JC had gone to a nearby park and was sitting motionless on a bench that overlooked a lake. In front of him, there was a path and every once in a while people would walk past him, but they never sat down. Once or twice he saw someone who was in the same state that he was, but neither stopped to talk to him. All he got was a long, cold stare as they passed.
"I hate being so alone," he said as he looked out at the lake and watched a pedal boat slowly go by. Ever since his death, he had picked up the habit of talking to himself. If no one could hear him, then why not? "And I really don't want to go back to the funeral home."
They had to go back in. They didn't have a choice. Becca refused to open her eyes as she clutched Justin's arm tightly, following him back into the room.
"I can't do this," she said so quietly that he could barely hear her. "I can't say good-bye."
"Yes, you can, Becca. You have to... or this is never going to go away."
Slowly, she opened her eyes. Tears fell and glided down her rosy cheeks and she tried to focus on the carpet's pattern. She didn't want to look at him, she didn't want to say good-bye to someone who wasn't there and she didn't want to bury him. As much as she'd been through in the past few days, it still didn't seem real. How could this happen to them? Didn't God know that JC was going to be a daddy? Didn't he know that they needed him? "It won't go away," she whispered.
"Maybe not," Justin said. He didn't WANT to look at the casket, but for some reason, it was always in front of him... no matter how hard he tried to look away. "But it'll get better. It HAS to. How could it be any worse than this?"
She gave a slight nod. "That's true." He was right. JC was gone and it couldn't get worse than that.
His family and friends were everywhere and every once in a while she caught parts of their conversations. Most of them consisted of "My God, he was way too young," or "This doesn't make sense..."
She saw her parents walk in and began to walk towards her. Her eyes connected with her mothers'.
She hadn't told them that she was pregnant.
More tears flooded her entire soul as she fell into her mother's arms. The small life inside her had faded from her mind in that one second and grief gave another large sweep through her body.
Justin hadn't forgotten. He stood there with his hands in the pockets of his favorite gray suit. To be worried about JC's soul was enough to handle, but fearing for the health of the baby was almost too much. With Becca so upset, the baby could be in danger.
He watched Becca closely and wished that the day was over and done with.
Oh, wait... tomorrow was the funeral and that wouldn't be any easier on them.
Tears weren't an unlikely sight as JC noticed the scene around him reappearing for the third time that day. His lovely, lake side view was gone and now he was just standing in the middle of a large room filled with sad people. The people weren't strangers and he guessed correctly at his location.
He was back at the funeral home, but this was a different room than before. The people standing in front of him slowly cleared to reveal a sight that he wouldn't have wished upon his worst enemy... his own body. No one should have to see himself lying there... no life whatsoever remaining in any one cell. Nothing. He was totally and completely gone.
He couldn't look away. The way his eyes were closed and the look on his face was so unreal that he thought for a second that everything was fake. He looked painted. None of this was REALLY happening. Like Justin had said before... he was dreaming.
His hands were folded on his chest, a dark blue, beaded rosary woven between his fingers. He saw his gold, wedding band sparkle in the light and he tried to turn away again. This was too much for him to handle.
But it was real. The body in the casket was real. It was JC that wasn't real. If he was dead, then he couldn't be real. The body wasn't fake... HE was. "JC," he heard an almost nonexistent whisper behind him. "You don't have to look."
He turned around and realized that it was Justin. No one was watching him. They were all in other conversations. "I couldn't help it, Justin," he whispered back, even though he knew that he didn't have to. "Just look at me..."
Justin didn't look at the casket.
"I'm SO dead. There's no question about it, I'm REALLY dead!"
Justin ran a hand through his hair as he looked away from JC's faded form and let out a sigh. "Stop," he mumbled. "Don't say that."
"It's true, Justin. LOOK at me. You haven't looked at me yet, have you?"
He shook his head slightly. JC could tell him to him to look ten thousand times and he still wouldn't look.
"It's real, Justin," JC said softly as he looked around the room. His parents, his aunts, his uncles, his nieces, his nephews, everyone that was there to grieve his death. He turned to look at Justin. "Do you really think I can do this? Do you think I can help you to be happy?"
Justin looked at Becca and then back at JC. He wished he could say something to him.
Suddenly, he felt a hand on his arm and turned to see Becca standing there.
"You're the only one who knows," she said. "The only person I told was JC, and... wait a second."
"What? I know what?"
"How did you know that I was pregnant when the only person who knew, besides me, was JC? Who told you?"
Justin gulped. "Well," he started, being careful not to look into her eyes. "The nurse told me. She was outside your room when I came to see you that first time. I asked how you were and she told me, assuming that I already knew."
"Oh." His answer seemed so simple yet it made sense. For a second, she thought he might be psychic or something. "But, Justin, will you help me tell my parents?... and JC's?
He nodded, looking away from JC's form and at Becca. Some little boy on the other side of JC was looking at him funny.
"What were you staring at?" she wondered.
"Nothing." He put his arm around her. "...nothing."
Time crawled by that evening, but when ten o'clock rolled around, the only people there besides Justin and Becca were JC's parents and watching them would break anyone's heart.
Becca still hadn't told her own parents, but since she was alone with JC's, it just felt right to tell them.
Karen, JC's mother gave Becca a hug. "I know this is devastating, sweetie, it is for us too," she said in a teary voice. "But we'll get through it together. Don't be afraid to call if you need any help of if you just want someone to talk to."
"Thanks," Becca sniffed. "Same goes for you and Roy..." She took a step back, ending the hug. "There's something I need to tell you."
Karen and Roy looked at her, their sad faces reflecting off her own.
"Before JC, well, before he died," she started, looking back at Justin to make sure he was still there. "I'm pregnant."
Justin put a hand on her shoulder. "And it's a miracle, after the accident that both Becca and the baby are okay," he added.
JC's parents just stood there. They looked like they wanted to be happy, but just couldn't. It was too soon. Karen hugged Becca again. "I'm glad," she sobbed, "I really am... it's just..." she trailed off.
"I understand," Becca told her. "And it's okay. Like you said before, we'll get through this... together."
Even though Justin was the type of person who turned the radio on every time he got into his car, seemingly without fail, this time, he didn't even think about it. Becca was nervous enough on the road and she didn't like his music anyway.
"I hate cars," she muttered as he pulled out of the parking lot and onto the streets. "I hate trucks, I hate vans, I hate everything that has an engine and wheels."
Justin didn't know what to say. "Do you want me to stay the night again?" he asked, changing the subject. He glanced over at her and noticed the emotionless expression she held.
"If you don't want to, that's okay," she said quietly.
He missed his own bed, and he missed sleeping, but he knew that if he went home for the night and got into bed, that the silence would burn through his eardrums and he wouldn't be able to sleep anyway. Besides, Becca needed him. "I'll stay, Becca," he said, turning onto the freeway. "I want to stay."
She slipped her hand over her stomach as she looked out the window and tried not to think about anything.
JC was back out by the lake, only now it was dark. The reflection of the moon trembled in the clear waters as a small current passed through, and all around him, leaves rustled in the wind. Everything seemed to echo softly and he concentrated even more on the problem at hand. Now that he was truly alone in the park, or so it seemed, he had the perfect chance to sort his thoughts into a solution.
A solution for him, a solution for Justin, Becca, the new baby and everyone else who had been in his life. He could do it, he knew he could... and Justin was more than willing to cooperate, wasn't he? Sure he was.
What would make Justin truly happy? What did he complain about in his life?
Time, stress... love...
Those were the common things that any single man wanted to change. Of course, Justin would too, right?
How could he lead Justin to love when his best friend had just died? He would never be ready after three months, would he?
"Don't I belong in heaven?" JC asked out loud. "Or deserve to be with my family?" He closed his eyes.
"Sure, you do... both of those things you deserve," a voice told him.
His eyes shot open.
Mike. The white room. The book. Once again, he was back.
"I didn't ask to come here," he snapped, still upset from his last visit.
"Then why are you here?"
"That's what I've been meaning to ask YOU."
Mike held up his hands. "Don't look at me," he said, shaking his head slowly. "I don't control your moving. I'm only your guide to the afterlife, not God himself."
JC crossed his arms. "Yeah, some guide. You should be fired, you jerk."
Mike looked shocked. "What did I do?" he asked, an overly innocent tone to his voice. "I'm not the one who was driving the mini van. Don't blame me for your misfortunes."
"Yeah, MY misfortunes. Maybe you should have tried to help me with my decision instead of pushing me out the door. Maybe you should have explained things to me better. I'd never been dead before and I was completely ignorant at how this works."
"Hey, watch it, JC. If you remember correctly, I'm the guy who told you to take your time before making your choice. You didn't HAVE to go back to earth... you had the option to go straight to heaven and you, not me, passed it up."
"You gave me the options, but you didn't advise me that it would be a cold day in hell before I could make Justin happy."
Mike shrugged. "I'm not perfect, JC, and neither are you. We all make mistakes."
"Only difference HERE, is that YOUR mistake decided my entire afterlife!"
"Even if I did tell you that Justin probably couldn't be happy in the next three months, would you pass up the opportunity to go back? That day, you came in here so ready to live again, that I don't think anyone could have convinced you otherwise."
"Sure," he mumbled, looking away.
Mike sighed. "Look, I'm still here if you want advice or just someone to talk to."
"Whatever." JC took a step backwards, closed his eyes and faded away.
"Isn't it weird," Becca said to Justin from her end of the couch, "how the world just keeps... going?"
Justin downed the remains of his cola and nodded. His eyes went to the TV and he stared at it, barely paying attention to the show.
"I mean," she continued. "It seems like it should all just stop... but, it doesn't. I'm here, you're here, everyone else is here... but..."
"JC isn't," he finished for her. "It doesn't make sense."
"No, it doesn't. Nothing makes sense to me anymore. I'm even starting to doubt my own religion."
"Who hasn't doubted their religion at one time or another? That's not weird."
"It feels weird." She looked down at the coffee table and at her glass sitting on top of the coaster. "It's hard to be here. Everything reminds me of him."
Justin rubbed his red eyes and leaned back against the couch. "We should get drunk or something," he mumbled.
"That's a great idea," she said sarcastically. "Since I'm not at ALL pregnant."
"Whoops," he chuckled. "Sorry, I wasn't thinking."
"Neither of us are thinking too clearly." She leaned forward, picked up her drink and sipped at it. "Have you ever wondered about God?"
"Who hasn't?"
"I mean... why He does the things He does. It doesn't make sense to me. Have you ever thought that maybe there isn't a God? Maybe there's no heaven, no hell and we're all just sitting here on Earth with no plan... no purpose?"
Justin nodded. "Yeah, I've thought about that before, but I don't believe it."
Becca scooted closer with interest. "Why?"
"Well," he started, not exactly sure of what to say. "I know that JC's around somewhere. I can feel him. There's gotta be some sort of an afterlife."
"That's not a very comforting thought... in a way. If he's not in heaven, then where is he? Here? That's unsettling. I want him to be in heaven."
He looked off. "I'm just saying that maybe he'll get there later."
"You sound so sure," she said, narrowing her eyes at him in thought. "How can you be so sure?"
Justin shrugged. He made a swipe for his can and put it to his lips... then remembered that it was empty and threw it on the floor. "I wish I were drunk. Too bad Coke doesn't have that affect on me."
Becca didn't want her living room trashed with Justin's coke cans, but by that point, she didn't even care. "You didn't answer my question."
"I didn't have an answer to your question. I'm just sure... and that's it." He stood up. "I need another Coke."
She turned and watched as he walked toward the kitchen. "But there must be a reason why you're so sure. You can't be so sure about a thing like that without knowing why," she called after him.
Justin returned with another Coke. "I've just got a feeling," he answered as he opened the can. "That's all."
Becca turned back around and stared at the TV. "Sometimes I just don't get you."
He walked in front of the couch, looking at her carefully. "There's nothing to get." He fell back on the couch, forgetting that he'd opened his Coke and it splashed all over his face.
Becca didn't start laughing until he turned to look at her. Just the image of cola running down his angry face, dripping off his chin and forming a small puddle in his lap was enough to make the most depressed person on earth crack a smile.
Justin slammed his half empty can on the coffee table. "Not funny," he grumbled as he stood up and walked past Becca and to a large, oval mirror. His eyes met his own in the reflection and a small smile came to his lips. He looked ridiculous. "I think I'll go clean up," he said, trying his best not to laugh.
JC sat on his own front steps for the longest time. He wanted to go in, to be with Becca, but he didn't want to cause any problems. Justin had the tendency to forget that no one else could see, and if that persisted, then they'd all be in trouble.
He hadn't been called anywhere in a while and he was starting to wonder if Justin had forgotten about him.
Chapter 6
Almost A Memory Now
JC {Fiction}
Justin {Fiction}
My Fiction
I'll Never Stop {Fiction}
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