The Mullet – not just a hair do

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"There was a young man from Nantucket,

whose do' was a freakin' great mullet.

He couldn't be paler,

he lived in a trailer,

and his toilet was a rusty old bucket."

What is a Mullet?

The Mullet, or Moulet’ as they call it in France, is a hideous fashion crime in the guise of a haircut. Mullets are classified as any hair cut in which the hair growing at the back of the head is at least 3 times as long as any other part of the wearers hairdo.

Please do not confuse ‘The Mullet’ with a ‘mullet’, which is a tasty fresh water fish:

A Mullet

Mullet wearers are thought to make up approximately 76% of the worlds criminal population. They are sick, misguided individuals who must be avoided at all costs.

a Type A Mullet Wearer

How to spot a Mullet

Spotting a Mullet is not always easy. Mullet wearers can be reclusive and often shun human society, especailly if they have only recently been released from jail. They often congregate in groups, and there is even thought to be a secret underground Mullet-society. Many of them procure certain types of headgear to hide their shameful attributes, but Mullet spotters around the world have come up with several key characteristics shared by almost all Mullet wearers:

The ‘Wife-beater’ or Singlet….the common attire of most Mullet wearers. Often stained with a mixture of beer, blood, vomit, grease and occasionally sweat. See the above picture for a classic example of a ‘Wife Beater’.
Leather pants/jeans….both seem to be equally common, but whether denim or leather, the pants are always tight, black, and almost always ripped.
Heavy Metal/Hardcore Rock obsession….examples: Black Sabbath, Slayer, Kiss, Metallica, Pantera…………..It is inevitable that the Mullet wearer will be a firm supporter of a band(s) of this type. They will often wear t-shirts or tattos portaying their band of choice (NOTE: Never mock a band of this type in the presense of a Mullet wearer – your life could be put at stake.)
A Criminal record…this is the most obvious feature of the Mullet wearer. Mullet wearers are often seen leaving Police stations or District Courts. Proceed with caution if taking pictures in these areas.
Haunts….Mullet wearers are usually seen in the following places: Pantera concerts, Liquor stores, condemned buildings, Tattoo artists, Shady Pubs, Hells Angel hangouts, Jail.

For an in depth article concerning the Mullet problem in New Zealand, click here.

The Fight against the Mullet

It is obvious that the Mullet cannot be allowed to continue, and several organisations, led by ISPM (the International Society for the Prevention of Mullets) are petitioning for the instatement of laws forbidding the wearing or producing of Mullets worldwide, or at least impinging several restrictions on it. Perhaps the greatest crime to society today is the ‘pass-on’ effect produced by those Mullet wearers lucky enough to have children…………..

The horrible consequences of the ‘Pass-on- effect

They must be stopped at all costs. And YOU can make a difference. All it takes is a letter to your resident Prime Minister or ruler, proclaiming your strong feelings towards the Mullet problem that afflicts all known countries of the World. Write today………………..for the sake of the children.

Mullet Links

For more information on Mullets, Mullet Spotting, and classifications of Mullets, check out these links: