"Tell me, Justin, what hurts exactly? Is it just JC's death?"
"No... I mean, yes. I mean... I'm not really sure. It's so hard to live without him. So many things have changed since then and I just feel like there's not anything that I can control anymore. Now I have you, but God works in VERY weird ways, and life is becoming MUCH too unpredictable for me."
"He wouldn't hurt us twice, honey. Do you want to know something? Something to help?"
"What?"
She pressed her forehead against his and squeezed his shoulder. "You can't leave because I need you." Then, he felt her hand reaching for his under the blankets and she placed it on her stomach. "This baby needs you, remember?"
"Now I do," he said in a soft voice. "I wasn't even thinking straight before."
She put her arms around him and held him close. "Just stick with me here, and everything will be okay, all right?"
All he did was give a slight nod before his eyelids fell and he finally let sleep get the best of him.
JC still stood there at the end of the bed, his hands hanging loosely by his sides as he watched them sleep. It was news to him that Justin wanted to commit suicide.
One month and three weeks was all he had left and Justin's mental health seemed to be declining. What could he do to change that. Come to think of it, there wasn't much a ghost COULD do. He would have to get through to Justin using words and words alone. He wasn't sure he even knew how to go about it. Besides, Becca seemed to be doing a pretty good job by herself... but the rules stated that HE had to help. Maybe he could convince Justin that death was WAY overrated. After all, who better to explain than a guy who had been on both sides?
The next morning, when Justin opened his eyes, the room was filled with sunlight. His eyes felt try and he rubbed them as he got his bearings straight. For some reason, the mornings were always easier than the nights... but it didn't change the fact that JC was still gone and he was still trapped inside his suicidal mind.
He carefully got out of bed, leaving the sleeping Becca alone. It was almost nine and he was going to be late for work. The wood floor was cold as he softly padded across the room to his dresser, being quiet so that he wouldn't wake her.
Quickly, he grabbed a few articles of clothing and stepped over to the bathroom. If he missed another day at work, his boss would kill him.
"Hey, Becca, it's me... Justin," Justin said over the phone to his own answering machine. "I would have called later because I didn't want to wake you, but at the same time I didn't want you to wake up and worry about me so I was just hoping and praying that I'd get the machine and I guess I did," he gave a weak chuckle. "Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that I went into work today and I forgot to write you a note... so... ugh, I really hate talking into these things. Just give me a call when you wake up, okay? Bye." He put the phone back on it's cradle and looked at the huge stack of papers on his desk. He noticed the smaller pile of notes and sighed. He knew he'd be spending the entire day calling clients and getting updated.
He couldn't wait to go back home.
But what would he do once he got there? Becca would comfort him some more and then he'd have to start all over again. JC wasn't helping him become a happier person anymore. In fact, he had no idea what the plan was.
"Have you ever felt like time was going by incredibly slow, but then you looked back at what has happened and wondered where the time went?"
He looked up to see JC standing in front of his desk in the same glow that he had been in just a little over a month ago. "Yes," he answered with a sigh. "Do you feel like that?"
"I AM like that. It seems like that's my whole existence." He stopped for a moment and they just looked at each other. "Justin," he spoke up again. "We need to talk about something."
"What now?"
"I'm worried about you. What you said last night to Becca really scared me, but that's not all that I want to talk about. First, I'm going to tell you that you don't want to be dead. It's not all it's cracked up to be. Trust me, I know. And you've got so much to live fore. You're so young, Justin, please..."
"I get it, JC, but you don't understand what it's like. No matter how many times you and Becca tell me that, the feelings don't disappear."
"Fine then," JC said, stubbornly giving in. "If you're not going to do this for yourself, then do it for me, for Becca... PLEASE, Justin!"
Justin moved a few papers around on his desk, thinking. "That Psychiatrist..." he said, changing the subject a little. "He really got to me. He was asking me these questions that I didn't know the answers to or questions that I didn't WANT to answer. I had to tell him that I wasn't willing to answer and then he wanted to know why." He put a few papers down in front of himself and stared at the top page. "Becca wants me to go back, but to tell you the truth, I just don't think I can handle it again. You know, JC, he was the reason I broke down last night. It just KILLED me to think that that someone thought I was crazy."
"You're not crazy," JC assured him. "But you WILL be if you keep thinking you are and thinking that OTHER people think you are."
"But they DO! Even Becca... she's not blind, she knows that something is wrong. And, my God, Dr. Sibly is a professional. He knows a crazy person when he sees one."
"Have you ever stopped to think that maybe... just MAYBE, this guy is a quack?"
"No. He seemed VERY professional to me."
"Have you ever BEEN to a psychiatrist before?"
"No. Have you?"
"No."
"Then how are we supposed to know?"
"Right. So what I'm saying is that this guy COULD be a quack. If he thinks you're crazy, then obviously he IS because we both know that you're not."
"How do you know for sure? Obviously, the whole idea of it scares me and if it scares me, then isn't there the possibility that something's wrong?"
Just as JC was about to answer the question, the shrill of Justin's phone interrupted his train of thought. "You should get that," he suggested.
Justin picked up the phone. "Hi, Mueler and Hollson personal financing. How may I help you?" he said into the line.
"Justin," the voice said. "I was worried about you. Thank God you're all right."
"Becca... didn't you get my message?"
"Yes, but I still couldn't help but think..."
"Don't say it," he interrupted. "I'm fine."
"You're fine? But, Justin... last night... why didn't you wake me up this morning and why are you at work? You should be at home relaxing."
"I can't relax. No matter how hard I try, I just can't. Don't you think it's better if I keep my mind on something other than..."
"You're right. You'll at least meet me for lunch though, won't you?"
"Of course I will. Where would you like to meet?" His brain was working quickly. Becca was WORRIED about him and actually wanted to spend time with him. Could it be that telling her that he loved her hadn't turned her off?
'You fool,' he thought as Becca began to list off different restaurants. 'She's only feeling sorry for you.'
"So what do you think?"
He hadn't really been listening. "Huh?"
"I was just thinking that we could stop by at that deli on the corner of Elm and Alaska Avenue and grab a sandwich."
"Oh… that sounds okay. Anything is fine."
"I'll pick you up around noon?"
"Sounds good."
"See you then."
"Good-bye."
Becca hung up the phone after she heard the click on his end of the line. She sat quietly in the middle of his bed, looking around his room. By then, the sky had become overcast and made the atmosphere of everything gloomy. All of his things from floor to ceiling… wall to wall screamed his name. No matter how much Justin comforted her and gave her something to think about, JC rarely left her conscious mind and NEVER her unconscious one.
The bathroom door was slightly ajar and unnatural light flooded the floor, seeping out through the crack. He had forgotten to turn off the light. She got up from the bed, quietly pulling on her pajama pants and flattening her old T-shirt against her stomach as she walked toward the bathroom door. When her hand touched to cool metal of the doorknob, she turned it and entered the bathroom. On the counter, sat all of his things, neatly lined up against the big mirror. She found a towel underneath the sink and set it on the toilet lid before turning on the faucet in the bathtub.
"Do you think she feels SORRY for me?" Justin asked JC in desperation as he thumbed through a few papers. "Because if she does, I don't think I know how to handle it."
"And do YOU think she would have asked you to help her with the baby if she felt SORRY for you? Justin, she could go home at any time, but she's not… and do you wanna know why?"
He blinked several times and wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. "Why?" Did he really WANT to know?
"She CARES about you, and Justin… she loves you."
"She doesn't love me, she loves YOU."
"This is the other thing that I came to talk to you about." JC sat down in the chair in front of Justin's desk and sighed. He looked up at Justin's confused face. "Calm down and just hear me out here. I went to talk to my…" He paused, cleared his throat and rolled his eyes. "My so called guide to the afterlife… and he said that I can't just let nature take its course because then there'd be no reason for me being here at all… so, I've decided to let you in on my plan."
"What in the hell are you talking about? Nature taking WHAT course?"
"Love," JC answered with a small smile, "You, my friend, are going to fall in love."
"And with WHO?"
"Becca," JC answered plainly, yet not so clearly for Justin's sake.
"Becca?" Justin repeated. "I can't fall in love with Becca, She's yours, man."
"You're wrong," JC assured him. "She's not mine anymore. How CAN she be? I'm DEAD, Justin."
"No, YOU'RE wrong. Whether you're dead of not, you're still in her heart and all THREE of us know that."
JC stared straight at him. "Well, then… It looks like you're just going to have to change that."
Becca stepped out of the shower and wrapped the towel around herself. She rubbed her eyes and waited for the steam to clear. When she opened her eyes and went to wipe the condensation away from the glass, her hand froze in midair.
Written on the mirror in big, capitol letters was her name. Before logic could kick in, she began to panic. How in the hell did that get there? Her mind immediately went to the unknown and it scared the shit out of her.
She clutched the edges of the towel that had started to sag by her neck, flew out of the bathroom and to her room, locking the door. She leaned against the door and with her eyes pinched shut, she willed the enormous flooding thoughts to stop dead in their tracks.
Was someone in the house? Had they been in the bathroom while she was in the shower? God knew, she couldn't deal with this!
Her eyes flew open and she surveyed the room. Nothing was visibly out of place and that made her heart slow down a little. She saw the phone, immediately deciding to call Justin. He'd still be in his office, wouldn't he? He HAD to be.
Still holding up her towel, she scooped up the cordless phone and punched in his office number.
It rang once.
Twice…
Three times before he finally picked up. "Hel-"
"Justin!" she whispered in a shaky voice, afraid that if someone where in the house, they'd hear her and then come looking.
"Becca?" Is that you? Where are you?"
"I'm at home… and I'm really scared that someone's in the house with me."
Justin looked over at JC and held up his finger, signaling for him to wait a minute. "Someone's in the house with you? How do you know?"
"When I got out of the shower, my name was written on the mirror. I can't help but think that someone was in the bathroom with me. It wasn't there when I walked in!"
Her voice was laced with panic and Justin sat up straighter. "Don't move. Lock yourself in a room and I'll be home as soon as possible. Okay?"
His worried tone of voice frightened her and triggered the tears to escape her eyes and roll down her soft cheeks. "Okay," she agreed, turning around to make sure that the door was locked. "But what if he's in here with me?"
"He's not," he assured her. "He can't be. Don't worry. I'll be home very soon. And, Becca?"
She sniffed. "Yeah?"
"Be careful."
"I will."
"Talk to you soon."
He hung up the phone and she went to look around the room. If this stranger WERE in there, she didn't want him watching her change. She peeped around the corners, looked in closets, and triple checked that the door was locked. Then she looked out windows, locked them and pulled the shades. She couldn't take any chances.
Justin drove home so quickly, that he almost hit a blue station wagon that had been in his way. He cursed himself. How could he be so careless? JC had died in an accident like that and he couldn't let himself face the same fate. He knew one thing for sure. If he were to die, he knew that he would NOT make the same decision as JC did. Hell, life didn't mean as much to him as it did to JC. THAT, if nothing else, was obvious.
Becca had her ear pressed against the wooden door, listening for activity throughout the rest of the house. So far, everything besides the wind whistling past the house, was dead silent.
Suddenly, she heard the front door opening and she prayed to God that it was Justin.
"Becca, it's me!" a voice called from downstairs. "Tell me where you are!"
"My room!" she yelled back to him immediately hearing his feet thumping on the stairs and then down the hallway. They stopped in front of her door. "Justin?" she said just loud enough so he could hear her through the door.
"Becca, are you okay? Did you actually SEE someone?"
She shook her head even though she knew he couldn't see. "No. Just the writing on the mirror. Justin, YOU didn't do, did you? Earlier?"
She could hear him trying to turn the doorknob. "No, of course not," he answered. "Do you think I would have rushed home so quickly if I did?"
She thought about it for a second and then unlocked the door. If he HAD written her name on the mirror, then why would he have sounded so worried on the phone and WHY would he have rushed home so quickly? That didn't make any sense.
The second he came through the door, she fell into his arms and just let him hold her. If someone had been in the house earlier, then by now, they were probably gone... but what scared her was the fact that this person could come back at any time.
Justin brushed a few curls away from her face and whispered, "Don't worry about it anymore. I'm sure that whoever was here, is gone by now. You can get dressed and come back to the office with me if you want."
Becca nodded... and then she remembered that she still had a towel around herself. She got the urge to pull away from him, but for some reason, couldn't.
"Come on, Becca... I'll be right outside the door, okay?"
She nodded again as she slowly let him slip away.
"Right outside the door," he repeated to her before disappearing completely with a soft click. When he turned around and looked down the hallway, JC was already standing right there in front of him with a look of worry on his pale face.
"Justin, is she okay?"
Chapter 13
Almost A Memory Now
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