Just a few weeks ago, Heath had marveled at the seeming ease with which he had settled into his new family. He would have though nothing of joining the men for billiards and drinks, or of enjoying a game of checkers with his sister, Audra. When Nick had been bitten by the wolf more than two months ago, Heath had marveled at how much his new brother, the one that had so fought his claim to the family name, had confided in him

Tonight, however, he hesitated. While he joined in the rejoicing at Nick’s return, he felt ill at ease with his family.

Eyes intent on the returned brother, Heath watched with an amused grin and listened to Nick's verbal posturing while lining up a shot, the newest Barkley brother almost missed Jarrod's glance.

Almost.

The eldest brother, Jarrod had been one of the first to stand up for Heath's right to the Barkley name and holdings. He had seemed to take this new addition to the family, this stranger who had ridden in claiming to be the illegitimate son of Thomas Barkley, in stride.

Now, Heath wondered. The glance he received held none of the good-natured amusement the two men usually shared over Nick's blustering. It held plenty of an emotion Heath recognized: anger.

Nick's cry of exultation drew all eyes to him as he celebrated a successful shot. Heath looked again at his oldest brother and clenched his jaw at the emotions shining forth for Nick: love, amusement, delight, gratitude.

And in that instant, he understood.

And wondered if what was amiss could be repaired.

Heath smiled sadly at the reunited family and turned to leave, but Nick spotted him.

"Heath! About time you got back in here. How about taking on the winner?"

Assuming from the offer that Nick was close to winning, Heath agreed with a nod. He took a seat by the door, far from Jarrod, and watched the rest of the game. Nick's assumptions were off, however, and ten minutes later the brash rancher gave in with a half-hearted growl as Jarrod sank the final shot. He began to rack the balls as Jarrod and Heath met one another's eyes.

Again, Heath was struck by the emotions reflected in Jarrod's eyes. The pain and anger cut deeply, and Heath looked away, barely suppressing a gasp. He rose slowly and offered his older brothers a weary smile.

"I think I'll pass, Nick. It's been a long day." With a glance at Jarrod, he said, "It's been a long couple of months." With another half-grin for Nick, he continued, "Now that you're back, I think I'll catch up on some sleep."

"Oh, come on," Nick argued. "Just one game. I think the lawyer needs to be put in his place."

"I think the lawyer knows his place," Heath said. "He wins."

"No, Nick," Jarrod said. "I need to look over some notes before tomorrow. I really don't have time for another game."

Nick stared at his older brother. "Then why were you trying to talk me into best of three?"

"Well, he didn't try very hard if you didn't agree," Heath jumped in when Jarrod was silent. "Good night," he called to all as he left the room.

"I believe I'll turn in as well," Victoria said, rising with her usual grace. She kissed Jarrod and Audra good night and gave Nick a long hug. "It is so good to have you home," she whispered. "Tomorrow, we'll really celebrate."

"It's good to be home, Mother," Nick returned. Audra, also, made her good nights and followed their mother out of the room. Nick listened as their footsteps clicked across the foyer and started up the stairs before spinning to his older brother.

"Some homecoming," Nick groused. "Nine o'clock and everyone's in bed."

"You're the one who didn't want us to fuss," Jarrod pointed out as he replaced his cue in the rack and idly fingered the chalk cube. "It's not unusual for us to call it an early night," Jarrod said. "Heath has been working very hard the past couple of months while you were gone. Mother and Audra and I have been worried about you. I expect this will be the first good night's rest they've had in a while."

"Yeah," Nick said. "Heath gave me your message. You were right. I should have at least told all of you what was going on."

Jarrod's anger flared and he glared at his brother. "No, Nick," he corrected. "You should have stayed here. Mother and Audra and I were scared. We didn't know what was going on. All I knew was something was terribly wrong." He advanced on his brother and shoved a finger in the strong chest. "If you ever do that again, I will see to it you regret it."

Nick nodded and sat down. "Heath didn't say anything?"

"No. You would have thought I was asking about his past, he was so tight-lipped." Jarrod watched his younger brother closely. "Hey. You could use the rest yourself. Why don't you go on up to bed? Mother and Audra probably have something big planned for you tomorrow night."

Nick nodded and Jarrod watched him leave the room before turning to the desk and papers that didn't need his attention.

Victoria and Audra worked all the next day with Silas to prepare a feast for Nick. His two-month absence after being bitten by a rabid wolf had worn them emotionally. They had only learned the truth late the previous afternoon when Heath and Nick returned from Willow Springs.

After being bitten by the wolf and fearing he would hurt a family member during the illness that was sure to follow, Nick had left the ranch. Only Heath had known the truth, and Nick had sworn him to silence. Heath had maintained that silence in the face of Audra's pleading, Victoria's requests and Jarrod's intense questioning. When 60 days had passed, Heath had ridden to Willow Springs and found Nick recovered. Nick had been unaware of the time that had passed but happily returned to the ranch with his brother.

After the feast that masqueraded as dinner, Nick and Jarrod again enjoyed billiards then Audra claimed Nick for a game of checkers. Heath made a quick exit at nine o'clock, claiming the need for an early start the next day. With Nick back, Heath said he wanted to head to the north boundary of the ranch and check on some fences that couldn't seem to stay fixed. His self-appointed task would keep him away most of the week.

During the week Heath was gone, Jarrod monopolized Nick's time. He stayed away from his office two days to help Nick with his duties on the ranch. Each night he cornered his brother for billiards. In short, he spent more time with Nick than he had in years. He also learned of many new projects Nick and Heath were discussing for the ranch. Heath wanted to try some new grass that was supposed to make excellent hay. He also wanted to look into a different breed of cattle.

"You think these are worthwhile projects?" Jarrod asked one night as the brothers shared a drink.

"Yeah," Nick said. "Heath makes a real good case for his ideas."

"I'm sure he does." Jarrod studied the whiskey in his glass as Nick wandered to the large windows.

"He should be back tomorrow. Unless he ran into trouble."

"I'm sure he's fine."

"He really has some interesting ideas," Nick said. "He was saying on that trip..."

"I need to get some rest if I'm going to the office tomorrow," Jarrod said abruptly.

Nick shrugged, helped himself to another shot of whiskey then went up to bed.

The following afternoon found Nick lurking around the barn in the late afternoon.

"Nick!" Jarrod greeted as Nick popped out of the barn at the sound of a rider. "How about a rematch tonight? See if you can win back some of that money I've won this week."

Nick grinned as he scanned the north but shook his head. "Maybe." He looked around. "I kind of thought Heath would be in by now."

Jarrod's smile dimmed and he turned away for a moment. "I'm sure he'll be home soon."

Nick nodded, then strolled for his horse. "I think I'll ride out that way, see if I meet him on the way here."

"Why don't you just stay here? Heath doesn't need an escort home," Jarrod said.

"Mother hasn't let me leave the house since I got back, Jarrod," Nick complained. "I just want to get out a while. I have some things I need to talk over with Heath. He's been gone almost a week."

"You were gone more than two months," Jarrod reminded him.

Nick looked down, unsure how to answer. He appreciated Jarrod's help during the week with chores around the ranch but was a little surprised at how anxiously he was awaiting his younger brother's return. When Heath had shown up all those months ago and finally announced himself as Tom Barkley's illegitimate son, Nick was fit to be tied. He refused to give the young man the benefit of a hearing and only gradually had accepted the man into the family fold. The trip into his heart had been even longer. But, Nick wondered, perhaps more solid for the wait?

"I just have some things to discuss with him," Nick repeated.

Jarrod frowned as he turned into the barn to take care of his horse. "I know," he said. "Oh, I hired a manager for our logging operations, Matthew Toddman. He'll be down in a few days to meet the family."

Nick nodded absently. "I'm going to head to the house for a while," he said. "See you later." He left the barn only to return moments later when Heath rode up.

Jarrod listened and watched as Nick hung around. He practically pulled the saddle from Heath's hands to put it away while Heath turned to care for Charger. Heath didn't have to move from the horse's side as everything he needed was right there in Nick's hands well before he wanted it. Throughout the chores, Nick peppered Heath with questions about the trip. When he ran out of questions, Nick began to comment on the activities around the ranch in Heath's absence. Nick's rapid-fire delivery was met with slow, deliberate nods and soft, short answers from Heath. Jarrod left the barn unnoticed by Nick and without a greeting to Heath.

Heath watched his older brother leave silently and frowned. He'd hoped time away would help whatever was bothering Jarrod. He figured the man was irritated that he hadn't told him where Nick was for two months, but he didn't figure Jarrod for the kind of man to hold on to that anger. He didn't like the thought that Jarrod was angry with him but wasn't sure what to do about it.

Nick talked Heath into one game of checkers that night before Heath begged off in favor of bed. Jarrod's offer of a game was turned down by Nick who also headed up to bed.

The days that followed settled into an old routine until Heath returned home one evening and attacked their dinner guest, Matthew Toddman, AKA Matthew Bentell, commander of the prisoner of war camp in which Heath had been incarcerated until the end of the war.

It was during the family discussion on how to handle Heath's animosity toward their employee that Nick first let himself see the difference between Heath and Jarrod. He listened to Victoria's argument that Heath should let go of his anger and found himself agreeing. He began to doubt his decision as he sided with Victoria and Jarrod as soon as he met Heath's eyes. Another moment and he would possibly have changed his mind, but Heath turned his glare to Jarrod and, reluctantly, accepted the family's decision.

All the while Heath was away at the logging camp, however, Nick had his doubts. Every night, he recalled clearly the scars he had noticed on Heath's back. He recalled the occasional nightmare he'd heard from his brother's room. He wondered at Jarrod's lack of interest in Heath's arguments. Nick couldn't agree to let Heath kill the former Confederate in cold blood, but, he wondered, was it really fair to ask Heath to work with the man?

He brought the questions up to Jarrod and was surprised at the affronted reaction he received. He thought back on the time since he'd returned from Willow Springs and realized Jarrod had seldom spoken to or about Heath in all that time. Even on the ride home from the logging camp, he thought Jarrod's attitude toward Heath was somewhat forced. He watched the two men carefully for two days after Heath returned from the logging camp and noticed Jarrod left whenever Heath came in. He was sure Mother noticed as well.

After finishing yet another game of billiards with Jarrod, Nick started to suggest Heath and Jarrod play when Jarrod again claimed work and Heath begged off in favor of bed. Victoria and Audra were in the parlor and Nick listened as Heath bid good night to them as well. When he heard Heath's boots click across the foyer and then silence as Heath started up the staircase, Nick spun around.

"What's going on between you and Heath?"

"Nothing," Jarrod said. "Heath's tired, and I have work to do."

"Jarrod," Nick called. "What's wrong? Why are you mad at him?"

"Why would I be mad at Heath?"

"I don't know," Nick almost shouted. "What has he done? What has he said?"

"Nothing," Jarrod replied, turning away. "Absolutely nothing." He left the room for the study and took a seat at his desk. Nick followed.

"That's it, isn't it?" Nick finally asked.

"What?"

"He said nothing when I was....away. He kept his promise to me."

"He had no right to keep it."

"He did from my point of view," Nick whispered.

The pain of those two months hadn't yet numbed and Jarrod was caught up again in the stark terror, the helplessness he'd felt. He turned his anger on Nick.

"You had no right to ask it."

"Then why aren't you mad at me?" Nick asked, leaning on the desk toward Jarrod.

Jarrod looked up at his brother. He remembered a time when he saw admiration in those hazel eyes. Tonight he saw disappointment. He wondered if it was Nick's disappointment, or his own reflected back. Nick pulled back and started away. He paused when he saw Victoria standing in the doorway. As much to her and to Jarrod, he spoke again.

"And we had no right to ask him to protect Matt Bentell. Not without knowing more about his side." Nick left the room to his mother and brother.

The two were silent for some time, Jarrod staring out the window behind his desk, Victoria listening to Nick traverse the same path as Heath had earlier. Eventually, she turned to consider her eldest. He had shouldered much of the burden she'd shared with her husband for the past several years. He had welcomed Heath into the family, almost before anyone else, but she, too, had noticed a distance growing between Jarrod and Heath. Tonight, overhearing her sons' conversation, she finally understood the reason.

Quietly she walked to stand behind Jarrod as he sat in the chair. She placed a gentle hand on his shoulder.

"Perhaps Nick is right," she whispered.

"About what?"

"Everything. Perhaps we should have found another way for Heath to overcome his hatred and anger. Perhaps you are angry with the wrong brother."

"It's worked out," Jarrod whispered, still staring into the dark glass.

"Has it?" Victoria asked. She leaned in to give Jarrod a brief hug and kissed his cheek. "Heath has forgiven Matt Bentell for some horrible wrongs he actually committed. Perhaps you can find it in your heart to forgive your brother for some imagined wrongs." She patted his shoulder and left the room.

Jarrod considered her words, his actions, Heath's actions, Nick's words long after the rest of the house was quiet. While pondering his next move, Jarrod heard someone stirring and noticed a figure walk out of the kitchen. He recognized Heath's familiar gait and rose to follow.

The lawyer found Heath in a stall with a new mare, carefully feeling the left front leg. He stopped at the stall door and watched silently for a moment. He knew Heath had seen him, but the cowboy remained silent.

"Thought you needed to get some rest?" Jarrod said.

"Noticed this mare limping a little earlier," Heath answered. "Thought you had some work to do."

"I do," Jarrod agreed. "Something very important."

Heath chuckled. "In the barn? At this hour? Never knew your business would bring you out here this time of night, Counselor."

"It does tonight."

Heath waited, tending the horse's leg and speaking softly to the animal. Jarrod watched in awe as the cowboy tended to the sometimes skittish creature.

"It's not easy when a man who prides himself on being fair and compassionate discovers he can be just as petty and inconsiderate as the next man, or the worst man."

Heath stiffened. "You got someone in mind for that description?"

"Not who you think." Jarrod paused but Heath's muscles didn't relax. "What I want to say.... What I want to ask is for your forgiveness."

"For anything in particular?"

"For being angry with you for Nick's actions. For helping force you into a situation I couldn't possibly understand. For being jealous."

That sparked Heath's amusement. "Jealous? What have I got for you to be jealous of, Counselor?"

"My brother's devotion." Heath chanced a quick glance at the other man but quickly turned back to the task of wrapping the horse’s leg.

"Is that what that is?" Heath asked with a laugh, thinking back to the afternoon when Nick has yelled at him for something he hadn't done, or rather something he hadn't left undone.

Jarrod chuckled as well. "You wouldn't be so doubtful if you'd spent the two days with Nick I did." Growing serious, he continued. "I didn't lie, Heath. I knew when Nick was trapped in that mine. And I rode all night to get there. And when we got him out, he clung to me as tightly as he did to Father. When Father was killed, Nick turned to me. He ran all his plans for the ranch by me, no matter how minute. I have to admit, at the time, I didn't always find them interesting.

"But while he was gone, I was so scared and furious. He had no right to do that to us." Jarrod stopped. "And he trusted you with his secret. Not me. I was so relieved to have him back. The week you were gone, I didn't want to let him out of my sight. Out of my hearing, perhaps." Heath chuckled again. "All he did for those two days I followed him around was talk about you. To hear him tell it, you wouldn't let the sun set until the work was done. When you got back, it was as if I didn't exist." Jarrod looked away. "I was jealous, but too proud to admit it."

Heath finished the work on the horse and stood, facing Jarrod eye-to-eye for the first time in months. Jarrod gave him a hesitant smile and was relieved to see Heath's familiar grin greet him. He stepped back and Heath left the stall. Jarrod took a seat on a stack of boxes while Heath returned the liniment he'd used to the tack room. Heath came out and sat beside him.

"Kinda wondered if keeping Nick's promise had something to do with this."

"Then I compounded the matter by forcing you to deal with Bentell. I am sorry," Jarrod said. "I had no idea what I was talking about."

"And I truly hope you never do," Heath said, dusting off his pants legs and studying the material intently. "As for what happened...." He shrugged. "It needed to be done. Killing him wouldn't have soothed the ghosts. Mother was right about that. I needed to let go."

"Have you forgiven him? Really?"

Heath shrugged. "I'm working on it." They sat in silence.

"Can you forgive me?" Jarrod whispered.

Heath stared at him. "I'm kind of new to this brother business, you know," Heath said, "but if I can let go of what Bentell did to me, why wouldn't I be able to let go of whatever this was between us?"

"Because Bentell was the enemy. He wasn't supposed to care. I, on the other hand, am supposed to be your brother. I'm supposed to be the older brother. In short, I'm supposed to know better."

"Well," Heath replied, "like I said. I'm kinda new to this brother thing. But I figure you didn't set out to hurt me, Jarrod. And even if you did, you apologized. That takes a lot of courage. I figure you mean it so I figure I can let it go."

"Thank you, Brother Heath," Jarrod said.

"You better get some rest. Won't be winning any trials if you look like you haven't slept in two days," Heath said. Jarrod nodded and rose.

"Coming up?"

"Naw. I'm going to keep an eye on the mare for a bit." Jarrod nodded and walked away. "Jarrod," Heath called. The lawyer turned back. "One thing you can do for me, though."

"What would that be?"

"If I have any questions about this brother business, maybe you could help me out?"

Jarrod smiled. "My pleasure. I'll see you in the morning."

Heath nodded. He watched the older man leave, then walked to the mare and began to pet the sleepy creature. "I guess I can get used to this family thing, huh? Maybe it won’t be as bad as I was thinking it was for a while there."

The End

Comments and suggestions can be sent to madraf@catholic.org.