Heath. Well, he said nothing, eating slowly in silent prayer that he could keep the meal down. They were used to his silent moods and none, all wrapped up in their own conversations, bothered him. When they left the table for their respective tasks, Heath felt relieved the meal was over.

The night before, Heath had told Nick that he would spend the day in the North pasture checking on fences. No, he didn't need Nick to come with him. Yes, he would be back late, but in time for supper. Nick hadn't argued, since he had already planned to spend part of his day working with his new horse.

Heath almost felt happy to leave the house, though he knew he couldn't be happy on this day. Leaving the house, he glanced hesitantly at Victoria.

"Have a nice day, Heath," she wished him.

He hadn't been able to refrain a "You too, Ma'am" in response.

He then left. He had to go. Today he felt just like the first day he had joined this family — lost. It would be soon be a year since he had been at the Barkley ranch. What a year!

He rode to the North pasture. Charger knew the way, so Heath let his horse go at his own pace. He was in no hurry. Charger, such an outstanding horse. The only other horse Heath liked more was his beloved Modoc, Gal. Well, Gal was gone now.

Heath wished he was riding Gal again. Charger was exceptional, but still...Gal was... a gift...

Heath shook his head. He could still spot the house back in the distance. It wasn't time yet to let go. Ride away. Ride, boy. Ride far.

His first idea had been to pass the day at the pond. But then, if Victoria Barkley had detected anything wrong with him, she would have found him there without doubt. No, he had made the right decision, to go to the North pasture.

He had decided to check on fences in the morning, then take it easy in the afternoon. Take it easy and do what? Now the question hit his mind. Maybe he should make it an ordinary day after all. But deep inside, he knew it couldn't and shouldn't be an ordinary day. He had to make it a special day, but couldn't find a way, except for not working.

After an hour of inspecting fences, Heath thought it was enough work for the day. He found a place by the creek where he and Charger could enjoy fresh water and shade. Looking down at the creek, Heath realized he should have taken his fishing pole with him. But then, if Nick had seen that, maybe his brother would have suspected something. And the thing Heath most wanted on this day was none of them around, none of them asking him questions.

He sat on the grass, making sure Charger was able to get to the water. He carefully chose a dry branch and started working on it with his pocket knife. Though his mind wouldn't let him ignore the fact that he was supposed to work, he consciously fought that thought back.

By noon, he had two perfectly shaped pieces of wood. All he needed now was something to fix them together with. Why didn't he think to bring something along? Well, maybe because he hadn't planned to do what he just had done. He hadn't planned anything, except to try to make it a special day. Oh well, he would find something to attach the two pieces of wood together.

Now his stomach screamed, he was hungry. He should have taken something for lunch, even just a sandwich. But no, he had to feel hungry today. Hungry, as he was used to... not so long ago.

He didn't fight the overwhelming, burning feeling. He let it grow, slowly, surely. Being hungry, being alone. Though now he perfectly knew there would be food for supper... there would be people around at supper. He chased these thoughts away and laid down in the grass, hungry.

Victoria changed her plans and let Audra go alone to the orphanage, vaguely promising to join her daughter later if time allowed. She knew where Heath was supposed to be. Supposed to be, but she wouldn't bet he was where he said he would be.

For many days now Victoria had noticed a different look in Heath's eyes. He was acting as if... as if he wanted to be alone. Oh, it wasn't obvious to most people. Unless they were a mother like her. And had been called Ma'am instead of Mother.

As she rode to the North pasture, she tried to convince herself she was doing the right thing. Maybe Heath should be left alone. But deep inside, she just could not let him be alone today. Heath, she knew, had a hard time voicing his feelings. His hesitation by the door this morning hadn't escaped Victoria.

It was now noon, and if she was to find Heath, it would be near the creek where he would rest for the hottest hour of the day. She was right: Charger snorted as she approached, revealing her presence.

Heath rose, looking around. Upon seeing Victoria Barkley, he felt a bolting mixture of relief and anger. He sat, only staring at the pieces of wood at his feet, not sure what to say.

Victoria left her horse by Charger. She looked at Heath's back, unsure now if she had made the right decision. She finally sat down by his side, not breaking the silence. He was the one to finally break it.

"You come to check fences?" he tried to joke.

She kept her gaze wandering over the creek. "No, Heath. I came to check on you."

"I'm fine," was all he decided to answer.

"I thought maybe you wanted to be alone, but couldn't refrain from coming to you. To be there for you."

"Why's that, Ma'am?"

"Because you call me Ma'am today. And my heart tells me why." She paused. "And you know what else it tells me?"

"No."

"It tells me that you are still grieving. That you might think you want to be alone, but that you also don't want to be."

Victoria wasn't sure what she heard him mumble. It sounded like "Mother's heart". She watched him take the two pieces of wood in his hands, unsteady hands, and try to hold them together.

"You need something to fix them together," she whispered. "Give me your knife."

He didn't answer. She didn't expect him to. He passed her his knife, avoiding looking at her. She took off her hat and cut the cord, which she handed to him, along with his knife. She watched him tie the two pieces of wood together, forming a simple wooden cross.

"Need... a flower...," he finally was able to say.

"There are wild flowers a little ways downstream. Come, Heath, we'll find the most wonderful one."

She was up before him. He stood slowly and followed her along the creek, lost in his thoughts, carefully holding the wooden cross. Victoria watched him choose a wild flower. He picked it, but could not attach it properly, his eyes being full of tears. Victoria held the cross to help him, and in a matter of secondes, the most beautiful wild flower was fixed to it.

Then he looked at the creek, its water running freely away. Free at last. Free to go, to let go. No more hardship, no more pain. In the cool spring afternoon, Victoria stood behind Heath, as he walked to the edge of the creek. He turned to her, offering his hand to the woman who had became his second mother. She took his hand, holding it tight, as he turned back to face the creek. In a swift movement, he threw the wooden cross into the water, silently watching it disappear in the distance. Away. Gone.

"I love her," he finally stated, trying hard to find the right words to honor his mother's memory.

"I know, Heath. And she loves you too."

"I miss her."

After a short moment, Victoria broke the silence.

"Maybe you want to be alone."

He turned to face her. Tears weren't falling anymore. "I don't want to. I don't want to be alone anymore. I want to get back... home."

The End