That night after the concert, Chris stood in front of JC's bunk. He felt bad for yelling at him earlier and wanted to apologize.
"Don't be sleeping... don't be sleeping," he muttered quietly.
Suddenly, his curtain opened. "I'm not asleep. What do you want?"
Chris sat next to him on the edge of the mattress and sighed. "I just wanted to say that I'm sorry about yelling at you earlier. I know that you were trying to help..." He looked over at JC and gave a small smile. "Besides, Justin says that I was overreacting..."
"Don't worry about it. I can understand how this is getting to you." He stopped and looked back at Chris. "You're talking with Justin now? I mean, you're not arguing anymore?"
"We talked..." Chris nodded. "I really do think that things are getting better."
"That's good," JC commented.
"But it's still not over..."
A few days later, Everything was going fine... considering the situation. The guys had just arrived in Boston, Massachusetts and were eagerly awaiting their one day off. Without Gracie in their lives, things were slowly getting back to normal between Justin and Chris. But it would be a lie to say that Gracie was completely gone.
She was in Justin's mind every time he looked at Chris... and every night in that moment before he fell asleep... when everything was quiet except for the soft sound of his own breathing.
Unlike Justin, who forgot about Gracie from time to time, she never left Chris' mind. Hotel sheets and a blue sleeping bag didn't comfort him while he slept anymore when just the thought of holding Gracie in his arms made him lonely. What he wouldn't give to have both Justin AND Gracie in his life without any conflicts. Was life ever easy?
It was five AM when JC crept out of his bunk and up to the front of the bus, clutching a backpack and a plane ticket in his hands. He had the one that took him back to Boston in his wallet and he checked to make sure it was there.
"James," he said quietly to the bus driver. "Can you do me a favor and drive me to the airport before you drop the guys off at the hotel?"
"JC," he said, glancing back in the younger man's direction. "Where're you headed?"
"Look... I just need to visit a friend for today. I'll be back before dark."
Without anymore questions, James answered, "All right. Sit tight. We'll be there in fifteen minutes."
JC retreated to the kitchen area and sat in a booth. He reached inside his backpack and pulled out a notebook and pen. He flipped the notebook open and grabbed the pen.
Chris,
Sorry I couldn't listen to you before, but I need to do this for the sake of the group. You've got to understand that I need to fix this. And you were wrong before. I DO care about you guys. This just isn't about the group. I'll be home before dark.
JC
JC shoved his hands into his pockets and took a deep breath. He leaned against the brick wall, looking out into the street. Leaves were scattered everywhere. A gust of wind came up and blew some past his feet. He stepped on them as they slowly drifted by, crunching them under his feet.
The way he saw it was that he had a decision to make. Somehow, he had to convince Gracie to stay away from all of them. Gracie was a nice girl and all, she was just causing too many problems between his best friends.
The question was how? He sank to the front steps and picked up a yellow leaf, picking it apart. Deep down, he knew that it would be wrong, but at that moment, the only thing that mattered was his groups happiness. He didn't understand how Gracie could be more important to Chris than Justin. It just didn't make sense.
"But I've never been in love..." he said softly, picking up another leaf. "How COULD I understand?"
Gracie sat at her kitchen table with her art History book in front of herself and papers sprawled all over the table. She had just taken a bite of her cinnamon raison bagel when she heard the buzz of the intercom. She got up from the table too quickly, knocking things to the floor.
"Hold on... hold on," she muttered as she made her way to the small, gray intercom on the wall. She pressed a button. "Who's there?"
"It's JC," a muffled voice came through the speaker. "Can we talk?"
"Shouldn't you be in Boston?"
"We have the day off."
"We? Who's there with you?"
"No one... it's just me. Will you let me up?"
"Sure," Gracie pressed the button to let him inside the building.
JC tapped on Gracie's door and it opened. She smiled at him. JC could see what his friends saw in this girl. She was kind, smart and not to mention beautiful. Although she seemed REALLY young to be with Chris...
"Hi, Gracie," he said. "Things are bad..."
"Bad?" Gracie wondered, letting him into her apartment. "Is everyone okay?"
"I've got some bad news," he said, ignoring her question. "Chris and Justin were talking last night and they could only come up with one solution to save their friendship. Chris decided to let you go." He paused. "I'm sorry."
Gracie froze. "What? I... I... don't get it." She sat down on the other side of the couch. and stared ahead. "But why are YOU here? Wouldn't Chris tell me himself?"
He hesitated. "He was afraid... so he sent me."
Gracie tried to hold back her tears. Chris was her life. Going on without him seemed impossible.
"I'm sorry, Gracie. They didn't know what else to do. It was eating them away inside. He was scared that you wouldn't understand."
She wiped her eyes. "I DON'T understand. I want to talk to him."
"No!" JC objected quickly. "He doesn't want to talk about it. He's putting it behind him."
Gracie finally let the tears run down her cheeks and JC opened his arms to her. The second her head hit his chest, a wave of guilt flooded over him. Had he really done the right thing?
Justin looked out his hotel room window. Everything was so colorful. To his knowledge, he had never been in Massachusetts in the fall. Down on the golf course, leaves were swirling around in the wind... and right in plain view was an abandoned golf cart. Carefully, he opened the patio door and looked both ways for someone who might be the owner.
No one was in sight.
When was the last time he'd done something crazy and spontaneous? He couldn't remember.
A small smile came to his face as he walked out towards the golf cart. When he sat in the drivers' seat and put his hands on the wheel, he wondered if driving a golf cart would be any different from driving in a car.
"Probably not," he figured out loud, stepping on the gas.
He heard a clicking sound as the cart jerked forward and he flew down the paved trail. The steering was slightly off and he found it difficult to keep it going straight.
Silently, he drove all over the course, only seeing two groups of golfers. He thought about everything. Chris was trying so hard to make things right... but so was he. He remembered his own words a few days ago. "One of us is going to have to give in," and he thought about it some more.
On his second lap through the course, he noticed Chris sitting on a chair on the patio outside his room. Justin slowed down, coming to a complete stop. "Hop in," he called.
Chris got up and walked toward Justin's cart. "Where'd you get this thing?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.
Justin shrugged. "Found it."
"You FOUND it..." Chris chuckled. "Don't you mean you STOLE it?"
"BORROWED it," he corrected. "I'm gonna leave it right where I found it when I'm done."
"Oh. So, were are we going?" Chris wondered when Justin stepped on the gas.
"Around."
It was silent for a while and Justin drove the cart until he came to two more paths. He stopped. "Which way?" he asked Chris.
Chris thought about it. One path led back onto the course while the other went off to somewhere unknown. "It's up to you," he told Justin.
"Do you want to drive?"
"Do you really trust me with this thing? You don't even trust me with steering a grocery cart..."
"Yes, I do," Justin assured him. "Come on... drive."
"Okay," Chris relented and they switched places... but he didn't step on the gas.
"What are you waiting for?" Justin asked. "Go."
"Which way?"
Justin chewed on a fingernail as he thought. "I don't care."
"You don't? Well, if we go that way," he pointed, "then who knows where we might end up. What if someone comes looking for their golf cart while we're gone?"
"But we've already been the other way," Justin countered. "Why not take the chance? Besides, we need the time. I want to talk to you about something."
"Lets go back on the course. We'll find another road to take."
Justin nodded and they were off.
JC sat down in his seat and watched the little seat belt light go on. It made a dinging sound and he sighed. He felt awful.
'You feel like that because you know it was wrong.'
He clutched the arms of his seat and stared at the seat in front of him. Since when did his conscious have such a clear voice?
'Why don't you call Chris and get it over with. You know that if he calls Gracie before you talk to him, your whole plan will be ruined.'
'Your plan is wrong. No one will ever be happy once everything's over with. Gracie will be heartbroken, Chris will be heartbroken, and Justin will be frustrated because Chris will incomplete. Do you really want to be the cause of all that?'
"No," JC whispered under his breath.
'But think of what will happen if your plan doesn't work? Justin and Chris will keep fighting until Nsync in nonexistent and everyone will still be miserable. Which way is better?'
"Chris?"
"Yeah?"
"Will you promise to tell me everything from now on?" Justin looked over at Chris' face. "I'm REALLY trying here..."
"I know you are... and I promise. I want to fix this too, Justin." Suddenly, he let out a nervous laugh. "Almost as much as JC does."
Justin matched his laugh. "Poor, JC..."
"Poor, JC? He didn't tell you? You didn't get a note or anything?"
"A note? What are you talking about?" Justin said cautiously. "By the way... where IS JC?"
"Remember when I told you he wanted to go talk to Gracie? Well, that's where he is and I don't know what he's saying to her." Chris stopped the cart and looked at Justin. He didn't write you a note?"
"No. Didn't you tell him that you didn't want him to talk to her?"
"Yeah! He didn't listen to me!"
"Hmm..." Justin pondered. "That doesn't seem like something JC would do if you asked him not to do it."
"I didn't ASK him... I TOLD him," Chris clarified. "And don't let JC pull the wool over your eyes. You know how he is. When he first catches the slightest hint of a problem, he jumps on it... doing everything and anything in his power to get things back to how they were before."
"True..." Justin agreed. "He's always been getting into everyone else's business... especially now. What do you think he's saying to her?"
Chris didn't answer right away. What WAS JC saying to her? "I don't know," he admitted. "And that's what scares me..."
"I'm sorry to change the subject, but can we stop talking about JC? I need to tell you something."
"Sure. Go ahead," Chris replied, starting up the cart again while Justin talked.
"Remember when I said that in order for this to be over, one of us had to give in?"
Chris nodded.
"Well, I've been thinking a lot lately and I realize how incredibly selfish I've been. I-"
"Justin," Chris interrupted. "You had every right to feel that way. Don't blame this on yourself."
"Okay," he agreed. "I won't... but I still feel bad and there's no way I'm going to let this come between us anymore. I'm done arguing, I'm done being selfish, bitter, arrogant and jealous. I knew that she wasn't right for me, yet I still held onto her in my heart... but not anymore. It's done."
"Justin, you don't have to do this..."
"Yes, I do. You love her, Chris. This is the only way."
"Jus-" but he was interrupted by the shrill of his cell phone. "Hold on one second... Hello?"
"Chris," it was JC. "I've got some bad news..."
"Bad news? JC, where are you?"
"I'm on my way back to Boston... on the plane. Chris..." There was a pause and Chris felt his heart skip a few beats. "Gracie said she's done."
"Done with what, JC? What are you talking about?" When JC didn't say anything, he shouted, "What the hell did you SAY to her!?"
"I only told her everything that happened... and she broke down. She said she couldn't take it anymore. She doesn't want you to lose Justin's friendship. I'm sorry, man... it's over."
Justin watched as the cart slowed down and came to a stop. "What? What's wrong?" he asked.
Tears came to Chris' eyes, but he quickly wiped them away.
"Chris! What's wrong? Tell me!" Justin begged.
Chris hung up on JC, not even saying good-bye. He slipped the phone back into his pocket and stepped on the gas. Justin noticed that his knuckles were white from holding the wheel too tightly.
"Chris? Stop." T
hey slowed down again, but Chris didn't look at Justin. He just kept staring straight ahead.
"Hello? Hello?" JC said into his phone. He held it away from his ear, looking at it. Had Chris actually hung up on him? He blinked. A feeling of guilt and helplessness came over his body and he waited for his conscience to attack him.
'You've always taken pride in the fact that you're an honest, respectful man... what are you now?'
'Not that.'
'You should tell the truth. It's the only way to go.'
'It's too late. If I told the truth now, then they'd all hate me.'
"It's too late," he muttered under his breath, sinking down into his seat and closing his eyes. There was no going back. He had done it and now it was time to take responsibility for his actions.
But what if he didn't have to?
When the golf cart stopped at the bottom of a small hill, Chris put on the brake. "Do you wanna drive?" he choked out.
Justin watched as Chris got up, walked around the cart and stood next to him. He looked up, seeing Chris' red eyes and pulled his friend back down to the seat.
"Are you okay?"
For a while, he didn't say anything. He just put his hands on each side of himself on the seat. "Drive."
Justin stepped on the gas. "What did JC say to you?"
"I don't want to talk about it."
They drove back in silence.
It'll go away," JC mumbled to himself as he sifted through his backpack, looking for something in particular. "It'll disappear..."
"What will disappear?"
A door slammed shut and JC froze. He looked up from his backpack and at the man standing in front of the hotel room door with his hands on his hips. "Um..."
"Where were you today?"
"Today?" He quickly zipped up his bag and pulled it to his chest. "Well... I was just visiting someone," he spat out quickly.
Lance sat down on the bed across from JC's and stared at him. "I don't mean to grill you like this, JC, but I just want to know what's going on. Everyone's been so..." he paused to think. "Secretive about... well, about everything, and I feel that I deserve to know what's going on."
JC, blown away by Lance's honesty and by how up front he was, clutched his bag tighter and sighed. Did he even have the right to tell Lance what was going on? This wasn't his fight.
'You made it your fight the second you lied to Gracie... and Lance is right. He deserves to know what's going on with the group.'
Chris didn't cry... not that he remembered if he had anyway. Everytime he breathed he felt like it though. In other words... he felt like crying all the time. His stomach felt like it was tied in a million knots and he was always nautious. The awful feeling wouldn't go away. He was starting to think that it never would.
Identities: Me And You
Identities
Chris {Fiction}
Justin {Fiction}
My Fiction
I'll Never Stop {Fiction}
Email me: irishgirl982@yahoo.com