On the second day he began crying. "Don’t die." He said. "I’m sorry, I don’t want you to go. Not yet… Dad… Wake up."

Still nothing.

By day four, Buffy was running out of hope. Her wounds were slowly healing but her eyes were red from crying, she was weak from lack of food and she was out of options.

Everyone had done everything they could. Every possible option from magic to medicine had been explored.

On the fourth evening Buffy climbed into bed with him, as she had the last three nights and curled up beside him, her head resting on his chest. Eventually she fell asleep there, as she had done every other night.

The change wasn’t immediately obvious. In fact Buffy didn’t notice at first. She awoke and looked up at his face, which remained unchanged.

She got out of bed and headed for the bathroom to wash up.

It wasn’t until she returned that she noticed it.

Sitting by his bed again she took his hand. It was warm.

It wasn’t unusual for him to absorb some of her body heat when they slept together, but it usually faded quickly.

She looked closer at him. Then she noticed the colour in his cheeks and the movement, tiny and barely noticeable but his chest was definitely rising and falling.

Buffy’s hands shook and she turned his wrist over. Clumsily she felt for a pulse. It took three tries but eventually she could feel it, faintly pumping against her fingers.

"CONNOR! DAWN!" she yelled, shaking Angel, trying to wake him up.

"Buffy?" asked Dawn as she entered.

"He’s alive!"

"What?" asked Connor, barrelling in just in time to hear.

"Alive, he has a pulse, and he’s breathing."

"Oh my god." Said Dawn, running out again.

"You mean he’s OK?" asked Connor.

"I don’t know, I can’t wake him up. But he is alive."

Fred was next in, bundled by Dawn. She got straight to work, checking his pulse, and breathing.

"Well, it’s true." She confirmed.

"So why wont he wake up?" asked Buffy.

"If I had to guess, I’d say his body was slowly changing. His pulse is weak and irregular right now, and his breathing shallow. Hopefully, once he’s fully changed, he’ll wake up of his own accord."

That day was even worse then the four before it. Buffy paced like a caged lion, waiting for something, anything to happen.

Visitors to his room were frequent. Wes and Faith drove down from Sunnydale, just to see if it was true. Giles flew back from England as well.

Buffy just wished something would happen.

And it finally did. Buffy was pacing the floor, wring her hands together. She was so caught up in her worry that she didn’t notice his eyes open.

"Buffy." He whispered.

Within a flash, Buffy was on top of him raining kisses all over his face. "You alive, I can’t believe it, you’re alive and you’re OK."

Angel pulled Buffy to him and held her tightly.

Epilogue

Over the next few years, everyone’s life slowed down. Except Dawn, who went away to college in New York and partied most of the nights away.

After defeating the first, the supernatural evil on earth was back to a minimum. Only a few demons, a couple of vampires and the odd black witch to worry about.

Life was good.

Buffy re-enrolled in college, this time UCLA. Angel changed the agency into a regular detective agency, taking all kinds of cases, as well as the odd supernatural one. He no longer had his vampire powers, but he didn’t mind. He trained hard and still helped Buffy. Not that she actually had much to do these days.

Connor worked with Buffy and Angel in the family business. He eventually met a young Native American woman named Kayla who he settled down with.

Fred and Gunn got married and moved outside the city. They didn’t loose contact with anyone, they just wanted the little house with a white picket fence that they had so often dreamed of.

Fred got her PhD and began working as a professor for UCLA. Gunn started his own business running self defence classes.

Lorne returned to Las Vegas and became a headliner and a minor celebrity. His mixture of fortune telling, singing and general entertaining was a hit. Only a few people knew his look wasn’t thanks to makeup. He settled down and married a peaceful Onag demon named Sachwak, or Sasah to most people.

You’ll sometimes see his picture on the cover of the Enquirer, probably hugging Elvis, saying he is still alive. He was for a long while, long after the public thought he was dead, after all, no human could possibly live to be 142, as he was when he died. But those pictures are doctored, no one ever managed to discover that he hadn’t really died. And he certainly never met Elvis!

Faith continued her slaying in Sunnydale, what little there was to do, and got a job working as a recruitment agent. She married a man named Dean after seven years of keeping him hanging on, waiting.

Wesley stayed with her and opened a book shop. He never married but he settled down with an older woman named Shauna, who bought the Magic Box from Anya.

Anya remained a demon, though she eventually quit working for D’Hoffrin to live a mortal life. She sold the magic shop, preferring the internet because of its lower overheads. She finally forgave Xander and married him four years later. Although she didn’t let him out of her sight on their wedding day

Willow set up her own software company and soon had a thriving business. She received offers from the big companies to buy her out but she wasn’t for sale. Willow Inc was her baby and she would not sell for any amount. She eventually moved on from Tara and, after two failed relationships, she settled down with Lucy, a fellow computer geek. They adopted a baby girl two years later.

Dawn graduated with much better marks than she ever thought she deserved (well she had partied a lot) and moved back to LA. She took a job as an advertising executive and eventually settled down with Tom, an old class mate from Hemmery.

Buffy and Angel finally got married after Buffy graduated. Angel now had a nice shiny new identity as Alan "Angel" Summers.

Their family did indeed grow as over the next five years, Buffy produced two children, both girls named Joyce and Kathy.

Buffy died on September 29^th 2079, aged 98. She left behind three children, including Connor, who she had always considered her child too, five grand children and seven great grandchildren. Angel died seven days later of a broken heart.

Their story is still told today. It’s October 4^th 2133 today. The cynical in society say this story is a myth, an urban legend passed down from generation to generation, embellished more and more with each telling. Most forgot the Battle for Peace, preferring to think of it as mass hysteria. Vampires and demons were once again relegated to mythology and fantasy.

I know that isn’t the truth though because I am Tawana Summers, Buffy and Angels’ great granddaughter. I was one of the few people to witness their deaths. I was only fifteen at the time but I knew their story well. Buffy loved nothing more that telling me this story before I went to bed. And I loved nothing more than listening.

You can choose not to believe this story, I have no control over that, but if you only take one thing from this tale just remember this...

True love is forever, that’s the whole point.

The End