Title – Him

Disclaimer - not mine.

Rating - PG

Spoilers - everything ever.

Pairing - Buffy/Angel.

Synopsis – Buffy and Angel through Buffy's ex fiance's eyes.

Feedback - always.

AN – Cole's pov.

I don't know what I feel as I look at them now. I can't really say it's just hate because that would be a lie and I've had more than enough lying. So maybe the irony in that is that what I see is the truth. There's gotta be a reason why they say that in spite of popular belief, truth sometimes is the only cure for loss. I mean, if you keep lying to yourself... it will never end.

I don't know what I'm doing here, I have no idea what brought me here and why. I didn't mean to follow them, I just spotted them on the street, by mistake... and now here I am, spying on them, as much as I hate using that term. What if I did want to follow them? What if I've just been looking for an excuse, what if I wanted to see for myself the life she left me for? Maybe I love her too much and I just wanted to see that she didn't really love him. Maybe I wanted to see that she did.

I followed them all the way to the cemetery, I didn't check my watch, but I think it was about twenty minutes of walking and I was so busy watching them that I didn't even pay attention. All this time, they never once left each other's side, not even for a moment. He didn't let her out of his sight any more than she wanted him to. And that hurt. Either he had his arm protectively wrapped around her shoulders, or he held her small hand in his, but there was always some kind of physical contact, as though it were a drug they both couldn't do without, touching each other, feeling the other there. I think back at all the stories I've heard and I realize maybe they really did lose one another one too many times.

My eyes lingered on him several times and I was always greeted by the same thing that always resulted with the same pang in my chest. His body language, his entire *being* behaved as though his only purpose on this planet was to keep her safe and to love her. And at those moments I always had to ask myself - was that how I looked next to her? And I always come back to the same no. I never was protective of her because she always made an impression of someone so capable and strong she didn't need protection, certainly not the one I could offer her. I never thought just how exhausting it could be, always needing to be the strong one, until I saw her with him. And that was the first time when I saw her allowing herself to be... normal. She is the Slayer, I don't know much about these things, but I do know that no matter what he used to be, her strength never rivaled his own, she was always stronger. And nevertheless, his confidence in his ability to protect her amazes me. No wonder her trust in him is so unconditional.

They are in the cemetery now, and I'm still watching them. They're fighting vampires, eight or nine, I'm not sure, and all I can do is stare because the sight is absolutely fascinating, regardless whether I want to admit it or not.

She seldom took me patrolling with her, she either went with her friends or with her Watcher, but most of the times, with Connor. At first I wanted to come even though she never allowed me to, but then I decided I was really better off, given that I would be more of a liability to her than help. Besides... patrolling always seemed to be reserved for someone else in her heart. Now I see why. And whom.

Though he could barely hold a stake at first, it took him only several minutes to slip back into his old self and that sharp and so natural change still holds me in complete awe. Their movements are swift and precise, indicating on years of mutual sparring and practice, their advanced fighting skills not only work on their opponents, but also on each other. They work in perfect synchronization, completing each other with their motions, they foretell each other's next move so that they can assist it in the best way possible. They aren't only battling off the vampires, they are looking out for one another, and it seems to come to them so naturally as if they've been doing it their entire lives.

I remember I saw her fight a few times, when she gave in and allowed me to join her on patrol. She wasn't as much as a resemblance to the woman I see before my eyes right now. His company brings out in her a spark I never noticed before probably because it was never there. Unlike then, when she was 'doing her job', now she enjoys it, enjoys every second of it, and all this because *he* is there.

He completes her even in slaying.

I watch as one of the vampires slashes her arm with a blade he is holding and suddenly I feel the repressed urge to jump out of my hiding spot and run over to her to check her wound. But I soon remember I can't, and that I'm not needed. He is instantly taking charge of the situation in such way it leaves her completely out of the picture. The vampire that hurt her is the first to meet the pointy end of his stake, and that only after he tossed it about into several headstones as if he were weightless. As soon as the vampire is dust, he swiftly finishes off the remaining two as well. He drops his stake and rushes over to her. As he kneels next to her, I try to get a bit closer so that I could also hear what they are saying. There is no need to worry I might be noticed now because his attention is given to nothing and no one but her.

She looks strangely weakened all of a sudden and the part of me that still loves her urges me forward again, but I ignore it the best I can. I don't want to get any closer, I didn't come here for that. I don't even know what I did come here for...

"Buffy," I perceive him saying her name as he gently pulls her closer and what I detect hidden in his thick voice I can only too easily relate to. Concern, care, love...

He carefully lifts her wounded arm and though she quietly assures him she's alright, I can see the laceration is bleeding excessively. He checks it for another moment before due to lack of other options, he rips a piece of cloth from his shirt and substitutes it for bandage. "You'll need stitches," he then observes, but she just smiles.

"I'm the Slayer, Angel, I heal pretty fast."

He's not even listening to her. I maybe can't see the exact expression in his eyes, but as he applies another layer of his self-made bandage to her arm, he is radiating with anxiety that is almost contagious. "What happened to you?" he asks, and his voice is everything but light. "You froze, Buffy, you never freeze during a fight like this."

She chuckles softly, but the slight confusion is perceptible in her voice even to me. "And how would you know, Mr I-didn't-know-how-to-hod-a-stake-up-until-five-minutes-ago?"

He throws her a not at all amused scowl before returning to treating her wound. "I guess it's coming back to me."

She sighs and raises her unharmed hand to his face, gently brushing it over his cheek until he visibly eases a little and looks at her. "I'm fine. I promise. I don't know what happened, but I'm fine. Come on," she pulls her arm out of his hold and nestles herself in his embrace as I recognize this image to be too painfully habitual. "Let's take a break for a few minutes, then we'll do a couple more sweeps, okay?"

"Buffy, we should get home," he refuses. "You can't continue like this, you can't use this arm."

She holds his gaze for a moment and the effect of the devilish glint in her eyes is apparent on him as she uses her wounded arm to urge his head down for a kiss, whispering that it's, "Working just fine."

I sigh and slowly turn my back on them as their kiss continues to heat up. I don't want to see that, I've seen enough of them for one day at least. It answered all the questions I could possibly bring up and told me so much more than I wanted to know. Besides, the way things evolve, they will obviously be occupied in patrolling for at least another hour, which leaves me time for what I have to do. And I *really* don't want to do that while they are around.

I raise my hand and muster the courage to finally knock on the door. I've been standing there for about ten minutes and couldn't do it, but I think considering the fact I waited for five days to as much as come near her house again, it's safe to say I've made progress. And of course, it wouldn't be my luck if I were answered by someone other than... Connor.

He looks at me for a moment, and as I look back I even get the feeling he no longer hates me as much as he used to. Probably because now he no longer feels I've invaded his father's space. "Hey," he greets me flatly, with no particular emotion in his voice, then adds, "They're not here."

"I know," I admit. "That's why I am. Can I come in?"

He inspects me quizzically for another moment, then steps back and lets me into the house.

As I walk in, I quickly realize he is home alone, with the exception of Liz, who is busy preparing something in the kitchen and is completely oblivious of me. For a second I wonder where the others are, but I quickly discard that thought. "So you're a happy family now?" I hear myself asking, not even knowing why at first.

He smirks at that, and I begin to mentally recognize the resemblance between him and his father, which I never noticed before merely because I didn't know I was supposed to look for these things. "Buffy is not my mother and I never saw her that way. I think the fact she has only three years over me should tell you that. We already *were* a family," he replies, and there is no sneer in his voice, he is completely serious. "The only difference now is that we're all here."

I nod, with the lack of anything better to say or do.

"My father is back," he says, and I meet his eyes again. "To your question, that's what *I* needed to be happy. And so did Buffy." He's gazing at me carefully, as though he's wondering how I'm going to take what he's just said. I know he didn't mean harm by that, he was just stating the truth. But I'm still not going to let him have the benefit of the doubt. Again, I just nod.

"I have some stuff I left up at Buffy's room I wanna get." I curtly explain him the reason for my being here and without further ado, he moves back and silently motions towards the second floor, before he leaves me to join his girlfriend in the kitchen. I sigh and head up the stairs. The soon I get it done and get out of this house, the better.

Five minutes after I enter her room I realize that either someone up there isn't quiet done playing with me or I've gotten myself into a much bigger mess than I at first thought. For the thousandth time I ask myself, what am I doing there? Why did I start all this, why did I follow them in the first place, why did I want so much to *see* all of it?

I toss the last of my few belongings into the bag I brought and concentrate on the voices outside as I stride over to the open window. I carefully hide behind the wall from where I know they won't be able to detect me. I don't even care anymore what kind of explanation I'm planning to give them when we meet, because if I'm going to eavesdrop to them now, it will be unavoidable.

"You know what I want?" I hear her voice and it's tone is casual in a way I never heard it before. With me, even when she talked lightly, there was always something burdening her and it was reflecting even in the tone of her voice. I know now what it was, but I never knew then.

"What?" he goes along, as I continue to watch them approaching closer and closer. His arm is draped around her shoulders, which seems to be the most natural place for it, and she is snuggled at his side, which seems to be the most natural place for... her.

"I want to be seventeen again. No, scratch that, sixteen. For one day, I want us to be again what we used to-"

She stops in mid sentence because he moves away from her and the loss of touch and closeness evidently disturb her.

"Angel, I didn't mean-"

"Buffy, no," he stops their walk and feebly draws her to him by the hand. Then he lays his hands on her shoulders and turns her to face him completely before saying, "It's nothing you said, I just... can't wait anymore and... I have something. For your birthday."

All traces of alarm vanish from her eyes as she smiles at him, enclosing her arms around his waist. "Angel, my birthday isn't until another two weeks."

"I know," he nods, "I remember. But I don't think I can carry it around another minute without giving it to you."

Her smile fades away and her eyes take a moment to study him carefully as she simultaneously releases her hold of his waist. "What is it?"

He pauses for a moment and then, drawing in a deep breath, retrieves a small box from one of his duster's pockets. As she sucks in a breath of surprise, I clench my jaw, moving further into the shadows of the room. I realize inside I knew he was going to do that all along. And the strangest part is that the fact he only returned into her life several days ago doesn't appear to be an impediment even in my eyes. Why should it be... when they probably pick up right from where they left off?

"Angel," she gasps out his name when he opens the box and she sees the ring inside.

He glances down at the ring, which's exact design I can't see from where I stand, and then back at her. "I know you lost yours years ago. I also know why. I... I wanted you to have another one, except... this one is different."

I keep watching, trying to search through my memory for something that would give me the slightest hint at the memory the two of them are sharing right now, but all along I know it's no use. She never told me.

And then he does exactly what I've been expecting he would do all along. He goes down on one knee and she all but jumps back, releasing a small yelp of surprise mingled with joy and I see the tears running down her face, and I see the same tears reflect in his eyes and I know they've been there ever since she first lay eyes on that ring. A part of me can't help but wish to know its meaning for them, because I know there is one, and its sacred.

"Angel, you-" the words die out in her throat as another wave of disbelief overcomes her and all she can do is just look at him.

"Let me try to... get this out. Okay?"

She nods, and he swallows, waiting a little before he himself is able to form words again.

"I don't know what to say, so that it won't sound corny or... stupid. I don't know how to explain my feelings to you because I never needed to do anything except letting you look me in the eyes and through them bear my soul before you. What I'm doing now, I... I never practiced and... Maybe I should have. I just always thought I'd know what to say."

She reaches out her hand and cups his cheek, bringing his eyes up from the ground. "I don't care," she promises him quietly and he nods in return, and they both know it doesn't matter because he's not done yet. I know that, too.

"You said you wanted to be seventeen again, so I'll try to... make that happen... somehow." He takes a deep breath and waits a moment before proceeding. "When I gave you that ring on your seventeenth birthday, I wedded you. According to the laws of my people, that night, you became my wife. I never told you, because I wasn't sure you were ready to bear that burden yet."

"Burden," she echoes his words and I detect a flicker of hurt in her green eyes.

"And I was right. As it turned out later, for the time being, you were much better not knowing. But I want to change that. With this ring... I want to change everything. I know that if we try to make it work, it will be the best thing we'll ever do. But it will also be hard... and painful. Who like us knows that the joy of our love is bathed in tears. But we will have moments that we will look back at, and they will always help us see what we're fighting for, and how much it's worth the fight, no matter how hard and painful it might be. I want this moment to be the first. I want you to now have the fairytale I told you so many years ago I could never give you. I want you to allow me to put my ring on your finger. And I want you years from now, when you will again pay for our love with tears, to be able to wrap yourself in my arms and look at this ring, at my love, loyalty and friendship, and remember... Remember this fairytale. Remember that I always-" he stops as they both look up at the sky, each releasing a small laughter at the sudden raindrops that seem to sprinkle on them out of nowhere. The rainfall only increases, but neither one of them moves, instead, they look back at each other as he finishes his sentence with, "love you."

"I think the Powers decided to help you recreate my seventeenth birthday weather included," she laughs again, and though her laughter is so clear and happy, I hear the tears in it as well.

He smiles, and gracefully slips the ring on her finger, never breaking eye contact with her, and when its finally in place, he brings her hand to his lips and kisses it. "Let's get inside?" he suggests, as the rain continues to get stronger and I can barely make out their words anymore.

She merely shakes her head 'no' and helps him up. "The rain is ours, Angel." She smiles, encircling her arms around his neck as they draw even closer together. "It's part of the fairytale."

He smiles, too, and plants a soft kiss on her lips.

"Dance with me," she asks, and he complies.

I move away from the window, grab my bag, and leave.

THE END