Title – Other Deal

Disclaimer - not mine.

Rating - PG

Spoilers - everything ever.

Pairing - Buffy/Angel.

Synopsis – begining of explenations.

Feedback - always.

AN – Angel's POV. Italic denote memories. That goes to all the awsome feedbackers I still have to get back to. Promise I will:).

"Why are you here, lower being?"

"The Mohra demon said the end of days had begun. That others were coming, soldiers of darkness. I need to know if he was telling the truth."

"As far as such things can be told."

"What happens to the Slayer when these soldiers come?"

"What happens to all mortal beings. Albeit... sooner, in her case."

"She'll die?... Then I'm here to beg for her life."

"It is not our place to grant life or death."

"And I ask you to take mine back. Look, I-I can't protect her or anyone this way, not as a man."

"You're asking to be what you were, a demon with a soul, because of the Slayer?"

"Oh, this is a matter of love. It does not concern us."

"Yes, it does. The Mohra demon came to take a warrior from your cause, and it succeeded. I'm no good to you like this. I know you have it in your power to make this right. Please."

"What is done can not be undone."

"What is not yet done can be avoided."

"Temporal folds are not to indulge at... the-the whims of lower beings."

"You are wrong. This one is willing to sacrifice every drop of human happiness and love he's ever known for another. He is not a lower being."

"There is one way. But it is not to be undertaken lightly."

"We swallow this day, as though it had never happened. Twenty-four hours from the moment the demon first attacked you, we take it back."

"Then none of this happened and Buffy and I... What... what'll stop us from doing the exact same thing again?"

"You. You alone will carry the memory of this day. Can you carry that burden?"

I never told anyone about what happened afterwards, neither about what was said or what was done. I didn't exactly tell anyone about this either, only Doyle, and even that was more along the lines of a general narration of what happened, I never got into details. As for Buffy, the only other person I ever told anything about it, even though she was not supposed to remember, I never got into details with her either. In fact, I told her even less than what I told Doyle. And she didn't really need any more, she didn't want to hear the whats and the whys, she didn't care. She didn't care much about anything after learning of that I have robbed her from the happiest day of her life and countless of opportunities that followed.

The coward in me relied on the fact she would never remember, that she would never know exactly what I've done to her. That she would never look at me the way she did that day that wasn't, with her beautiful eyes glazing with tears of such despair and agony I've never seen before, and God knows the two of us have had our moments. I have stolen the choice from her, and I never knew how and if she would ever forgive me, that was why I relied on forgetting so much. I have done that so many times before, made the decision for both of us, and not to say I ever had the right, but that one time I just went too far. So as unbearable as the pain of her not remembering was, it also possessed a certain amount of bliss in it, some small relief to grasp at, that it was the only way to leave it behind us... behind *her* at least. And even now... I still don't know how to approach her, how to talk to her about it, even now that I *know* that she knows though I don't know how. What I'm interested the most in at the moment is why she never told me about it...

So I traded my life for hers. I never for a second hesitated with this decision, how could I? I trusted an empty promise I should have never trusted, and still I would have done it all over again, exactly the same, in a heartbeat, and all because it was she. I would do anything for her, give anything... Now, then... they're the same to me. But nevertheless, I was cheated, because fate wasn't quite done toying with me and because they betrayed that promise only a little over a year later.

Only that now I wonder... what if they didn't?

"There was nothing I could say except, 'I can.' I never even stopped to think of it. Deep inside, I knew it was going too fast for me and that there had to be something else I could do, there must be, but I didn't care. I didn't even care my sacrifice was as good as useless in the world she was bound to. All I cared about was that there was even the slightest chance to save her and I was going to take it for what it was worth.

The male Oracle, obviously the impatient of the two, didn't see the rush nearly as much as I did. 'You are impatient, lower being. Wait before you agree.'

'I don't have time for this-'

'Silence! At the moment, time is the *only* thing you have.'

Then the female stepped in again, she gave him one look and he backed away, allowing her to come near me. 'The life you asked for, you shall have,' she said. 'But you must make sure that life is not disturbed by selfish reasons, for everything will be restored as it was.'

There came the first riddle I didn't understand. 'What do you mean?'

So she tried to explain, not that it made any more sense to me at the time... 'We grant you her life, by placing it under your protection. Should you fail this mission, we will restore everything to the way it was.'

'The way it was...'

'You have made a great request, Warrior, the Powers are not pleased, but given the events of your future, they agreed it should be granted nevertheless. You have asked for time to be turned back, which demands a reactivation of an alternate timeline. Such thing cannot be done without a price, there is a balance to be restored.'

'What balance? I don't understand...'

'Life is not to be taken or given without cause in this world or any other, Warrior. Remember that, every life that is taken or given is done within reason. I should say no more now, my brother and I have conveyed all you must know. Have you decided?'

And then I didn't know what to say. Only a moment ago, all I could think of was Buffy, that somehow, I would save her. But with only a few sentences, they threw me so bad I couldn't make heads or tails of anything they've just told me. A part of me felt as if I were signing a pact with the Devil instead of saving the woman I loved. But in the end... nothing mattered. Though I didn't know what they've just added to the original deal, I just nodded, said yes. I just took myself back to the beginning, to what I originally came there for, and said yes. All I could do was hope it wouldn't backfire on me sometime in the future."

I take a deep breath as I finish my story and concentrate on watching my listeners, looking for reactions in their faces, their eyes, not even knowing what is it I'm looking for. I don't know what I should have expected, things that happened years ago only begin clearing out now that Giles mentioned them under the given circumstances, and these were things I didn't even know where to place before.

I'm surprised I remember the exact words the Oracles used with me because I barely remembered the conversation for months after I turned back the day, which of course, only made realizing what I truly signed up for even harder. Maybe I repressed it and needed the right trigger to retrieve it from whatever dark corner of my mind I've hid it in... I don't know. But for some reason, it's suddenly as clear as if it happened just now.

Well at least one thing is certain, something I can officially start blaming myself for. "I didn't save her. I was supposed to, they counted on me to, and I didn't save her."

Xander looks up at me and for a moment says nothing, then says the least thing expected because in spite of everything I *never* saw him siding me so bluntly. "I don't really think dying for her sister falls into the 'selfish' category."

"She sacrificed herself to save the world, Xand," Willow explains, touching his arm comfortingly. I note that minute that I have been watching the two of them for quite some time through my staying here. And though Buffy told me about Anya and about Tara, of both of them losing their great loves in one time or the other, I can't help but wonder whether there is something happening even she doesn't know of. "She sacrificed herself when it clearly should have been Dawn. She chose to save her sister and the price for that was leaving a world without a Slayer in it. In the eyes of the Powers that Be, it was as selfish as it gets."

I sigh and swallow. She didn't tell me anything I didn't already know. None of them did. Only that that was about to change...

"You didn't fail her, Angel," Giles finally speaks and I reluctantly look him in the eyes, expecting to find there any dreadful emotion imaginable except for what I eventually do - nothing but compassionate wisdom and understanding. "You maybe think you did, but in reality, the Powers had it planned all along. Your future has been written before you lived it. They were counting on you to *not* be there to save her. Everything happens for a reason, Angel and... as hard as it is for me to admit... Buffy's death was a part of it as well." He pauses for a moment to see the reflection of his words in my eyes and I look away. Too many things in my life happened for a 'reason' that should have never happened at all. I've had more than enough of this.

"They had no reason to not grant your wishes, Angel. You said it yourself, they acted upon what was in store for you in the future. You didn't save Buffy not because you failed, but because you were not supposed to. The Oracles gave you back what you asked for because your role as a vampire was not completed yet. Had they left you human, everything that happened with Darla wouldn't have happened and Connor, a powerful Warrior to their cause, would have not been created. They told you, everything has its reason, its purpose. The clause you thought they gave you, 'should you fail this mission,' was more a statement than a clause, and they kept their word."

"Connor grew up, Angel," Willow picked it up from where Giles left off, as if this entire conversation has been already preplanned in their heads before they even came here to confront me about it. "He grew up to be a Warrior. Had *you* not died and went missing, Buffy would have never had three years to turn him into one. But now it's done. You're back as a human, but unlike the first time, with strength and abilities you had as a vampire. As a result, there are two powerful *human* Warriors together instead of one vampire, which is way more efficient, you gotta admit," she noted, and I almost caught a glimpse of smile in the corner of her mouth before she switched back to serious mode. "Your job as a vampire here is clearly done. But whatever the reason was to reunite the two of you now, and obviously Buffy plays a part in that, too, which makes it the three of you... that we still don't know."

THE END