His huge, black, Crown Victoria rental car helped Justin make his way to the address on the tattered piece of yellow paper that rested on the passenger seat.
He slammed on the brakes and laid on the horn when a red Mustang tried to cut him off. “Watch where you’re going!” he yelled out the window as he lowered his sunglasses to catch a good glimpse of the asshole’s face. “I don’t even own this thing!”
The man hardly glanced Justin’s way before shrugging and speeding off.
“Asshole!” Justin yelled, but he had already rolled up his windows, turned the air conditioning on. He sped off as he squinted through his sun glasses, trying to see the road through the glare of the low sunset.”
He stepped harder on the gas. Driving around in Minnesota, in the dark, probably wasn’t such a great idea, considering he didn’t know where the hell he was, or where he was going.
Praying that he’d beat the darkness, he sped around the streets of St. Paul until he came across the name that appeared on the yellow sheet of paper.
He’d opened it up, and refolded it so many times, that there were tiny holes, and the letters and numbers were worn down.
God, he was nervous. Maybe he’d unconsciously gotten himself lost on purpose because emotionally, he really wasn’t ready to find JC. He moved his foot to the brake, and slowed down. The numbers on the houses were getting smaller. He was going in the right direction.
His heart sped even faster, his mouth went dry, and his stomach turned over. He felt sick. He pulled the car over and placed his forehead on the top of the steering wheel. Who did he think he was? What in the hell was he doing here?
“You’re a fool,” he told himself as he looked up, just in time to see the sun go under the horizon. “You’re a damn fool for coming here, for trying to resolve things.” Maybe things weren’t supposed to be resolved. Maybe he and JC just weren’t meant to be friends…
Across the street, he saw two big trucks. He looked at the painted signs on their sides… Henry’s Cleaners and Midwest Pipe. Through the tiny slit between the two trucks, he saw a number on the cozy, light blue house.
Three Fifty Two.
His hand went to his face, grabbed his glasses and threw them to the passenger seat. He had to make sure. Yes, there it was. This was it. This was JC’s house. It had to be. He grabbed the yellow sheet of paper just to make sure. It was.
Damn Smiths… they just didn’t know when to give up. The phone conversation with them had almost turned into a screaming match, but instead, JC held his temper.
They wanted visitation rights with Angel. They wanted to see their granddaughter… she was all they had left of Carrie. Sure, JC understood, but understanding wasn’t the problem. The problem was that if they kept contact with Carrie’s parents, then he could never get away from his past.
He was helping Angel tie her shoes. “So, Angel, what would you like to do today? I can take you to the zoo, to the mall, to buy you a new outfit for school…”
“Both!” she exclaimed
“JC,” his mother said in a warning voice from the kitchen doorway. Wasn’t the POINT of this trip so WE could spend a little time with Angel and YOU could take a break?”
“I realize that, Mom,” he replied, moving to Angel’s other shoe and not even bothering to look up at her. “But we just need to get away for a little bit. We’ll be back for supper, I promise.”
“Okay, okay,” she gave in. “I can understand why this is a lot of stress on you, but she’s all mine tomorrow. Understand?”
He looked up to see a smile on his mother’s face, and he smiled back at her. “I promise you can have her tomorrow.”
That evening, JC pulled out his calling card and cradled his parents’ cordless phone in the other hand. He set the card on his stomach, reaching for the piece of scrap paper at his side. Scribbled in black ink, in the center of the page was Laura’s number. He wanted to call her and see what she thought of the whole visitation thing.
After punching in every single number, he sat up straight and listened to the rings.
“Hello?”
“Laura? Is that you? This is Josh… you know, you came and looked at my house because of the pipe damage, and,”
“Josh, I know,” he heard her say. “Everything’s okay, right? Are you back in town?”
“Well, no and no,” he answered. “We’re still in Florida.”
“Florida? When you said out of town, I was thinking maybe Duluth, Brainerd, St. Cloud… but you’re all the way in Florida?”
“Yeah… my parents live here. When my mom heard about the house, she insisted that Angel and I come and stay with them while it’s being fixed, so here we are.”
“So, what’s wrong?”
JC sighed. He leaned back into the couch. “My parents were getting calls from Angel’s other grandparents. They want to see her.”
“What’s wrong with that? Of course they want to see their granddaughter.”
“You don’t understand,” he said, his voice falling almost to a whisper. “It’s not just a matter of letting them see her. Laura, Angel doesn’t know these people. She doesn’t even know that they exist.”
“How come she doesn’t know they exist?”
“Well, we moved to Minnesota almost right after she was born. I don’t think she was more than a month old.”
“Josh, don’t take this question the wrong way, but why would you move to Minnesota when your family lives in Florida?”
“Because…” Why HAD he moved to Minnesota? At the time, it had been a dot on a map. Minneapolis-St. Paul… no one would find him there. They wouldn’t even think about him living so far away. “I don’t know… I wanted to get away, to start over, and St. Paul just seemed like a good place. I… I needed to be on my own for once in my life.”
“What were you running from, Josh?”
This conversation was supposed to be about Angel visiting Carrie’s parents, not about HIS insecurities. “I wasn’t RUNNING,” he said in a defensive tone. “What would I have to run from?”
“I’m sorry, but a man doesn’t take his newborn across the country for absolutely no reason.” She paused. “Why, Josh?”
JC frowned. Earlier, back in St. Paul, hadn’t Laura told him she would be there to listen to him? This wasn’t listening: it was interrogation! “Why do I have to have a reason? We just came to Minnesota to find a new life. That’s all there was to it.”
She wasn’t buying it; he could tell by her silence. He pulled his legs up on the couch, and thought about what to say next. She beat him to the chase.
“I just don’t see what’s so wrong about letting Angel see her grandparents… Unless they’re bad people.”
“They’re not bad people,” JC admitted.
“Then why are you so against it?”
At first, he didn’t answer. “Aren’t I allowed to be selfish?”
“Are you afraid that they’ll want to take her away from you?”
JC bit his lip. Of course he was. Sometimes, when he lie awake in bed, he thought about the circumstances in which Angel came into his life, and he felt like he didn’t deserve her. Everything, after all, was his fault.
“They can’t take her, you know. You’re her father… and you’re a good one too. I can tell that you love that little girl more than your own life.”
“Okay,” he started slowly. “I’ll admit it. I’m afraid. When Angel’s mother died, I couldn’t face them. At the hospital, they just glared at me like I had killed their daughter, and the sad thing was… that I did.”
Chapter 13
Not A Day Goes By
JC {Fiction}
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I'll Never Stop {Fiction}
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