Title: I Wanna Be There
Chapter#: (1/1)
Author Name: Spike's Slayer Vixen
Distribution: Most of the chapters of my fics can be found on my
webpage at https://www.angelfire.com/tv2/youvebeenslayed This link
actually works by the way! If you are interested in having your work
posted there or would like to post any of my work on your site,
please just e-mail me.
Disclaimer: You know I don't own them, I know I don't own them, but I
have to say it anyway so Joss won't sue.
Pairings: B/A
Category: Drama
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Angel goes to see Buffy after he gets his shanshu. This is
from Angel's POV.
Spoilers: This story is set in Season 7. I've taken the liberty of
fast fowarding. I have no clue what is really going to happen, I'm
just making it up as I go.
Author's comments: I really hope that you all like this. Some songs
just inspire me. I thought about using this song for a B/S fic, but
it just seemed like a B/A song to me. Enjoy!
Feedback: Of course, I would love feedback. It is my favorite thing
in the whole world. Think of it as my Christmas present :)
AN: All lyrics by Blessid Union of Souls' "I Wanna Be There".

I watched her fight a couple of vampires in Sunnydale's second
largest cemetery. I was hidden behind a mausoleum...she would have
never known I was there. I sat back and watched, admiring the
graceful and fluid way that she moved, how she somehow seemed to turn
the fight to the death into an elegant ballet. Every time I see her,
it's the same. Her beauty hits me hard, leaving me nearly breathless.
How could I have walked away and left her all of those years ago? I
had to have been a complete moron. And to have stayed away this long?
I don't know how I did it. One of the vampires says something to her,
and she snaps back at him sarcastically. She always has some quip
ready to fling at her enemies, and I can't help but chuckled softly
to myself. That girl is something else.

I could have left then and she would have never even known that I had
been there, watching her and waiting. I just couldn't bring myself to
do it. I knew that she would be furious with me for coming here and
spying on her like this, but I hadn't meant to really. I had come
here to see her because God help me, she's the only thing in this
world that has ever made me feel really alive, and I need that right
now. It's selfish, I know, but she'll be the first one to tell you
that I'm all about being selfish. It's who I am, who I have always
been and ever shall be. You can't fight who you are. It took me over
two hundred and forty years to figure that one out.

//You wouldn't know that I was there
Cause I have been there all the time//

As I was saying, I could have left and probably should have, but I
couldn't bring myself to walk away. When I still lived in Sunnydale,
there was many nights that I followed her around on patrol, lurking
in the shadows. I was there with her every night, watching her back
even if she didn't know it. There was even a time when we used to
patrol together, until I broke up with her. Then things got a
little...well, tense. No matter how bad it got, I never stopped
loving her. As I watched her now, she dusted both vampires with ease,
reminding me yet again of what an amazing fighter she was. I felt my
stomach turn as I saw another vampire emerge from behind a tree. She
didn't see him, and it was obvious to me that this particular vampire
was no mere fledgling. I could see it in the way he moved, in the
stealth that he used to sneak up on her. Fledglings were too stupid
and loud to sneak up on anyone, let alone the Slayer. Just as I was
about to step out from behind the mausoleum and make my presence
known, her "Slayer sense" as she liked to call it, must have kicked
in. She turned around just as the vampire landed a punch, catching
her hard in the jaw. She fell back onto the ground, gazing up at her
assailant in surprise. Quickly she sprang back up onto her feet and
launched her own attack. I watched closely as she battled the
vampire, who surprisingly seemed to be a match for her. It looked as
if she was going to prevail when the vampire suddenly pulled a pair
brass knuckles out of his pocket. He swung at her and connected with
her cheek, knocking her back a few feet. This time she didn't spring
up, and the vampire took the opportunity to escape. I immediately
went to her, no longer worrying about the repercussion. She was
laying on the ground in a heap, and for a moment I thought she might
be unconscious. Looking closer, I saw that she was awake and crying.
She looked up at me and recognition shone in her eyes.

"Angel," she breathed, quickly drying her eyes with her shirt sleeve.
She tried to sit up, but winced in pain and fell back helplessly.

//Won't you let me catch your fall
Won't you let me lend a hand//

I offered my hand to her and she took it, letting me help her to her
feet. "Are you gonna be okay standing on your own?" I asked her. She
nodded her head yes, but the moment I let her go, her legs buckled
underneath her. I caught her in my arms before she fell. She looked
up at me with her huge green eyes and it felt like old times again,
almost as if I had never left. I helped her over to a bench where she
could rest and sat down beside her.

"What are you doing here?" she asked in a neutral tone.

"I came to see you," I admitted, fidgeting with the hem of my
coat. "I think that we need to talk." I could see the aggravation on
her face the minute the words were out of my mouth, and I knew
exactly what she was thinking. All we ever do is talk, and it always
seems to be when one of us was bearing bad news. I could tell by the
tired look on her face that she'd had enough bad news to last a
lifetime and she didn't want to hear anymore. We all had had our
share of bad news lately, but the news I brought to her now was good
for a change...at least I hoped it was. "It's about the apocalypse
that we just stopped."

//Cause you got so much to give
But you throw it all away
And all you got to show for who you are is pain//

She looked startled. "Please don't tell me that it's starting again
or something, because I just can't deal with that right now. Not
after everything that has happened..." she said, her voice trailing
off. I saw tears sparkling in her eyes and knew that she was
desperately fighting them back. The recent battle had been a hard
one. We had won, but barely, and at a great cost. Willow had been
killed, as well as Giles. I knew that Buffy had been deeply upset
when Willow had died, but she seemed to take Giles' death even
harder. He was the closest thing she had to a parent, and now he was
gone. I knew that Buffy blamed herself. In her eyes, the fact that
she had saved the world once again didn't make up for the fact that
she couldn't save two of the people closest to her in the world. I
had spoken with Dawn shortly after the battle had ended and found
that Buffy had been so distraught that she had sent Dawn to live with
Xander.

"No, it's nothing like that. I hope that you will think that the news
I bring is good," I said quietly. I hated seeing so much pain in her
eyes. All I wanted to do was take her in my arms and never let her
go. Instead, I took a deep breath, gathered my courage, and decided
to just get out what I had to say. "A while back, before the
apocalypse, I was told that I would play a major role in the End of
Days. As my reward, I was promised my shanshu."

"Your shanwho?" Buffy asked, puzzled. I could tell that she didn't
understand what I was trying to tell her, or what it had to do with
her.

"My shanshu," I repeated patiently. "They promised me that I would be
given my humanity back." I sat there for a long moment, letting my
words soak in.

//Those lonely eyes have seen it all
But love's too blind to understand//

"So what does that mean?" she asked hesitantly. "Does that mean that-"

"I'm human, Buffy," I told her. I removed the gloves I had been
wearing and took her hand in mine so that she could feel the warmth
of my skin. I placed her hand over my heart, letting her feel the
strong, steady beat.

She gasped in shock. "Why didn't you tell me?" she asked me in a hurt
voice.

"I didn't know when it was going to happen, and I didn't want to get
your hopes up," I told her, wishing that she didn't look so
upset. "For all I knew, it wouldn't have even happened in your
lifetime. I didn't want you waiting around for something that might
not happen. Of course, it was a while back ago that I found out. I
still had hope for us then, but now I know you may not still want to
be with me." We sat there in silence for a long moment, just staring
off. The only sound was a loud crack of thunder. Finally, I couldn't
stand the silence anymore. "Buffy?" I said in an uncertain voice.

She looked at me with anger flashing in her eyes. "I can't believe
you," she said in a strangled voice, standing up from the bench and
immediately beginning to walk away from me.

//I wanna be there in the pouring rain//

I stood up quickly and caught up with her, grabbing her by the arm
and spinning her around to face me. Rain started to fall around us as
I forced her to look at me. "What is wrong with you?" I asked,
feeling my heart squeeze painfully in my chest. "I thought that you
would be happy." I tried to keep the disappointment out of my voice,
but it was no use. My heart was filled with despair.

"What is wrong with me?" she asked, her voice raising in anger. "How
can you even ask me that?" The rain was pouring down around us now,
but I could still see that she was crying now. "You keep something
like this from me for...I don't know, what, months? And now, after
all I have been through, you want to spring it on me now? What am I
supposed to do with that, Angel? Am I supposed to just come running
back to you after all that has happened? After I slept with Spike,
after you slept with Darla, had a son, and fell for Cordelia? I don't
know about you, but those are things that I just don't think
counseling is going to help," she spat at me.

//And I've got so much to give
If you'd only let me in//

I flinched, stung by her words. Bringing Connor and Cordy into it was
a low blow and she knew it. "Look you know that Cordelia was a
mistake. I realize now that I never loved her. And as for Connor..."
I trailed off, unable to go on. He too had been killed in the battle,
and it was still too painful to talk about. "Buffy, I'm not asking
you to jump right back into my bed, okay? I'm not asking anything of
you. I just...I just thought you should know, that's all." I turned
to walk away and felt a small hand on my arm. I turned and looked at
her, wondering what was going on in her head.

"I'm sorry," she said. "That was really horrible of me to say. I *am*
happy for you, Angel. I really, really am. I just didn't know what
you expected from me, you know?" She gave a me little apologetic
smile, and I softened immediately. I knew that I couldn't stay mad at
her.

//I'm gonna take the time to show you I'm a friend
You'll believe in love again
You'll believe again//

"I just...I want us to at least be friends again," I told her. "We
can start there and see what happens." Even as I said the words, I
knew that I wanted more. I wanted to touch her again, to love her
again. I wanted her to love me again. I knew that it would take time
before she would let herself love again after such a devastating
loss. I extended my hand to her. "Deal?"

She looked at me curiously for a moment before taking my hand and
giving it a firm shake. "Deal," she said with a smile.

"Great," I said, holding her hand a little longer than necessary. I
just moved back into the mansion and had all of the utilities hooked
up. What do you say we go back there and have some hot chocolate,
friend?" I gave her one of my famous half smiles, knowing she
couldn't resist. She nodded happily and held my hand in a tight grip
as we walked the short distance to the mansion. When we got there, we
were both soaked to the bone. Buffy stood there dripping in the foyer
while I went and got some towels. I tossed her one and she caught it
gratefully. "Listen, I'm gonna change because I'm freezing. If you
want, I think I have some clothes that would fit you," I offered
through chattering teeth.

She smiled warmly at me. "That would be great, actually," she
following me up the stairs to my bedroom. "I guess that now that you
are human, you *do* have to worry about getting sick." I pilfered
through my drawers until I found a t-shirt and sweat pants for her to
wear. "Thanks," she said when I tossed them to her.

"No problem," I said, returning her smile. I gathered some dry
clothes for myself and went into the bathroom to change. I took an
extra long time getting dressed, making sure to give her enough time
and privacy to get changed herself. After about five or ten minutes,
I slowly opened the bathroom door and peeked my head out. I found
myself face to face with her. "Ah!" I said in surprise.

//I wanna be there when you call my name//

She grinned sheepishly at me. "Sorry. I was just waiting for you to
get out of there so that I could brush my hair out." I stepped aside,
letting her pass by me into the bathroom. Her hand brushed mine as
she walked by, and I felt sparks of electricity travel up my arm. I
wondered if she felt it, too. While she was fixing her hair, I busied
myself by making a roaring fire in the fireplace in the living
room. "Angel?" I heard her voice calling my name and could feel my
heartbeat accelerate. I wanted to hear her call my name for the rest
of my life, and I wanted to be there to answer her. She smiled in
relief when she made her way to the living room and found me sitting
in the floor there, staring into the fire. "There you are."

"Here I am," I replied, smiling up at her. I patted the floor beside
me, trying to coax her into sitting down beside me. To my surprise,
she plopped down beside me without hesitation. We sat there in
companionable silence for a bit. That's one of the things I've always
loved about her. We could be together and not say a word, and I still
felt fulfilled and loved. Finally, she broke the silence.

"So how are you adjusting to the whole being human again thing?" she
asked.

I thought about it for a minute before I answered. "It was hard at
first," I said slowly. "Actually, it's still hard, but I'm starting
to adjust I guess. How about you? How have you been since..." I
trailed off, not wanting to say the words. Since Willow's and Giles'
deaths.

//I wanna be there when you wanna die//

She shrugged her shoulders, looking away from me. "It's been...really
hard," she said in a sad voice. "I'm a mess, if you want to know the
truth. After my mom died, Giles was really all I had. I mean, my dad
has never really been around, so Giles kinda filled that void. I just
haven't been able to deal that well. I sent Dawn to live with Xander
because I felt like she needed stability, and I can't give her that
right now." She looked up at me with tear filled eyes. "To be honest,
it's a struggle for me to find a reason to get up every morning." I
couldn't help myself. I reached out and took her hand in mine, giving
it a comforting squeeze. I wished that I could take all of her pain
away.

"Buffy, I'm so sorry. Giles was a good man, and Willow...she was a
great girl," I said. I was sort of at a loss for words. I didn't want
to be one of those people who offered shallow words of comfort. I'd
had enough people do the same thing to me after Connor's death, and
though I know they meant well, it only made me feel worse. She gave
me a brave little smile and dried her eyes.

"I know," she said in a shaky voice. "Thank you."

//I'm gonna light your fire
Gonna feel your flame
I wanna be there when you go insane//

The fire was dying down now, and I released her hand long enough to
stoke it back up. I tossed another log on and sat back down. I stared
into the flames thinking about the sad little blonde beside me. She
had stopped crying but was still sniffling, so I put my arm around
her shoulders to comfort her. Then it happened. Before I knew it, my
lips were pressed against hers and my hands were tangled in her hair.
I felt her respond to my kisses, pressing her little body tightly
against mine. Our kiss became more intense with every passing moment.
My tongue dueled with hers as I slid my hand up the back of her
shirt, kneading her tense muscles. A soft moan escaped from between
her lips. I laid her back gently on the floor, moving over her. Her
hands worked frantically to unbutton my shirt, but finally she
prevailed, sliding the shirt off over my arms. We broke apart long
enough for her to dispose of her shirt and bra. I sucked in a breath
sharply, relishing the feel of her bare skin against my own. I took
my time, worshipping her body properly, but before long she began to
grow impatient. She practically ripped my pants and boxers from my
body, and I was sure I heard a rip as she stripped her own pants and
panties off. She tugged me down, pulling me over her and a grunt of
lust escaped from me as she reached down and positioned my cock at
her dripping entrance. I entered her slowly, feeling her walls
stretch to accommodate my length and girth. I began to move inside of
her slowly, thrusting in and out of her gently. She was so perfect,
so hot and tight. I felt like I was in heaven. It wasn't long before
I felt her climax gently around me, triggering my own orgasm. I
swear, I saw stars behind my eyes from the pleasure of being with her.

//And if I had my way I'd hold you in my arms
And leave this madness all behind//

I left her only long enough to grab a throw and two pillows from the
couch. As soon as I settle back down beside her, she snuggled up to
me, resting her head on my shoulder. I wished that I could freeze the
moment in time and stay like this forever. She felt so perfect, so
right in my arms. Somehow when I was with her, my troubles all seemed
to melt away. I never forgot about Connor's death, but the pain eased
to a bearable dull ache when I was with Buffy. And Cordelia? Cordelia
who? I almost laughed out loud when I thought about how ridiculous I
had been, thinking that I actually had feelings for her. She was
nothing compared to my Buffy. I kissed her head gently, allowing a
peaceful sleep to wash over me.

//I'm gonna be there when you want me
I wanna be there when you don't//

When I woke up in the morning, Buffy was gone. I couldn't help but
feel a little empty when I found myself alone, although I guess I
should have expected it. I folded up the throw and put the pillows
back on the couch before going upstairs to shower. I quickly dressed
and put gel in my hair then thundered down the stairs and out the
door. I needed to see Buffy, whether she wanted to see me or not. I
wasn't sure how she felt about what happened last night, but I had to
find out. I hadn't meant for it to happen, but I couldn't say I
regretted. Making love to Buffy was something that I would never
regret.

When I knocked on her door, there wasn't an answer right away but I
knew that she was there. I knocked again until she finally answered
the door. "Angel," she said, standing in the doorway. I stood there
looking at her, waiting for her to invite me in. I didn't need to be
invited since I wasn't a vampire anymore, but I wanted to be polite.
After a few moments, she stepped aside to let me pass. "Come in."
She shut the door behind me and sat down at the kitchen table with a
mug. "Hot chocolate," she said.
"You know, since we never really got around to it last night."

This was my opening to ask her how she felt about what had happened
between us. "Buffy-"

"No, Angel, please just let me talk for a minute," she
interrupted. "What happened between us last night shouldn't have. I'm
sorry, it was my fault. It was a mistake, and it won't happen again."
She stared down into her mug, swirling tiny marshmallows around with
her spoon. I felt my heart sink. This wasn't the kind of reaction I
had hoped to receive. I couldn't accept it. I just couldn't. I walked
over to her, pulling her up out of her chair. She looked at me in
confusion, probably wondering what the hell I was doing. I pulled her
into my arms, kissing her lips with all of the fire and passion that
burned within my soul for her. For a moment, she returned my kiss
before pulling away and wrenching herself out of my arms. "Angel, no.
This can't happen. I'm sorry but I don't think we should see each
other anymore." I started to protest, but she wouldn't even let me
get a word out. "Just go." Tears streamed down her face, but her
voice was strong and firm. What could I do? I turned around to leave,
stopping at the door and turning back to her.

//Cause you don't know what you have
Til your everything is gone//

"I guess I'll be going back to LA," I said weakly. I wanted her to
protest, to tell me to stay. Instead, she just nodded her head.
Hating myself for letting weakness overtake me last night, I walked
out to my car. I didn't even bother to stop by the mansion and pick
up any of my things. I just drove, knowing that I had just lost the
only woman I would ever love. Somehow, leaving her hurt worse this
time, even though it was by her wishes. Halfway to LA, my cell phone
rang. I answered it gruffly, not really caring to talk to anyone
until I heard the voice on the other end.

"Angel?" Buffy said softly.

"Buffy?"

//I wanna be there when you're feeling down
And I'll be there when your head is spinning round//

"Please come back, Angel. I'm sorry, I made a mistake. I can't let
you leave again. You are all I have left. I was just confused. Please
come back to me."

//I wanna bet here when I'm outta town
And when your whole damn world is crashing down//

Her words were music to my ears. I immediately made a U turn right in
the middle of traffic. Car horns blared at me, but I didn't care. The
only thing I cared about was Buffy. The sadness in her voice broke my
heart. I never wanted to hear that sadness in her voice again. "I'll
be right there, love. I'm turning this thing around right now."

I was a little nervous when I pulled up in front of Buffy's house
about thirty minutes later. I'll admit it...I was afraid she had
changed her mind again. I didn't have any reason to worry, though.
The minute my car pulled up, she was running out of the house. I
stepped out of the car and caught her as she came flying at me,
picking her up and spinning her around. As soon as I sat her back
down on her feet, she was kissing me passionately. When we finally
broke away from each other, we were breathless.

//I wanna be there when you're feeling high//

She smiled at me brightly, her arms around my neck. "Oh Angel, I'm so
glad that you came back. I was so stupid. Thank you so much for not
hating me."

//I wanna be there when your nights are long
And when you're feeling like you don't belong//

"Oh, love, I could never hate you," I told her, kissing her on the
nose. "Does this mean that you want to be with me? As more than
friends?" I held my breath as I waited for an answer. Please say yes,
I thought to myself. Please say yes.

//I'm gonna be there in the morning
I'm gonna be there in the night
I'm gonna be there to make you strong when you're tired//

"Well duh," she said, giving me another dazzling smile. "Promise
you'll stay? Forever?"

//Gonna be your lover
Gonna be your friend
I wanna be there til the end//

"That's the whole point," I said, kissing her deeply.

//I wanna be there when your baby cries
I wanna be there when they tell you lies//

Today I stand in the hospital beside Buffy's bed as she gives birth
to our first child. She's a baby girl, and we are going to call her
Caitlyn Elizabeth. She's beautiful, just like her mother. She has
Buffy's green eyes and my dark hair. She is our little angel. Our
friends gather around us, taking in the sight of our new addition.
Gunn jokes with Buffy, telling her that he thinks the baby resembles
him. Buffy laughs merrily, swatting at him playfully. And me? I
couldn't be happier. I am the luckiest man alive. With Buffy by my
side, where she will be forever, there is nothing I can't face.

//Gonna be your lover
Gonna be your friend
Gonna be there til the end//

The End