Title: Again

Author: Juliette

Disclaimer: I wouldn't want them anyway, now. But then again, maybe I would... Since I definitely would kick out every one of the writers who thought up this B/S and A/C garbage...

E-mail: juliette2013@yahoo.de

Summery: Song-fic, Buffy and Angel meet again after several years.

Timeline: A few years into the future.

Notes: The song's named 'Again' by Janet Jackson. Someone posted this -sorry, I forgot who- on Ducks' Babble Board and I just HAD to write this!!!!!!

#2 Note: I'm German, and this is un-betaed, so there could be hundrets of mistakes, sorry... :o(

Dedication: To the one who posted the lyrics on the Babble Board, of course! *^_^* Sorry, but I really can't remember who you are.... °_° Aaaaaand to all my faithfully feedbackers! I love you all!

Feedback: P-L-E-A-S-E !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It was late afternoon when Willow called me and told me you were here, staying in the mansion for a couple days, because one of your newest cases had send you straight to Sweet Sunny D.

And I couldn't help it, so I ran straight to the Mansion in my pyjamas, looking for you, but not daring to let you know I was there. And when I stood there, my sweat pants soaking wet from the rain I was so relieved that Cordelia wasn't with you.

I think I might have died seeing you there with her in your arms. Arms that had held me on the exact same spot in front of the fireplace, the flames flickering around you and making your tanned skin glow in the soft light.

It's strange how I've always thought you'd look alien to me with a tan, human, but seeing you now it's the most natural thing in the world to me.

But as beautiful as you look with it, and even though it suits you so bittersweet much, I find myself wishing back your pale skin, looming over me in the moonlight.

Because when you were still pale, you were still with me.

//I heard from a friend today and

she said you were in town

suddenly the memories

came back to me in my mind\\

And then I walk away, through the pouring rain, because it hurts just so much seeing you like this. So happy. Without me.

The last time I've seen you like this you were making out with her and your son was warm and softly tucked up in his crib just one room away.

You hadn't even noticed there was someone else in the room. That I was in that room.

I've come to you, because you were the only one I had left after I'd betrayed everyone else's trust with my sex capades with lil' old Spikey.

But I was wrong. Because I didn't have you at all.

So I freaked out. I screamed things at you I'd never even have thought about you. Have called you oh so many things. I told you I hated you.

Even though it wasn't true. Whatever you did I would forgive you. Because it's you.

But I was just so hurt. Every time I looked into your eyes, eyes that told me you loved HER now, and all I could do was remember how you promised me forever only a few months ago when we met in that park between Sunnydale and Los Angeles.

Only a few months ago.

I will never let that happen again. I won't let you hurt me like this ever again.

//How can I be strong I've asked myself

time and time I've said that

I'll never fall in love with you again\\

And I want to hate you, but I can't. You have my heart. You have my soul, and you just won't give it back to me.

How is this fair? You have moved on. You're human. You've got your son and picked fence around your big, predating hotel. You run a little agency with your girlfriend who looks like she could have jumped right out of a fashion magazine and your best friends. You live your dream.

Without me.

Why can't you just stop haunting my every thought?

Thought about all those wonderful, amazing and heartbreaking moments we had. All this beautiful memories.

But I guess that's all they are. Memories.

Past.

For you anyway.

And I've tried to pretend that I didn't love you anymore. And that I never would again. Because you've hurt me so much.

//A wounded heart you gave,

my soul you took away

good intentions you had many,

I know you did

I come from a place that hurts,

god knows how I've cried a

nd I never want to return

never fall again\\

I was so scared the moment you walked into the Magic Box, yesterday. And I think I might have killed myself instead of being in one room with you. That was, if I'd have been able to move at all.

But you'd stayed calm and gifted me with this breath-taking half-smile and caught me when I fell. And asked me how I was, where I lived now.

And your hands brushed mine and I found myself remembering our one and only night. How those hands have felt on my skin, caressing me. Making me moan and shake beneath you. How it was hearing you screaming my name. '

And the ache in my heart is indescribable, because I know I'll never feel you like this again. Because you are with her now.

And I realised that I've failed. I've let myself get hurt by you once again.

//Making love to you felt so good and

oh so right

how can I be strong

I've asked myself

time and time I've said

that I'll never fall in love with you again\\

And when I walked home, my heart stopped when you caught up with me, calling me from afar that I was to wait.

And then I stood with you in the same alley we first met and I think you've only now realised it, too.

And I asked you how Cordy was. But you answered with a simple 'I don't know. I haven't seen her for a longer time'. And I have to keep myself from screaming with happiness and just stare at you, smiling.

And before I know it you're kissing me, and I feel myself getting lost in your arms that are still so unnatural strong, although I know you're human now.

You need to breath.

And when you pulled away I see that I've let myself get lost inside of you again so easily. And I know it can't be forever.

You've promised me forever one too many times for me to ever believe it again.

And I ran. I don't want to be hurt ever again.

And you didn't run after me.

//So here we are alone again

didn't think It'd come to this

and to know it all began

with just a little kiss

I've come too close to happiness,

to have it swept away don't think

I can take the pain never fall again\\

But how can I stay strong when you step into my life, standing in front of my porch and getting down on your knees, begging me to take you back?

Oh, how long have I dreamed about you doing this and I realise with a bittersweet smile that you acted and talked exactly the same way I have dreamed about.

And you still care about me. And I remember in a flash that you haven't talked about her the entire time you stayed in Sunnydale. Only when I asked you about her.

And now you stood before me and all I could think about was how kissable this tanned skin of your's looked.

And before I could talk myself out of it I was in your arms, jumping into your embrace and wrapping my arms and legs around you, kissing you so fiercely you nearly doubled over.

And you were kissing me back.

//Kinda late in the game

and my heart is in your hands

don't you stand there and then tell me you love me

then leave again

'cause I'm falling in love with you again\\

And I know I've failed again. Because I love you even more than ever before and you were there when I woke up.

You'll be there when I wake up every day I live from now.

And god, you are oh so sweet, you cook for me. You send me flowers although you live with me now and tell me you love me every single day. Multiple times.

We share an apartment together, since Dawn moved into the dorms. It's not very big, only one room but it's enough. One small kitchen, the oversized bathroom with the large tub, a huge living room and a bedroom we share. Just perfect.

You help me patrol, because the Powers let you keep your strength and your healing abilities. You help me with my studying. Because you forced me to try again attending to UC Sunnydale. And they took me back. I'll become something big and respectful. Maybe a lawyer? Or a doctor? Therapist? Prof.?

And we have picnics in the sun and you even talk about children.

You want me to adopt Conner.

Yesterday you even serenaded me. And even when I tried so hard not to laugh, because you couldn't get one tune straight out if the world depended on it, I also was so close to tears. Because you did this for me.

And I know I'll never let you go again, because this is where you belong and I wouldn't trade it for the world.

Never again.

And I'm happy now. And I know you're happy, too.

//Hold me,

hold me don't ever let me go

say it just one time

say you love me

god knows

I do love you again \\

THE END