She made herself comfortable in his arms; her cheek pressed against his suit. He brushed her hair away from her face as she closed her eyes. "Good night," he whispered.
Once again, JC watched them. Thoughts were racing through his mind and he didn't know how to fix things. He'd promised himself that he would decide what to do after the burial, but this was too difficult of a decision to decide in a few hours. He paced back and forth along the living room carpet, just thinking about his options.
He could look around, find something else to make Justin happy, but that would probably take awhile. He could forget about living and heaven all together and face the rest of eternity wandering the earth with no one to talk to but the dead... after all, after the three months were up, Justin wouldn't be able to see him anymore. OR... he could just work with what was right in front of his nose. He didn't like the idea of Justin being with his wife, but right then, it seemed like his best option. Besides, if he could get them to fall in love, then he could come back and none of it would have ever happened.... then, he'd have a LONG time to help Justin find happiness. It could work, couldn't it?
Just one problem... if Becca could fall in love with Justin so quickly, what did that say about the love she had for JC? He didn't really want to find out...
Days and nights had blended together in one horrible nightmare and on Saturday morning, a week after the accident, as Becca sat at the dining room table with her bagel and cup of hot chocolate, she felt sick. Slowly, she stirred her spoon around and watched the marshmallows move in circles through the dark liquid.
"Do you remember what we talked about last night?" Justin asked, his blue eyes glancing up at her as he took a big bite of his blueberry bagel.
She thought for a moment, listening to the sound of her spoon clinking against the inside of the mug. "Yeah... and I think it's a good idea, I mean, not that I'm not thankful for you being here because I am, but you can't stay here forever."
He nodded. "And it's not like I can't visit. You can come by my place whenever you want. Just call if you need anything."
Becca looked down at the bagel she hadn't even come close to touching. "Justin?" she said.
"Yeah?"
"I think I need to get away from here."
He sipped at his orange juice, looking at her. "You mean, like a vacation?"
"No, I mean, away from this house. Everything here reminds me of him and I never stop feeling like I'm going to cry."
"Don't sell this place, Becca. There are too many memories here."
"Tell me about it..."
"I know it makes you sad now to think about him, but later it won't hurt as much and you'll want those memories back. You'll want to look at that big recliner in the living room and think about how he used to sit there every day after work. You'll want to drink out of that cracked mug of his and think of how he refused to drink out of any other mug..."
Becca looked down at her hot chocolate... at JC's ugly coffee mug and a small smile crept to her lips. "You're right, Justin. I don't want to sell the house, but I just need to be away from here for awhile."
"You can stay at my place," he offered, raising an eyebrow slightly with hope. "I have a spare room."
She thought about his proposal. Living with Justin, even if it were for only a little while, would be a big change... and hadn't she gone through enough of those lately? However, if she got away from the house, she might find it easier to deal with the change and when she came back, things would be different. "On one condition," she said, taking a sip of her hot chocolate.
"What's that?"
"Come with me to my doctors appointment on Monday morning."
"Deal." Justin set down his glass with a thud and orange juice splashed over the edges, spilled down the side of the glass and to the tabletop.
She frowned at him. "What is it with you and spilling things?"
He just smiled at her.
JC still hadn't told Justin about his plan. He wasn't sure he wanted to. He was afraid that if Justin knew, then he wouldn't go along with it. Also, he didn't want him to do it for the wrong reasons. No, Justin couldn't know the plan, or it would be ruined. This was his only chance. How hard could it be? Justin and Becca were already pretty close.
Because his senses were numbed, he didn't feel that jealous, but he knew that he should be, so one of his not so lifelike senses kicked in. It was an alternative to jealousy and hurt, but it wasn't half as strong.
"She's moving in?" he asked from the steps that led to the upstairs as Justin walked through the front door of his own house.
He nodded. "She's coming over in an hour. We're going to get groceries."
"Why are you acting so..." JC trailed off.
Justin glanced up at him after he shut the door. "So what?" He took off his shoes and pushed them aside.
"So... I don't know. Withdrawn? Distant?" he offered. He put his fingers against the carpet on the stairs and imagined what it would feel like.
Justin looked down at his feet and stuffed his hands in his pockets. "Why do you say that?"
JC frowned. "Because you won't even look at me. When you did, and saw me looking back at you, you looked away. Is something wrong?"
"No," Justin shook his head as he went to the steps and sat down below JC, looking up. "It's just that... I'm not helping you, JC. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. What will make me happy? A new car? New CDs?"
"No, I don't think those things will make you happy. I don't think that you're going to be happy by buying something. I think it's more about something you can't buy. Justin, before I died, what was it that was making you so sad. I always thought you were happy."
"I WAS happy," he clarified.
JC sighed. "Stop lying."
"I'm NOT lying!"
"You have to be lying! They told me you were unhappy. They DON'T lie, Justin."
Justin looked confused. "Who are THEY, and how do you know that they don't lie?"
"I'm not sure you'd understand. They're..." He stopped, thinking for a second. "They're the part of the afterlife that control what you do after you die. I don't know what you would call them, but let's just say that they know EVERYTHING about EVERYONE. There's this book..." He trailed off.
Justin tried to touch JC's foot, watching as his fingers went right through. He remained silent.
"Maybe you didn't know," JC suggested.
Justin looked up. "What?"
"Maybe you were in denial. Maybe you still are. Do you know what happiness is like?" He took a chance, "Have you ever been in love?"
Justin looked back down. He still didn't say anything. He just stared at his shadow that cascaded down the steps and thought about his life. Had he ever been in love? No. Had he ever come close to being in love? He didn't think so.
JC sighed. Justin didn't know that his silence gave him away. "You don't know what it's like, do you?"
Sadly, Justin shook his head.
Now, it was JC's turn to fall silent. He just didn't know what to say after that. He found himself thinking about how it was a good thing that he died instead of Justin. At least he got to love.
Justin looked up at him. "I know that look on your face," he said. "What are you thinking?"
JC looked away. He wasn't going to tell him his plan, but now it seemed difficult to get around it. Justin was wanting to know what he was thinking and he didn't want to risk it by telling him. "Nothing really," he sighed.
Justin matched his sigh. "Looks like we both have a slight lying problem," he frowned. "Although yours is deliberate."
"I'm only lying because I have to. Trust me, Justin, you can't know what I'm thinking."
After a pause, Justin opened his mouth to speak. "You've got a plan, don't you."
"Let's drop this. You do your thing and I'll do mine."
"Oh, gee... that would work just fine..." he stood up and glared at JC. "If I only KNEW what my thing WAS!"
"You don't have to do anything, Justin. Just be yourself."
"I don't get it. What are you going to do?"
JC stood up. "I have to go. I'll talk to you later, all right?" Before Justin could get one word in, JC was gone.
Justin heard two soft taps on the front door and he spun around, wondering who was there. He opened it a crack and through the tiny slit, he saw Becca's hair.
"Justin?" she asked, looking back into a blue eye. "That you?" She pried her fingers into the crack and pushed the door open. "Are you okay?"
"Fine," he said, though he looked frazzled. "I'm just surprised that you're here so early. That's all."
"Are you sure? You look..." she touched his cheek with two fingers. "You look kind of pale."
"I'm fine, really."
"So, are you ready to go? You said you have no food and I think I'm going to starve to death!"
He gave her a small smile and slipped his shoes back on. "Well stop somewhere to eat."
Twenty minutes later, in the middle of the city and sitting in a fast food restaurant, Becca dipped her curly fry in a puddle of ketchup. "You know," she said, looking carefully at her fry. "This is the first time I've been out anywhere since the funeral."
Justin nodded as he chewed thoughtfully. "It's been awhile," he agreed. "But then again, it really hasn't. A week, Becca... a week."
"A long week."
"Very long," he agreed once again. "One of the longest of our lives, no doubt."
Becca stuck the curly fry into her mouth and chewed. "I never thought I could be hungry again," she told him as she slowly turned her cup around with her fingers, looking at the pictures and logs that graced its surface. "I felt so empty and when I thought of food, I felt guilty... like I wasn't allowed to feel full. But you know what I realized?"
"What?" he sucked on his straw as he looked up at her.
"That there are two different kinds of empty. One hurts more than the other... but if I neglected one, it made the other worse." She waved a fry at him. "Eating is important."
Justin threw a fry at her, hitting her in the arm. "Especially in your condition," he added.
As she looked carefully at Justin's concerned expression, she realized that he wasn't going to let her neglect her health. "You're right," she agreed, dipping another fry into the ketchup. "But why am I eating this junk? We should be at a deli or something."
He moved to stand up. "You wanna leave? We can leave."
"Sit back down, Justin. A few fries won't hurt. Trust me."
He eased back into his seat. "You sure?"
"Positive."
"Okay, good." He picked up his roast beef sandwich and looked at it passionately. "Cause I REALLY want this sandwich," he said before taking a huge bite. "Mmm..."
She laughed as she watched him eat and then looked down at her own tray. Remaining was a fry or two and one, small piece of a grilled chicken sandwich. "I'm full," she said. "Well, for now anyway."
He gave a small chuckle. "What does that mean?"
"Just that I'm full," she said again. "But in a while, I'm going to want..." she thought for a moment or two. "Apple pie with a huge scoop of vanilla ice cream. Yum..."
"You've got good taste. I could go for some pie."
"You could always go for some pie. You wouldn't ever turn down a good pie eating opportunity."
JC opened his eyes. He was back in the white room. "Damn," he muttered.
Mike looked up at him. "Is that where you want to go?"
"God, no!"
Mike's eyes narrowed. "What's the obsession with taking our Lord's name in vain? If you keep up this sort of language, you'll be damned for sure!"
"You told me that I could go to heaven!"
"That's not one of your options anymore. You gave that up when you chose to go back to Earth."
JC felt his face getting hot in anger, and he sank down into the white chair opposite from Mike in an attempt to calm down. He wanted to tell him about how this was SO unfair, but he refrained from doing so. "Why am I here?" he asked.
"One week check up," Mike stated plainly. "It's a customary procedure to see what your plans are from this point on."
JC frowned. "I thought you said I was on my own."
"Hey, I'm just here to make sure you're following the rules."
"You don't have to worry. I'm following them, trust me." He got a look at the page that was open in the book on Mike's lap. He saw his picture surrounded by small words and wondered what they said. Mike tilted the book toward himself, giving JC a small glare.
"This is confidential information!" he said as if he were appalled at JC's behavior. "Anyway, tell me what you're planning on doing to make Justin happy."
"Nothing," he answered.
Mike looked like he was going to choke. "Nothing?" he echoed back. "I thought you wanted to go back!"
"I do! I just think that if I step back a little, he can find happiness on his own."
Mike almost had a scowl on his face. "The man's depressed. He needs HELP! How do you think he'll be able to find happiness on his own?"
"Well, not completely on his own. My wife will help him."
"But you have no contact with her. How will that-"
"She likes him."
For a moment, Mike was silent as he stared skeptically at JC. "What are you saying?"
"I'm SAYING that he's going to fall in love with her. He'll be happy and when I come back, none of it will have ever happened."
"You can't do that!"
"And why not? All you said was that I had to make him happy. If I do that, then I'll be able to come back."
"But, JC, that's just the point. You're NOT doing it. You're letting it happen on it's own. Trust me when I tell you this... there's no way they could fall in love on their own. If that were possible, then you would have been assigned a different task. Think of it this way: if you chose to go straight to heaven, by what you're telling me , they could just fall in love and that would be the end of it. Why would we give you such an easy task?"
JC raised his eyebrows in hope. "Because you're nice?"
Mike laughed, but quickly, his expression turned somber. "We're practical. This is a system and we DON'T bend the rules for anyone."
JC gave an exasperated sigh. "NOW what do I do?"
"Well..." Mike looked like he was thinking really hard. "Your plan could work, but you've got to be INVOLVED. We don't just GIVE away lives around here. You've got to do your part."
"For being connected to heaven, you're kind of... oh, I don't know... HARSH."
"Stop complaining. You made your decision and that's the end of it."
He could have went off about how his choices weren't even fair, but he didn't want to get into an argument, so he stayed quiet. The way Mike made it sound was so final... and he knew that he probably wasn't going to slip past the large set of rules that had probably been set up for... well, forever. He looked up at Mike. "Can I please go now?"
Mike nodded. "Unless you have any questions."
"No questions here."
Around four o'clock, Saturday afternoon, Justin and Becca opened the front door to Justin's house and piled in with bags full of groceries. Justin was balancing three bags in his arms and pushing another with his feet while Becca trailed behind him with two more. She set them down on the table top and sighed. "That's way too much grocery shopping for one day," she complained as she flopped into a chair.
After he had set down his own bags, Justin opened the refrigerator door and peered inside. A disgusted look came to his face. "I think I should have cleaned out the fridge before we got new stuff." He picked up a baggy with something green in it.
"What's that?" Becca wanted to know.
He shrugged. "I think it's... cheese."
"Gross..." she said as he dropped it into the garbage. "I don't even want to know what else you got in there."
Justin glanced at a moldy orange. "No," he said. "You don't."
Chapter 9
Almost A Memory Now
JC {Fiction}
Justin {Fiction}
My Fiction
I'll Never Stop {Fiction}
Email me