Their eyes met and she took Heath's hand before placing a very sincere kiss on her son's cheek. He smiled but she could see the pain. Heath only once in five years admitted to his mother how much he dreaded this day each year.

"Oh dear," Victoria stepped back while holding his hand tight, "Your face is on fire. Must be hot already out there?"

"Actually, I don't think it ever cooled down from yesterday!"

They walked arm and arm into the dining room. Silas and his assistant were putting out a large breakfast. Between Heath's appetite from putting in a good two or three hours work before breakfast and three growing boys Victoria was happily amazed at the amount of food this family devoured. Matthew walked in from the kitchen and found a seat on Heath's lap prior to grace being said. He shared a secret with his father while Victoria settled his younger brothers into their seats.

The boys were such a wonderful combination of Meg and Heath. Victoria sat back and listened as the three bantered their way through breakfast. Heath chuckled and worked hard to get in a few bites while keeping up with his busy family. Matthew was a reflection of his mother. The boy was going to be tall, thin, and carry the Leonard family's high cheekbones with fine features. Matt had light brown hair, fair complexion, and the greenest eye ... Bright emerald green, exactly like Meg's.

Matt combined these looks with his father's quiet, intelligent, and sharply humored personality. The boy was painfully shy at times, but Heath more than understood this "curse" as he laughingly called it and worked with Matt on ways to handle the panic he felt whenever attention came his way.

Matt missed his mother and often sobbed desperately into his pillows late at night, but Heath would sense Matt's distress and scoop his eldest child into his strong arms without a word. They would sit holding on tight to each other in silence. Silence was a second language Matt and Heath used well and understood. Matt's sorrow was a pain the little boy's father felt incapable of relieving so Heath worked on ways to help Matt learn to live with how he felt.

The twins were the exact opposite story. Identical reflections of each other and their father. Victoria, Heath, and Silas instinctively knew them apart, but the rest of their family and the citizens of Stockton had to ask their names. Heath insisted they each be allowed to be their own person. The boys picked out their own clothes, enjoyed their own room, and rarely choose to dress alike except when trying to pull off a trick on someone.

The twins' personality was to be experienced because they were impossible to explain. Meg was a ball of fire with enough personality for three women. Heath's wife was an unbridled horse lover, expert outdoorswoman, and possessed enough energy to out distance any man for days, weeks, months, and years at a time. Meg finally met her match the day Heath walked on her parent's ranch to discuss buying horses. Heath might be quiet, but Victoria's youngest boy had boundless energy ... They were a very good match.

Meg and Heath lived, loved, and experienced the world together for more than seven glorious years. They had been an inseparable pair and memories of them filling her home with joy still warmed Victoria's heart. Meg's sense of humor continued to make anyone who knew her laugh simply thinking about her jokes, antics, and sarcastic wit. Her twins liked nothing more than dragging a smile or better yet, a glorious laugh from their quiet father. It was a challenge they somehow inherited from their mother and managed to fulfill each day.

"No, David, we had an agreement."

Victoria refocused on the conversation. The twins were trying to change their morning assignment while Matt helped Silas clear the table.

"I'm Ben!" the little boy's eyes absolutely sparkled at his father.

"No, you aren't David and don't start that today!"

Heath tried to look stern as he downed the last of his coffee.

"Yes, he is, papa! I'm David today."

"Well, that's fine Ben, but I'm going to refer to you as Ben. Good thing for you to remember since I want you to jump if I call your name. Understand?"

Heath's eyebrow flew up his forehead as he held back a smile without great success.

"Yes, papa."

"Do we really have to clean up first?" David changed the subject.

"That WAS the agreement, son."

"But we're five now, papa. You said we could start helping you with the horses when we were older!"

Heath laughed, rose to his feet, and walked behind the twin's chairs. Taking David under one arm and Ben under the other their father walked the giggling, wiggling, mass of Barkleys out of the dining room. Victoria and Matt laughed as they listened to the twin's unstoppable chatter and laughter as Heath carried them up to the playroom explaining their need to clean up from yesterday's birthday party, plus his interpretation of the word "older". Victoria pulled Matt into an embrace and kissed him.

"Wow, grandma, what's that for?" Matt's green eyes stole her heart once more.

"For being you, Matthew! For being you."

"MATT!"

The small boy's face lit up hearing his father call from the foyer. Her grandson started to run out, but then rushed back and planted a kiss on Victoria's cheek. Matt looked like Meg, but Victoria saw Heath written all over his gestures, sensitivity, and soft hearted soul. The child rushed to enjoy the few minutes alone Heath tried to provide him everyday as they worked in the barn together.

Victoria wasn't surprised to see the roses gracing Meg's grave so early on this beautiful day. His mother was aware of how often Heath wandered up to be with Meg and Tom, but they never spoke of it. She got out her gardening tools and set about trimming the plants surrounding the small white fence. Her first thoughts ran in the form of a conversation with Tom, as was her habit when she visited the Barkley gravesite. Victoria thought about how much of a charge Tom would have gotten out of the life, energy, and fun Meg brought to their home. Feeling a familiar pain tug at her heart Victoria ran her fingers over his name thinking of all her husband missed not knowing Heath.

She took a rest, drank some water, and tried to gather her thoughts. Yesterday's birthday party for the twins was a day of unlimited joy. Those two loved every second from when they attacked their father mercilessly tickling him long before even Heath thought it was time to get up until Heath held them on the verandah swing refusing to ease his bear hug until they gave up falling into an exhausted sleep. The picture of Heath with a tow-headed little boy sound asleep on each shoulder as he lovingly carried them up the stairs to bed was one Victoria would never forget.

Without warning or explanation Victoria started to cry. She stood up and threw the gardening tools angrily into her basket. After she threw the basket into the buggy Victoria tried to work off some anger by ripping her gloves from her hands and viciously throwing them in the buggy too. As she went to step up into the seat Victoria's arms felt weak and the heart broken woman turned around, leaned back on the buggy, and dropped her head letting her hands rest on her knees. The sobs seemed to come from her toes and Victoria gave up any hope of control for a few moments.

"Oh, Meg," Victoria whispered as she staggered back to the graves and fell to her knees, "My darling girl, you should have been there. One of the boys on your shoulder and your other hand wrapped securely in Heath's."

Victoria took some breaths and let the sobs wane with her energy. Meg's absence still made no sense and hurt more than her mother-in-law could comprehend or let herself comprehend until moments like this when she broke down. Victoria turned and sat on the grass. She loosened the top button on her blouse and tried to get some air.

Five years ago was such a time of great joy on the Barkley ranch. Meg had been restricted to bed those last few weeks she carried the twins. The young woman Victoria called daughter laughed and lied saying she was relieved since there were no longer any clothes large enough to cover her swollen body. Meg attempted to comply as much as women with her immense energy could, but the family was forced to do a lot of policing. Thinking back it was an important time for many reasons, but most importantly because three-year-old Matt spent hours visiting and entertaining his mother. Victoria was certain the sensitive boy would remember some of those times Matt spent with his mother despite his young age.

The delivery went well after two long days of on again then off again contractions. Heath stayed by his wife's side the entire two days comforting her as Meg's body decided whether to truly go into labor. The doctor fussed due to Meg's last minute challenge of enormous swelling in her limbs and face. Finally the twins arrived with Victoria, Meg's mother ... Mary, the doctor, and Heath coaching Meg through her tremendous struggle.

Meg's father, Matt, and the rest of their large family waited anxiously. The relief and joy that spread like wildfire almost lifted the house up off its foundation as the doctor announced mother and sons healthy and ready to face the world.

Meg felt so much better after being delivered she teasingly spat with Heath about getting up the next morning. After Matt and Heath sang happy one-day birthday to the boy's new brothers they kissed Meg and headed outside. While her worried husband went out to catch up on some work the two fussing mothers, Victoria and Mary, helped Meg wash her hair, bathe, and then they gave in to her laughter filled begging agreeing to allow Meg to sit by the window while they changed the bed. Victoria remarked she noted the swelling was going down fast in Meg's face and hands, but kept to herself her anxiety over her daughter's horribly swollen legs.

The next few moments were still confused even after five years. Meg happily watched as Heath strolled around the corrals with Matt on his shoulders. Suddenly she grabbed her right leg and complained of a cramp in her calf. Mary knelt down and tried to rub the cramp out as Meg bravely fought off the rising panic Victoria saw in her daughter's eyes. Suddenly Meg held her hands to her chest, unable to breathe, in severe pain, and looked up to Victoria.

"Take care of them, mother..." Meg pleaded in a hoarse whisper as Victoria took the hand extended sharply her way.

For an instant their gaze froze time as Victoria made silent promises to the dying girl. Meg gasped a few times, turned her eyes back to Heath playing with Matt outside her window, finally her eyes rolled back, and Meg fell into the chair. Mary screamed and kept screaming as the house suddenly swarmed around the wretched scene. Heath was instantly lifting his dead wife out of the chair and lying her back in their bed. Mary was out of her mind and simply sat on the floor where she fell at her daughter's feet screaming over and over at the top of her lungs.

Heath sat down next to Meg and felt for a pulse while gently calling her name and quietly begging her not to go. Victoria stood behind him and in the middle of the moment turned to see Meg's father, Charles, picking Matt up then taking the sobbing boy from his parent's bedroom. When Victoria returned her gaze to her own son, Heath was holding Meg's limp body in his arms, rocking back and forth, running his hands through her long wet hair, and telling his wife how very much he loved her. Mary's screaming was making Heath's last moments with his wife garish so Victoria moved over and physically dragged the woman into the hall before shutting the door.

Victoria wiped away a few more tears. Since that moment of absolute pain the Barkley's life raced as she and Heath tried to keep pace with his three young boys. Mary never recovered mentally, but Charles traveled from San Diego to visit his grandsons at least twice every year. The entire family found their way around talking about the young woman whose memory united them unless the boy's asked direct questions about their mother. The pain was as real now as it had been the day Meg suddenly left them.

"I'm so sorry, Meg. We have no idea what happened, but I still feel I should have kept you in bed. My heart remembers the joy I saw in your face as you smelt the fresh air, heard the sounds of the ranch, and saw those dear boys of yours. But, Meg, I..."

Victoria stopped, refused to allow any more tears, and stomped back to the buggy. She knew the past five years had not eased any of the pain and anger she felt surging through her heart, mind, and soul. Victoria also knew her inability to face her grief wasn't helpful to Heath, Matt, David, Ben, or anyone else. Heading home Victoria regrouped deciding to once again hide the fact she hated this day as much or more than her youngest son. But Heath already knew this was another area where he and Victoria were exactly alike.

Nick picked up the tools he needed from the barn. He could hear the twins giggling upstairs as he stopped in the kitchen for some of Silas' lemonade. He was glad Heath wasn't around. Their relationship had been strained since Meg's death when Nick's younger brother dropped out of the cowboy business and spent his time making money anyway he could as long as it kept him home the majority of the time. They fought long and hard as Nick relearned to run the cattle business without Heath's help.

"FARMER," Nick thought out loud to himself as he washed at the pump, "HEATH'S GONE AND BECOME A GOD DAMN FARMER!" He quickly shook off the excess water and stomped to the house unable to understand the most talented cowboy he'd even known refusing to work the herd with him.

"UNCLE NICK!"

Matt dropped what he was doing and ran into Nick's open arms.

"Morning, Silas," Nick nodded and tousled Matt's hair as he put him back down.

"Mr. Nick, how about something nice and cool to drink. It's a scorcher already this morning."

"Thank you, Silas."

Nick moved over to the table where Matt had been working. The boy was busy cutting out cookies while Silas did the baking.

"Boy howdy, Uncle Nick. I get to see you two days in a row."

Nick smiled and watched as Matt cut more dough.

"Well, I didn't really get time to spend with my favorite nephew yesterday ... Party and all. So I figured I best stop back today."

He tickled Matt and gave his shoulders a squeeze then took the glass Silas offered nodding his gratitude. Nick slid into a chair next to the one Matt was standing on.

"What are you doing, Matthew?"

"Surprising, papa. Grandma says if I help Silas while she's out this morning ... Well, we can go for a picnic and swim for supper this evening. Silas needed help making the cookies for supper."

"I see," Nick took a few gulps of lemonade and stole one of the finished sugar cookies.

"Hey, you're bad."

Nick raised an eyebrow at Matt and stuffed the remainder of his cookie in his mouth before Silas turned their way. They all giggled.

"Were are the twins?"

"They're still trying to clean up the mess in the playroom from yesterday, Mr. Nick. I expect they will be very busy giggling up there until Mr. Heath gets home for dinner and sees that they finish up."

Nick shook his head. What was Heath possibly thinking these days? What was he raising a bunch of girls? Two upstairs doing the cleaning and this one here baking cookies?

"Say, Matt?"

Matt stopped working and smiled at his boisterous uncle.

"How about you riding into town with me, young man? It's my supply run, plus I loaded up that old saw to take it in for a sharpening. I'll have to bring it back late this afternoon anyway."

Matt glanced at Silas and then back at his uncle.

"Pa won't like it if I leave without asking. Where's Tommy? Doesn't he do the supply run with you every week?"

Nick once again shook his head silently disagreeing with the tight lead Heath kept on his boys.

"Well, it may seem hard to believe, but your cousin stayed home with a stomach ache. Too much party yesterday!"

They all giggled remembering Tommy's mother, Nicole, scolding him after she found out the boy ate three large pieces of birthday cake.

"What do you say, partner?" Nick stood up and handed Silas his empty glass.

"Mr. Heath, he don't ..."

Nick turned and glared at Silas.

"Where are mother and Heath anyway?"

"Mrs. Barkley, she rode out in the buggy and simply said she would be back for dinner. Mr. Heath is out in the groves checking on an irrigation problem. They'll all be here for dinner. Can you wait until ..."

"Oh, for Heaven sake, NO I CAN'T WAIT UNTIL DINNER!! What is the problem? Can't an uncle take his own nephew out for a ride?"

Matt smiled up. There was something about Nick that always fascinated the boy. His uncle was so different than himself and his father. Loud, brash, and always in charge. Matt loved Nick beyond measure.

"I'll wash my hands and meet you out front, Uncle Nick."

The little boy raced up the back stairs before anyone could say another thing.

"Mr. Nick, I know you disagree, but Mr. Heath don't like the boys leaving the ranch without him."

"Well, Matt is eight for crying out loud. What's Heath going to do ... Lock him up on this ranch until the kid's twenty-one? I'll have him home by supper. Thanks, Silas."

Nick grabbed his hand and a fistful of cookies on his way out. Matt was waiting by the wagon and they started into Stockton.

BVBVBVBVBVBVBVBVBVBVBVBVBVBVBVBVBVBVBVBVBVBVBVBVBV

"I'm telling you, he'll be along. Just wait!"

Ed scolded Randy then returned his eyes to the horizon. They still had bruises to show from the beating Nick Barkley gave them before throwing them off his property the week before. Nick caught them stealing and told all the area ranchers about them. Now the cowboys were broke, sore, and out of work unless they left the Stockton area.

They wanted quick money and revenge. The duo learned a lot about Nick during the nine months they worked on the Barkley spread. They knew his son, Tommy, was Nick's spoiled pride and joy. The hands all braced themselves for Nick's bad mood, which lasted for weeks on end when Mrs. Barkley went and had another girl. Gosh, that was the fifth girl in a row. Made you wonder how many kids he'd have before Nick accepted Tommy being the only boy.

Grabbing Tommy would make them big money fast. Nick Barkley would do anything for that brat. They weren't going to hurt the kid ... Just scare his father while lightening his pockets a bit. Finally they saw the wagon coming over the rise. The men pulled their hats low, tightened the bandannas over their faces, and waited for the wagon to move to the exact spot they planned. They charged after their prey.

"Uncle Nick?"

Nick smiled with relief when the boy finally had something to say.

"Who are those riders?"

Nick turned and saw the speed, the drawn guns, and the bandannas, but it was too late. A warning bullet flew by Nick's ear and he halted the wagon while pushing Matt down under his legs.

"Don't even try it!"

The voice snarled as Nick moved his hand back from his gun. The other rider rode around and relieved Nick of his weapon.

"What do you want, fellas? Not much cash on me today?"

The rider who seemed to be in charge threw a heavy stone with a note tied around it into the wagon bed.

"That will explain all you need to know," he snarled around a voice full of contempt.

"Okay. Just leave us be is all I ask."

"Don't see you as being in a condition to do any asking. Go on ... Get the kid."

Nick was aware of Matt's arms tightly wrapped around his leg the entire time. Now the boy moved closer and held on tighter. Nick looked down as his mind tried desperately to think of a plan. When his head came up there was a gun cocked and pointed right by his ear.

"GET THE KID!"

The other rider rode up next to the wagon and started pulling on Matt's feet. The boy kicked and strained while crying out over and over for his uncle to help him.

"Settle the boy or he is as good as dead."

The words were spoken emotionless and Nick believed them. He reached down and pulled Matt up. Nick gave him a hug and tried to smile. Before he could try and say anything to calm the sobbing boy a rider came up behind Matt, wrapped an arm around the child's waist, and pulled him back towards the horse.

"NO! UNCLE NICK! HELP!" Matt was screaming and held Nick's hands for all he was worth.

"Its okay, Matthew! Its gonna be okay," Nick's gaze met squarely with Matt's frightened green eyes, but his words didn't calm the child.

The next few moments were a blur. The rider yanked Matt back, which broke Nick's hold on the boy's still extended hands. The other rider was laughing and threw another stone landing this one squarely on the backside of the wagon team leader. Nick was suddenly thrown back over the seat into the bed of the wagon as the team took off.

Nick Barkley watched helplessly as the man tried to hold onto Matt. The boy was kicking, swinging his arms, and screaming that his pa didn't allow him to ride with strangers. Between the wagon's sudden movement, the high pitched panicked screams of the boy, and Matt's frenetic movements the rider's horse spook and took off. The other rider watched in shock then took off after them.

Nick worked fast to halt the team and turn them before whipping them into a dangerous gallop. As he caught sight of the two riders racing wildly back up over the hill they had been hiding behind ... Something horrible happened. The rider holding Matt had to make a choice since his horse was panicked and it was taking all his strength not to fall.

Nick could almost feel the man quickly deciding what to do and was helpless to stop it. The rider dropped Matt from his grasp and grabbed onto the neck of his mount to keep from falling himself. The would-be kidnappers flew over the hill and out of sight.

The frantic man found Matt lying in a wonderfully tall patch of thick grass. The boy was unconscious, but he was breathing easy. Nick scooped him up, secured him in the wagon bed, and drove gently for the closest help available to them. Matt woke up a mile from the main ranch house and started crying uncontrollably. Nick stopped the wagon and tried to assure his nephew everything was going to be just fine. Matt was hurt, confused, and frightened which left the eight-year-old unable to relax and let his uncle take care of him.

"I WANT PA!"

Matt was starting to get mad. He pushed Nick away when he tried to recheck for broken bones at the sites the boy seemed to be favoring. Feeling helpless to comfort the child, Nick drove on to the ranch. Coming over the rise he saw Heath heading into the house from the barn. Even from this distance his brother looked hot and tired after a long morning working in the groves. Nick saw the look of panic in Heath's gait as his younger brother recognized the small voice screaming his name from the direction of the wagon.

Heath didn't even take one step towards the barn. The man dropped his hat where he had been standing to listen while wiping the brim and started running for the wagon. Nick turned and tried to tell Matthew his pa was almost there, but the little boy was hollering and working out the panic he felt from their morning's experiences. Nick smiled to himself remembering Victoria's belief that a quiet child is terribly ill, but a screamer is going to be just fine. He prayed his mother's statement was correct.

"HE'S OKAY, HEATH!"

Nick slowed the wagon enough so Heath could jump up in the back!

"Matthew, its okay, I'm here," Heath sat down in the wagon and pulled the frightened child in his arms.

"Oh, papa. Those bad men hurt me!"

Nick couldn't hear anymore of the conversation. As soon as Heath was safely in the wagon he got the team back in motion. Matt settled the moment Heath wrapped him in his arms. The boy was crying and holding on to his father with every ounce of strength he possessed.

As Nick slowed at the front of the house he turned to check on them. Matt's right arm was obviously broken and he had it protectively tucked between he and his father. His other arm was wrapped tight around Heath's neck while his head rested on his father's shoulder. The boy was still whimpering, but seemed much calmer. Heath jumped out the back as soon as Nick stopped. He had Matt so tight in an embrace Nick wondered how the child could breathe.

"I'll send Harry for the doctor and be right in, Heath."

Heath briefly looked up at his brother without speaking. Nick felt the breath go right out of his chest when their eyes locked. Heath face was covered with tears and his eyes silently reminded Nick of the trust he had broken. With a heavy heart Nick moved the wagon over to the barn and sent the best rider available into Stockton for the doctor.

By early evening the initial panic aroused when Heath burst through the door and carried Matthew up to his room subsided. The twins sensed the serious nature of the situation and simply sat clinging to their father, Victoria, or Silas most of the day. Victoria helped the doctor take care of her frightened grandson while Heath held him and talked Matthew through having his arm set, a few stitches, and all the other treatments the doctor deemed necessary. The boy had a slight concussion, which limited the pain medications he could have, but Matt seemed to handle everything fairly well by burying his face in his father's chest while letting an occasional high-pitched screech escape.

Victoria was as concerned for Heath as she was for Matt. As Matthew quietly moaned, cried, and called his name Victoria saw the strong toll it took on Heath. It was as if her youngest son was being physically beaten with each clutch Matt made on his hand, whimper which crossed the room weakening everyone's knees, or small bit of encouragement his father dug deep inside to manage and whisper. When the doctor left Heath sat on the bed and held Matthew. The twins crawled up on each side and the three of them held Matt as he cried his fears, frustrations, and pain away until exhaustion finally put him into a deep sleep.

Heath sent the twins down to the kitchen for supper while he gently placed Matthew in the covers and took a seat beside him. The worried man was with Matthew when his son fell into a much-needed sleep. Heath would still be there when his boy finally opened his eyes the next morning. As he prayed and tried to unjumble the confusion he felt inside Heath let his eyes take turns gazing at his eldest boy and then the picture of Meg on Matthew's nightstand. It was one of the longest nights in Heath Barkley's entire life.

Nick took care of things with the sheriff. He stayed downstairs with his wife and children. Sally occasionally went up to offer assistance, but Nick instinctively knew he wasn't welcome and stayed on the first floor. The baby was fussing all afternoon and the sound of a newborn screaming does not help anyone's nerves. When they knew Matthew would be all right Nick sent his wife and children back over to their place with the same hands, which escorted them to his mother's house.

He sat gazing into the study's cold fireplace thinking through the day's events. Victoria marched through the door, slammed it shut, poured herself a double shot, and sat directly across from Nick letting her stare do the talking for the first few minutes. She finally decided to speak.

"Nick, I have no idea why you insist on giving Heath such a hard time, but I know this must and will be the end of it!"

"HEATH? WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?"

"You know very well, Nicholas!"

"I came for a visit. Took Matthew with me on a supply run. Normally this wouldn't have been anything big to crow about, mother."

Victoria slapped her hand down on her thigh and leveled an intensely angry stare at her son.

"NOTHING BIG TO CROW ABOUT?"

Victoria took a few deep breaths and calmed herself.

"Do you know about Heath's rule that his sons do not leave this ranch without his knowledge?"

"Yes, mother ..."

She put her hand up and cut him off, adding, "And did you have Heath's permission to take Matthew off this ranch?"

"No, mother, but ..."

Victoria stood up while her glare cut off Nick mid-sentence.

"This has nothing to do with those idiots out there on the road today, Nick! You know it and so do I. You may not agree with Heath's parenting, but let me ask you one last question."

"Yes, ma'am."

Nick suddenly felt like he was ten years old again. He was too embarrassed to look his mother in the eye and too proud to ask her what to do knowing his relationship with Heath was truly damaged.

"Whose son is, Matthew Leonard Barkley?"

"Heath's, mother, I don't .... "

"I suggest you never, ever, forget that fact again, Nick. Do I make myself clear?"

Nick didn't need to answer. Victoria was back out in the foyer leaving Nick alone with his thoughts.

By the end of a week Matt was up and being scolded for running around too much. In another week the boy barely noticed his multiple bumps, scraps, scratches, and sores. If his arm hadn't been wrapped in a heavy bandage and kept in a sling no one would have known he had been injured. Victoria was thrilled when he talked long and emotionally to Heath, Silas, and herself about what happened out on the road. She thanked her Maker knowing Matt would be well physically and mentally once he moved this episode into his past.

Heath, on the other hand, was not doing any healing. He absolutely refused to even be in the same room with Nick. They had not exchanged any words on the incident because Heath would not speak to Nick. Victoria had never seen a cold shoulder turned with more sting. Nick was devastated and Matthew had actually been comforting his uncle when he visited. The boy's compassion made her smile remembering the sight of them sitting on the couch and Matt taking Nick's hand while offering encouragement.

At dinner a few weeks after the accident Heath surprised them all. He, Matthew, and the twins had many long talks about what happened and what to do when an adult wanted them to break their father's rules. Dinner's conversation was Heath's final word on all , which had transpired. He waited until Silas' assistant finished clearing the dessert dishes. Normally the boys would be off to wash up and play while Heath and Victoria moved to the study. Tonight he instructed the boys to keep their seats.

"Matthew, seems to me you are pretty near 100% except for that bum arm."

"Yes, sir!"

Matt and the twins leaned forward. The boys and their grandmother were certain Heath was going to announce a surprise fishing trip or one of the other things he occasionally sprung on them.

"We then, son, I would like to have a family conference to discuss your punishment. I'd like to try and be fair."

"Punishment?", Victoria smiled as Heath nodded her way.

Ben and David sunk down in their chairs. They were used to getting punished, but rarely saw their big brother even scolded. This could be interesting!

"Papa, I didn't think ... "

Heath patted his son's hand and smiled to cut him off.

"Matt, we've spoken at length about what happened the day you got hurt. The fact remains you broke the rules ... Big time. Breaking the rules means getting punished in this house."

"Yes, sir."

Matt dropped his head and fought his desire to cry. He knew his behavior was bad, but until this moment did not comprehend a sense of letting his father down. There was nothing which could have punished Matthew more than this revelation, but he wouldn't have known how to share what he was realizing with his father.

"Heath, do you think this should be a big punishment or small? Since Matt understands what he did was wrong ... We all do."

Victoria turned her gaze to David and Ben when she said those words. They nodded at their grandmother since breaking the rules was something they found more tempting than their brother. Seeing Matthew sad and upset was truly affecting the smaller boys.

"Small ... Matt knows he was wrong and I know he won't do anything remotely like that again."

Everyone looked up and Heath fought to remain stern and not smile. Family conferences around this dining room table were normally regarding fun activities. He wished this one was too, but felt strong about what he was trying to convey to all three of his sons.

"Well, let me tell you what I was thinking."

Heath looked around and made sure to get a nod from everyone.

"Matthew, I would like you to apologize to Silas. He tried to remind you not to go with Uncle Nick and you didn't listen. Silas is a good friend of yours and friends deserve our respect to the point where we listen to their advice. Also, Silas is in charge when I'm not home as much as grandmother is in charge when I'm not here. I want you to always remember to respect what he tells you."

"Yes, sir."

Matt sat closer and got his hopes up. He loved Silas and didn't mind apologizing to someone who was so dear to his heart.

"Then I want you to pick a morning before the end of this week. Talk to Diego the night before and let him know you are going to clean the chicken coop for him."

Matt flopped back in his chair and let his eyes drop to his lap. Heath had never been sure how it happened, but his boys inherited a strong dislike for the smell of the chicken coop from their mother. Meg couldn't stand the smell and seemed highly sensitive to being close to the coop. Victoria even had a new coop built farther from the house to please her new daughter-in-law when Heath first brought his bride to Stockton. Victoria smiled and winked at Heath ... Cleaning the coop wasn't difficult, but the punishment would be remembered for a long time.

"YUCK!", Ben couldn't hold in his thoughts any longer.

"Not that, papa. It stinks out there," David shuttered at the thought of the coop's smell as he spoke up for his big brother.

The twins were quite alarmed at Matt's punishment, which was one of Heath's major points in following through on his house rules.

"Matthew, what do you think son?"

Matt slid from his chair and wrapped himself around Heath. He was quiet, but not emotional. Heath returned his hug while shrugging his shoulders towards his mother. Victoria did the same and they all waited for Matthew to speak. The boy placed a gentle kiss on Heath's cheek and then turned to his grandmother's end of the table.

"May I be excused, grandma?'

"Why yes, Matthew, if you feel your conversation with your father is complete."

Matt tried to smile then turned to Heath.

"I'll go talk to Diego right away, pa. I'll clean the coop tomorrow."

"Fine, son. Come back in and I'll take you on in a game of checkers."

Matthew's face lit up and he moved quickly from the room. He might hate the chicken coop, but he loved beating Heath at checkers or any other game. The twins were excused and flew from the table. They were talking a mile a minute about Matt's punishment and were still disgusted by the thought of the coop's smell. Heath rose and offered Victoria his arm and the family conference was officially closed.

The next morning the twins were busy helping Victoria get her rose garden weeded before the morning heated the back of the house too much. Victoria smiled when she saw Heath walk over to the chicken coop on a break from working with some new colts. A few minutes later he was no longer talking with Matthew, but had crawled in the coop with his eldest son and together they gave the coop the best cleaning it would see for many a day. She closed her eyes quickly saying a prayer for Meg to know how loved her sons were then asked her God for assistance helping Heath let go of his grief. Victoria returned to guiding the twins through their morning chores.

"COM'ON, HEATH!"

Nick was standing over Heath's prone body. He decided to force a confrontation with Heath after receiving the cold shoulder long enough to feel battered and worn. Nick waited until Victoria left for church with the boys and Heath was in the barn by himself. The older Barkley had blocked Heath's exit insisting they talk things out. Nick's proposal met with only stone cold silence, so he did what came natural to him ... He landed a quick right cross. Heath flew through the air landing next to some stacked hay bales.

"IT'S BEEN ALMOST SIX WEEKS AND I CAN'T STAND THIS SILENCE, BOY! WHY DON'T YOU JUST HIT ME ... I KNOW YOU ARE MAD AS HELL!!"

Heath shook off his momentary daze since Nick's fist took him by complete surprise. He looked up and watched Nick start to pace like a caged animal. How he missed Nick's company, but his brother had been pushing Heath away for over five years. In the midst of grieving for Meg, learning to be a single parent of three small boys, and working harder than he ever had in his life to change part of the ranch into a business he could run while staying home Heath also lost his best friend. It was a situation that deeply concerned him, but as always Heath decided to hide his feelings and put his energy into surviving.

'The way my jaw feels I'd say it was you who was mad, Nick!"

Heath pulled himself up and sat against the soft hay. It was early in the morning, but the barn was already too hot for fighting. His hand rubbed against his sore face as Heath wiped blood on his bandanna. If he'd gotten any sleep in the last six weeks the man might have the energy to get up and shove Nick out of the way. But Heath hadn't so he figured to wait his impatient big brother out.

Nick flopped onto a saw horse by the door in mocked shock, adding, "GOOD GOD, THE MAN DOES KNOW HOW TO TALK!"

Nick saw Heath raise an eyebrow and drop his gaze to his bloody bandanna. How Nick wished he hadn't said those last sharp words. He walked over handing Heath a cup of water then sat down on the floor beside him. They sat in silence while each man pondered his next move. Strangely it was Heath who spoke first.

"How's your hand?"

"Not bad, after all these years it's getting used to smacking into your hard head."

Heath smiled and laid his head back on the hay for a moment. Nick thought he was going to go to sleep. Maybe he hurt his brother more than Nick first thought?

"You dole out quiet like no other man, God, placed on this earth!" Nick slapped Heath's knee, "You sure know how to drive me nuts. It feels like more than six weeks since we've talked."

Heath sat up and leveled his gaze at Nick, responding, "It should, Nick ... It's been five years, big brother."

"FIVE YEARS?"

"Yes, five years. You stopped talking to me when Meg died. You know it and so do I."

Nick didn't realize the power of the pent up emotion Heath's words hit and released.

"NO, I STOPPED TALKING TO YOU WHEN YOU DECIDED TO TURN FARMER ON ME, BOY! LEFT ME HIGH AND DRY TO RUN THE HERD BY MYSELF. AND, LITTLE BROTHER, YOU PUSHED ME AWAY WHEN YOU DECIDED NOT TO LET ANYONE OR ANYTHING OTHER THAN MOTHER AND SILAS TRULY PARTICIPATE IN YOUR BOY'S LIVES."

Heath's quickness still amazed Nick even after all these years. He was up and out the barn door before Nick was finished yelling at him. Nick ran after his brother telling him to stop, but Heath only walked faster. Finally Nick caught his arm as Heath crossed the foyer on his way up the stairs. Heath easily shook Nick off.

"HEATH! I'M SORRY ABOUT MATTHEW. I'M SO SORRY ABOUT EVERYTHING ... I'M SORRY, HEATH. PLEASE, STOP!"

Heath stopped without turning around. He quickly rushed through his memories of Nick and could find no other time when his brother sincerely said the words... I'm sorry. Heath turned around and sat down on the stairs while leveling his gaze at Nick.

"Thank you," Nick stopped and leaned on the bottom of the rail to catch his breath, "Please, we need to talk. I miss talking to you, Heath."

Heath stood up and walked down accepting Nick's embrace, quietly whispering, "I've missed you too, Nick. I've missed you too."

The men wandered into the study and collapsed into the couch. It took a few minutes before their honest revelations sunk in. Heath's silence the past few weeks gave Nick Barkley plenty of time to think. Victoria's counsel also pointed him towards some deep emotional thoughts. The resolutions Nick was searching his mind for suddenly came to him and he blurted them out.

"I don't really hate your working in the groves as much as I HATE riding without you by my side. I know you needed to make changes to be with your boys and Lord knows I might do the same if I was walking in your boots, but the day we lost Meg was a horrible day. One none of us will ever forget. But I guess..."

Nick turned and met Heath's gaze.

"I guess I've never been able to accept the fact I lost you that day too, Heath. When Meg went she took the brother I knew with her. That's what I'm mad about ... Probably always will be I reckon."

Nick collapsed back into the couch. Sharing these thoughts and feelings left him feeling exhausted and yet anxiety over Heath's reaction kept him from relaxing. They shared another long silence before Heath spoke.

"I did die that day, Nick," Heath's whisper caused Nick to sit up and move closer, "Haven't felt alive since the moment I rushed into our room and saw Meg's dead eyes staring at the ceiling. Can't explain it and I'm not saying it is right, but it is the absolute truth. If it weren't for my boys..."

Heath stopped and lowered his chin to his chest. Nick put a hand on his brother's knee and for once in their relationship waited without feeling any impatience inside him.

"Meg was everything, Nick. Absolutely everything ... I'm only a shell left behind to watch out for our children. I'm doing the best I know how and that's all I can offer. I'm sorry if it isn't enough, Nick."

Heath was quiet and drained, but not emotional. Nick sank back in the couch beside him and thought through Heath's words. After a few minutes Heath took a few deep breaths and gathered himself to ask a question.

"So, Nick, what do we do next, big brother?"

Nick closed his eyes and asked his Maker for assistance before speaking. The proud man knew Heath needed him as he perhaps never needed Nick before in their entire relationship. Nick slid off the couch onto his knees, took Heath's hand, and stared sincerely into his younger brother's pained eyes.

"A few ideas to get us started, Heath. I drop this stupid pride thing and begin to help you work around this ranch so those boys of yours get all the attention their deserve. Fact is my own kids could use a hell of a lot more attention than I've be doling out lately, my beautiful wife too."

Nick stopped for a moment and thought of his wife and family. They rarely saw him or him them ... The situation would change after today. Nick moved his gaze back to Heath.

"That takes care of me. Now for you, Heath..."

Nick dropped his head and held Heath's hand tight before speaking his mind.

"You, my dear brother, must finally grieve for Meg and then let her go. Get mad, get sad, yell, scream, or swear at the Almighty for taking her from you. If you don't let yourself heal, if you don't finally give yourself a chance to let go of all your hurt and anger ... My God, Heath, how can you ever enjoy the family you've worked so hard to build?"

Heath closed his eyes and took some deep breaths. Nick hung on to his hands and silently pleaded for the quiet man not to shut him out. Heath never moved and kept his eyes closed when he spoke.

"I don't know if I can, Nick. The part of me somewhere deep inside where a man gets his strength ... Well, my insides, my soul, its more than empty. After all those years fighting with the world about my heritage, who I was, and what I wanted. After Carterson and the gold camps, plus all the hunger, anger, and digging in the dirt to make my way through. I'm tired, Nick ... I'm empty inside."

Heath rested while Nick continued his silent vigil.

"When I brought Meg to this house ... I finally knew I was home. I relaxed and let myself think all the pain was behind me. I'm tired of life and at the same time I'm afraid my boys will suffer the same pain I've had to deal with since the day I was born if I let the world in. All I think about is how to protect them but I'm wearing out ... If it wasn't for mother and Silas I'd be long gone."

Heath rested back and appeared to be done talking. Nick stood up and took a seat next to Heath.

"Well, then you just have to find a way to make yourself better. I know you can and I'm going to be right here next to you every single solitary step of the way. Heath, you are the strongest man I've ever known and perhaps we've all expected too much of you knowing the things you've accomplished in the past. From now on, little brother, you've got to let us help you. Even without your wonderful Meg ... Heath this is home. Please, think about it?"

Heath sat up and nodded. Nick followed him out through the foyer and they welcomed Victoria and the children back from church together. The men shook hands and Nick hurried home to see his own family. Victoria was thrilled to see the two men on speaking terms again. Nick left before she could pull him aside and mention Heath's being up wandering through the house every night. She'd let it go and ask Nick to talk to his brother about his nightly restlessness on his next visit.

There was at least one Barkley heart on the mend that hot Sunday afternoon as Nick rode back to his wife and family. He had his partner, his best friend, his brother, Heath back and as a team they could run the ranch while raising their growing families together. Time would tell if Heath would find the strength to follow Nick's path home and figure out a way to heal.

Heath was coming down the stairs from a bath when the boy charged into the foyer. Ben and David each had a fistful of treasures they couldn't wait to share with their father. Matthew skipped behind while Victoria followed with a very empty picnic basket.

"PAPA!"

With their normal enthusiasm the younger boys threw themselves towards Heath. He caught them, but instead of pulling them into the bear hug they expected Heath put them down and sternly suggested they not run in the house. Matthew and Victoria came in at the end of this exchange while the undeterred youngsters jumped up and down pulling on Heath's arms and pants having moved their thoughts from hugs to their treasures. Heath made it through the foyer and was trying to take a seat in the living room, but the boys were swarming around him making his moves difficult.

Matt ran over to join in with the stones and things he found. Victoria would have normally laugh to see them all excitedly surrounding Heath on the couch except for the red faced anger she watched take over their father's face. Heath put his head back for a moment and took a deep breath then stood up letting the treasures which had been placed in his lap fall to the floor.

"Ah-oh," Ben quickly got down to pick up what fell.

"Papa, sit down. Wait until you see what I found!" David couldn't hold back his excitement and began jumping up and down on the couch behind Heath.

"DAVID!" the boy stopped and almost fell when he tried to halt his motion suddenly.

Matthew reached over and steadied his brother.

"HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU BEEN TOLD NOT TO JUMP UP AND DOWN ON THE FURNITURE?"

The boys were overwhelmed. Their father had been angry in their presence, but they'd never heard this tone of rage. Ben wrapped his arms around Heath's leg; as if holding on to his father would keep him from yelling.

"I DON'T WANT TO EVER SEE ANY OF YOU WITH YOUR FEET ON THE FURNITURE AGAIN. DO YOU UNDERSTAND?"

His younger brothers began to quietly cry and Matthew pulled them away from Heath. The three confused boys moved as one back towards their grandmother who stood not knowing what to say at the living room entrance.

"DO YOU UNDERSTAND?"

"Yes, papa?" Matt quietly answered for them as he continued to pull the boys back from their angry father.

"HEATH BARKLEY, what on earth..."

Heath turned and stared into the fireplace unable to understand himself or his anger. The afternoon left him terribly confused as he tried to sort out the conversation this morning with Nick. Tired, hot, and hungry he decided to take a cool bath and change before Victoria and the boys came home for supper. Heath actually felt better until he went to dress after his bath. Being in the room he shared with Meg, seeing her stare out at him from the picture frame on his dresser, and sensing her presence even though her material possessions had long ago been removed ... An anger rose up which Heath had been coming down the stairs to quell with a large dose of whiskey when the boys came rushing at him.

When Heath turned back around all three boys were holding on to his mother. He saw the looks of confusion staring out from around Victoria's legs. His eyes settled on David. Heath heart leap into his throat realizing the fear in his little boy's eyes was directed towards him. David was afraid of his father.

"I'm sorry, mother," Heath dropped his head as the burden of shame he never before felt entirely overwhelmed him.

After a few deep breaths Heath quickly moved over to talk to the group. Victoria took a step back pulling all three of her grandson's closer while waiting until she saw Heath's eyes to feel at ease with his approach. Seeing the four people he loved more than anything in the entire world move from his grasp tore Heath apart. He dropped to his knees in front of the boys.

"I'm sorry, David. I'm apologize to you, Ben and to you, Matthew," Heath met each child's eyes as he spoke their name.

Heath reached up for Victoria's hand as the boys closed around him. After a long group embrace Heath kissed each child then rose to kiss his mother's cheek. She noted a sense of great danger or confusion in Heath's eyes, but he walked away before she could speak to him. Heath left on Charger and they didn't see him the rest of the evening. Victoria and Silas were kept busy reassuring the boys their father was all right and only needed some time alone. When the boys were all asleep, Victoria and Silas exchanged some encouraging words of their own. Victoria lay awake waiting to hear Heath's footsteps, but they never came. Heath stayed out all night and wasn't home when the boys woke up in the morning.

Breakfast was a tense affair with Heath's empty chair upsetting everyone. Matthew took charge and reassured his brothers their father probably rode Charger too far to come home in the dark, camped out, and was spending the morning catching some fish for their supper. Matthew glanced at his grandmother and she nodded her gratitude since the twins believed him and went back to their normal banter.

Heath rode Charger hard. They finally rested by the creek in the farthest end of the north pasture. He was hot, tired, and confused while his frustration grew with his inability to control his own mind. Thoughts, images, and voices bounced in, out, and around at random. Darkness brought no break from the heat and Heath lay in the grass staring up at the clear sky with a million bright stars.

Without realizing it Heath feel into a dream. He wasn't sure of the time or how long he was sleeping when Heath shot up and stood in one motion. He screamed and held his hands to his ears, but she wouldn't stop.

"SHUT UP, MARY ... JUST SHUT UP!!! WHY ARE YOU SCREAMING LIKE THAT? YOU'RE FRIGHTENING MATTHEW AND WHAT IF MEG CAN HEAR YOU ACTING CRAZY LIKE THAT? PLEASE STOP ... DON'T LET HER LEAVE US FRIGHTENED!?!?? I CAN'T STAND TO THINK OF MY MEG ALONE AND FRIGHTENED."

Heath felt better for screaming at the open sky, but the anger remained. Those awful moments when Meg first left him alone. Mary screaming, Matthew crying, and Meg so still, so quiet, so horribly dead. Heath picked up two fistfuls of pebbles and flung them into the water. The rage was building again and clouding his mind. The mosquitoes found him so Heath moved from the water's edge. Charger moved closer, but he didn't pet the beast. Finally, feeling like a victim of the tiny creature's target practice Heath mounted Charger and carefully started for home.

He would never know who decided on their trail, himself or Charger. Heath's mind was flying from one thought to another and he frequently beat his fists on his thighs to throw of a fit of rage. Suddenly he realized Charger was stopped. Heath looked around and with only moonlight glowing through the trees the man knew exactly where he was on the Barkley ranch.

Heath dismounted and secured Charger in a safe place. He stumbled forward and dropped to his knees in front of the graves. Instead of comfort, sadness, or any expected emotion the young man sat back and stared void of feeling. His eyes dashed from one name to the other: Margaret Leonard Barkley .... Thomas Barkley. Suddenly Heath saw the connection between the graves. Heath always lamented Meg and his father didn't know each other on earth. Now, he began to see they had much in common.

Heath raced through the faces and names of many people throughout his life who hurt him. He reviewed his childhood fears, Carterson, and so many other challenges he fought hard to overcome. These people, places, and events had caused him pain, physical and mental, but they hadn't ripped at his soul. NO, Meg and Tom were the ones who had done that .... That's what they had in common. His wife and his father had reached way down inside Heath and battered him in places the man never revealed to anyone else.

Suddenly the rage drew Heath to his feet. The woods were full of his screams, grunts, and cusses, as Heath Barkley tore, yanked, and kicked every carefully planted bush, crisply painted board, and gently laid item from those graves. It was a frenzy he'd never experienced before and had no idea how to control. Finally, exhausted, Heath fell down and lay on the ground staring up at the sky.

If there was a way to go lower in life Heath didn't want to know it. Alone, wet with sweat, tired, hungry, and lost he slowly sat up and moved back over to the graves his actions just decimated. The moonlight gently eased through the trees highlighting the headstones standing starkly alone without their familiar well-trimmed surroundings.

Heath's eyes didn't see the names instead resting on the titles these two people earned in life. Beloved husband and father stepped out slapping the exhausted man's mind. Then he read beloved daughter, wife, and mother of Matthew, David, and Benjamin feeling each letter of each word tear at his soul. Unable to fight or feel any longer Heath buried his face in his hands and fell forward. The sobbing man lay face down on the ground until sleep overcame him. He didn't wake until the sun peeked through the trees warming his face.

It had been quite a revelation to wake up lying face down on his wife's grave and right next to his father's. Heath sat up and stared around taking in the damage he'd done to this sacred family plot of ground. Knowing what his day was now going to consist of Heath walked over and mounted Charger. Feeling as if he'd been horribly beaten the young man rode slowly for the barn.

Heath didn't dare go in the house looking this way. A few of the hands gave him concerned looks, but he shook them off. He straightened up at the pump, waited for the boys to leave with Silas on their biweekly visit to bible school, finished loading supplies on the wagon, and then headed out towards his day. The first stop Heath needed to make was over by the creek. There were some small bushes growing there and he decided to use those to replace the ones he tore apart the night before. It was going to be a long day.

Once the boys were safely on their way Victoria cut an enormous basket of roses. She asked for her buggy to be prepared and made the short trip across the ranch to Meg and Tom's resting-place. What greeted her stunned Victoria and she sat in the buggy for a long time before recovering enough to approach the mangled gravesite. Victoria was not afraid instinctively knowing who had done the work here. The headstones were untouched as was the ground immediately above each grave. It was only the bushes, plants, and fence which had suffered through his demolition.

Within a few minutes Victoria heard the wagon as she continued getting the cleanup underway. Without words Heath started bringing in the supplies. They worked side by side in silence for the majority of the day. The Barkley plot was much improved and lovingly repaired before they left.

After cleaning up and joining the boys for a rousing dinner while they revealed all the wonders of their day the family relaxed in the cooler air on the back verandah. Heath left the children to run and play tag around the gardens while he took a break. He joined his mother on the swing.

"Mother, I don't know how to beg your forgiveness...."

Victoria moved closer and shook her head for Heath to be silent. She stared deeply into his eyes and saw none of yesterday's anger, but Victoria did see pain.

"There's nothing to forgive, son."

"Well," Heath leaned forward and kissed her cheek, "There certainly is. Thank you for being you. I would be so lost without you, as would my children."

They eased back and started the swing in a gentle cooling motion. Silas brought out a pitcher of cool water, but the boys didn't want to take a break quite yet.

"Mother, I'm going to go away for a while. I figure it will take a week or two for me to get all our things together," Heath looked over as Victoria concentrated on her grandchildren.

"I've been working on a list of things to accomplish before I go. Perhaps you could help me review it in the morning?"

Victoria worked hard to control her voice and emotions, "I'd be glad to help you any way I can, Heath. Will you be gone long?".

Heath left a pause pass between them as he tried to gather all today's thoughts into a short explanation.

"I don't know, mother. I'm going to stop over at Miss Turner's and get Matthew's assignments in case we aren't back before school is back in session."

"That long, Heath?"

Victoria couldn't hide the fear rushing inside her entire being; knowing Heath and his boys could be gone for months.

"Possibly, I'm not really sure. I've been working some things out and truly," Heath gently chuckled and patted Victoria's hand, "I haven't been having much luck. I think the time away will do us all a world of good. I'm sorry if it will cause any problems around here."

"No need to apologize, Heath," Victoria tried to smile, "You need to do what is best for your family. The Barkley's will always support a parent's effort to properly care for their children and themselves."

Heath smiled and sat back to take a few deep breaths. Victoria needed to know so she asked while her eyes followed the boys around her rose bushes.

"Heath, sweetheart, will you be back?"

The swing stopped and Heath leaned forward to meet her eyes.

"I don't know, mother. I think so, but I don't know."

She nodded and stood up crossing over to the pillar. Victoria turned as a tear fell down her cheek.

"Its because I killed her isn't it?"

Heath cocked his head unsure if he heard the correct words whispered his way.

"What?", his nervous reaction caused his response to come out as a semichuckle.

"You are leaving home, your home, because I killed Meg. Aren't you?"

Heath stood up and crossed stopping when he was directly in front of Victoria. He took a hand and gently turned her face up searching her eyes and seeing pain there she had expertly hidden for many years. Heath never let her drop his gaze and answered with no doubt in his voice what so ever.

"No, mother, you did nothing wrong. You didn't kill Meg. Nobody did. It was simply something that happened, something awful that happened. Please..."

Victoria turned her face as she fought back tears. Heath pulled her into an embrace and wouldn't let go when she strained for her freedom.

"I love you, mother. Meg loved you. My children love you. I'm feeling mighty shaky about quite a few things in my life at the present time, but on one point I feel absolutely sure.... You, Victoria Barkley, would not and could not do anything to hurt me or mine. Please, I'm sorry if I've done anything to make you believe such a horrible thing, it simply isn't true."

Victoria could have argued. She spent five years blaming herself and putting together an impressive case to convict herself of Meg's murder. Suddenly secure in Heath's arms Victoria relaxed in his strong embrace and knew he was right. It wasn't her fault and Heath didn't blame her. He let his mother take a step back and they once again shared a moment of silence. The boys ran up for their water and she watched as Heath ran back out with them and helped the smaller boys chase Matthew. Her heart felt lighter than it had for many years.

Two weeks later Heath and the boys were packed up for their great adventure. The boys were flying high above the ground unable to contain their excitement. They quickly gave out hugs and kisses before Heath lifted them into the wagon. The large family gathering the evening before was to have been the official farewell. No one was surprised when Nick rode in the gate as Heath finished checking the wagon an hour before dawn.

The boys were teasing Silas about the last minute baskets of wonderful smelling food he loaded into their wagon. Heath walked over to shake hands with Nick and didn't fight when Nick pulled him into an embrace. Slowly her youngest son walked over and wrapped Victoria into his arms. They held tight for a long moment.

"I love you, mother. Thanks for this."

Victoria slid her fingers through his hair and gazed into those bluest of eyes as he let her go.

"I know, Heath. I love you too. Take care, sweetheart."

Heath embraced Silas then swiftly jumped up into the wagon. The boys waved, laughed, and yelled their farewells until the wagon slipped over the horizon. Nick and Silas walked back into the big old quiet house with Victoria. They put on brave fronts each pretending to possess complete faith the wagon would one-day return to the Barkley ranch. They sat down in the kitchen to share a bit of comfort and a small breakfast as the sun began to peek out officially beginning the new day. A few miles away Heath Barkley turned their wagon south and started his family's journey to San Diego.

The pangs of guilt for leaving Nick with much more work than any one man deserves began to fade the first week. Heath and his sons enjoyed camping out; skinny dipping during hot afternoons, and feeling excited to be taking on an adventure. By the beginning of the third week the group had their chores and responsibilities down to a fine system which made the trip run smooth. They stopped a few places to replace supplies, but other than those brief mixes with mankind stayed on their own. It was a wonderful time and Heath's pride in his boys grew even stronger.

When they reached Clairton grandpa Leonard was waiting for them. Their grandfather rode into town every afternoon for a week hoping to see the wagon pull in. Finally he ran down the street and caught Matthew as he jumped wildly into his grandfather's open arms. Charles helped Heath cash a note at the bank and then drove the wagon out to his spread. It was a glorious day of joy.

When they reached the Lazy L ranch the boys could hardly contain their enthusiasm. Grandpa Charles always traveled to Stockton. None of the boys remembered visiting their mother's parent's home. Matthew and Heath hadn't been there since the Christmas before the twins were born. Nestled into the rolling hills northeast of San Diego, mountains on one side, and the Pacific Ocean on the western horizon the Lazy L was truly a small slice of heaven.

"Thanks for your letter, son. It answered a lot of questions after you wired for permission to bring the boys on down."

"No need to thank me, Charles. Least I could do is share why you were being invaded by this loud, hungry, and energetic group."

The men laughed as the boys stood behind them, holding on to the men's waists, and talking about their grandfather's beautiful horse ranch. Pulling up in front of the main house they were greeted by the butler and a few of his assistants. The boys jumped down and kept asking for their grandmother. Charles explained their grandmother had a headache and was resting, but they could see her later.

The group moved inside and quickly devoured a large dinner much to their grandfather's delight. Heath started them right into unpacking the wagon and made each boy see to their own things as they moved into the rooms provided for their visit. Matt was thrilled to be given his mother's old room, the twins were in a large room which belonged to Meg's younger sister's, and Heath was to enjoy the large guest room which was placed in the third floor of the house. The boys marveled at the view from the guestroom's small private balcony that took in the back of the ranch and a blue horizon that was the ocean.

Once everyone was settled in the clean up began. Heath got the boys bathed and sent them back down to their grandfather. Matt was busy looking through some of his mother's toys, papers, and multiple treasures that remained where she left them many years before. Heath agreed to take his bath first while Matt enjoyed some time with his mother's things without his brother's invasions.

"What are you doing with Margaret's things, boy?"

The woman was a tall, thin, an older version of Matt's vague memory of his mother. Heath repeatedly talked at length as they crossed California about Grandma Mary. He explained how sad she was and why Mary never traveled with their grandfather to Stockton. The boys were instructed to be polite, gentle, and defer to Heath or their grandfather if they weren't sure how to handle anything their grandmother did, said, or wanted from them.

"Good afternoon, grandmother."

The woman stood frozen as Matthew's green eyes flashed from the floor by his mother's dresser drawer. She slowly wandered in and took a seat by the window next to where Matt was sitting. Mary took in the marvelous essence of her grandson.

"Matthew?"

"Yes, ma'am."

She sat looking at him and Matt wasn't sure if he should go get Heath from the bath or simply stay put. Feeling no unease or danger the boy decided to stay where he was.

"What are you looking for there, Matthew?"

Matt smiled and Mary could not believe her eyes. It was as if God allowed her to see a glimpse of her beloved daughter once more. She gently reached over and touched his light brown hair to be sure he was real. Charles had spent the past three weeks preparing her for visitors, but she wasn't prepared for Matthew.

"Grandma, I didn't know mother was good at drawing. She must have a thousand drawings mostly of horses here," the boy held up some of the sketches Mary knew by heart, "I love to draw too. Pa says I'm real good at it."

Matthew smiled sensing a link between himself and his mother that made him feel warm and happy.

"Come here, boy."

Mary opened her arms and Matthew stood for a hug. Charles came in the room with the twins close behind. He was grinning from ear to ear and had come up to check on his wife. Seeing Mary tenderly holding their daughter's look-a-like boy brought tears to his eyes. The twins acted shy for the first time in their lives as they stood back together and held hands for support. Charles reached down his arms and rested a hand on each light blonde head to offer his support.

Their grandmother finished hugging Matt and turned her gaze to the doorway. Here were the boys she hadn't seen since they were two weeks old. They were sturdy five- year-olds, full of fun, life, and unlimited energy. Their crisp blue eyes opened wide as they unabashedly showed Mary their confusion regarding the moment.

Mary sat forward and smiled. She briefly looked into Charles face and saw more joy there than she could ever remember. Heath had long offered to bring the boys to the Lazy L, but Mary always refused to see them. Finally the wire arrived simply saying Heath was coming and now here were her twin grandsons standing in Margaret's room. For an instant Mary felt a sense of peace as her mind realized the circle of life was alive in this very room.

She smiled and rested her eyes on the small boy under his grandfather's left hand, asking, "I bet you are Ben?".

Ben smiled from ear to ear nodding his agreement. Mary turned to her husband's right.

"Well, that must make you David."

David joined his brother in a satisfied smile. Mary opened her arms and the boys raced forward suddenly unable to tell her everything they wanted without both talking at the same time. Mary and Charles dissolved into laughter as Charles sat down on the floor next to Matthew and helped him look through Margaret's drawings.

Heath finished getting dressed and could here the boys laughing on the floor below. He wondered if Mary would come out of her room the entire time they visited. Much to his surprise Meg's mother was resting in a chair with Ben in her lap while David, Matt, and Charles looked through a large stack of papers. Heath froze in the doorway.

Mary noticed Heath first and looked up attempting a smile. Here was the young man who'd ridden onto their ranch and taken away her eldest daughter. Mary tried to hate Heath for so many years, but then she would reread Meg's weekly letters and the joy still leapt from each page. Meg's boys surrounded Mary now and Charles gently put a hand on her knee.

"Good afternoon, moth ..... Mary," Heath dropped his head, "I'll wait downstairs. You boys take good care of your grandparents for me."

Heath turned to leave when he heard Mary's voice call out, "Wait, Heath?"

He stood still unable to turn back. Heath thought he was prepared to see Mary. The woman who Charles had to pull away from Heath at Meg's graveside. When the mourners began to leave Heath stood alone staring down into the earth at Meg's casket. From nowhere Mary viciously attacked Heath screaming, crying, and beating her fists on the new widower's chest. Mary actions hadn't upset Heath as much as it outraged his family and the other guests attending his wife's funeral. Meg's mother's eyes and fists hadn't accused him of anything the young man wasn't thinking himself as they lowered the love of his life into the ground.

What if Heath had never ridden so far looking for an extra special horse? What if Meg hadn't been home that one day? What if her parents had refused to bless their marriage? What if Meg decided on another man to share her life? Lord knows Meg was sought after by every man in Southern California. What if Heath hadn't planted his seed? What if Meg hadn't fulfilled all his hopes and dreams while driving him wild with the sweetest passion Heath had ever known? What if ...

The bombardment of unexpected thoughts weakened Heath's knees and he leaned against the wall for support. How did he face Meg's mother when they shared the same questions, doubts, and fears he lived with for five long years? His breathing quickened as Heath fought for the strength to move his legs and simply run down the stairs. Lost in jumbled thoughts Heath rested his shoulder on the wall trying to get some control of his breathing. He took several deep breaths and began sensing his surroundings once more. Heath knew without looking his boys and Charles were in the doorframe immediately behind him.

A soft touch graced his shoulder turning the weakened man so his back leaned flat against the wall. Heath's eyes remained closed as he silently begged for control. He truly thought he completely rid himself of this type of confusion the night he spent sobbing on Meg's grave. How could this be happening to him again?

"Heath, son, I..."

Mary's maternal instincts took control when she saw Heath's face. The woman easily recognized the pain she knew all too well. Here was the man Meg loved standing right in front of her eyes his heart completely broken. She pulled Heath into an embrace and the young man did something he would have bet a million dollars he would never do. Heath Barkley held on ... He held on knowing his sanity was very much in jeopardy, his children were watching him, and Heath hadn't an ounce of pride left. The broken man would accept help from wherever it might be offered. Mary tightened her grip, let him rest against her shoulder and in her arms, and then allowed a few minutes while she cried softly with her son-in-law.

The next few hours were a strange haze for Heath. Charles and the boys walked him back to Meg's bed obeying Mary's firm commands without question. Charles marveled to see the strong wife he knew from the past make her presence known once more. The four men quickly pulled off Heath's boots, pants, and shirt while Mary closed the curtains. Remembering Heath's love of the outdoors she left the French doors ajar allowing the stunned man a view of the horizon. They shuffled the boys away explaining Heath was tired and needed rest. Heath felt his children's kisses grace his cheeks, but couldn't find the energy to open his eyes or respond. Finally Mary sat very near on the bed stoking his hand. Heath had no idea how long Mary sat with him.

Finally when the daylight was becoming dimmer in the room Mary leaned close and kissed Heath's forehead, he thought it must have been a dream as she whispered, "Thank you, Heath. Meg was very lucky to know such love in her young life."

Heath could have been sleeping or awake. He heard the twins with their grandparents joyously being introduced to a few of their wonderful horses. Quietly Heath became aware of a presence in the bed beside him. Soft, gentle, and small fingers began to run rings around his forehead, down in circles on his cheeks, and then back around in a continuous motion. He was too tired to reach out or speak so he merely lay still enjoying the attention.

"Papa, you go to sleep now. Grandma says you are very sad because you miss mother. Ben, David, and me are going to take care of you since we loved mama too. Grandpa is keeping the twins busy, but I came back up 'cause when I'm sad you always help me."

Heath smiled inside recognizing the face massage Matthew was expertly giving having learnt the technique after years of receiving them from his father. It was such a long journey to this point in Heath's life. Not simply from Stockton to Clairton, but from Meg's grave to her childhood bedroom. Matthew's gentle attention combined with Heath's situation should have moved any man to tears, but he was empty ... Void of one more tear, sigh, sob, or scream. With Matthew's assistance Heath gently fell into a sound, dreamless, and much needed sleep.

When the sun rose the next morning Heath woke up feeling he was still in a dream. As he struggled to open his eyes and orient himself to where he was Heath also struggled to comprehend why he couldn't move. Lifting his head the weary man found his answer. Matthew was curled up beside his father with his head on Heath's left shoulder as the boy clung to his left arm. Ben's torso was across the right pillow, barely under the covers, with the boy's head on Heath's right shoulder and his arms wrapped tightly around the top of his father's right arm. David was snuggled in between Heath's right arm and his ribs with a firm grip on Heath's right hand.

Heath rested for a moment taking in the love that surrounded him. His eyes found an old picture of a very young Meg smiling broadly from on top one of her father's prize mounts. Without knowing why, how, or whether it would last Heath realized he felt better. Better than he felt in a very long time.

Heath wiggled gently and listened while the boys each took in a breath on their way toward waking up. Then, with utmost joy, laughter, and loud little boy squeals the tickling session began. The ruckus lasted until Mary and Charles entered the room laughing heartily at the scene before their eyes. They moved closer deciding to save their grandsons. Meg's parents left the room as the family moved downstairs for breakfast unaware they had also in more than one way saved Heath.

Heath kept a running journal of their adventures, which he sent off once a week to Victoria with added thoughts, feelings, and comforting words. His mind often rested on the pain Heath saw in her eyes when his mother admitted her personal guilt and grief. He left his disbelief of Victoria being in any way responsible for Meg's loss as a fact in need of no further discussion and moved on to share things he was experiencing which seemed to be helping Heath grow stronger.

The boys loved every moment and living on a ranch was a familiar lifestyle so they settled in without problem. Charles and Mary treated Heath and the boys to an overnight in San Diego. While the boys watched magic shows, ate fried bread, walked down main street, and watched the ships in the harbor Heath broke off and walked the paths Meg shared with him many years before. Daily Heath gave his boy's grandparents a break and took the loud group of restless young men riding over the many trails Meg loved and shared with Heath. The weeks flew by.

A few events stuck out boldly from Heath's letters in early fall. Matthew's thrill as the other children from Sunday school in San Diego returned to their normal school year routines while he studied at home with his grandmother Mary. The twins were gathering Victoria an enormous shell collection. Heath was happy, content, and easily spoke of Meg while admitting his joy as he worked long hard hours next to Charles learning his father-in-laws style of ranching. Matthew's nightmares disappeared and one day he told Heath being around Meg's parent's home helped him to think of his mother happy, healthy, and alive as she would have raced around the corrals. It was all positive news, but Victoria read these letters fighting her rising fears.

Heath stood by the corral fence late one night unable to sleep knowing the beauty of the stallion Charles purchased. He simply wanted to be near the animal for a few more minutes before calling it a day. His father-in-law joined him and they silently appreciated the creature together. Charles spoke on the way back inside.

"Heath, it has meant so much having you and the boys living here."

"Thank you, Charles. You know how grateful I am. I'll never be able to express what is in my heart."

They sat on the back porch steps breathing in the cool fall air.

"I've been wanting to ask you about a few things, Heath. But there hasn't seemed to be the right moment."

Heath sat quiet and offered Charles all the time he needed to gather his thoughts.

"First, Mary and I would like to offer our home to you and the boys on a permanent basis. I know you have a lot of folks who love you in Stockton, but we love all of you too. I sure could use your help," Charles let out a nervous chuckle, "I ain't getting any younger, son. Your expert eye, knowledge of horseflesh, and strong mind would really help around this ranch. I'm sorry if it isn't fair to ask, but we would really be honored if you would think about it."

Heath patted Charles shoulder and nodded. He wouldn't even know how to begin to explain his temptation with Charles' offer to any of the Barkleys. Heath decided to take his time and think all his options through.

"Thank you, Charles, I'm honored you would ask and I will think on it. I promise I won't make any decision without talking to you and Mary."

"That's more than fair, Heath, more than fair."

Charles smiled and then gazed up at the sky.

"Heath, I've been lucky in life. Most importantly the Lord blessed me with a wonderful wife and three daughters to love and guide along their way. Meg married some scoundrel from Stockton and moved away," Charles and Heath broke into loud laughter and when they settled the older man continued, "Elizabeth is married and living in San Francisco. Sara, as you know, lives up north closer to Los Angeles. My girls have always been my joy."

They sat quietly for another long moment.

"Most men assume they'll leave this life having known the love of a son. For me that blessing began the day you rode up and introduced yourself so many years ago."

Heath turned and looked to Charles' face while listening intently to his words.

"I thought about this, prayed about this, and hope you won't be angered. Since you never knew Tom Barkley and I've never known a natural born son ... Well, I was wondering if you would do me the honor of calling me father, pa, or whatever feels right?"

Charles nervously let himself sneak a peak at Heath's face. Even on this moonless night Heath's smile lit up in front of his eyes.

"Are you sure, Charles?"

"Very sure, Heath."

They stood up and Heath embraced Charles before heading up the steps to leave the man to enjoy the quiet on his own. Charles settled back on the stair and gazed out over his ranch. Heath turned around having had more than enough time to gather his thoughts.

"Meg called you pa didn't she?"

"Yes, the other girls never have, not proper I guess. Beth and Sara call me father, but Meg always used pa. Why?"

"Oh, I was just making sure. Good night, pa."

Charles didn't turn instead choosing to sit and enjoy the chill which Heath's words sent up his spine, he did manage to whisper, "Good night, son."

"I'd say this has been a good day's work. You two better get cleaned up to take me to the Royal for supper!"

"The Royal?"

The two men raised their eyebrows at Mary's expensive choice. They returned to their rooms and Heath took a seat on his balcony overlooking San Diego's busy harbor. The past few weeks were wonderful, but today was a thrill. He smiled thinking how a dirt-poor bastard from Strawberry could be the partner in and heir to property such as the Lazy L ranch. It was a miracle to him no matter how Heath tried to calm his mind on the Leonard's generosity.

To get things set up Mary, Charles, and Heath sat up all night talking only two weeks before this fine day. The army contracts Heath negotiated were a magnificent deal, the best he ever knew existed. Charles and the Barkleys stood to acquire even more wealth and hopefully with proper fulfillment of the contract the army would gladly re-sign after the first five-year contract expired. Heath was grateful Jarrod responded quickly to his inquiries for assistance, but knew these contracts were his and felt a new type of pride in a paperwork job well done.

The remainder of the agreement with the Leonard's didn't need or receive Jarrod's review. Heath felt wonderful knowing he had something of his own, separate from dependence on the Barkley fortune. He and his boys would now be making a percent from the Lazy L's profits and, God forbid, when Charles passed on Heath was his sole heir assuring the Lazy L ranch would pass on to Meg's sons. This also assured Mary was taken care of by someone who loved her, but in a way it gave Meg the ability to pass something to her sons. Meg's sisters both married into extreme wealth and neither enjoyed a love of the land as did his Meg. It truly was a gift of the heart in so many ways.

Heath met Mary and Charles in the lobby and they headed to San Diego's finest restaurant. Mary teased Heath about the good time Matthew, David, and Ben must be having with the Leonard's best friends, the Halsey family. Funny she would know Heath's mind was resting on his boy's welfare at this very moment.

Their seafood was delightful and a rare treat for Heath which native's of coast towns truly couldn't appreciate. They stayed for the first few sets by a lovely orchestra while both men took turns dancing with Mary. A major sign of how Mary, Heath, and Charles moved forward in their healing then occurred, but Heath wouldn't think of it as such until much later.

Mary moved on to spend time at a few other tables, talking to her many acquaintances. Charles and Heath enjoyed the time as they moved into the bar for a brandy with some of the men. When the orchestra returned from a break Mary waved and Charles figured she wanted him to chat with one of the ladies. Charles was used to being volunteered to assist Mary's friends who needed some work done or his advice regarding their property or horses. He was involved in a conversation with a group of his friends and asked Heath to step over to the lady's table for him. The men teased as Heath obeyed the man he now referred to as 'pa' and reluctantly approached the chatting women.

"Oh, Heath," Mary rose and pulled him closer, "I wasn't sure you saw me wave."

Heath bowed to the ladies, adding, "I didn't, Mary. Pa sent me to represent him."

The ladies all started to laugh, but Mary held his arm tight and went around the table introducing everyone. As they were finishing their greetings two women returned from freshening up. Heath's eyes stopped dead on the younger woman.

"Oh, there you are Natalie," Mary moved over a step and took the blonde, brown eyed, beauty's hand.

Heath felt all the eyes at this and a few other tables resting on him, but concentrated on Natalie's smile that was electric.

"Heath, this is Emma Pace and her daughter, Natalie. Natalie is visiting from school in Boston. Can you believe she is going to be a doctor in two more years?"

Heath nodded the lady's way, but didn't answer.

"Emma.. Natalie, this is our son, Heath Barkley of Stockton, California."

The group began to talk while Heath and Natalie occasionally caught each other's eye.

"Oh, for Pete's sake you two young things, go dance! We more mature types," Emma stopped while the table laughed and she put Natalie's hand in Heath's, "Well, we'll be simply fine sitting here clucking like hens until your feet get tired."

Heath raised an eyebrow and Natalie shook her head while trying not to laugh. They already had one thing in common since their fair complexions made each of their blushes show loudly.

"Thank you, Mrs. Pace. Miss Pace, would you like to dance?"

Natalie moved closer, answering, "Why yes, Mr. Barkley, I would love to dance. And, please, feel free to call me Natalie."

The ladies watched as Heath led the beautiful woman to the dance floor. Mrs. Pace reached over and held Mary's hand seeing her eye's becoming wet. Heath and Natalie danced, laughed, and talked the rest of the evening. He wasn't aware of it, but Charles stood watching for a few dances with wet eyes also. Finally, for the entire last set of music Charles moved over and held Mary tight as they swayed with the crowd.

"Thank you, Mary," Charles lovingly kissed his wife in public for the first time in their entire married life.

Mary's face flushed and when she looked into Charles' eyes he saw the young woman he married there. She gently patted her hand on his shoulder in mock retribution.

"Its time, Charles," Mary whispered while returning her head to his shoulder, "It is time."

Charles and Mary Leonard held tight and danced close with images of Heath gliding across the same floor with Meg passing through their minds. They were no longer sad memories, but memories full of joy knowing their daughter's last years on earth were enormously full of love, peace, and happiness. Time finally helped them both to understand their obligation to their deceased daughter along with the responsibility they gladly accepted towards the young man they both proudly called son. Charles and Mary Leonard were ready for Heath Barkley to begin to live once more.

Natalie and Heath's introduction solved many worries and offered many unspoken approvals. Natalie was more interested in science than men that worried her mother. She laughed while thanking Heath for saving her from another 'why aren't you seeing a man' and 'why aren't you married' lecture when Natalie arrived home later in the evening. They enjoyed each other understanding the relationship was merely a stepping stone for each young person.

For Mary Leonard the introduction offered a way she and Charles could say through action something they truly wanted Heath to know. They loved him and approved of Heath enjoying being the attractive young man he most certainly was. Heath wasn't aware until he reviewed the evening days later of all the things involved in what appeared a simple introduction. Tonight his nerves were giving him fits so Heath simply worked through some butterflies as he quickly remembered the joy of holding a beautiful woman in his arms. He sure was a rusty dancer, but holding Natalie was the perfect ending to a wonderful day.

Heath lifted the sleeping boys into the back of the wagon. If his plan worked out Victoria would have received the last letter Mary posted from Heath to his mother sometime in the past few days. If their surprise arrival were found out somehow it would be a minor disappointment. Heath Barkley was more than ready to get his boys home. HOME! What a wonderful word to a man who thought life would offer him no home. Heath smiled thinking of both homes in his heart.

The boys looked like they were in cocoons by the time Heath was done wrapping them tightly into the space he arranged. It had been a cold trip making all four of them even more grateful for the winter coats Charles and Mary gladly provided before they left Clairton. Heath barely slept and decided to break camp with the first glimmer of distant light. With luck they would ride into the Barkley property this morning and drive up to the main house in time for whatever wonders Silas was serving for dinner.

As he whistled the team into action and headed north to Stockton Heath's mind reviewed the tearful farewell back on the Lazy L. Charles and Mary graciously accepted Heath's decision to return to fulfill his commitments by working next to Nick on the Barkley ranch two days after they offered him a partnership with them. As partners they all felt more secure knowing they would see each other often and Heath promised the boys could stay in Clairton for one or two months each summer. Plus, the Leonard's committed to spending part or all of the holidays in Stockton each year. These promises made the adults feel better as they bid farewell, but children don't understand the concept of time as much as they understand when they love someone and feel sad saying good-bye.

Heath remembered Mary's eyes as he told them how he felt about his mother, Victoria. He walked and rode for miles and miles around Clairton pondering what was best for his boys and himself. The offer to live permanently on the Lazy L was an honor Heath wouldn't soon forget and it was an offer he had trouble finding any reason to turn down. He loved Mary and Charles, their ranch, the hard work, and the boys had rarely been happier or more loved. But, Victoria Barkley's strong, loving, and ever present image always rose to the forefront of Heath's mind. In the future, his decision may be reversed, but for now Heath belonged in the home he shared with the woman whose love and generosity gave his life rebirth so many years before. Charles and Mary understood, but the embrace they gave him when he finished talking was the most sincere Heath would remember.

Once he made his decision Heath had to decide how and what to tell the boys. Strangely enough the boys solved the problem for him. Matthew led Ben, David, and Heath as they took their ride one afternoon and stopped at a favorite view of the Pacific. They moved up a hill after tying the horses near some water and searched around for pebbles to have a distance-throwing contest.

"Papa, we need to have a family conference."

Heath threw his last pebble over the hill and turned to find all three boys sitting across from him. His eyebrow never rode up quite so high on Heath's forehead and he held back a laugh.

"Okay, boys. What is on everyone's mind."

Ben had been brave enough to get their father's attention so he bowed out and joined Heath in staring at the others.

"Well, we were talking the other night and thinking about those pies Silas makes when it starts to get cold outside."

David interrupted Matthew, adding, "Oh, I like those pies, papa. Don't you?"

Heath smiled and nodded his head. Silas made Heath sweet potato pies every fall and they shared the treat in the kitchen with the three boys.

Matthew smiled and continued, "We were thinking it will be Thanksgiving in a month and Uncle Nick must be having fits over the turkeys by now. You always have to take care of our turkeys 'cause Uncle Nick get the poor things all nervous and upset so they don't eat."

"I like turkey dinners. Don't you, papa?" David smiled.

"I do, David. And what you're suggesting about Uncle Nick and the turkeys is true, boys, very true."

Heath picked up a stick and started working on it with his pocketknife giving the boys plenty of time to present their argument.

"Do you think Aunt Audra will bring that ribbon candy to Stockton again this year? I like the blue ones," David smiled, "I like candy. Don't you?"

Heath nodded without looking up while making a note to feed David as soon as they rode back to the ranch.

"And it won't be long until Christmas, papa," Matthew was trying his best to interject logic into Ben's silence, David's hunger, and his tendency to be shy when having to carry a conversation instead of only listening.

"Papa, will Santa know where to find us if we aren't home?" Ben's face showed true concern.

Heath smiled and tapped his leg for Ben to come over and sit in his lap, answering, "Santa Claus finds good boys and girls no matter where they spend Christmas."

Ben sat down and returned to listening with his father.

"Well, if we aren't home grandma won't have any helpers making the Santa cookies you like 'cause Grandma Leah made them for you. Last year when you got home from your trip with Uncle Jarrod you ate them for supper and nothing else," the whole group remembered Heath's delight and laughed, "You like Grandma Leah's Santa cookies don't you, papa?"

"Yes, David, I surely do."

Ben leaned into Heath and wrapped his arms around his father's neck. Heath embraced the sad boy and kissed his forehead.

"What is it, Ben?"

"I miss grandma," Ben whispered.

"We want to go home, papa. I mean if it is okay with you. We don't want grandpa and Grandma Mary to be sad, but we want to go home to Stockton."

Heath looked over at Matt as David whispered something in his ear. Ben held on tighter.

"I miss Silas," David admitted.

"I miss grandma, we all do!" Matthew smiled back at Heath.

Heath squeezed Ben and then stood him on his feet as he moved forward into a kneeing position.

"I can beat that," Heath smiled and pulled the boys into a circle with him, "I miss Uncle Nick!"

They all laughed.

"Okay, Barkley family vote. Raise your hands if you want to get packed up and head for HOME!!"

All four raised their hands and David raised both of his just to be sure the vote carried. They dissolved into laughter as Heath chased them back to where the horses had been tethered. They rode home and Heath made sure he got David a cup of soup and some of Grandma Mary's fresh bread. That evening they told their grandparents their decision together. The roof almost flew off the house when grandpa agreed he and grandma Mary would come to Stockton for Christmas. It was a wonderfully warm evening by the family fire.

Heath turned out of the last wooded area and stopped. There were quite a few more rolling hills for them to climb, but as his Barkley eye took in the landscape at dawn Heath knew the land towards the horizon was part of the ranch. They were almost home.

Silas put the small-portioned dinner plate in front of Victoria and heard her sigh.

"Would you like me to fix something else, Mrs. Barkley?"

She patted his hand and smiled, "No, Silas. I was just thinking about the letter we got from Heath yesterday. Sure is quiet without he and the boys here for meals. I start to get used to it and then some days it hits me again."

Silas shook his head, adding, "I can admit to a few bad days myself. Last week I was sitting up early having myself a bit of breakfast. I listened and I was sure I heard Mr. Heath sneaking down the backstairs in his socks to eat with me. Must have been the wind or my imagination."

They stood for a moment. Audra had left earlier in the week after keeping her mother company and helping with the Fall Festival activities. Jarrod wanted his mother to visit San Francisco for Thanksgiving and Victoria had been resisting, but today she was lonely for family and was reconsidering her decision.

Suddenly Silas moved to the French doors and opened one side. Cool fall air rushed into the dining area and Victoria wrapped her arms around herself.

"SILAS?"

"I'm sorry, Mrs. Barkley. I know its cold," Silas stood still for another moment straining his ears and eyes, "Listen, Mrs. Barkley. Do you hear that or are my ears playing tricks on me again?"

Victoria joined her friend at the open door and listened with her head down so she could concentrate. She wasn't sure what to listen for, but suddenly heard what concerned Silas. Victoria grabbed Silas' hand and they looked deeply into each other's eyes while smiles took over their faces.

"SILAS, WE'RE EITHER BOTH CRAZY OR OUR BOYS ARE OUT ON THE ROAD!! LET'S GO OUT FRONT WHERE WE CAN SEE!"

They ran from the window and tore through the house not stopping until they were out in front of the house. The wagon was still far out, but there was no denying the occupants. Heath was slowing the team for safety as the boys jumped up and down screaming to their hearts delight. Gradually the team moved them closer to home.

"GRANDMA!"

"SILAS!"

"GRANDMA, WE'RE HOME!!!"

The repeated cries grew louder with every yard. Finally while Victoria and Silas waved frantically as they walked through the front gate and couldn't help but keep moving up the road Heath stopped the wagon. It was only a hundred yards and the boys were so excited they could each fly that far.

"Go on, boys. Remember not to knock grandma or Silas over."

Matthew helped Ben and David down and then they took off. The waving and screaming scene fascinated Heath to the point he forgot to restart the team. Finally he started forward and took time to wipe away a few tears seeing the boys surrounding Victoria and Silas. The group was still hugging and laughing when Heath pulled up with the wagon.

"Anybody want to ride the rest of the way?"

Heath's question went unanswered since he apparently interrupted a conversation regarding what Silas had available for dinner in the kitchen. Heath's children took off toward the house as Heath jumped down and walked towards his mother. Victoria turned and wrapped her son in an embrace pulling him closer still each time he went to pull back. Silas walked by and patted Heath gently on the back then climbed in the wagon and drove it to the barn.

"Praise the Lord for your safe journey, son," Silas said as he drove by, "Welcome home! Welcome home!"

Heath squeezed Victoria, but she had no intention of letting go. He could feel her shaking, crying, and clinging to him with all her strength. Heath bent his head to her ear after he kissed her cheek.

"Mother, please, you were supposed to be happy?"

Victoria wouldn't let go and kept her head buried deep in Heath's familiar shoulder. All these months she had been her normally strong self. Now, with Heath securely in her embrace Victoria's fears and emotions overwhelmed her. Once she stared to let go gazed up into his gorgeous azure blue eyes, which had been missed for so long, and pulled him back into a fierce embrace and simply held on.

Without words she slid to her son's side keeping her arms wrapped around Heath's waist. They walked back to the house together. Victoria couldn't speak and simply took in the feel of her youngest son, his gentle spirit lifting her own to the sky.

"The house looked wonderful, mother," Heath finally spoke as they stood in the foyer listening to the boys laughing in the back with Silas.

"You might like the look, Heath, but I love the sounds I'm hearing."

Heath laughed and finally they stood holding hands as he gazed towards this wonderful woman in his life.

"How are you?"

"I'm fine, Heath. Your letters have meant so much to me."

Heath smiled and nodded. He reached out and gently stroked his hand across Victoria's cheeks feeling the warmth of her tears on his cool hand.

"Forgive me for not letting you know. We wanted you and Silas all to ourselves. We'll ride to Nick's tomorrow."

Victoria nodded as she walked with Heath as he gazed into the study and then moved toward the living room.

"Its good to be home, mother. So good to be home."

Heath turned when Victoria stopped while holding his hand with all her might.

"I love you, Heath Barkley."

Heath pulled her close once more, smiling he chuckled out his delight, "I love you, mother. More than you'll ever know."

A week later the entire Barkley clan gathered for their Thanksgiving feast. Victoria was beyond herself with happiness. Jarrod's family was going to stay two entire weeks and their four girls bunked in with Nick and Sally. Audra and her husband stayed at the main house, but it didn't matter where everyone slept since Victoria's house was where everyone spent their days.

The turkey smelled wonderful, the pies were lined up on the sideboards, and the women finished adding places to the table as a few extra guests stopped by. The sun glowed outside and the air tickled the senses with its cool crispness. Victoria couldn't think of a more perfect day.

"Where's papa, grandma?"

Matthew held up a new drawing he finished with the coloring set Uncle Jarrod brought and he wanted to show Heath.

"Oh, your father will be back before supper. He's running an errand for me."

The boy believed Victoria's explanation and ran back to his cousins. Victoria took a moment and peeked out towards the direction she quietly watched Heath and Charger take. She smiled knowing exactly were her youngest son was sneaking off to on this busy day.

Heath tied Charger to a bush and took a small package from his saddlebag. He walked up to the graves and smiled to see Victoria recently added quite a few new bushes. He knelt down and lowered his head for a few moments then looked up smiling at the two large white stones. He reached in the package and brought out two beautiful seashells and placed one on each grave. Then Heath put a horseshoe with the Lazy L's mark next to Meg's stone.

It was wonderfully peaceful here on this small corner of the Barkley ranch. Heath thought about his trip here in a few weeks with Mary and Charles as his side. Finally they were doing what they should have the horrid day they buried the woman whose love connected them. They were going to honor her by loving, caring for, and being good to each other as each of them found their way in life. Heath absolutely felt Meg's smile cross his cheek as the wind picked up. His heart felt warm and full with her touch. Heath laid his head back to make the sensation last then pulled up his jacket collar while touching her headstone on his way back to mount Charger.

For the first time Heath's memories were all happy as he rode from Meg's grave heading back for his Thanksgiving meal. He said a prayer once again thanking his Maker for Meg's presence in his life. After Heath cared for Charger he started across to the house. Suddenly the front door flew open and Meg's three boys came screaming across towards their father. Heath opened his arms wide and caught them, wrapped them in a bear hug, and carried them back into the house. It was wonderful to be home.