“Marie....”
Logan felt safe. His lungs ached something fierce, but he was in his Marie’s arms. He was safe. Shifting slightly, Logan wrapped his arms around Marie’s waist, pressing his face against her stomach. He felt her lips brush against his bare arm and held on tighter.
Everything that had happened that day was slowly coming back.
And Logan was beginning to hate himself more and more because of it.
The things that he had said to Marie. The things that he had done to Marie. Things that she didn’t even know about. He had been planning to take their children away from her and raise them with another woman.
Whimpering, Logan pulled away from Marie and began crawling backwards. The pain that he saw on her face when he did that made it hurt all the more. Marie was sobbing harder now, reaching a hands towards him. All that Logan could do was shake his head and pull further away. He didn’t deserve to have her hold him. Not after what he had almost done to her.
“Logan? What’s the matter, sugah?” Marie whispered, slowly inching her way towards him. “Ya remember who Ah am, don’t ya? That Ah’m not gonna hurt ya?”
Unable to form any words at that point, Logan merely slid backwards. He could still feel Erinne-- no, Carol --pressed up against him, touching him in ways that only Marie was allowed to. Logan felt dirty all over and wasn’t opposed to jumping in the river again to get himself clean. The only reason that he wasn’t off running in the other direction was because he still felt weak from the events of the past couple days.
“Logan...? What’s wrong, sugah?” Marie asked him, more salty tears sliding down her cheeks. “Please, sugah, tell me what’s wrong.”
Reaching a hand up, Logan ran his finger along a silvery trail made by one of her tears. “I hurt you.”
Sliding still closer, Marie wrapped her fingers around Logan’s hand. While Logan watched in awe, Marie pulled him into a seated position and wrapped her arms around him. She held onto him tightly, not the least bothered by his weak attempts to push her arms away. Logan knew that he didn’t deserve to have her holding him like that. Not after what he had done to her.
“It’s not yer fault, Logan. Ya didn’t know that ya were doin’ anythin’ wrong,” Marie whispered in his ear as she smoothed her fingers through his hair. “Sure, it hurt like hell t’ hear ya say those things, but ya didn’t know any better. Somethin’ got messed up in yer head an’ ya just couldn’t remember everythin’ that happened after ya escaped from those sadistic bastards that fucked with ya all those years ago.”
“Never wanted to hurt you,” Logan mumbled against her throat, greedily inhaling the scent of pine needles and the wind that seemed to permeate her skin. He looked up then, meeting her tear-filled eyes with his own. “You know that, right? You know that I would never hurt you on purpose?”
Marie cupped his face lightly in one palm and Logan turned his face into her touch, craving the softness of her skin like nothing else. “Ah know it, Logan. Ah’ve known it all along.”
“You know I’ll always protect you, right?” Logan asked Marie. He had been at the mansion for a few hours and the two of them were out on the back lawn enjoying a few beers.
Marie glanced at him out of the corner of her eye, grinning slightly. “Ah think the fact that ya’ve saved mah life twice is enough.”
Reaching out, Logan placed a gloved hand on her cheek, turning fer face towards him. He waited until she met his eyes before speaking again. “I mean it, Marie. I would never do anything to hurt you. I need you to believe that.”
“Ah do, Logan. More than anythin’,” Marie whispered, leaning into his touch.
“I still hurt you,” Logan whimpered, his head falling forward. “I acted as though you meant nothing to me. I said... I said....”
Again, Logan pushed himself away from Marie and scrambled backwards.
“Logan....” Marie said softly, the tears returning.
“How can you stand to touch me after what I did to you?” Logan demanded, staring at himself in disgust. He ripped the damp tank top from his body and flung it to the side. He needed to get it off of him. Get all the clothes he had gotten from Magneto off of him. “How could I trust him? That fucker almost killed my Marie. I trusted him. I believed everything that he told me. God, he must have had a good laugh. Stupid Logan falling for his every lie without a second thought. I’m an idiot. A fucking idiot.”
“Yer not an idiot!” Marie cried, grasping his hands as they fumbled with the laces of his boots. She kept a firm grip on his hands, pulling them onto her lap. Marie caught Logan’s eyes then and gave him a reassuring smile. “Yer not an idiot, Logan. Ya were just real confused an’ what he was sayin’ sounded like the truth. Fer all we know, Ah would have bought his lies in the same circumstance.”
Logan shook his head vehemently, squeezing his eyes shut. “No you wouldn’t have. You’re too good for that, Marie. You never would have believed his lies. I shouldn’t have believed them either.”
All of the fight seemed to leave him then and Logan fell forward into Marie’s arms. He allowed her to soothe him, cradling him in her arms and pressing soft kisses to his face and throat.
“It’s all over now, Logan. Yer back home where ya belong. That’s all that matters,” Marie murmured in his ear. “Nothin’ else matters now. Yer home. Hunter an’ Chase have their Daddy back an’ Ah have the man that Ah love more than anythin’. It’s all that matters.”
Logan clutched at her tightly, tears sliding down his cheeks. He could not begin to fathom how Marie could be so understanding of everything that had happened. By all right she should have hated him. Told him to get out of her life and never come back again. He wouldn’t have blamed her if she had. He didn’t deserve to be anywhere near her or their sons.
He was tainted.
“I’ve missed you so much, Logan. So very much,” Erinne murmured, pressing herself up against him in the back area of Erik’s jet. She ran her fingers all over him, touching him lightly and stirring emotions that he thought had been killed inside of him from years of being cut open.
So unused to gentle touches, Logan gave in to her soft caresses, nuzzling his face against hers. At first, Erinne’s kisses were very tender, taking in account everything that had been done to him. He had ached for her touch for so long and didn’t protest when she pushed him to the ground and pulled away his shirt.
His body burned where Carol had touched him. Logan couldn’t believe how easily he had believed Magneto’s lies. He had let the woman who had nearly killed him touch him in ways that now made him sick to his stomach.
“You shouldn’t be touching me,” Logan told her, scrubbing at the tears that stained his cheeks with the back of his hand. “Not after what I did.”
Instead of pulling away, Marie pressed a kiss to the top of his head. “It’s not yer fault, Logan. Ah know that wasn’t ya talkin’. That Carol bitch stuck ya full o’ some weird drug she got from Magneto that made ya ferget all ‘bout me an’ the boys. Ah don’t blame ya fer that.”
Logan shook his head and sat up. He wanted to pull away from her, but a part of him was still craving the comfort that he knew he’d receive in Marie’s arms. “Not that. Worse than that. So much worse than that. I couldn’t remember you and she looked... God, she looked so much like Erinne.... Too much....”
The implications of his words seemed to dawn on her then. Marie’s eyes got infinitely wide and tears began to spill down her pale cheeks. This time she was the one who backed away from him. Sliding backwards on the floor until a good five feet separated them. As far as Logan was concerned, it could have been the distance of have the globe. The disgusted look on Marie’s face spoke volumes.
Marie hated him.
The first person that he could remember loving him now hated him.
And with good reason. He had hurt her in a way like no other. Memory or no memory, there was no excuse for what he had done. None whatsoever.
The pain in Marie’s eyes grew suddenly and Logan knew that she was seeing everything through Carol’s eyes. The bitch was probably gloating. Telling Marie things that would hurt her all the more.
Logan could feel his heart shattering into thousands of pieces and knew that it had to be much worse for Marie. She was the innocent in it all. The one who shouldn’t have been hurt but had actually been hurt the worse. Marie hadn’t done anything wrong. All that she had done was save his life and try to keep their family in once piece while he had probably destroyed it single handedly.
“Oh gawd....” Marie whimpered, pressing her hands over her eyes as though to block out the images passing through her mind.
Knowing that he was the reason behind Marie’s pain, Logan scrambled to his feet and took off running. He stumbled, tripping over laces that were only half tied, but eventually made it to the garage.
He had to get away.
Away from Marie and all the pain that he caused.
As much as he loved her, he couldn’t stay and be the source of her pain. Logan had never wanted to hurt her. Never. He loved her too much to willingly cause Marie pain. But he had. He had hurt her in a way that no one else could and needed to pay because of it.
If it meant that he had to be alone the rest of his life, Logan wouldn’t complain. He deserved at least that much for what he had done to Marie.