Almost A Memory Now... Chapter 19

"Sure." She pulled him down onto the bed and lifted the covers over themselves. "Get some sleep and we'll talk in the morning.

He flipped over and hugged a clump of blankets to his chest. She didn't believe him. He wasn't so out of it that he couldn't tell... she thought he was crazy.

He turned back to her and placed his hand on top of hers. "I'm not crazy," he said. "You've got to believe me!"

"How CAN I believe you? Justin, you're saying that my dead husband is walking around here like a ghost... can't you understand why I don't believe that?"

He understood. "But I thought we had trust? Don't you trust my judgment?"

"Honey, I don't trust my OWN judgment in the middle of the night. Let's just talk about this tomorrow."

"Stop pushing me away, Becca! This is REAL!"

"Shh..." she hushed, taking his hand as she leaned forward to kiss his forehead. When she pulled away, she suddenly felt his lips on her own for a brief second, and when they parted, and she looked into his eyes, she could tell that he wasn't lying to her... and that's what was the most frightening. He WASN'T lying. "I know you're not lying," She told him.

A tear slipped from the corner of his eye. "You think I'm insane then. Poor, Justin... he's either a pathological liar or belongs in a mental institution!"

"No! No..." she assured him.

"You think I'm sick," he said in a softer voice. "I don't know... maybe I am."

"Maybe you're just confused."

"But it's REAL! I know it is. I saw him... he was just in my room before I came over here. I swear, Becca. I wasn't supposed to tell you about him, but now that he found out that he CAN'T come back... I just had to tell you... because I was scared and I needed to be with you and..."

She pulled him to herself and stroked his hair. "Justin... please, let's talk about this tomorrow... and, honey, I don't think you're sick or insane. Stop thinking that you are. Just close your eyes, take a few deep breaths and try to fall asleep."

"Becca?" he said after a moment of silence.

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry I kissed you. I hope you're not mad."

"No, I'm not mad. It's okay," she told him as she wiped a tear from his cheek. "Now, shh..."

Another tear replaced the one that she'd wiped away. "I love you, Becca," he whispered. "I'm so glad you're here."

Becca snuggled more into the blankets and into his arms. "I love you, too, Justin. Please, just close your eyes. You need to get some sleep."

She watched him closely after his eyelids finally fell, and she prayed to God that when he woke up, he'd realize how irrational his thoughts were. It wasn't possible that he'd be able to see JC... no way.

But what if he could? Anything was possible, in a sense... wasn't it? Maybe he was one of those people who had special abilities. Maybe he really COULD see ghosts. But how could she know for sure?

What if JC were in the room watching her? JC, or anyone else... she didn't like the idea of someone watching her when she couldn't see them. Now, she was sure that she'd never be able to fall asleep that night. She moved closer to Justin before even thinking about closing her eyes.


JC was waiting in Justin's room for almost a half hour when he realized that Justin probably wouldn't be coming back that night. It wasn't like he didn't know where Justin had run off to... it was obvious that he was with Becca, JC just didn't need to see how close they'd grown. In a way, he felt better about the situation. Justin would get better, he knew that he would, and Becca now had a father for their baby. As for himself... he probably wouldn't have to spend forever roaming the earth... he'd get to go to heaven. There, he'd wait until Becca and everyone else passed on and then they'd all be together forever.

"JC," a voice echoed through the room.

He spun around, looking for a sign of a presence. "What? Who's there?"

"JC, close your eyes."

He did so, smiling to himself. "I know the routine."

He reappeared in another white room and sat down in a chair across from a man with gray hair.

"Nice to meet you, JC. I want to apologize for what happened and any trouble that it caused you. My name is Harold and I'm your new guide. It took a week to get the information from that pest, Mike, but I have it now and I think you'll be happy to know that you won't have to spend much time here because you'll be going straight to heaven."

JC looked at the smile on Harold's face and he felt good, only... "I've got a problem with that scenario," he said quietly. "As much as I would love to go to heaven and all, I've got this friend on Earth who can see me and hear me... and because of what Mike told me, he thought that I'd be coming back. I told him today that I wasn't and you should have seen the look on his face. He was devastated! I need to talk to him before I leave... and then, there's another thing."

"What is it?" Harold looked at him with curiosity.

"I want to say good-bye to my wife... and not through Justin. I want her to see me... to hear me. Just for a few moments, please..." He looked up at Harold with hope.

"JC, I'm sorry to say, but if Becca can't see you now, then she won't be able to see you later. It's all about perception and Becca's is too different from yours."

JC felt a strange ache radiating through his entire soul. He'd never be able to talk to the love of his life again. "So, there's no way?" He just wanted to make sure.

Harold thought for a second. "Actually, I do know of a way you can contact her, but it's not as concrete as what you're thinking. Also, there's something else that needs to be done before you can go."


The next morning, Justin woke up, his body still woven with Becca's. For a brief moment, he felt content... but then he remembered JC and how he wasn't ever coming back, and the pain struck his heart once again.

"I've been waiting for you to wake up," JC said from next to the bed.

Justin quickly, yet carefully untangled himself from Becca. "It's not what it looks like," he said, a guilty expression on his face.

"Cut it out, Justin. Quit making excuses. I know how you feel about Becca. Besides, you look guilty as sin."

"We never... we didn't-"

"I know," JC sighed. "Anyway, that doesn't matter. I only want you and Becca to be happy."

"JC, I told her," Justin said, his red eyes staring at JC's form.

"Told her what?"

"About you and how you were still here." He looked down at the sleeping Becca. "I don't think she believed me."

"Of course she didn't believe you. Who believes in ghosts? Does it even make sense to you?"

"Not really, but-"

"Who says it even happened? Justin, everyone knows how unstable you are. Even YOU know it. Why should you trust yourself? All those times you thought you saw JC... thought you heard his voice... It was all in your head."

"No," Justin argued. "I don't know why you're acting like this, but I know what's real and what's my imagination. You're real."

"Ghosts don't exist. I know how much you cared for JC, but just because he's gone, doesn't make all the good times you had together disappear. He'll always be a memory."

"Yeah, a memory," Justin replied, his voice rising with frustration. "Memories are lonely."

"Only if you don't move on from them. Dwelling on memories of someone isn't healthy. There's a difference between a memory and an obsession with the past. Focus on the future, Justin... but," he stopped, looked down at the carpet and then continued. "Just don't forget the past completely."

"So, you're telling me that I've been imagining you for two and a half months? That I'm imagining you right now?"

"Lie down, Justin... close your eyes."

Justin stared at him with anger and fear.

"Just do it."

He did.

"Think about the past few months. How real do they seem?"

"Fake," he answered, his voice catching. "Like an awful nightmare that won't end."

"Now, say good-bye."

Justin's eyes flew open and he sat back up. "What?! Say good-bye!? To what? To who?"

"To everything except your future. Close your eyes and do it."

Tears made new trails down Justin's cheeks. "Wha... what if I'm not ready?"

"It's now or never, Justin. I'm leaving... for good. Now, do it. Wipe your tears and then close your eyes."

With one last desperate glance into JC's clear, blue eyes, Justin finally gave in. "I don't know if I can do this..."

"Yes, you can, Justin. I believe in you."

He started at the beginning. "Good-bye, rotten childhood. Good-bye, stupid, high school friends and parents who thought I was nothing. Good-bye, smart ass brother who's too good to call me. Good-bye to the me who pushed my feelings down so deep that I don't even know they're there anymore."

He stopped.

"Justin... you forgot something."

He put his face in his hands and tried not to cry. It wasn't working. "Good-bye to the best friend I've ever had." He paused to take a deep breath. "Good-bye, JC. I'll miss you."

"Good-bye, Justin," a remnant of JC's voice echoed through Justin's head.

He opened his eyes and looked around the room. Everything was still except the rising and falling of Becca's chest and the tear that slowly made its way down his face.

He got out of bed and traveled down to the kitchen to take his pill.


JC leaned over Becca, putting his hand on her shoulder. "Becca," he whispered into her ear. "Becca, wake up sweetie."

Her eyes fluttered open and then filled with tears as she looked into his eyes. "JC..." her voice came out breathless. She reached out to touch his face. "This can't be real."

"You're right," he told her. "In a sense, it's not... but it's real right now. I've had a hard time these past couple months, but not half as hard as you and Justin. There were some mix ups, but I'm finally going to heaven, Becca."

Her fingers moved over the smile on his lips before his arms went around her waist and he pulled her close.

"I'm sorry I put Justin through all that crap. It's my fault he's so sad."

"It's not your fault," she assured him. "You told me before that he's had a hard life. If anything, JC, you saved him."

He kissed her temple. "No, YOU saved him. He needs you, Becca and you need him. I know that this might be hard to hear, but if you love him, I want you two to be together. It sounds strange coming from me, I know, but to tell the truth, it really makes me feel good to know that you and the baby will be happy and taken care of since I can't be there. A lot of people don't have that assurance."

She buried her face in his chest. "I miss you. I miss your voice, your smell... everything about you. I'd give anything for you to come home."

"Me too, Becca, but once you're dead, you're dead. Let me tell you something. Being dead isn't so bad. I hear heaven is a pretty cool place, and once you get there, we can all be together. You won't understand how short life is until you die, but after death, there's another life. Justin and I decided that life is just a test for the REAL life. If you pass, you go to heaven and if you fail... you don't."

Becca took her face out of his chest and looked up at him. "That all sounds great, JC, but I still don't understand how you can be here. It doesn't make any sense."

"It will in a little while. Just remember not to forget any of this."

She pressed her lips to his in the kiss that she'd been missing since that Saturday morning over two months ago. They gently broke apart, still staring into each other's eyes. "I could never love another as much as I love you," she told him in a teary voice.

"Yes, you can," he promised. "It'll never be the same, but I know you can love another man. I've never met a girl with a heart bigger than yours."

Becca sniffed, smiling at him. "You think I've got a big heart? Look at you! JC, it's no wonder they want you in heaven. You'd be their best angel."

He smiled back at her and placed his hand over her heart. "I'll tell you the same thing that I told Justin. Focus on the future... but never forget the past. It's part of you."

"How could I forget? I don't want to forget."

"I have no doubt you'll give nothing but love to our baby... but, Becca, when he's old enough, will you tell him about me?"

"Of course. I was planning on it, JC."

He grinned at her. "Good. You see? Things are going to be perfect for you. Keep working on Justin. I think he'll feel better soon."

"I'll take care of him."

"Becca, I have to go now. It sucks that they gave me a time limit on this," he chuckled sadly. "But I can guarantee that we'll be together again some day." He stopped, looked into her eyes and gave her one last kiss... then pulled away and stood beside the bed.

"I love you, JC."

"I love you too, Becca." He smiled at her. "Until we meet again."

"Bye."

"Oh, wait! There's one more thing."

"What is it?"

"Tell Justin that I'm sorry I had to leave the way I did, but he's just got to let go... Tell him that I'm proud of him, and I know he can make it. Becca, I'm proud of you too. I love you guys... and I'll see you later."

She jumped up from the bed and wrapped her arms around him.

"Becca? Becca, are you okay?"

She opened her eyes to see Justin sitting next to her on the bed, his head cocked to the side as he studied the expression on her face.

"I couldn't get you to give up that pillow for the life of me! Don't you think I deserve a pillow too?"

Becca looked down at the pillow that she held tightly in her arms and grinned. "You moron!" she said as she sat up and clobbered him with the pillow. "Why'd you have to go and wake me up? I was having the best dream!"

He grabbed her and pulled her into his arms. "Oh really? Was I in it?"

"No... but someone left a message for you. He said that he's sorry he left the way he did. He's proud of you and he knows you can make it."

Justin froze. "You talked to JC?"

"He was in my dream. He said that everything would be okay and he'd see us later. Justin, he's going to heaven."

Justin smiled as he pressed his forehead against hers. "I still wish he were coming back, but now that everything's over with, I'm glad he made it."

"Me too. I don't like thinking about him as a memory because memories aren't real anymore, but if you think about it, a good memory is a million times better than a bad one, and JC's the best memory I have."

"You're right," Justin said, brushing his lips against hers. "As long as we don't forget, he'll never really be gone."

The End.

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