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It's the second week of deer camp, I got a swollen head.
I'm lying with the dustballs underneath my bed.
An icy breeze is blowing in through the tongue and groove.
My pants are frozen to the floor, and I'm too sick to move.
I didn't drink too many, only thirty cans of beer.
It must have been that last shot that put me under here.
It's the second week of deer camp, and all the guys are here.
We drink, play cards and shoot the bull, but never shoot no deer.
The only time we leave the camp is when we go for beer.
The second week of deer camp is the greatest time of year!
I remember playing poker, that weasel must have won.
He's wearing me new swampers and sleeping with my gun.
He's snoring like a chain saw, the camp smells like a dump.
Someone's dirty underwear is hanging on the pump.
Mukku's in the wood box, Eener's passed out on the stove.
His flannel shirt is smoking, I wonder if he knows.
It's the second week of deer camp, and all the guys are here.
We drink, play cards and shoot the bull, but never shoot no deer.
The only time we leave the camp is when we go for beer.
The second week of deer camp is the greatest time of year!
Vito's crawling through the door, I think he got frostbite.
He passed out in the outhouse, and he's been there since last night.
Then Goofus stumbles through the door, he says he got a buck.
He was coming from the wayside and he killed it with his truck.
The Musti cracks a beer and says, "It's time to celebrate!"
Goofus got the first buck since 1968.
It's the second week of deer camp, and all the guys are here.
We drink, play cards and shoot the bull, but never shoot no deer.
The only time we leave the camp is when we go for beer.
The second week of deer camp is the greatest time of year!
I wake up in the woodshed with 2000 empty beers.
I came looking for a full one and I musta passed out here.
I crawl out through the door and I run smack into a buck.
He was eating all the apples from the back of Rudy's truck.
I grab him by the back legs, and he drags me through the snow.
But when he jumps a barb wire fence I have to let him go.
It's the second week of deer camp, there's one more day to go.
We haven't had a shave or bath since 14 days ago.
The empties pile is growing and nobody got a deer.
But there's only 50 weeks to go and we'll be back out here.
I go crawling down the road and Alley Oop comes whizzing by.
For a guy that weighs 300 pounds that Oop can really fly.
I take a look behind me and here comes a big black bear.
If I make it back to camp I'll have to change my underwear.
The bear goes by the both of us and runs right through the door.
He's breaking up the card game, it sounds just like a war.
It's the second week of deer camp, there's one more day to go.
We haven't had a shave or bath since 14 days ago.
The empties pile is growing and nobody got a deer.
But there's only 50 weeks to go and we'll be back out here.
Bruno's cooking bear meat, but no one wants to eat.
'Cause everything that Bruno cooks smells like Mungo's feet.
The poker game's still going and the beer is getting low.
All around the deer camp, there's a ring of yellow snow.
The bucks we won at poker are the only bucks we got.
We spent two weeks in deer camp and never fired a shot.
It's the second week of deer camp, there's one more day to go.
We haven't had a shave or bath since 14 days ago.
The empties pile is growing and nobody got a deer.
There's only 50 weeks to go and we'll be back out here
IN AN EFFORT TO HELP OUTSIDERS UNDERSTAND THE MIDWEST UNITED STATES, THE FOLLOWING LIST WILL BE HANDED TO EACH DRIVER ENTERING THE AREA:
1. That farm boy standing next to the feed bin did more work before breakfast than you do all week at the gym.
2. It's called a 'gravel road'. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your SUV. I have a four-wheel drive because I need it. Drive it or get it out of the way.
3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were seven years old. Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it.
4. Any references to "corn fed" when talking about our women will get you whipped... by our women.
5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't cry to us if a flathead catfish breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for those little trout you fish for...bait.
6. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.
7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making approach, we will shoot it. You might hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.
8. That's right. Whiskey is only two bucks. We can buy a fifth for what you paid in the airport for one drink.
9. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order a steak. Order it rare. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey.
10. You can bring Coke into my house but it better be brown, wet, and served over ice.
11. So you have a sixty-thousand dollar car you drive on weekends. We're real impressed. We have quarter of a million dollar combines that we use two weeks a year.
12. Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight in town. We stop when it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.
13. Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks - because they want to. So, you're a feminist. Isn't that cute.
14. Yeah, we eat catfish. Carp, too - and turtle. You really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the bait shop.
15. They are pigs. That's what they smell like. Get over it. Don't like it? Interstates 70, 80 & 90 go two ways. Interstates 29, 35,
71 & 75 go the other two. Pick one and use it accordingly.
16. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday. You can get breakfast at the church.
17. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly. Understand the concept?
18. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit the ball into the water hazard. It spooks the fish.
19. That Highway Patrol Officer that just pulled you over for driving like an idiot, his name is, "Sir"... no matter how old he is. |
Now, enjoy your visit and go home.
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It's Huntin' Season! 
