Slowly, she walked inside and tiptoed to his bed. He was so still... so peaceful. "Justin?" she said softly as she sat down next to him. "Justin..."
One eye opened and he gave her a little smile before pulling the blankets up over his head and mumbling something incoherent.
"Justin it's almost eight thirty and I don't know what to do until ten."
He pulled the blankets back down and looked at her. "That's like an hour before I have to be ready!"
"But I can't just sit there and wait, and I can't sleep... there's nothing on TV. I just don't know what to do with myself."
With one motion, he wrapped his fingers around her arm and pulled her down onto the bed with himself. When his arm went around her and pulled her close, he didn't say another word.
She pushed a dark curl away from her face and sighed. "Do you have an alarm set?"
He answered her with a mumble that couldn't be deciphered.
With her fingers grasping the sleeve of Justin's jean jacket, she pulled him into the doctor's office. The receptionist sat at a desk with her hands on her keyboard and her eyes on Becca. Becca gasped as she and Justin stopped in front of the desk. "I'm so sorry that we're late, but-"
"Name."
"But... huh?"
"Your name."
"Oh! Sorry... I'm Rebecca Chasez and I-"
She looked over the sheet on the desktop and then back up at Becca. "The doctor will see you in a moment. Please have a seat."
"Um..." Becca started, but couldn't get much out before Justin pulled her to a pair of chairs on each end of a small table with a pile of magazines on top of it. His eyes were set on the top one: Sports Illustrated.
"Justin, we're twenty minutes late. Do you think they're upset?"
"Mmm..." Justin shook his head while he flipped through the first few pages of the magazine. Suddenly, he got a weird feeling and he looked up.
"What?" Becca asked, seeing the disturbed look on his face. "Why are you staring like that?"
"I..." he trailed off.
JC looked down at Justin. "Don't let her know that I'm here."
"Justin!"
Justin's head snapped back to face Becca. "What?"
She clutched her purse as she looked at him with worry. "You're acting really weird again..."
"Again?"
"Yes, again. What were you staring at?"
"Isn't a person allowed to stare?"
"Sure, but not like THAT... you were looking over there," she glanced in the direction that he had been staring in. "Like... like something was there. And NOTHING is there."
"I just thought I heard something," he explained.
"That was NOT an idle stare. You were LOOKING at something."
Justin sank down in his chair and tried not to look at JC. "How could I be looking at something if there's nothing there?" he asked her.
Becca turned silent and stared at the door that led to the back rooms, praying that it would open and the doctor would come out and call her name.
"This is my fault," he heard JC say. "Next time I won't surprise you like that. Sorry..."
"Justin," Becca finally spoke up. "I'm worried about you."
He was almost afraid to ask. "Why?"
"I think you need to see someone... someone professional."
Justin's eyes widened. "Professional? Like a... like a..."
"A psychiatrist."
"No," JC said, taking a step forward. "You can't. Those people will pick your brain apart and they'll know... there's no way you can go see one and they wouldn't know that something was wrong. Do you think they'll even believe you? And even if they did, then everything would be ruined."
"No," Justin said. "I can't go to see one when there's nothing wrong with me, Becca. This is just my way of coping. Besides, those people will FIND something wrong with you just so you'll keep coming back and they'll keep taking your money."
"Please, Justin, it would make me feel so much better if you'd go to a session." When he didn't answer, she continued, "Do you... do you really think he's there?"
They heard a the click of the door opening and turned to see a nurse with a clipboard in her hand. "Rebecca Chasez."
Justin stood up and took Becca's hand. "Ready?" he smiled.
Becca nodded, letting him pull her up and then they followed the nurse into another room.
"God, Justin," JC said behind them. "She thinks you're losing it. Isn't there something you can do to change her mind? If you go into therapy..." he trailed off.
Justin shrugged.
The nurse saw the ring on Becca's left hand and looked over at Justin. She smiled. "Are you the daddy?"
Becca looked at the floor and Justin shook his head. "I'm a friend," he answered.
The nurse, sensing that something was wrong, decided to lay off the subject. "Oh," she said. "Well, why don't the two of you have a seat. The doctor will be in a few minutes."
The door shut as she left and JC stared at Justin. "Did I tell you how much I appreciate the fact that you're here?"
Becca leaned against Justin's shoulder and sighed. "Please, Justin, will you at least go in once and see what they say? Talking to JC is one thing, but SEEING him and imagining that he's talking back to you is another... I'm worried about you."
"What? Where did you get THAT from?" he demanded in a defensive tone. "I don't SEE him and how can he talk back? Becca, I'm alive and he's dead. It doesn't even make sense!"
She clutched his arm tighter. "That's why it scares me. It DOESN'T make sense."
"Becca, what are you thinking?" He got this weird feeling that she knew what was going on... and that couldn't happen.
"Justin, do you think you're seeing his ghost?" she asked in a quiet voice, almost afraid to say it any louder.
"Wh... what?" Justin's head spun. Either she'd believe him and everything would be ruined or she'd think he was mentally unstable and ship him off to some institution. He had to fix it. "His ghost?! No! Of course not... who believes in ghosts?"
Becca raised her eyebrows at him. "Do you?"
"No!" JC answered for Justin.
"No!" Justin echoed.
"Do you believe in the afterlife? In heaven?"
"Haven't we been over this? Haven't I told you what I believed?"
"You never said that you didn't believe in ghosts."
"Maybe I do... I just don't believe that people can SEE them. I know that I can't, anyway."
Becca realized that she wasn't going to get anywhere with him if he was so set on making things look like everything was okay, so she just dropped it. Maybe she could work on him later. The door swung open and a gray haired doctor appeared. "So..." he said, looking down at his clipboard. "Mrs. Chasez, seems like your almost three months along."
For the whole car ride home, Becca's eyes never left the small picture of her sonogram. Inside the house, she fell back on the couch and ran her thumb over the fuzzy image of her baby. "Can you believe it?" She said, pretending that JC could hear her. "This is really happening."
Justin let the keys drop from his fingers and listened as they clattered on the table. "Yeah," he agreed.
She didn't look up from the picture. "You know, Justin, I've been thinking, and I know that this is a lot to ask... You don't have to answer right away, but..."
"But what?" he walked over to her and sat down next to her, joining her in staring at the baby's picture.
"I..." she looked up at him and pressed two fingers to the other side of his face. "Look at me for a second. I want you to be in my baby's life... help me raise him or her."
Justin opened his mouth.
"You don't have to answer right away. Think about it for a while." She handed him the picture and got up. "I'm going to find something to eat. Want anything?"
He shook his head. "No thanks."
"JC," he whispered after she had disappeared into the kitchen. "I need help." When he looked up from the picture, JC stood there. "You wanna see?" He held up the picture and JC reached for it, but when Justin let go, the picture fluttered to the floor. Justin moved to pick it up. "Sorry," he said, "I forgot."
"Me too. It's weird how quickly one can forget that he's dead."
"Must be," Justin agreed. "JC, do you know what she just asked me?"
"What?"
"She wants me to help raise your baby. What should I tell her?" For some reason, as Justin studied JC's reaction, he realized that JC wasn't at all surprised.
"Do you want to?"
"But I've been thinking, what's going to happen when you come back? I won't lie to you and say that Becca and I haven't grown closer, because we HAVE, I mean, how could it not happen?"
"But do you WANT to?"
"I just don't see how everyone can win in this situation. Forgive me for saying this, but, it's like I'm taking over your life. I'll never take your place in Becca's heart, but I'm here and you're not... and... I'm still Justin and all, but..."
"Stop. I think I get what you're trying to say, but you never answered my question. Do you WANT to stay with Becca and help her with the baby?"
"It really doesn't even matter what I say, because by the time the baby's here, you'll be back too."
"There are no guarantees. We need to take this day by day. What if I can't come back? Then what will you do?"
"Of course I want to be there for her if you can't, but I'm still counting on you coming back."
"Good." JC paused and then spoke up again, "I've been thinking about this whole psychiatrist situation and I think it might be a good idea."
"How?!"
"Maybe they can find what's wrong with you and then you'll be on your way to being happy. Just don't talk about how you can see me and everything will be fine, you know?"
"Yeah... now that you say it that way... but JC, I don't want to be sent to a sanitarium. That REALLY wouldn't help you."
"It'll be okay. I'll even go with you and help you out if you need it."
"Do you think that's such a hot idea? What if I slip up and they catch on? I mean, these people are trained to pick apart minds. We'd have to be careful."
"We can do it. I know we can. All you have to do is listen to me and I'll tell you what to say for certain answers. Trust me, Justin, this'll work. It HAS to work."
"Becca?" Justin pushed open the guest door and peeked inside. There, Becca sat on the bed with a book in her hands. She looked up at him.
"Is everything okay?"
He walked inside and sat down next to her. "Yeah, I just need to talk to you about something."
Becca sat up straight and set down her book.
"You were right," he said. "About everything... well, almost everything anyway. About the psychiatrist... maybe I could go in a few times just to talk, but you were wrong about one thing. I DON'T see JC and he DOESN'T talk back to me."
"This is great, Justin," she told him, patting his hand quickly before he could snatch it up in his grasp. "Everything will get better, okay? And you're right too. All you have to do is just talk... and maybe that'll make you feel better."
"And Becca, I've thought about what you said about the baby and I want to help you. I just didn't want you to think that I'm taking JC's place, 'cause I'm not."
Expectedly, she threw her arms around him and hugged him tightly. "I never thought this would happen to me," She mumbled, a slight hint of tears in her voice. "But now that it has, I'm glad that I have a friend like you. Justin, if it wasn't for you... I'd..."
He hugged her back. "It's not a problem. I WANT to be there for you and I'll do whatever I can to make things better. I promise."
"And that means seeing a psychiatrist? I don't want you to be confused about anything anymore... and... maybe I should go talk to someone too. Maybe it would help.
"Maybe," he whispered in her hair. "I just wish that this was over with and I could forget about how much I miss JC."
"I don't want to forget JC," she started, "but it hurts so much to miss him like this."
"Don't forget him, just think about him as a really happy time in your life. Then it will get easier."
"What I need to do is stop thinking about a future without him... but I can't stop! I can't even IMAGINE myself being happy without him."
"It'll come," he assured her. "Time... in time."
Chapter 11
Almost A Memory Now
JC {Fiction}
Justin {Fiction}
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