FIC: Piece Of My Heart

Author: Jill

Disclaimer: Sadly I have to admit, I do not own them, for this they have to suffer in the show and can only live happily in fanfic ... or not! (evil grin)

Rating: PG-13

Pairing: B/A

Distribution: my site, Land of Denial, Sunlight&Shadow, ACS-Fanfictionrealm, several other sites, if you have any of my stories just take it, anybody else please tell me where it goes

Spoilers: the whole B/A-cannon is a sure bet, and the first story called "Love of a Lifetime". You should read it to understand this.

Summary: After his meeting with Riley, Angel has the next unexpected encounter

Feedback: it's like cookies, it's not really needed, but makes life much sweeter

Dedication: This goes to Ryan, Sina, Helen, Romana, Kimberline, Sabrina, Lore, banana, Tashi, Missy, Deb, Crystal, Karin, Emily, Clare, Peygan, Sara-Lee, Jessica, Jennifer, Ana, trammie, Trish, Lucy, Caroline, X'ira, Brandee, Missy (Marisa), Anja, Gem, Audrey, Mariah and Jaime for the great feedback. Thanks so much guys! Here's the next installment!

Note: not beta-read. All faults are mine! Sorry for that, but I was impatient to send this out!

She was different, Angel noticed, taking a step closer, yet not daring to invade her personal space. She was older, her eyes holding more knowledge, but also more pain. There was darkness in them, all the things she'd seen as a slayer, and others. Like finding the dead body of her mother. Like dying and coming back. Like watching the men in her life leave her side.

He winced inwardly at his own train of thoughts. Angel didn't think he was irreplacable, but without doubt he knew that his betrayal - and in her eyes it had been that - had been the most painful for her. It had been necessary then, but it didn't change the feelings it aroused. In Buffy, in himself.

"Buffy." He said her name again, not quite able to believe that she was real.

Or was she?

She should be dead by all means. And even if she hadn't died, which she had, he was sure of it, she would be an old woman, with white hair and a wrinkly face. Something tugged at his heart at the thought. An old Buffy was something he'd always hoped to see, but it hadn't happened.

He took another step towards her, then stopped himself again. Who was she? It had to be Buffy. He felt her presence right down to his toenails, had from the moment he'd entered his apartment complex. His soul, his body told him, it was true, had to be, while his mind was screaming it couldn't. There was no rational explanation for it.

And that, coming from a 300 year old vampire, was more than just irony.

Shaking his head, Angel could hardly believe what he was thinking. Of course it was possible. Why shouldn't it? Hell, if anyone had told him he'd meet Riley Finn tonight and actually be glad about it, he'd called him a fool. But he had been glad. Not because it was Riley. He didn't care for the ex-commando any more than he had years ago. But it was the connection to Buffy.

And now the living, breathing ... Angel's thoughts trailed off, and narrowing his eyes he let his gaze wander over her form. Was she breathing at all, he wondered? There could be an explanation for her presence. Not that it was really rational either. He knew she hadn't risen after her death by the hands, or rather teeth, of a vampire. They'd made sure of it.

He strained his ears and there it was. A steady heartbeat. Check, he thought. No vampire.

"Who the hell are you?," he asked finally.

One of her delicate eyebrows rose slowly, and a faint smile was playing around her mouth. "You just said my name," she told him. "Twice."

Her familiar voice sent shivers down his spine and his gut clenched. "I know," he all but growled. Gee, he'd almost forgotten, she could have an attitude. "But I also know that you died long ago. Yet you are standing right in the middle of my living-room, young and beautiful as ever."

She blushed slightly at that. "Thanks," she replied, running a hand through her short hair. Her extremely short hair. Only now Angel realised that her hair wasn't much longer than two inches. "It is ... uh ... a long story," she said, interrupting his observations.

"I'll bet," he replied, shrugging off his leather jacket.

The sight of it made Buffy smile, "I think I remember that."

He shrugged, "It was mine to begin with," he said, his eyes guarded. Suddenly hating the way it sounded, he added, "And I just couldn't see Giles wearing it."

She giggled, "Oh, I don't know. You haven't seen him all worked up with drugs coming from candy. He's got hidden depths."

"I'd call that a shady past," Angel replied sarcastically, but a smile tugged at his lips.

And like that he shattered. Without warning the situation finally hit him. Buffy was here. Standing right in front of him. Smiling at him. Joking.

It was real.

She was here.

Buffy.

Buffy.

Buffy.

He had lived without her. Lived. Fought. Only with her picture in his mind. Without hope of ever seeing her again. Lost forever. Or at least until they would meet in a better world, where pain and loss were only bad memories and where people were happy and united with those they loved.

But now she was here. With him.

Buffy.

The trembling started in his hands. Then it moved up his arms and over his whole body. He shook badly within seconds, his vision blurring. He didn't even realise his legs were giving out, but suddenly he found himself on the floor.

With a strangled outcry the blond crouched down beside him, reaching out to touch him and he flinched.

Her fingers on his arm were like fire, burning him, shaking him even more. Right to the core.

God, she was real.

Buffy was real.

Slowly raising his head he stared into her huge eyes that were watching him with concern. "You're real," he whispered, reaching out himself. He hissed when his fingers connected with the skin of her face.

She was warm. Alive.

And suddenly she understood. "Oh, Angel," she whispered back, moving to sit as close as possible, their thighs touching, she entwined her fingers with his. "Yes, I'm real. As real as you."

"But ... but h-how," he managed, not able to take his eyes from her form, afraid she might vanish the moment he did. Leaving him behind in the darkness again. Behind in loneliness.

She made a little sound and lifted one of her shoulders in what might have been a shrug. "As I said. A long story."

He nodded, almost to himself. "Okay. I've got time." He laughed harshly, "I'm not going to get any older."

"No," she smiled at him, leaned her head against his shoulder. "Neither will I. At least not now."

"What?" Startled he looked at her, frowned. "But you've got a heartbeat," he stated.

"You checked, huh?," she replied. "Yeah. I've got a heartbeat." She shrugged again. "Immortals always have."

She felt him stiffen beside her, his fingers tightening almost painfully around hers. He was usually cold, but now he seemed even colder. "I- Immortal?," he asked finally.

"Immortal," she confirmed, aching for him. He'd gone through so much over the last sixty years.

Without her. She hadn't been there to help him. But had she ever been there to help him, she wondered? Yeah, there had been one or two times, in the beginning, but later ... after he'd left ... she'd tried to ignore him, even hate him, to be able to move on. Did he remember that?

Sudden fear settled in her gut. What if he didn't need her anymore? Didn't want her? They'd told her he needed her, but who said he needed anything but a friend. Or maybe not even that. Maybe he'd become so used to being alone, he didn't mind anymore. Besides, she didn't really want to be his friend.

Friend.

It was a good word. A nice word. But at the moment it tasted like acid on her lips.

He was still sitting beside her, not looking at her, just staring straight ahead. What was he thinking? "Angel?," she asked finally, to get a reaction from him. Any reaction.

"Immortal," he repeated. "What happened?" He didn't sound madly interested, but at least he'd asked.

"They were watching you," she began, looking at the ceiling. "From above. And they obviously thought you needed some encouragement."

"And that encouragement would be ... you?," he said, his voice carefully controlled, but she could hear the emotions underneath.

And she knew. "Yes. Me," she confirmed. "I'm here to stay. They thought ... you might ... need someone to fight with you." Suddenly smiling fondly, she went on, "And as they couldn't get you to love ... another, I was the only one left."

He'd heard the short hesitation in her answer, understood its meaning. "Don't ever doubt it," he said quietly, squeezing her hand. "It just ... overwhelms me." He laughed shortly, shook his head, "This is ... kind of weird ... even for me. I never expected to see you again. At least not ... so soon."

"But deep down you always knew we would find each other, no matter what." It wasn't a question.

He nodded, "No matter what."

She nodded too, relief almost making her dizzy. He hadn't forgotten about her. Not in his heart. Not where it counted. But it still wasn't enough. "The question is, do you want me here?," she asked, her voice trembling slightly. She couldn't hide it. She was afraid. What if he said no? "Because I'm ... on probation only."

His lips twitched, "Probation, huh?"

She shrugged. "I think they didn't really trust me, too young, you know."

He chuckled slightly and the sound sent a warm feeling through her gut. "So that means I'm to decide if you stay or not?"

"Uh ... yeah, in a nutshell."

Closing his eyes for a moment, he ran a hand over his face, then through his hair, while his mind tried to get a grip on what was happening. Buffy had been sent to him? By the Powers? She'd said something about "above". But what did it mean? And she was immortal? Like him. But what about Shanshu?

He hadn't allowed himself about it for a long time. Had even stopped believing in it for a while. Wesley had said it meant "coming alive". Giles had confirmed it. But "alive" could mean so much. Did it mean he'd actually have a heartbeat? Or did it just mean his human soul? Did it maybe mean it would be able to be free of guilt and just live? Was part of that Buffy?

Or was it just Buffy? Period.

He remembered that the only times he'd really felt alive, had been the times with her. God, there were so many questions and he didn't have the slightest idea what the answers were.

And what about the curse? Buffy would be close to him. All the time. Day in, day out. Would that mean they'd go on torturing themselves, trying to ignore their mutual attraction, their feelings? He hadn't forgotten about the year after he'd returned from hell.

He needed time to think. Needed time to collect his confused thoughts. Opening his eyes again, they fell on his leather jacket. "I met Riley," he said.

She stared at him, not understanding. What had he said? Weren't they talking about the reason she came? He had to decide what was going to happen next? Didn't he realise that he was holding her - maybe their - future in his hands? "W-what?," she stammered.

"Riley Finn," he replied. "You remember him, don't you?"

"Riley Finn," she repeated the name, still not able to follow and then it hit her. "Riley Finn? You mean Riley? Soldier-boy, Riley? Ex-boyfriend, Riley? Riley Finn who disappeared with a helicopter in the night to hunt vampires in Brazil?"

He nodded, "Yeah." Yes, this was good. Safe territory.

"He's still alive then? Or was it a long time ago?"

"No. Just tonight," he told her. "He's old. Uses a cane to walk. Has four kids and three grand-kids. Wife died a while ago." He took a deep breath, not sure how she'd take it, "Said she was the love of his life."

"Oh." The sound was small, but it wasn't disappointment, or anger, or - worse - pain. It was just that. A sound. Telling him she'd heard. "Well, I'm glad," she said. "I always thought he was a good guy and that the right woman would love him to death." She grimaced, "No pun intended of course."

"We talked," he turned his head to look at her, saw her watching him. "It was ... good. He was a connection to many things that were good. To you." And there it was. The decision. Why had he hestiated, he wondered now? The decision had already been made. Without him even noticing it.

Tightening his hold on her hand, he said quietly. "Stay."

Air left her lungs in a rush, and her voice was a bit wobbly when she replied, "You sure?"

He nodded, "Yeah. Absolutely. Definitely. Stay." He smiled.

She smiled too. Shakily. "I love you," she breathed.

"I love you too."

They laughed, their eyes locked.

He sobered first. "I'm not quite sure how we're going to do this. I mean with you and me. Close. You know, the curse is still there and ...," he trailed off, not needing to say anymore. He thought.

But she suddenly smiled. Not shakily anymore. But a genuine, happy smile. "You didn't think I came just like that. Without some surprises."

"Surp-," his voice caught, hope rising like fire inside of him. Could it be? Clearing his throat, he tried again, "What surprise?"

"Weeell," she wiggled her brows. "The curse is gone." She paused a moment. Seemed to listen. Then nodded. "As of now."

"Wh- what?," he croaked, his throat dry.

"You heard me. I'm sure of it. With vampire hearing and all. So," she smiled again. "What are you going to do about it?"

The smile on his face was slow. It wasn't the beam on hers, but it wasn't any less genuine. "About what?," he asked, his eyes sparkling.

Rolling her eyes, she rose on her knees and leaned towards him. "I remember a night when you showed me what a skilled lover you were. I never forgot about it. Not one single detail."

"Me neither," he whispered, feeling her breath on his lips. "Want to try it again?"

Her lips touched his. Just like a breeze. Then they were gone again. But his lips were burning like fire. "Want more?," she asked.

He caught her hands that were wandering over the buttons of his shirt, starting to open them. "I love you," he told her again. "I never stopped."

"Me neither."

"It's like my heart became complete again tonight," he told her, moistness entering his eyes.

"I know," she whispered, her tears already falling.

The world was dark. But suddenly there was hope. Sunshine. Bright and happy.

Letting go of her hands, he framed her face with his, his thumbs tracing her brows, then her cheeks. "You're a piece of my heart," he whispered.

She blinked rapidly. "And you're of mine. Always."

Their lips met then. They were both immortal. But none of them had ever felt more human before. And in losing himself in her touch, Angel suddenly realised that she was his real redemption.

END