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Hello,I am Bunnys mother my name is Connie.Her dads name is Burke.
When I was 13 years old Burke and I started seeing each other,he was 16
or
17.He was the love of my life at 16 we lost a baby girl,at 18 we had
Bunny and at 21 we had Brandy
Burke and I were together for about 13 years some were good and some
were
bad and when it was good it was very good and when it was bad it was
very
bad.
Even now I can't stay mad at him.There are somethings that time don't
change.I saw Burke over the week end {he lives in another town}this is
the
first time that I have saw him sinse Bunny died.It was so hard to be
that
close to him agian.Burke and I never got to grieve for Bunny
together,or
talk about her,or share the memories we had of her.When Bunny was in
the
hoisptal Burkes girlfriend at the time was with him
she must have been a very insecure person.I mean we were at the
hoisptal our
daughter fighting for every breath she took and thats all we had on our
minds.She would not give us 3 minutes alone.That was our child and it
should
have been ok for us to grieve together the best we could anyway.
It has been almost 7 years and neither one of us know how to grieve or
let
go ,or to go on.He won't even talk about Bunny so I've been told.
My heart breaks for him I had her all her life he didn't.He had vists
and
phone calls and yes she LOVED Her Daddy and He did Her but he missed
out on
so much. I could see it in his eyes and on his face when I saw him that
losing his daughter was eating him up inside.I wish I could make it ok
for
him.I wish I could hold him and tell him it was going to be ok,I wish I
could put that laughter back in his eyes that used to be there,that
smile
back on his face,just to take some of the hurt away.But I can't!
How can I when I can't deal with my own pain,my laughter is gone,my
smile is
gone all that is left is pain,and more pain.
Our hurt and pain will never go away.As long as we live the pain,empty,
lost feeling we have we will always have.Nothing can make it any better
or
easier no amount of time can make losing your child any easier
to deal with.Nothing in this world is going to help us now only God can
help
us.
Burke and I have been separted for about 21 or 22 years but there is
nothing
in this world I wouldn't do for him if I could.He is the father of my
children he was my first love.He made the comment one time that he made
me
the woman I was after all I was only 13 when we first started seing
each
other.We grew up together I guess, only Burke grew one way and I grew
another so after all those years of loving,fighting,arguring,it was
time to
let go,or we thought so anyway.
Bunny always thought her daddy and I were going to be together agian
someday.I always just let her think it to because sometimes even if you
know
or think you know someones dream isn't going to happen you don't have
the
right to take that from them.Her dream wasn't hurting anyone.
Bunny looks just like her daddy, short legs just like him,walked like
him,hair,eyes the whole 9 yards.There wasn't 1 thing about her that
looked
like me.She did however act like me. When she was a teenager Burke used
to
say she'd be ok if she ever learned how to get along with
herself,because
she acted like both of us.The older she got the more she acted like me
tho.
If you ever find yourself where Burke and I are at please do this for
yourself,don't let anyone take the time you both need together away
from
you.No matter what that child belongs to both of you is a part of both
of
you.Both of you had her or him out of love just because it is over
between
you don't mean you don't need each other at a time like this.Noone else
can
understand what you feel except the other parent
and I do mean noone.Allow yourself to spend some time together,cry
together,share your memories together.Don't make the mistake that we
did and
try do it alone or just not try to deal with it all.I know what it does
to
you and it only makes it worse if thats possible.
Burke you will always have a place in my heart always and forever You
are
the father of our girls,we spent 13 years together.We watched one
another
grow
from kids to a man and woman,we loved each other so much at one time,we
have
felt each others pain, joys,laughter,and tears.We are Bunny and Brandys
Mommy and Daddy,there has always been a bond with us even when we don't
see
one another for years I guess they always will be.If you ever need me
for
anything,to talk,cry,laugh or just to be there I'm just a phone call
away
and you got the number
Song Playing Is:Always On My Mind..By..
~Willie Nelson~
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