Title:
Reflections
Author: Salinah20
Email:
Salinah20@ev1.net
Disclaimer: Don’t own them, just fixing Joss’ mess. I’ll give them
back
when I’m
done, I promise.
Summary: My take on why Buffy and Spike are together B/S (with B/A
undertones)
Rating: NC-17 as if I’d write anything else *grin*
Spoilers: Season 6 of BTVS
Distribution: My site (www.users3.ev1.net/~4herringtons/btvs/main.html)
Over The Edge (http://thedge.fateback.com)
Anyone else is welcome just let
me know!!
Feedback: Please, please, please!!!
A/N:
Yes this is B/S smut, but it’s a B/A’ers take on it! Don’t worry, very
pro B/A!
A/N2:
*****Warning: Angst ahead******
A/N3:
Big thanks to Ani for the great beta on this one. I'll try and make
it fluffy
for you next time :)
As she sat
in her room, she gazed into the mirror, not looking at her
reflection
as she brushed her hair. She was looking at reflections in her
mind.
Reflections of a time past when she felt happy, felt loved, and felt
safe.
She
remembered the first time she laid her eyes on him. It had taken her
breath
away. As she had looked at him under her foot, she felt something
click
inside her and she knew life would never be the same.
She never
imagined he would leave her though. Be bothered by her aged
appearance, regret that they had never had children, maybe; but never leave.
After the
soulless months he spent, things were never the same. She had
forgiven
him as soon as his soul returned. He had not forgiven himself
however.
Despite every reason he had given her for leaving, she knew that
was truly
the cause. He would never be able to forgive himself for the
tortures
his demon had put her through.
A pair of
arms slipped around her waist. A cold face nuzzled her neck. She
knew it
wasn’t him, but she slipped into the game of denial she had started
long ago.
“Lo, pet,”
he whispered into her ear as he began to gently nibble and suck
on the
lobe. “Penny for your thoughts.”
She wished
he would be quieter around her. The lack of warmth in his body,
his years
of experience with women, even the way he touched her, reminded
her of
him. When he spoke however, the illusion was shattered.
“Shhh…”
she whispered her fantasy unable to incorporate Spike’s voice into
the
imaginary scene playing in her head.
Spike knew
what she was doing. He had known for some time that she would
never
truly love him. He knew he was a replacement, and hated that fact;
but it
kept him in her life, and in her bed. Allowing him to imagine his
own
scenes. Ones where she said she loved him, where his name was the one
she
screamed in the throes of her passion, ones where the name Angel didn’t
cause a
look of longing to cross her face.
Both
knowing the other’s intentions, they slipped into silence as he slid
the strap
of her top down her shoulder, trailing kisses behind it. His
hands
wrapped around her waist again as he pulled her tight against him.
His hands
began a slow journey under her shirt, as she turned to face him,
her eyes
squeezed shut.
As their
lips met, and their tongues dueled, she let herself drift further
into her
fantasy. By the time Spike’s hands began to caress the gentle
underslope
of her breast, she could practically smell the sandalwood scent
that
always seemed to surround Angel. She deepened the kiss, hoping the
scent of
cigarettes emanating from Spike would disappear soon.
Spike slid
his hand further until he could feel the rough, pebbly surface of
her
nipple. He began to roughly pinch and pull on it, as Buffy arched into
his
touch. He withdrew his hand from under her shirt, eliciting a whimper
of protest
from Buffy and clasped her hand in his pulling her up from her
chair.
As he led
her to the bed, her eyes never opened. They never did, but it
didn’t
bother him anymore.
He knew
she was imagining Angel’s touch as he gently pulled her shirt over
her head.
Her beautiful breasts now fully revealed to him, he began to
place
little kisses all around them, carefully avoiding the one part she
wanted him
to touch so much.
She began
to whine in protest as he kissed and caressed her breasts,
avoiding
the most sensitive part. The Angel in her mind chuckled at her
protests,
grinning at the look of exquisite torture on her face. “Please,”
she
whimpered aloud, begging him to stop the torture.
Spike
quickly complied, sucking her nipple firmly into his mouth and being
rewarded
with Buffy’s moan of pleasure. He began to worship her breasts,
lavishing
kisses and caresses on them. His hands slid down her stomach and
beneath
the waistband of her pajamas.
Buffy
moaned as she started to feel the hand slide down into her pants. Her
breathing
quickened at the remembrance of things to come. Angel always
loved to
take her to the edge of insanity before he took her. She felt a
finger
slide into her already soaking folds and play with the outer edges of
her
entrance. She thrust her hips towards his finger, silently begging for
more. She
needed to feel him inside her.
As he slid
his finger into her dripping wetness, her fantasy world slipped a
little;
the roughness of his hands hard to incorporate into her dream world.
Angel’s
hands had been so soft and gentle as they touched her. Falling back
into
fantasy, she remembered his feather-like touches. The way he was
always
gentle with her, as if it was always about love and longing, and
never lust
and sex. Even after they had made love that once, in the few
times they
had let things slip to the brink of losing control; he was always
gentle
with her.
“Please…”
the whimpered words rang in Spike’s ears. Words meant for
another,
but the command issued to him. He gently removed his fingers from
her core
and slid her pants off, drawing an unneeded breath at the sight of
her
glorious nakedness. He only wished this gift was being given to him,
instead of
the reflections in her past.
She heard
his zipper lowering, and a faint rustle as he slid his pants off.
The bed
sank as he climbed back between her parted thighs. As the cool
temperature of his thigh brushed against hers, she was transported back in
time to
the moment everything had changed. They had only made love that
once,
however it played through her mind so often, it seemed they had made
love
forever.
He
hesitated as the tip of his cock met her entrance. He knew he had to be
gentle.
If he was too rough or forceful, it would shake her out of her
fantasy,
and he had learned in the past that meant a quick exit for him.
But not
just that, he wanted to make love to her. Every fiber of his
existence
was for her, even if she never noticed. He wanted to prove his
love for
her, even if she only responded to him in his head.
She moaned
aloud as he slowly slid into her, filling her body, as her dreams
filled her
mind. She was lost in the feelings Angel was creating in her
body as he
gently thrust into her body. This was so unlike their first
time. No
hesitant explorations, just love shining between them. As the
friction
brought her close to the edge, she bared her throat to him.
“Angel,”
she breathed, wanting him to enter her veins as he had entered her
mind and
body.
Spike knew
her throat was not bared for him, long before he heard her
breathe
his name. He fought for control of his demon, knowing he would
never be
invited back into her life if he slipped and suckled from the
powerful
vein throbbing before him. He knew he needed to end this round of
denial
before choices were made they couldn’t take back. He deepened his
thrusts
driving them both to the edge.
Buffy felt
him increase his thrusts, as Angel lowered his face to her neck.
Quickly,
and with the most erotic sensation of her life, he slipped his
fangs into
her neck.
She
screamed as her body started to tremble, instantly cumming from the
intensity
of his bite. She absently noticed the feeling of his cold release
filling
her channel, cooling the scalding heat contained there.
Spike
quickly withdrew from her, standing to pull on his pants. He knew
what would
happen, but silently wished, for once, the outcome would be
different.
She felt
him withdraw and slowly opened her eyes, needing to gaze into those
deep brown
eyes that always reflected her love in the most brilliant way.
The eyes
she gazed into were a sparkling blue, showing nothing but the pain
of
unrequited love.
Her
fantasy crashed around her, as the reality of the situation came to
life. She
had slept with Spike. Again. Her hand flew to her throat,
wondering
if the bite had only been in her fantasy.
“I didn’t
bite you,” he whispered, pain filling his voice as he answered the
question
her hand had asked.
“Get out,”
she spat at him, angrier with herself than she could ever be at
him, for
allowing this charade to continue.
Spike
quickly headed for the door, knowing no argument could win. His mind
heard
words of love and endearments, even as his ears heard her sobs as she
realized
yet again that Angel wasn’t here.
She was
alone again. Someday, she thought mourning anew for the loss of her
love.
The End
