#3 If all my friends were to jump off a bridge, I wouldn't follow them. I'd be at the bottom laughing my ass off.

#4 A Kiss isn't a kiss without some tongue,
a hug int a hug until yur balls are nice and snug,
a dream isn't a dream until yur soaked in goo,
and love is just a word until her best friends in it too.

#5 Milk does the body good but DAMN how much did you drink?...oh wait...thats not milk.

#6 Girls are like slinkies. They bounce up and down and eventually you get hard and have sex with them. What? Am I the only one who had sex with a slinkie?

#7 Crazy girls are like roses. They smell really good, but once you get em in yur pants they cut yur penis.

#8 One word frees us of all the weight and pain in life, that word is hot lesbian sex.

#9 The most precious possession that ever comes To a man in this world Is a woman's heart...the second would definitely have to be her vagina.

#10 The only things in life you regret, Are the risks that you didn't take....i knew i should've stuck my penis in that toaster.

#11 You say it best when you say nothing at all so shut the hell up and sign my guestbook!

#12 True love doesn't have a happy ending: True love doesn't have an ending..so when you think its about to end, kill the other person so you can always say without a doubt that it was true love.

#13 Love is not a matter of counting the years...
But making the years count.
So get up while you can,
just get up and mount.

#14 Friends are like bananas, at first they dont look that good, but after they take it off youll still eat it.

#15 When the lights are out,
All women are beautiful.uh...i dont think so.

#16 Love is a canvas furnished by Nature
And embroidered by imagination
and artificially insemenated by Johnny Knoxville

#17 The greatest pain that comes from love, Is loving someone you can never have...like Aunt Jemima. oh sweet sexy aunt jemima!

#18 How lucky I am to have something
That makes saying goodbye so hard.
A penis in my throat.

#19 Sometimes the perfect person for you is the one you least expect...scooby doo?

#19 True love is friendship caught on fire, and thrown to the ground and stomped on and smothered on cow manore to put out the flames.

#20 Love isn't about finding the perfect person, It's about seeing an imperfect person perfectly...so one armed Joe, to me, you have all your limbs.

#21 The heart knows when the search is over...when it sees the powerpuff girls.

#22 True love is out there and it looks for no one. So go get it and hump it dry.

#23 Love is like pizza, when it's good, it's really good. When it's bad, It's still pretty good.....no its not.What the hell? I guess its good if you like green moldy pizza.

#24 What do I get from Loving You? Endless nights of hot sex.

#25 Love is like the sun, even if you reach it you have to put up with a few blisters, or die and burn.

#26 Last night I looked up at the stars And matched each one with a reason why I love you.....after about 5 hours and 2 stars i gave up and went to bed.

#27 I love you for not who you are,
I dont love you cuz of your VCR,
I dont love you cuz you live in China,
I just love your big vagina.

#28 Good friends are like desks, they last really long and they're easy to have sex with.Wait...is it possible to have sex with a desk? Let me check...

#29 Life without love is like a man without a penis. Oh, and by the way, it is possible to have sex with a desk.....very possible.

#30 Love is meant to be used, so why save it for someone when the person you're saving it for might be right in front of you? Yeah, It might even be me...please say it's me!!!

#30 A guy and a girl can be just friends, but at one point or another one of them will fall for the other, maybe temporarily, maybe at the wrong time, maybe too late or maybe, just maybe...forever....or maybe they both die in a car crash...

#31 We say we love flowers, yet we pluck them. We say we love trees, yet we cut them down. And some people still wonder why some are afraid when they are told they are loved....because theyre gonna get their penis cut off.

#32 I love you, not for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you....a horny bastard lol.

#33 Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get - only with what you are expecting to give - which is your penis.

#34 You know what's the most terrifying thing about admitting that you're in love? You're just naked. You put yourself in harm's way and you lay down all your defenses. No clothes, no weapons. Nowhere to hide, completely vulnerable. The only thing that makes it tolerable is to believe the other person loves you back and you can trust him not to hurt you.... or put your naked pictures on the internet.

#35 No matter how your heart is grieving, if you keep on believing, the dream that you wish will come true....And you'll be surrounded by strippers.... YAY!

#36 We all mold one another's dreams. We all hold each other's fragile hopes in our hands. We all touch others' hearts....and we all wake up next to the one we love covered in a white sticky fluid.

#37 A true friend overlooks your broken fence to admire your flowers......now i dont know how you would translate that, but to me that means they look past your unzipped pants and admire your penis

#38 It's not my fault I fell in love with you, you tripped me, and i fell on my face and broke my nose and no one else would love me back but you, you ugly bastard.

#39 He who has never loved has never known true ejaculation....uh...whoops did i say ejaculation? I meant joy.

#40 Women are like tea bags, you dont know how well they taste until you drown them in water and filter the taste out....uh....

#41 I like my life like I like my women. Long and Hard. Well, you know what i mean!

#42 FRIEND: A member of the opposite sex in your acquaintance who has some flaw which makes sleeping with him/her totally unappealing. For example, a spiked vagina.