Title: Made by Love (version 2.0)

Author: SCWLC

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters, and I don't own the song.
That's from the Mediaeval Baebes CD, "Worldes Blysse."

Rating: PG I guess. PG-13 max.

Summary: Years down the line from the present, (ignoring Cordy's
ascension since I plan to) really pissed Oracles reunite Angel and
Buffy.

Distribution: If you want it, take it. Just tell me what happened to
it. It'll eventually be up a ff.net, under my pen name SCWLC.

Feedback: Comments? Questions? Complaints? Write me at scwlc@yahoo.ca

Notes: Okay Smurfette, you wanted extra angst (I can't imagine why),
this is "Made by Love", version 2.0. For everyone who felt the other
ending was too contrived, here you are. It even comes out with a
happy bit at the end. Tell me which you liked better!

Buffy sat in Angel's old apartment, looking at the place that had
once meant shelter for her. His bed used to sit in that corner, his
statue against this wall, and he used to be here when she needed him.

No more. He was far away, no doubt celebrating the great victory. Her
friends, Dawn, everyone who had been aware of the miraculous eleventh
hour rescue of the world were doing so. She could not.

//Love me brought
(Love delivered me)//

At one time Angel had rescued her from demons of all kinds, her own
and the slimy type. At one time, he had saved her friends, and thus
saved her. Rescued her from loneliness and the darkness that was her
life as the Slayer. He was somewhere else, no doubt having forgotten
her and their last encounter. She had not. She never would. He and
his gang had appeared, and she had found herself alone with him, and
with no business left to discuss, the conversation had turned
personal.

"So, are you seeing anyone?" he had asked.

Buffy looked away from her broadsword, to fix him with a look to let
him know she didn't want to talk about it, "No."

He seemed taken aback, as though he had expected her to be, "Why?
Haven't found anyone worth it?" It was the all too friendly nosiness,
combined with the hurt of seeing him arrive on Cordelia's arm, that
had changed her look from simply being closed, to being the openly
hostile glare she used to send demons scurrying. Angel frowned and
shifted uncomfortably.

"No."

"Buffy, we can't spend the rest of the day like this," he gestured at
her, "If you're angry with me, maybe we could talk this out." He
smiled at her, open, cheerful and giving what looked like from-the-
heart psychobabble. Buffy wondered with a vague feeling of horror
what Cordelia had done to him in LA. All she did outwardly was raise
an eyebrow and return her attention to her sword.

//And love me wrought
(And love created me)//

She wondered now, if he had forgotten the role he had played in
making her who she was today. Had he remembered in the back room of
the Magic Box as she cleaned a sword and resisted the urge to ask him
why she suffered for his sins? Did he lie awake at night as she did,
feeling the pain of his absence and nailing her window shut so she
wouldn't climb out to visit him?

It was always so hard, and it kept getting harder as her friends
found lovers and spouses while she couldn't even find a date. She
could not because it was wrong. It betrayed the love she felt for
Angel, it betrayed her calling and it always hurt those she cared for
most. Only Angel had not felt like a betrayal, and yet he was the
worst of all. His quiet strength had taught her so much of who and
what she was, but somehow he had forgotten.

He shook his head, "Buffy. You know I didn't expect you to be single
for the rest of your life." Angel came closer and laid a hand on
Buffy's shoulder, "I realise the breakup with Riley was hard, but you
have to move on. Look at me-"

She turned eyes on him that positively blazed stunned
incredulity, "Difficult? Look at you? You're dating Cordelia! Since
when did you decide to do an about face on your dating preferences?"
She was amazed he would suggest she look to him and Cordy for an
example of a happy relationship.

"Cordelia has become so selfless, and good, and kind," Angel spoke
firmly, "She has been a light for me. She helped me through a very
hard time in my life . . ." As his voice faded away, Buffy remembered
when the words he was speaking had been reserved for her, and her
alone.

//Man, to be thy fere
(To be your companion mankind)//

Selfless? She had given up everything that gave her happiness for
this benighted world, had torn herself apart for him, and for her
friends, and what she got from it was her soulmate deciding that she
needed a normal life. For all it had gotten her, she might have been
happier living in a cave the way the First Slayer had. Paradoxically,
Angel had been the one who had taught her the skills needed to be a
true slayer and not merely a girl who killed vampires. Angel had
trained her in means and methods Giles had not, and had given her the
ruthlessness she needed as a slayer.

Angel had molded her into the perfect protector for humanity, and now
it seemed as though he had completely forgotten those lesson he
taught her. While she had martyred herself in the name of humanity,
he had done virtually the reverse. She had once thought that they
were the sort of people who never received anything in return for
their efforts. Now she knew it was just her.

//Love me fedde
(Love sustained me)//

Angel stood outside the apartment. She was inside, he knew that much,
but what sort of welcome he would receive was uncertain. Several days
ago he had dared to compare his relationship with Cordelia to Buffy's
frequent visits to Spike's crypt. The simple fact was that there was
no comparison. For while Buffy and Spike used each other with joyous
abandon, at least she wasn't living in a fantasy created by
desperation. She wasn't pretending that she loved Spike, wasn't
letting them both live a lie for the sake of appearances while
knowing the real reason she wouldn't break up was that it was too
complicated to deal with the fallout from the breakup.

All the time he had been with Cordelia the vision of Buffy on the
steps of her high school all those years ago, sucking on a lollipop,
had kept him going. Not Cordelia's whispered declarations of love, or
Fred and Lorne's protestations of moira and kyerumption.

Buffy had used Spike as a convenience. She had not claimed she loved
him and when the time came for her to put an end to their
relationship, had done so with little compunction. On the other hand,
Buffy had found herself with fewer and fewer friends to rely on as
the years went by, while Angel had gained friendships. Cordelia's
support had kept him going in her own way, while Buffy had to rely on
herself alone.

//And love me ledde
(And love guided me)//

It was ironic that Buffy had taught him the importance of such
relationships and ties to the world while she continually seemed to
lose those ties. Then again, his love of Buffy was what brought him
to this point in his life. His shanshu achieved, he still stood
before the door to the apartment contemplating what the best strategy
would be to approach her. "Hi honey, I'm human, wanna shag?" didn't
seem the best way to go about it.

And he did have to tell her. That had become sparklingly evident last
night when the Oracles had appeared in his dream and heartily
reprimanded him for still sleeping with Cordelia. "Why are you here
lower being?" the male had demanded.

Angel glanced around his and Cordelia's bedroom, "Because this is my
home?" he replied hesitantly.

"You have abandoned your home," the female said sternly, "You have
abandoned your love."

Angel glanced at Cordelia, but was prevented from speaking by the
male's next words; "She is not your love, for you do not love her."
At Angel's motion of protest the male glared at him, "Be silent until
you have permission to speak! I did not say you do not care for the
seer, merely that you do not love her."

The female tilted her head and considered Cordelia's sleeping
form, "Although how you have reached the decision to abandon the love
that is so apparent within your heart for this," her voice spoke
volumes of disgust, "Is utterly beyond me. Perhaps it is merely the
workings of the mind of a lower being as yourself."

Angel frowned in confusion, "I thought you said I wasn't a lower
being-"

"Silence!" the pair chorused, the female continued, "That was because
of your willingness to sacrifice for the purity of your love. That
you have forgotten this love is an act so appalling as to lower you
beneath contempt."

As she pinned Angel to the bed with her furious glare, the male took
up the thread of the pair's rant, "Unfortunately, the Slayer needs
your presence. She is one of our greatest warriors and to lose her
would be tragic," his face was chagrined, "Thus, instead of leaving
you to the misery you would have consigned yourself to, we must
insist that you recall your purpose and return to it."

Finally they nodded at Angel to allow him to speak, and he said the
first thing that popped into his mind, "Aren't you dead?" Then he
slapped himself mentally for asking that.

"It is now difficult to manifest ourselves on this plane due to the
actions of Vocah, but you of all beings should know that the death of
the physical body does not mean the ending of the spiritual." The
male gave a heavy sigh, then spoke, his tone of voice indicating he
disagreed with every word, but would say them because he had to, "You
have been given your redemption that you might be with your soulmate.
For the final part of this gift is that you ease the hurt you have
caused for the greater good," his voice changed from merely
rebellious to stern, "If you do not, your humanity shall be taken
from you and you will once again carry the burden of vampirism."

Angel bolted from his bed and barely paused to throw on some clothes,
hearing the male say as he did so, "He is a lower being. His sole
desire is for himself, to avoid the fate he has earned." Angel
ignored the two as he shoved his shoes onto his feet and bolted for
the door.

As he left he heard the female say, "Peace. He has merely forgotten.
The sight of his mate will restore the warrior."

Standing in the middle of the room now, Buffy stared at the door. Her
errant mind recalling the horrible scene that had taken place there
the day after her birthday. All her love, her devotion, everything
she had given Angel had been thrown in her face here.

//Love me lettet here
(Love abandoned me here)//

Her life had fallen into a million pieces here and she had never
picked them up. She had simply hidden behind the few she could place
as a screen between her and the world. Naturally, every time Angel
came to Sunnydale to see her or she went to LA to see him, her
delicately rebuilt walls shattered. And every time, there were more
pieces to pick up.

But the first time was always the worst in memory. Perhaps because of
the shock. Nothing like that had ever happened to her. Certainly her
father had abandoned Dawn and her, but it had not been with the sheer
horror inspiring viciousness that Angelus had attacked her with. She
had been dumped before, but then, she had never loved anyone the way
she loved Angel. The fact was the only people she had ever loved with
the same intensity as him were her mother and Dawn. That was hardly
comparable of course.

The things he said that day still haunted her, and standing in the
room where a man wearing his face had broken both her heart and her
brought the memories to bear with more pain than ever. He had broken
her again and again after that, during those months he was Angelus,
when he left her standing amongst the smoke and sirens and simply
turned his back on her without a word and walked away. The first time
still remained the worst. Ironic that it should be the same place as
her one moment of pure joy.

//Love me slou
(Love killed me)//

Outside, frozen by the memories associated with the woman behind the
door, Angel controlled his shudders as the place brought to mind the
morning she killed him. Here was where he had shattered her nearly
beyond repair, but it was at the mansion they had both studiously
avoided for years that their worlds had truly crumbled.

He could still remember the confusion and pain, and worse, he could
remember being sucked into the vortex not knowing why she made no
move to help him. The memories had returned in Hell. The first of
many torments heaped upon him, but hardly the worst. The hardest part
was imagining what it must have been like for her to kill her lover.
Her love had torn his soul away, and for that she had to kill him.

Buffy had another death on her mind entirely. The one she had
suffered at sixteen for the fate of the world. Thoughts of that
inevitably lead to the second however. The one that she had committed
for her sister, not for the world. The first time it had been for
people everywhere. The second, just so that her sister could have the
life Buffy wanted for her.

//And love me brou
(And love dragged me)//

Instead of honouring the sacrifice Buffy had made for her sister, and
for everyone she loved, they had pulled her from her place in Heaven.
Had forced her into continuing in a life where everything was so much
harder than it had ever been before, because now she knew the peace
she did not have in life could only come with death. It was all the
worse knowing their love had been what took her from Heaven. Their
love had also kept her in Sunnydale and away from her soulmate.

When she had finally realised that she wasn't in Hell, merely on
Earth, she had wanted to go to him. Willow and the others had claimed
they needed her. They needed her so much she could not be allowed any
time to recover. She was to return to who she was before she died
simply because their love demanded it. Over and over she heard the
whispers.

"Why isn't Buffy back to normal yet? It's been a week already!"

"I just wanted her to say thank you. I mean, she was dead! We brought
her back. She should be happy!"

"So she was in Heaven. Big whoop. If it's anything like Hell, only in
reverse it can't be that big a deal. Angel was fine right after he
got back."

"Don't mention Angel!"

No. Don't mention Angel. Don't remind her that she had enough in the
way of pain and suffering before she had months of undisturbed joy to
compare it with. Don't remind her of the only person to ever give her
anything that could compare with Heaven.

So she didn't call, didn't say anything until Angel asked to meet
with her. When her friends could not accuse her of selfishness she
went. Two hours with him and the whole world had fallen back into
place. Over time the effect of his words and presence had faded. The
constant pressure to conform to her friends' ideal took its toll. She
felt more dead now than when she had first risen from the grave.

//Love me layd on bere
(Love laid me on the bier)//

Angel thought back to a couple days before when he and Cordelia had
been talking about their future together. It was a future he could no
longer understand the reasoning behind, but they had spoken of it at
great length.

"So, since you're human and everything, there must be stuff you want
to do," Cordelia had said.

Angel had just looked at her wondering what she meant. "What do you
mean?"

"Like, watching the sun rise every morning, or . . . picnics at noon
every day. A skylight in your room?"
She looked at him as though he was nuts. He had to admit she had a
point, if he had been yearning after being human for so long why
wasn't he making more plans that involved human-specific activities?

"I live on the second floor of the hotel Cordy," he replied, to stall
for time, "I'm not exactly going to get anything but a view of the
ceiling of the room over mine if I do that."

She glared at him. "You know damn well what I mean Angel."

"I do," he turned his face up to let the sun bathe it in a way he
would never take for granted again.  "I just never thought it would
come so soon. I guess I don't know what I want to do now that I have
a life again."

"Well you'd better think of something soon," came her cranky
reply, "You don't have eternity anymore y'know." Her face had
softened then and she'd laid her hand on his arm saying, "I can't
wait to show you everything you've been missing."

They'd smiled, and Angel had let her kiss him even though he really
wanted to just bask in the sun alone. The conversation had continued,
mainly through sheer will on Cordelia's part. He had stood, allowing
her to ramble about how they could have children. Funny how the
moment he and Cordelia started to date he'd lost all interest in
children. She spoke of their wedding plans. He had less interest in
those plans than he did in the children. The many illegal places he
would have to go to get the needed ID to survive in this day and age
and many other topics were covered. Angel trusted Cordelia to bring
them up ad nauseum so he wouldn't have to remember them.

Outside the door to his old apartment with Buffy on the other side,
those myriad issues Cordelia had raised suddenly had importance.

//Love is me pes
(Love is my peace)

For love I ches
(For love I chose)//

In 1952 he had crossed a line. He had allowed a demon to murder a
hotel full of people and had condemned a woman to a life of lonely
madness. Their only crime having been the fear inspired in them by
the demon. In 1996 he had crossed that line again, this time in
reverse. It had been because of another woman. The one on the other
side of the door who was really a girl at the time she had changed
him. Buffy had shown him what love was, and in so doing had restored
a love for the world he had thought lost for centuries. To be truly
honest with himself, one he had never had.

That love had spurred him to do things he would never have
contemplated before. Sacrificing his mental and physical wellbeing
repeatedly, he had struggled in order to defend humanity against its
ills. That had been what allowed him to forgive Buffy the wrongs she
had committed against him.

//Man to buyen dere
(To redeem mankind at great cost)//

Unwittingly both had moved closer to the door, and were now standing
facing one another through the metal. Neither consciously knowing the
other was there. For the first time in months Buffy began to feel
more like herself. For a brief while there had been no one telling
her what to do or how to feel, and she thought somehow being in
Angel's apartment was allowing her the needed closure to move on with
her life.

She had come to his apartment to escape her dread of the rest of her
life. Instead, she had found what might be termed serenity. A
revelation about her role as the Slayer. There was no need for her
any more, and Buffy smiled as peace stole over her. No one needed her
any more.

//Ne dred thee nought
(You should fear nothing)//

Angel stood on the other side, trying to gain the courage to walk
through the door.  He had an almost childlike terror of what Buffy
would say to him once he explained why he was there. In a sudden
burst of understanding he realised that there was no need for
prepared speeches between them. She had known, and always would know,
his heart, mind and soul.

Buffy reached into her jacket for the stake she always carried with
her. Looking at the small piece of wood, she ran a finger up and down
its length. Angel had Cordelia, Willow had Tara, Xander had Anya,
Giles had Olivia, Dawn had a family and Buffy wasn't needed by anyone
for anything. She could lay down her responsibilities at last.

Sitting down where Angel's bed used to sit she lifted the weapon up
and aimed the point at her heart.

//I have thee sought
(I have looked for you)

Bothen day and night
(Both day and night)//

Angel pulled himself together and opened the door, walking into a
scene from his worst nightmares. Buffy sat in a corner of the room, a
stake pointed towards herself. "Buffy! No!" he shouted. The cry came
too late, and all it did was throw her aim off, and she collapsed to
the floor, gasping in pain. Angel ran over, fell to his knees by her
side and reached desperately for his cell phone, dialling 911. "We're
at 67 Sinclair Ave. She just tried to stab herself to death. Hurry."

Buffy's eyes fluttered back open, and Angel pulled her into his arms.
She smiled slightly, "You're here. I can't believe it," she whispered.

"Shh," he soothed her, "Save your strength."

She swallowed, "Angel?"

"Yes?" his voice was choked with the tears he refused to shed.

Her eyes were full of tears as well, "Lie to me. Tell me you love
me." Angel stared at her in horror. He knew why she was asking.

"Buffy, no. You're-"

Tears began to slip down her cheeks, "I understand. It would betray
Cordelia and . . . Just hold me. Please." Angel was speechless as she
closed her eyes, clearly preparing to die. Her voice was so weak as
she requested, "Just let me pretend you love me."

"I do," he said fiercely. "Buffy I love you, and I was a moron for
ever convincing myself I loved Cordelia. You are going to be fine.
Hang on Buffy, please. I need you. Don't . . . Not when I've just
found you again." She made no response, and Angel was left holding
her trembling body, while she slowly slipped away.

//To haven thee
(In order to be your haven)//

The paramedics came in and took her away. By the time she was in the
ambulance, Angel anxiously riding with her, she had stopped
breathing. At the hospital Angel called her family and friends,
telling them what had happened. Buffy slipped into a coma which none
of the doctors expected her to wake from.

//Well is me
(I have done well)//

Floating in a place where there were no demands, no demons, monsters,
lawyers, bills, sisters, friends and no worries, Buffy drifted
happily. It was peaceful there. She could finally relax. Be sad or
angry if she wanted to. In the distance she saw a light she
recognised. Moving toward it, she was stopped by a voice she could
hear from behind her. It was calling for her to go back.

Buffy turned her back on it firmly moving toward the light. Why would
she want to go back to that place of misery? The voice kept calling,
though. Promising happiness, and Buffy couldn't help but turn slowly
back to look.

Angel sat by Buffy's bed, the way he had for the past two weeks. His
voice was hoarse from constantly talking to her, and dark circles
were under his eyes from the time he had spent there refusing to
leave her side for anything more than the bare necessities. Even he
was starting to lose hope. He was just about to let go of her hand
and say goodbye when the barest whisper stopped him.

"Angel?"

//I have thee wonnen in fight
(I have won you in battle)//

The End