|
But I Love You? 2 march, Friday, 2001 9.44 am I can't do this anymore. I'm sick and tired of washing dishes, chopping sodding vegetables for food that I will never be able to taste due to the high garlic content. Getting my jollies from bashing pieces of days old dead animals. Carving bloody carrot dragons. Waste of time, they just get eaten anyway. I used to like walking to work every Thursday, Friday and Saturday afternoon. Won't be able to do it for much longer, so I'm trying to enjoy it while it lasts. The sun will be shining full force in about a month when its time for me to leave for the kitchen, that is if I'm not too affected by the "Summer Hibernation" that can disable vampires. Now I have this fear that my rapist will stop me along the way, on a deserted patch of road and offer to drive me the rest of the way. What would he do if I said no? More importantly, what will he do if I just get in the car with no argument? I feel like I've been shoved back to Sunnydale, I don't want to venture out of the front door without Xander by my side. The small freedom I regained when we moved and I started work has shrunk as my fears have mounted again. I can smell Diehl’s scent over everything I touch. Logically I know its not there but I can't seem to wrap my mind around it. Last night when I was taking a shower, I squealed when Xander hopped in with me. All I could smell was Diehl, beer and sweat. I pretended that my head hurt when Xander asked me what was wrong. Stood in the warm water and let my Claimant press kisses to my 'hurting' scalp. Had a fucking doozy of a nightmare last Friday night. Not one of the usuals, where Arseholes Inc. take turns to stomp on me or rape me but the whole event in the crypt, the whole nasty re-digitalised version. I'm a Master Vampire and I shouldn't be nervous around humans, I shouldn't have the constant fear that I will one day unconsciously attempt to defend myself against a human and get a headache in return. I've raped, maimed, tortured and murdered my way across continents and islands. I still am technically one quarter of the Scourge of Europe. It's a name that still strikes fear into any demon. I should be sitting in a bar somewhere with my Dark Princess, opposite Angelus and Darla, whisky and beer whetting our appetites. Scoping out our next meals. The fact that one of us is chipped, one souled, one dead and the last quarter of the Scourge is insane shouldn't be taken into account but it won't be long before even that smidgeon of respect is taken as demons lose their fear of me. What I'm about to do is going to make that decision for any demon really easy. I'm William the Bloody and I'm about to let my rapist into my home. I'm going to let him do whatever he wants to me. I'm too scared of Xander's moods to tell him about Diehl, every time I came close, I would freeze. In ten minutes, Diehl will be knocking at my door and I'm frightened by what is about to happen but realising that I'm more scared of Xander's moods makes me wonder if Xander is worth it? I love him and I'm doing this for him. If it was just me, I would up sticks and fucking run but I don't want Xander to go through what I did. Is he worth the beatings, the snarled putdowns? Should I have stayed after the rape and it was rape back in the kitchen, I'm not going to lie to myself anymore. Should I still take Lukas' advice and leave after I manage to deal with the ex-soldier? If I leave before Xander officially claims me, I will be free. My heart will be breaking but in time it will heal...I think it will. I don't want to risk falling out of love with him if he continues to beat me, even if he does become my official Claimant. I don't want to make these decisions...I don't want to think about anything anymore. Diehl? He's at the door and he's early. I suppose I should take a deep breath and just get it over with. It's Diehl that's making me think like this. Once he's gone, these stupid thoughts will be no more. 2 march, Friday, 2001 2.17 pm Wiping his brow, Xander welcomed the small droplets of sweat that were forming across his forehead. It meant the warmer weather was definitely on its way. In the past few months, no matter how hard he worked, he had been unable to work up a decent sweat with out shivering from the intense cold a few seconds later. Still, he was thankful that the current project was all indoors at the moment. With such a staff shortage, the work crew he was in had to do nearly all of the indoor carpentry and fixture installation as well as bricking the shell of the latest projects. The brunette liked the carpentry and the time spent indoors but he was looking forward to getting back outdoors and using his work time to just do the basic shell constructions. Deep in concentration while measuring a length of Formica for a tabletop, he at first took no notice of the piping of his beeper. Only a few seconds later, he jerked upright as the tiny black box went into vibrator mode. Trying not to giggle as it vibrated against his ticklish left hip, Xander stared down at the number flashing on the lit screen. 137 His lucky number and the vampires. Unfortunately, it also meant that Spike was either in the process of having a 'flash' or had just experienced one. It meant that he had to get home as fast as possible. Heart rate accelerating beyond the realms of normal, he ignored the startled faces of his workmates as he pushed his way past them, towards Mac. He had already informed his boss about the beeper, putting the vampires 'episodes' down to after affects of the car accident. Both Mac and Josesse had sympathised with him, telling him that they hoped the young man's partner would never need to call. "Mac, Spike just beeped me. I have to go, I'm sorry." "It's alright, just go. You can make the hours up later if it's not too serious. Call me..tell me if everything is ok?" Hand run through his hair, Xander tried to shove down the rising anxiety. With a distracted nod to his boss' question, he gave a halfhearted wave to Josesse while making his way to the car. A twist of the key, he threw the transmission into drive, not even bothering to let the car warm up like usual. Providing the roads were ok, it would only take him 20 minutes to get back home. Hoping that the vampire was alright, Xander pressed his foot hard against the accelerator paying scant attention to the mild swerving of the old commodore. 23 minutes later, Car steering wheel wrenched into the locking position, Xander threw open his door while struggling with a seatbelt that was refusing to retract. "Fuck! Bloody thing, just get off me!" "Thank you." Muttering the snarky comment, the agitated brunette took a few deep breathes before inserting the key into the lock. Things must be bad for the vampire, the door was usually flung open before Xander even had the chance to pull out his keys. The door pushed open slowly, Xander let his eyes adjust to the darkness of the cabin. "Spike?" Stepping into the cabin, the youth panned his vision over the main room, his gaze settling on a figure curled into a ball on the middle of the mattresses. "Spike, I'm home now and everything is going to be ok." A small whine greeted Xander's ears at the comment. A few strides took him to the vampire's side, the brunette sinking to his knees while scooping the shaking figure into his arms. With firm but gentle fingers, he raised the bleached blond's chin, noting the pale features were scrunched tight, tears rolling down the sharp planes of his cheeks. "It's alright Spike, just relax. I'm here now...just relax." Minutes passed as Xander rocked the shivering, whimpering male in his warm clasp, the vampire clinging to him. Humming a nonsensical tune, the brunette wondered just what had happened this time. What part of the vampire's game face had been affected, which part would be coming through next? He dared not run his fingers through the soft hair, afraid of causing more pain to the vampire. The minutes slowly ticked by as Spike's shaking finally started to calm down, his grip loosening a little. "Ssshhhh, sssshhhh. Are you feeling a little better now?" A small nod. "Do you want me to call Giles?" Slightly larger headshake. Shifting slightly, Xander leaned back against the cabin wall, Spike moving to sit between the brunette's spread thighs. Pulled back against the warm chest, the vampire allowed his head to drop back, nestling into Xander's neck. Eyes closed, the bleached blond drank in the comforting scent of his Claimant, letting the familiar sound of the youth's breathing calm him further. What on earth had he been thinking of earlier? He was obviously so much safer when Xander was around despite the brunette's vile temper. "You want a coffee?" Small nod. With a kiss dropped onto the soft expanse of almost white hair, Xander gently manoeuvred the vampire to one side. Stretching his protesting limbs, the brunette smiled down at the smaller male as Spike started 'talking'. "T.h.r.e.e..b.u.g.a.r.s?" "Bugars?" A snort of frustration and a hiccup later, Spike was watching Xander getting out a packet of the caribou blood. Wiping his eyes, the vampire sniffled a small smile as he was made both a mug of blood and a coffee with extra milk and three sugars. He felt his heart swell with love at the gesture. True, it wasn't much but it was just one of the little extra's that had made him fall in love with Xander. His Claimant would take care of him. "Are you sure you feel ok?" "M.y..h.e.a.d..s.t.i.l.l..h.u.r.t.d..a..b.i.t" "Yeah, but its better than before isn't it?" At Spikes nod, Xander breathed a sigh of relief. He really hadn't known what to expect when he had come through the front door. The vampire could have been unconscious or still in the throes of the 'flash', Xander had obviously just come in on the tail end of one. The brunette thought the vampire was lucky he had been conscious enough to call the beeper. Kettle boiled, he poured the water into two mugs, milk added to both a moment later. "Here you go Mr. Naptha...I really don't know *how* you can drink so much sugar?" Scowling slightly at the name, Spike signed that he really didn't know how Xander ate so much chocolate. The brunette grinned at the comment, seating himself on the mattress, leaning back against the wall once again. Spike smiled a little as he snuggled back into Xander's larger frame, sipping from the blood and coffee alternately. The salty caribou blended nicely with the extra sugar in the coffee. They sat quietly together, drinking their coffees. "Hey, where’s the cat?" With that question, Spike felt his stomach drop. He burst into fresh tears. ***WARNING..MINOR CHARACTER DEATH AND TORTURE*** 2 march, Friday, 20014.35 pm "Well, that's done." With a shudder, Spike nodded as Xander stalked past him on the way to the bathroom. The sound of running water reaching his ears, the vampire gave one last sniffle and a snort as he gingerly touched his bruised cheek. It didn't feel too bad, just a little tender, like his upper arm did. His ribs were another story though. The two on his left side were more than likely broken and it was all his own fault. After bursting into tears when questioned where Twatcat was, Xander had demanded to know what the problem was. So, in-between crying and signing, the bleached blond had told his Claimant about the other soldiers piss claim and this time, he didn't leave out Diehl’s cum claim. Xander had already known about the piss claim but he had steadily worked himself into a major hissy fit when told about the cum claim, being told about the vampire’s arrest hadn't helped at all either. Spike had told the brunette about his time in jail, his newly established rap sheet and mug shots, informed Xander about Diehl threatening him while in jail. The vampire had watched the youths eyes turn pitch black while describing his deal with Samuel from the Farmers Rest Inn, he had also tried to deflect the vicious kicks that had accompanied the screams that had told the blond that he could no longer be trusted to be left to his own devices. Spike telling Xander about his up and coming meeting with a lawyer had done nothing to calm down the irate youth, instead causing the brunette to continue screaming at him. All the while Spike had pleaded with Xander to stop hurting him, signing as fast as he could. Telling the youth that he had only let Diehl into the house earlier that day because of his threats against Xander. What had really set the younger man off had been when Spike had described what the ex-soldier had done to their pet cat. The vampire had been forced to watch Diehl torturing the tiny black creature. Diehl had stood outside in the cool sunlight while Spike had watched from an open doorway, standing just out of the deadly shafts of light, waiting like he had been instructed. The ex-soldier had picked up the friendly cat after she had followed him outside, petting her a few times while she had purred in pleasure. Without warning, he had snapped the right foreleg while laughing as both the vampire and barely grown cat had squealed, one in fright and the other in agony. Twatcat had been tortured to death, the soldier taking great pleasure in telling the vampire that Xander could expect the same if Spike even hinted at refusing Diehl. Spike had been unable to stop himself from crying, nodding to each word the other man had said. Once the poor animal had died, Spike had watched as Diehl had flung the battered and limp body as far as he could, the vampire shuddering when he heard the soft thump of her body hitting the ground. Eyes lowered as Xander approached from the bathroom, Spike signed a quick thank you to the youth for collecting the body and burying it. "Just be thankful I don't fucking well bury you. You know full well this is your fault. What have I told you?" "T.r.u.t.h?" "That’s right, just tell me the truth and you won't get into trouble but obviously you're too fucking stupid to remember that. Tell me why I bother with you at all?" "B.e.c.a.u.a.s.e. .I. .b.e.l.o.n.g. .t.o. .y.o.u" "Really? Because I'm thinking I made a great big whopping mistake...cut the tears out, no-one's interested...least of all me!" "WHAT DID I JUST FUCKING SAY?" Cringing into the corner as the infuriated brunette stomped closer, the blond closed his eyes and waited for the punches and kicking to resume. ~He's right! No-one else to blame but myself for this. Gotta stop the tears...oooff ~ Unable to stop the squeal of pain as his head bounced off the wall of the cabin, Spike wiped hastily at his eyes, hoping the small gesture would persuade the youth to start calming down. A kick to the small of his back and the vampire found himself trying to deflect solid blows away from his kidneys. He may not need to use the organs anymore but it still hurt like hell when hit there. "You. .punch. .do. .kick. .not. .go. .slap. .punch. .anywhere. .kick. .without. .me. .punch." Grunting and nodding as fast as he could, Spike was relieved to hear the phone ringing, Xander leaving him curled upon the floor while striding towards it. "If I come back and find you still crying, so help me god, what I have just given you will be considered comfortable to what I will give you." Phone snatched up in a trembling hand, Xander dimly noted that his knuckles were bleeding. A few breathes to calm himself, he answered the phone. "Hello, Xander here." "Oh hey Helen, how are you?" "What, oh shit! Sorry, I should have phoned earlier. Spike's not well..he won't be coming in tonight or tomorrow night either." "Yeah, I know...who would have thought vampires could get sick. Umm, I think that summer hibernation thingy is coming onto him early, he hasn't really been too well for the last week or so." "Hmmm, what...oh, ok. Look, I think it may be for the best if he just finishes for the spring and summer until next winter...is that ok with you?" "Great, I'll drop him around Tuesday night to collect the rest of his wages and he can explain it to you guys then...fantastic, that's great to know Helen, thanks so much. Spike and I really appreciate it." "Alright then, I'll see you Tuesday....bye!" Phone hung up, Xander turned around slowly, his gaze resting upon a still sniffling blond. He took in the dishevelled sight before him, noting the dark bruises marring the pale features. "As you would have heard, that was Helen wondering where you were. You're not going to work anymore. I don't trust you. YOU blew that." "I.m. .s.o.r.r.y. .X.a.n.d.e.r. p.l.e.a.s.e. .d.o.n.t. .t.a.k.e. .w.o.r.k. .a.w.a.y. .f.r.o.m. .m.e." "You took it away from yourself, with your lies and deceptions. Not me, but you! We'll go to the restaurant on Tuesday and you can say goodbye to everybody then while picking up your pay." "P.l.e.a.s.e. .Xa.n.d.e.r?" Flinching away from the brunette as he came to sit beside him, Spike whimpered as he was pulled into a strong grasp, his sensitive sinuses assaulted by the scent of anger, disappointment and the lingering scent of Twatcat’s blood. A whimper and he was dragged on top of the youth's warm lap, cradled like a child with a large hand stroking through his soft hair. "If you prove to me that I can trust you again, then you can go back to work next Winter. Helen has already promised me that she will keep the job for you..BUT only if I can trust you and so far, it looks like I won't be able to." ~Thank you..thank you Pet! Helen, you're a bloody legend and I promise that I will NEVER let you down again, Xannny...NEVER!~ Faced with the loss of his job, Spike suddenly realised that although he did bitch and whine about it, the work got him out of the house and into contact with people that had become his friends. Something to be appreciated and valued, no matter how much he hated the menial tasks that had to be done. With a hard nod, Spike ignored his aching ribs as he was blessed with a soft kiss to his mouth, Xander just slipping his warm tongue between the cooler lips. "I really wish you wouldn't make me hurt you, let this be a lesson for you. Always tell me the truth..ok?" "Y.e.s" "Good. I don't want you to go ANYWHERE with out me and I mean it too Spike, I'm not joking here. If I have to chain you to the bathtub, I will. I'll fucking well break both ankles if you even try it." "O.k" ~God Pet, please don't do it. I promise I'll do as you say, won't be stupid and wander like before..down to the park. Thick as ten planks I was that night. ~ "I don't want you opening the door or talking to anyone that you don't know. I'll get your blood from now on, I don't want you to wander around by yourself until I can trust you again and I sure as hell don't want that arsehole to find you alone." "O.k" "I'm going to put new locks on the doors and windows, only I will have the keys. I don't want anyone to be able to break in and hurt you, least of all Diehl. You said he was coming back next Friday?" Nod. "He's not going to find you here. Looks like I'm going to have to find another place for us to stay until I can deal with this. I wonder if Lukas can put us up for a few days?" Shrug. The two men sat in silence, the vampire relishing his Claimant's heartbeat and the comfort it offered. Xander continued to stroke his fingers through the bleached hair. "She was a nice cat. Never had one before but I liked her, it's stupid but I'm going to miss her. Poor little thing." "L.i.k.e.d. .h.e.r. .a.s. .w.e.l.l" "Yeah, I know. It wasn't your fault that fucking Diehl is mental, I'm sorry I said that it’s your fault Twat died." "O.k" ~ It is actually. Everything is my fault, you're right pet. ~ "Let’s tape up those ribs." 3 March, Saturday, 2001 10:43pm Seating himself next to the heavier Fijian, Xander gratefully took the offered beer, anything to make a dent in the heat that always seemed to envelope the small sitting room. A small sip and he turned his attention fully towards the situation at hand. "So, you and Spike need help?" "Yeah, a problem we both thought had been left in Sunnydale has unexpectedly popped up again." "Sooo...what do you want from me?" Another sip and Xander tried to explain about Diehl and his attitude towards the blond vampire without embarrassing the smaller demon too much. He could feel himself getting angry, each word stirring the barely blanketed emotion. The youth knew he was still in a bad mood from the day before and if he had the choice, he would have waited until he was fully calmed down before approaching the Kava demon. Unfortunately, he couldn't afford that luxury, not when it was his property that was in danger of being damaged. "Umm, I'm not actually Spike's official Claimant. Someone else is, someone who has just decided to make an appearance and stir up some trouble...which he has done quite well so far." "What has it got to do with me? If you have assumed the responsibility of being Spike’s Claimant in place of the other Claimant, then it's your job to deal with it. If you challenged him to a fight and killed him, then Spike is officially yours." "Yeah. That’s the thing, the other Claimant is also a human and I really don't want to murder anyone no matter what the reason is." Sinking back into the couch, Lukas now knew just why the vampire and his Claimant had come to Alaska. Unsavoury claims were pretty common but two humans fighting over a vampire...now that was something he had never heard of before. Eyeing the youth, he wondered why Spike had chosen someone who beat him over the other one. He wondered just how bad the other Claimant could be if Spike preferred to stay in an abusive relationship. "So Spike doesn't want to go back with the other Claimant then?" "No fucking way is he going anywhere with Diehl, Spike is mine. Look Lukas, I don't know Diehl personally but I've seen what he is capable of. He and his friends are the reason Spike came to be living in my basement back in Sunnydale. If Diehl was given free access to Spike, Spike would be dead before a week was over." "That bad huh? Spike never told me how he got to be living in your basement and I admit that I'm curious but it's none of my business if Spike doesn't want me to know. Your situation with Spike is unique but to hear of him submitting to a human before you is really odd, I've never heard of a vampire submitting to a human before...never! Two humans is just plain weird." "He didn't have a choice in the matter, anyway, Diehl has no idea that he is Spikes official Claimant and even if he did, he wouldn't know what it meant...at least I hope he hasn't gotten clued in. Lukas, what it comes down to, is that Diehl is here in Alaska and hassling Spike, making threats to kill me and I need to find a way to get rid of him." Xander ran a hand down the beer bottle, wiping the small beads of moisture from the smooth surface. Label teased until a corner lifted, the brunette absently played with the fraying edge while watching the Fijian think about the current situation. "You can't just move again...not that I want you both to move, your my friends but would that make a difference?" "Diehl is friends with Buffy's boyfriend. Willow, my best friend, is sharing a dorm room with Buffy... there is no way we could move and keep the address a secret. We may be able to do it for a few weeks but Buffy will find out, tell Riley who will then tell Diehl so no, besides, Spike and I already ruled that out. Why should we move? We've both got jobs and friends here, there is no way that I'm going to let him push us around." "When's Diehl coming back again?" "Next Friday....Lukas, he tortured Twatcat right in front of Spike. That bastard broke just about every bone in her little body. You should have seen Spike, he was a mess. I know he's a vampire and supposed to get off on seeing other creatures tortured and maimed but with the chip and his 'emotions', he can't deal with things like that anymore." Finishing the last of his beer, Lukas wiped at his moist mouth. To put it simply, the best solution was to kill Diehl. It was simple and straightforward, get rid of the threat permanently. Xander however wasn't looking to take it that far even with the knowledge that his life was being threatened. Back in Fiji, it was done without mucking around. See the threat and remove it before it became a real problem. Admittedly Spike had to accept some blame in the situation for not telling his Claimant about the man while in Fairbanks. Lukas however could see how difficult the decision not to tell Xander would have been for the vampire. The Fijian had already been a witness to the remnants of the brunette's temper and it hadn't been a pretty sight. Lukas felt a swell of pity for the bleached blond, it seemed that no matter what the smaller demon did, it was wrong. This was just another thing to come and bite him on the arse. "Can I ask a huge favour?" "Yeah...what?" "Can Spike and I, or even just Spike, stay here on Thursday and Friday night?" "Look Xander, you're both more than welcome to stay for as long as you like. You can stay in the guest bedroom, its squishy but comfortable." "Thanks so much Lukas, I really appreciate it. I don't want that arsehole to find Spike alone...is he able to stay here during the day?" "No problem...I like him, he's easy to talk to. That's the great thing about him, he never tells me to shut up!" Laughter floated around the overheated room, easing some of the tension. Telling Xander to bring vampire over each morning on the way to work, the Kava demon promised that he would try and think of a solution to the problem. "Where is he now...I know that you wouldn't leave him home alone...tell me you didn't?" "Shit no! I dropped him off at Blizzard, you know, the internet cafe? He wanted to download some furniture designs for his woodwork course, so I left him in the care of Nancee and Liam. I figured that he should be pretty safe for an hour or two, I mean, it's in the heart of the Mall and Spike did say that Diehl won't be back until next Friday. I really don't think that even if he did come back today, that he would be looking in an internet cafe for a vampire." "Mmmm. I hope not. You take this Claimant thing pretty seriously don't you?" "Yeah Lukas, I do. Spike is mine and I don't want him to get hurt and I sure as hell don't want Diehl to come into the knowledge of what a Claim on a vampire is." Dark head nodded, Lukas had to admit that from the sound of the current situation, the brunette was the lesser of two evils for the moment. With a cough, the demon managed to hide his smile as a thought struck him. Spike would be in his care for the next week and nothing was going to stop the Fijian from talking the vampire into leaving his un-official Claimant once the threat was taken care of. The only thing Lukas had to worry about was getting Spike away before Xander was able to do the Claim properly. It was something he could work on. Xander shown out the front door, he watched and waved as the brunette drove off towards Pennington's Mall. This time, the Kava demon was going to take it slowly and not just shock the bleached blond all at once. Lukas had to admit that he really didn't like Xander and if it wasn't for Spike, the dark man wouldn't even talk to the brunette. He had nothing against humans and inter-species relationships but he hated people who took their anger and frustrations out on others, particularly when one was incapable of defending themselves. 4 March, Sunday, 2001 7.39 pm "Yeah, thanks again Lukas, we both appreciate it. Don't we Spike?" said Xander, watching Spike nod his head in agreement as they both walked back through the Post Office's front door. Turning to hold the door open for Spike, he gave the Kava demon one last grin before walking towards the car. Without saying a word to the vampire, he slid himself into the drivers seat and waited for Spike to get himself belted in before starting the engine. "I'm sorry that I'm a little late in picking you up, had to finish installing the new locks on the front door and windows at home." explained Xander, clicking the indicator to turn right onto the deserted main road. "No. You don't get keys so you can stop holding your hand out for them. I told you, only *I* get them. Not you, not Diehl and not anyone else." ~Fucking prick! Like I'm gonna give keys to that sodding arsehole. What the fuck happens if there's a bloody fire and I'm stuck inside? What does he expect me to do, burn to down to ash just to satisfy his bloody dominence issues?~ With a soft tap on Xander's upper thigh, Spike indicated that he wanted to ask his soon to be Claimant that very question, albeit without the swearing and snarky tone. As Xander slowed the car down and turned to look at him, Spike signed the question. "Y.e.s..b.u.t..f.i.r.e.?" "Fire? Well, don't do anything stupid and there won't be one will there?" "W.h.a.t..i.f..D.i.e.h.l..t.r.i.e.s..t.o..s.m.o.k.e..m.e..o.u.t?" signed Spike, starting to pant as he ran through just what could happen if the event ever occured. And from the behaviour that Diehl had so far displayed, it was a very real possibility. His body just beggining to tremble as his mind threw the memory of his first meeting with Diehl to the forefront, Spike unconciously cringed away from Xander as the car came to a halt on the side of the road. Fearing that he had just managed to upset Xander in some way, he couldn't help but jerk away as Xander reached his hand up to gently run a finger down one side of his face. "Don't do that Spike, you know I hate it and besides, I'm not going to hurt you. Yeah, I'm still fucking angry at you but I'm not going to hit you. Already done that and I'm sorry, you know? Good." Head nodding warily at Xander's repeat apology for the beating on Friday in which two of his ribs got broken, Spike forced himself to lean into the other man's touch, all the while hoping that Xander's current good mood would last for a while. Even after Xander had picked him up from the internet cafe, Blizzard, last night, Spike had still been able to smell the lingering anger from the hissy fit. It hadn't been very strong but nethertheless, it had still been there and Spike had made sure that he had done everything Xander had asked of him to the best of his ability, even going so far as to be the one to iniate Xander's favourite sexual position. As much as he hated it, Spike had plastered a huge smile on his face and had done all that he could to ensure that Xander had cum quickly while Spike had pretended that he had enjoyed sitting on Xander's thick cock with the boy was laying underneath him on the bed. Just by giving that little extra the night before, Spike had been almost overwhelmed with joy as he had scented Xander's anger finally dissapating with the hot hungry kisses Spike had been rewarded with after such a performance. Content to try and forget how his ribs had ached with all the effort he had put into it, Spike had been unable to resist smiling as he had snuggled into Xander arms as they had both let sleep catch up with them. As Xander continued to speak, Spike nodded again and let his cool hand lay on Xander's much warmer thigh and pressed his face willingly into the warm fingers brushing across his now unbruised cheek. "Spike...I'm doing this for you. It's mainly to keep that piece of shit from hurting you but its coming up to Summer, I mean, from what both the G-Man and Lukas say, you're going to be real sleepy through most of it and what if someone decides to take up knocking off houses?" "Y.e.s.?" "Jesus Spike, what the hell is wrong with you at times? You sleepy and unable to defend yourself and an intruder that's hell-bent on getting the video player and tv and not being identified? Can you just imagine what's going to happen if you both suddenly meet one day in the living room? I don't want anything to happen to you." stated Xander, continuing to run his fingers across Spike's smooth white cheek before giving the vampire's hair an affectionate ruffle, much to Spike's displeasure. Smiling at Spike's scowl, Xander continued on with his explanation. "I want you to be safe Spike. I can't take the whole Summer off to make sure of that so this is the best that I can up with right now. I mean, I *can* take you work each day in the trunk of the car but I'm gonna be pretty shitty when someone goes to look in the trunk for something and you suddenly disappear into ash. I really mean it Spike." ~Sure. No-one else gets to hurt me but you. Yeah, I totally get it. Can't wait until you start bloody well slapping me around as bit of foreplay. Oh, hang on, he's already done that!~ "O.k." ~Not like I've got a fucking choice anyway have I?~ Giving Xander a crooked grin, Spike nodded his head at the words all the while feeling like his already short leash had another link removed so that it was even more restrictive. To have to spend the whole Summer locked into a two bedroom cabin wasn't a pleasant thought, no matter how much Spike acknowledged that the reasons for the extra security were good. It was true that if someone happened to break in while he was in his Summer semi-hibernation sleep, it was highly likely that he wouldn't even notice that there was another person in the cabin and he sure as hell didn't want to even think about how bad Xander's temper would be if that eventually happened. Barely able to supress his shudder at such thoughts, Spike started rubbing his hand along Xander's well muscled thigh in soft slow strokes. Spike's quiet panting and shaking subsided as Xander started to respond to his ministrations. "Mmmmm, feels nice. Keep going." murmured Xander as most of his blood supply immediately re-directed itself to his groin. With Spike's scowl now becoming a definate trademark smirk, Xander leaned over and gave a pale earlobe a gentle nibble, trailing his tongue down to just under Spike's chin, and was rewarded with a low grunt of pleasure. In a swift descion, Xander took Spike's hand and placed it firmly on his belt buckle, bucking his hips upwards a few times to give the blond a hint before turing the car ignition over. Once on the road again, Xander struggled to keep his attention on the drive home while Spike encouraged his cock into standing at full attention. "Wha...what are you dooooooiiiinnnnngggg...ahhhh...good...*real* good!" exclaimed Xander, almost cross eyed as a cool tongue carefully swept up the small beads of pre-cum that ran down his rigid shaft. Ok, this was new. Sure, Spike had often jerked him off in the car while driving home from some shopping expedition but never had he just unbuckled the seatbelt, leaned over and prepared to swallow...But this was all of the good, Xander decided. All of the '*very* nice and for God's sake please keep going' good. ~Mmmm. Not as bad tonight, usually tastes worse than this. Maybe it's them new Sugarpuff things...all that soddin' sugars got to go somewhere and if this is where it ends up, bloody well fine by me. If the kid tastes it like this, then maybe he might try a blow one day?~ Tongue sweeping around the underside of the hard cock, Spike was prompted to take Xander's cock all the way down his thoat by a heavy hand gripping tightly around his hair and pressing his face down into the heated groin of the moaning boy. His throat readily accepting the wide shaft, Spike managed to wiggle a few fingers in-between Xander's balls and his zipper, just enough room to start rubbing his fingers through the wirey hair much to Xander's apparant pleasure. As the fingers wound through his hair got tighter, he grimaced slightly from the pain as he continued to do his best while trying to avoid getting his head trapped between Xander's thighs and the steering wheel. At his strangled snicker at such a thought, the vibrations of the action around the solid cock down his throat brought Xander to completion. Swallowing most of the oddly pleasant cum, Spike gave a soft sigh as Xander released the harsh grip on his hair and allowed him to move his head from the boy's lap and to be able to sit up properly in his seat. A few tugs of the stubborn zipper and Spike had Xander all neatly packed away back into his boxers and jeans just as the car pulled into their cabin's carport. Once the car was at a full halt, Spike leaned over towards Xander, fully intent on sharing the last of the cum in a deep kiss in the hopes that it would encourage Xander into thinking about giving head once in a while instead of leaving it all up to Spike. As firm a grip as the chip allowed around the back of Xander's neck, Spike closed his eyes as the grinning boy also graviated towards him. Just as he opened his mouth as their lips touched, Spike got one of the biggest shocks of his life as Xander moved away only after a brief second of contact. PUNCH "Whores don't kiss." His hand clapped over hurting lips, Spike couldn't help the tears that welled up in his eyes as he sat and stared at the smiling youth next to him. Tears rapidly overflowing even as Spike valiently tried to blink them back, he took his shaking hand away from his mouth and gave a loud whine at the sight of blood decorating his pale palm. As he whined for Xander to explain, the still smiling boy just shook his head and tutted at him. "If I have to tell you, then I guess the chip must have shorted out pretty much everything huh?" happily stated Xander, giving Spike a quick pat on the leg as he unbuckled his seatbelt. "Come on Spike, you know what you are? Shit, your Mom was one. Guess it just runs in the genes." Shaking his head for all he was worth, Spike tried to tell Xander that he was wrong and that he wasn't a whore, whilst Xander sat and nodded to his signed words. With a squeal of pain as Xander suddenly ground a solid fist into his still healing ribs, he found himself moulded to the car door as he tried to escape being hurt even more. A quick fumble with the car door handle and Spike was soon out of the car and wondering what to do as Xander followed his actions, although a lot slower. With the smile still on his face, Xander got out of the car and turned to face the vampire, knowing that his good mood was about to disappear into the begginnings of a major hissy fit. His eyes going from the deep chocolate brown that they normally were to almost pitch black due to his rising anger, Xander quietly asked Spike to come towards him. "Spike, come here please." ~No...you're gonna hurt me again~ As he listened to Xander's request, Spike couldn't help but sob at the undercurrent of menace in the voice. He was going to get it and it was going to be big time. It might not be just now but it was going to become, might even be in a few more days but he was still going to cop a beating sometime in the near future, and for what? Nothing more than a simple kiss. Something that they had shared on numerous occassions, so what the hell had he done wrong this time? As he contemplated running down the road in an effort to make the up and coming beating more worthwhile, Spike started to cry in earnest as Xander walked around the car and came to a halt a few yards from him. "Spike, come inside. I'm not going to ask nicely again" said Xander, smiling at the distressed vampire even as he felt his former good mood give away to a newly rising anger. What he had told Spike was true, he was still angry because of the mess they were now both entangled in, but what he was really upset about was the fact that Spike had cheated on him with another person. Another *human* person. In an odd way and what could only be the product of having lived life on the Hellmouth, Xander could forgive Spike more easily if the other party had been a demon but in Xander's mind, another human was beyond betrayal and that made Spike nothing more than a whore. His smile disappearing into a scowl, Xander snarled a demand at Spike. "Stop the crying. Don't make me come over and remind you how to do it." "S.t.o.p.p.i.n.g. S.o.r.r.y.?" ~I'm sorry..so sorry. Please don't hurt me..too much Pet?~ "Sure, whatever. Just get inside, I've got a surprise for you." Whining at the smell of anger drifting slowly towards him, Spike almost retched as he hastily wiped a hand over his damp face in an effort to stop the flowing tears. His stomach dropping at the thought of what Xander could possibly call a 'surprise' in his current mood, Spike wondered again if he should just take advantage of the situation and run for his life down the road. ~He's going to fucking kill me. Should've just let him slap me around a bit, probably wouldn't be so bloody angry like he is now..Jesus..I am so fucking done for it's not funny~ His chest heaving rapidly due to the renewed panting, Spike barely noticed that he was trembling again as he took a tentative step forward. With a shaky hand, he reached out and took Xander's outstretched one as he got closer to the boy. Hand encompassed by one so much bigger than his own, he had to force himself to stay beside Xander as they both walked up the cabin's steps and onto the porch. While Xander was fiddling to find the front door key, Spike turned himself to one side so that Xander wouldn't notice his continuing tears. Flinching when Xander momentarily let go of his hand and grasped him tightly in a strong embrace, Spike hesitantly wrapped his arms around Xander's waist as he wondered just what was going to happen next. "You going to stop crying? Good, I'm glad. How about you try a little harder? There, that's better isn't it..hmmm? Sure it is." said Xander softly, one hand wiping gently at the tears that continued to flow while he kept a strong grip around Spike's waist with the other. Spike's nodding to his words only served to flame his anger into a higher peak, something that the vampire almost immediately noticed and cringed from. Reminding Spike that he didn't like that sort of thing, Xander flashed the bleached blond a tight grin as he felt the arms around his waist tighten. His chin resting ontop of the soft hair for a brief moment, Xander gave Spike a quick peck on the cheek before ghosting his lips along the pale skin and pressing them against Spike's much cooler ones, his hand stroking the fine blond hair that had grown enough to start curling at the ends even with all the hair gel. Just as he felt Spike begin to open his mouth in order to allow the kiss to deepen, Xander wrenched his head away from Spike and smiled the same tight smile as he had only moments before. "What did I just say? Come on, surely even you can't be that stupid? God Spike, I just *said* that hookers don't kiss, didn't I?" Tutting again as Spike vigourously shook his head, Xander grapsed the sharp chin of the vampire firmly and jerked Spike's head up and down in a viscous 'yes' action even as Spike continued to try and disagree with his words. Feeling his anger come to a plateau, he kept forcing Spike to nod, his smile turing into a sneer as the smaller man started to wiggle out his firm grasp. "Yes. Go on Spike, you try it. Just say yes..see? It's real easy to do. Yes, yes, yes and do you know why you are? No? Gee, that's not really a suprise since it's coming from a complete retard now is it? Nah, don't answer that one, we both know that answer anyway. Come on, don't get so upset, you'll make yourself sick and then I'll be worried again." ~Am not a whore. Never taken money from no-one for sex. Never been a fucking *prostitute*..hooker or what the fuck ever! Just plain bloody stupid, why the hell do I stay here and let him make me feel like complete and utter shit between his toes?~ His chest heaving almost painfully as his panting took a turn for the worst, Spike couldn't believe what he was hearing. There was no way that he was a whore and no matter what Xander did to him, he wasn't going to agree. As the quietly spoken words continued to take potshots at his already broken heart, Spike found himself struggling to get out of the iron grasp that Xander had once again encircled him in now that he had let go of his chin. ~Let me go..let me go..LET ME GO!~ Having freed himself enough to be able to start 'talking' again, Spike found that his bottom lip was trembling in his effort not to give in to the desire to just sit on the floor and howl in tears. A slight movement from Xander and Spike leapt back a pace, the demon telling Xander that he wasn't a whore in shaky hand signs. ~Why do you always have to do this? Christ Xan, just pick one or the other, please? Either just kick the shit out of me all the time or be nice...but not both..you're driving me fucking insane..I think I'm goin' mental?~ His thoughts laid out in the open for Xander to finally see, Spike knew that if he had been a human, he would have pissed himself in fright already. Just one small advantage of being dead, he mused to himself as he watched Xander's face closely. Unoticeably, Spike managed to move himself out of what he guessed was arm's length for the taller man all the while hoping that he hadn't made a huge mistake and was about to receive the first option. With a deep sigh, Xander reached a hand slowly towards Spike, taking a step closer as he idly noted that the demon was out of arm's reach. Ignoring the harsh panting and the all too obvious shaking for the moment, Xander gently grapsed Spike's upper arms, eliciting a yelp and grimace as he steadily increased the pressure of his grip on the black clad arms. His anger still at its peak, Xander continued to speak in the quiet menacing voice that Spike had come to dread hearing. "Because..*you*..make me do this. If you would just... *You* make me hurt you. No-one else but you. I'm not my fucking father and just hit you because you happen to be blocking the view of the tv or got the wrong beer out of the fridge and anyway, it's not like I hit you all the time. Fuck, just get inside. Still got that surprise to give you." The right key finally found and the cabin door opened, Spike was guided through first by a gentle push between his shoulder blades. Stepping into the cabin, he absently gave the main room a quick look for Twatcat before he choked down a sharp hiccup, the tears trekking slowly down his face as he realised that he would be feeling the tiny kitten's loss for a while. While Xander closed the door behind them and locked it, Spike stood in the middle of the large living room and waited in dread for his surprise from Xander. Barking out a startled yelp when Xander unexpectedly started to knead at his trembling shoulders, Spike wondered if the 'surprise' was really that, just a simple massage. ~Oh God. What the fuck is he playing at now? He's not going to..no..anything but that?~ Thought Spike, standing rigid as Xander's hands tried to work out some of the tension that was the only thing from keeping Spike from tumbling onto the floor. The bitter acrid smell of anger still emanating from the man standing behind him, Spike knew without a doubt that Xander had something else planned for him that night. With a plea to the higher beings, Spike hoped with all his might that what was planned was not going to be a repeat of his rape in the kitchen. "There. That feels a bit better doesn't it? Come on, stop crying. Please? That's it...good. Does this feel alright? Oh, good...I'm glad," whispered Xander, his cock twitching as he ran his hands over the slim shoulders in a soothing pattern. Something that probably wasn't going to work since he knew that Spike could still smell how angry he was. He just couldn't help himself, no matter how much he tried not to lose his temper, it just exploded and he nearly always found himself lashing out at the only person available. Spike. Xander didn't like beating at the now timid demon but he couldn't deny that he had experienced numerous wet dreams that had featured him beating and then fucking Spike as hard as he possibly could. And he couldn't deny that he had found these dreams the most erotic that he had ever experienced. With that thought in mind, Xander left off his attempt of a massage when it became apparant that Spike wasn't going to start relaxing in the too near future. A hand wrapped around the back of Spike's neck and Xander steered them both towards the spare bedroom door. The door opened, Xander stood back and let Spike take in what he had done with the second bedroom. "Surprise! Act like a whore and I'll treat you like one," snapped Xander before turning around and leaving a hysterical Spike curled up on the floor just outside the bedroom door. 5 March, Monday, 2001 2.38 pm Xander I think I've broken him. I honestly didn't mean for it to get to this point. I..I just had to teach him a lesson. Make him learn that there is no way in Hell that I'm going to be putting up with the shit that he still pulls. And I'm sure as Hell not going to just stand around and let him fuck who and what he wants, whenever he wants. He's mine and I'm not sharing. I didn't think that my lesson was going to have this type of effect on him. Yeah, sure..I *knew* that it was going to make him real upset and get him into one of those 'heavy breathing' episodes that he only does when majorly stressed, but I have so gone too far this time. The lesson wasn't much and I was even going to bring him back to bed with me in a few nights. It was just a real simple one as well. Just shifted everything of his into the spare bedroom so that it was clear where he was going to be sleeping from now on. You know, the whore gets his own bedroom because no one wants to sleep with a whore on a permanent basis sort of deal. I had to do it. If I don't get it through his head that he can't go around 'shagging' who he wants, then one day, he's going to pick the wrong person to mess with. Shit, he might even get himself into more trouble than he already is. I wasn't being cruel...ok, I was, but it's not like I'm not going to make it up to him later. I have to do this, have to give him 'lessons' because asking him not to do things just doesn't work, and I really wanted this one to stick in his mind. I only did it because I know how much he hates to be alone. Especially when he goes to sleep. I don't think I can ever remember him not clinging to my hand at some time during the night since the first time he did it, about a week or so after the attack in the crypt. Figured that this would really drive the point home. He hates going to bed alone and he gets all pouty and sulky when we don't climb into bed together, even when I'm only a minute or two behind him. I swear to God, I was only going to make him sleep alone for a few nights, maybe three at a push. Christ, I hope he's not in any pain because if he is, I can't tell. I can't believe how much blood there is, there is no way he's drunk enough to be able to produce all this. No fucking way. So, he took one look at the room and did exactly what I thought he would. Spike just fell to the floor and started in on a major tear session and that's where I left him. Everytime he whined at me, I told him to shut up. Had to drag him out of the main bedroom once, he had gotten undressed while I was in the shower and had climbed into bed. Ready with legs spread, lying on his back. Could see him trying to relax enough to put a smile on his face but there was no way he was going to stop gripping at the blankets. I know how much he hates taking it 'like a woman' as he calls it and I very nearly just called the whole thing off. Don't get me wrong, I was still angry at what he had deliberately done but for him to actually offer himself to me like that... But the lesson had to stick with him so Spike got screamed at and dragged back into what was now his room. Told him that the main bedroom was now mine and if he wanted to enter, he had to ask me and if I was already in there, he was to knock on the door before entering. That set him off really bad, I mean *really* bad. I still can't believe that the walls didn't shake with how loud he was crying. As much as I wanted to tell him that he wouldn't be by himself for long, I had to ignore his continual tears and shut the door in his face. Spike had to learn his lesson. I went to sleep to the sound of his crying and panting coming through from the bedroom next to me. Didn't really sleep too well, to tell the truth, I was so used to Spike being in the same bed as me. Each time I rolled over, I automatically searched for one of his hands so that he could could hold mine. Almost freaked a few times when I realised he wasn't beside me until I remembered where he was and why he was there. I guess I've never really taken in how much I like having him beside me. Wasn't going to tell him that in a hurry though. Wanted to make him suffer and squirm for a few days, could always catch up on my sleep once he was back in bed with me. Oh yeah, I made him suffer all right. I just hadn't realised how much until I walked into the spare bedroom early this morning, stroking myself hard at the thought of having a whimpering cool body underneath me. Didn't bother to knock on the door, he was a whore and whores didn't have privacy as far as I was concerned. Was more worried about relieving myself deep in his ass. Disgusting but true. Took one look at what was lying on the mattress in the middle of the floor and I swear, my jaw hit the ground, my hard on running for the hills only seconds later. Never in my whole life have I ever seen so much blood. It was *everywhere*. It looked like someone had come in and just thrown bucket after bucket of blood over him. He was covered from head to toe in it. I don't think I've ever screamed before but I sure as Hell did then. Long, loud and clear and that's what cleared the haze of shock and sent me virtually flying to his side. All I could think was that someone had broken into the house in the middle of the night and attacked Spike. Hurt him so very badly because no matter how many times I was asking him to open his eyes, Spike was totally out of it. Just laying on a wet soggy mattress and letting the tears flow. The first thing I did was check him all over to see if he had been hurt in any way, but I didn't find anything. Nothing. No cuts, stab wounds, gaping holes...nothing. I honestly couldn't figure out why there was so much blood over him, the sheets and the blankets. Fuck, it had even soaked into both the mattress and the pillow I had given him. It was only when I bent down to pick him up that I realised I was shaking. With Spike in my arms, literally dripping blood, the few steps to the bathroom was the longest walk I've ever made. The blood made him hard to get into the bath and I apologised every time I banged him around while trying to get him in. Can't tell you how many times I accidently banged his head into the bath taps, I winced with each knock myself. It was just so hard, it was like trying to deal with a life-size ragdoll. As I turned on the shower overhead and the bath, all I could think was that if he died - you know - died a second and final death, I would be really upset. Even more upset than I would have been if I had been with Anya or Cordelia and they had died. It sort of creeped me out, forcing me to concentrate on cleaning him up. I started with his face, wiping the thick blood tears away as gently as I could before angling him more into the water stream so that I could rinse the drying blood from his hair. And it was then that I sort of grabbed a clue as to that there was something so much more majorly wrong that what it looked like at first. Spike's skin was this horrible grey colour, not the usual stark white that I've come to crave. His lips were a light blue, his eyes had started to sink back into his head. I can tell you now, I was almost afraid to touch him. Thought that maybe he would crumble into dust if I wasn't too careful. He really did look like a corpse and he was about as responsive as one. Kept talking to him, asking him to open his eyes...talk to me...grunt at me...do anything to show me that he could hear me. All through my washing of him, Spike kept crying and I had to keep washing his face. He was crying so hard that I actually got a little routine happening. You know, rub rub of the body, rinse Spike's face, rub rub of the body, rinse Spike's face. Finally, he was all clean and I was still just having to wipe at his face. Kept asking Spike to stop crying but he either couldn't hear me or didn't want to. I've seen him cry before. Lots of times and usually, I'm the one to make him cry but I had never seen tears like this. Spike sometimes cries long enough for his tears to become tinged with blood and from what the G-man told me, that's unusual and not healthy. Half the reason I yell at him to stop his crying is that I don't want him to make himself sick, the other is that I really hate it and it pisses me off more than anything. This time, however, all I could feel was this tight ball of fear deep in the pit of my stomach and I started to wonder just how long Spike had been crying real blood for. It have gone on for hours, for as long as I've been asleep because when I had to take Spike back to the spare bedroom, his tears were definately pink tinged then. Just thought that he would eventually stop, like he always does in the end. I think that maybe he had a nightmare and rolled around a whole lot on the bed which would have spread the blood around. Fuck, maybe he had a 'flash' or even an epileptic fit sort of thing? I don't know but I do know I'm scared shitless that he's not going to be around for much longer. But he didn't stop crying and this time, its my fault he's sick. I'm the one whose caused this. Not anyone else but me. I've tried to teach him a lesson and it's gone so seriously wrong and I have no idea of how to fix it. I can't get him to stop crying. Thought that giving him some blood would make him feel better and he would stop but all that did was make the tears flow faster. The tears are like a tap that I can't shut off, constantly flowing down his cheeks in a thick red trail. I can't believe how fast they are, he has to have lost well over a half dozen pints. Actually, he *has* to have lost more than that. I've tried to call Giles but he's not at home and the shop is closed. Left a message on Buffy's answering machine telling her to get Giles to ring me, same message that's on Will's and Tara's machine in their dorm room. It's times like this that I wished we had all gotten cell phones. At least that way, I could get Wills and Tara out looking for Giles. God, I'm ringing almost every fifteen minutes. They're going to kill me but I don't care. Spike's sick and he needs help. Now. I'm sitting in a cold bath tub, Spike wrapped in a thick blanket, his head resting against my chest because I know that he likes to listen to my heart beat. So, I'm hoping that in some way it's helping him. Don't know how but I'm hoping. Jesus Giles, ring soon. If he doesn't ring soon then I'm going to have to swallow my pride and ring Deadboy. I so seriously don't want to but I will if I have to. I'm so sorry Spike, I never meant for this to happen. I promise that I'll make it up to you. I..I know that I promise you a lot of things and I make promises even when I don't mean it but this time, I swear, I really do mean it. I just had to do this. Had to be the grown-up. Had to be the man and take control. What if I've pushed him over an edge that I didn't even know he was standing on? Please Spike? 5 March, Monday, 2001 3.22 pm //Hello? Angel Investigations, we help the hopeless//, a male voice monotoned into the phone. "Umm, hi Angel. It's Xander," stated the somewhat nervous youth, hoping against all odds that Angel wouldn't just hang up on him. Sitting on a thick towel on the bathroom floor in an effort to make himself more comfortable, Xander kept close watch upon Spike for some sign of improvement. //Harris. Cordelia's not here at the moment, do you want me to get her to call you back?// "Ahhhh...umm..no. I don't want to talk to Cordy..ummm, I sort of need your help?" Xander tentively enquired. his stomach fluttering as he wondered just how to broach the subject with Angel. //You have a problem and you need my help? Let me guess, Giles and the other's can't help you and I'm your last resort?// "Yeah, you are. Anyway, its not me that's got the problem, well, ok it is in a way but it's Spike really. We need your help. Bad..really bad and no, Giles can't help with this because I can't find him so that means I need help from you." //Not interested. I want nothing to do with him and I *really* don't want to know anything about Spike unless his chip is out. Is it out?// came Angel's calm and emotionless reply. "Shit Angel, no its not and thanks for the whole 'care' factor. Like I sai..." snapped Xander, his nervousness giving way to annoyance as he was cut off by the other man. //What do you want Harris? I've got better things to do and if Spike has a problem, you sort it out. You're the one that took him to Alaska. It's your own fault if you can't handle him. If you're finding it hard, stake him and be done with it. Look, when you took Spike, I washed my hands of him. As far as I'm concerned, he's all yours.//, Angel shot back, his own voice now tinged with annoyance. "Spike's bleeding to death." blurted out Xander, his whole body tensing in anger at Angels attitude towards both himself and Spike, his tension reaching its peak at Angel's almost bellowed reply. //*What?*// Angel asked in a startled tone. "Since last night sometime. I only found him this morning. Angel, he's crying himself to death. Crying real blood and each time I try to feed him up again, he just cries faster. I..I don't know what to do." Xander said softly into the phone, reaching his free hand out to wipe away the tears from Spike's face with a damp washcloth. //Since last night? He's crying? Spike doesn't cry...ok, maybe he does since his accident but this sounds...odd. What happened?// Angel asked, his annoyance letting up a little as curiosity crept into his words. His body almost collapsing from the sudden release of tension, Xander gave a quick thanks to the heavens above that Angel was at least somewhat curious about what was wrong with Spike. With a deep breath and another quick face wipe for Spike, Xander started to tell Angel what had caused Spike's condition. "OK. He's been crying real blood since sometime late last night. I don't know how long because, you know, we don't...ummm...share a room or anything. We sort of had this huge fight and I got Spike upset enough so that he turned on the waterworks. He went to his room, I went to mine and that was it until this morning. Only found him after he didn't come out for his breakfast." said Xander, lying through his teeth. There was no way in Hell that he was actually going to tell Angel the real truth behind their relationship. "I knocked on his door and when he didn't answer, I went in to see if he was ok. I just thought that it was a bit weird that he would miss breakfast..he just never does that." //Very domestic for you both. Anyway, what happened then?// "He was covered in blood. Head to foot and he hasn't opened his eyes since I found him, hasn't moved either. He's just like a big ragdoll. I took him into the bathroom after I couldn't find anything wrong with him and washed him off. Spike's this weird grey colour all over. His eyes have sort of sunken back into his head and his lips are a funny blue colour." //A ragdoll? I'm sure Spike would like that. What's his skin feel like? Is he making any noises or moving at all?// The annoyance had now left the vampires tone. "No. No, not moving at all or making any sounds. His skin is really dry and sort of weird to touch and definately feels a lot cooler than usual. Jesus, how do I say this, I think he's, you know...shrivelling up?" stated Xander as he ran his free hand over Spikes drawn face. Looking down at the still form laying in the bath, Xander took in the changes that were ravaging Spike's body. In only a matter of hours, Spike had gone from a vampire in an almost perfect physical state to one that was in a seriously unhealthy condition. Since being found, Spike had lost all his muscle definition, his whole body growing so thin that Xander could just begin to see Spike's bone structure lying under the wrinkling paper like skin. The worst was how Spike's tortured body was starting to forcefully curl the vampire into a fetal position and still, Spike was continuing to cry at an alarming rate, something that Xander was finding both distasteful and frightening. As Xander relayed all this to Angel, he answered his lovers Sire's questions as truthfully as he could, without incriminating himself. Shifting the phone to his other hand, Xander reached out and started to gently run his fingers through Spike's damp dull hair only to quickly snatch his hand back in horror. With his hand held up to his face, Xander looked at what was sticking to it with a sick fascination. "Oh fuck..oh *fuck me*!" //What..what's wrong Xander, tell me?// "His hair! His fucking hair is coming out...I think I'm gonna b...." And with that, Xander moved as fast as he could towards the toilet, ignoring both the phone as it clattered onto the bathroom floor and the thin voice of Angel's questions. His stomach heaving, Xander gulped down deep breaths as he leant over the bowl. In a swift action, he tore off a length of toilet paper and furiously began wiping the strands of bleached hair that insisted on sticking to his palm and fingers. "It wont't come off...Why the hell isn't it coming off? Get off, just *get off*!" exclaimed Xander. All the while he was doing this, he could hear Angel's faint voice demanding that Xander pick up the phone and talk to him. Finally, after Xander could no longer see or feel any more of Spikes hair on his body, he rose from his knees and quickly washed his hands at the bathroom sink. Wet hands wiped on the small towel hanging next to the bath, Xander sat himself heavily upon the floor again and picked up the phone. //Xander...Harris? Haaaaarrrrisss? Xaaaaannn...// Angel sing-songed down the phone. "Deadboy...ANGEL! I'm here. Sorry about that but..Spike's hair..oh God..it's so gross!" grimaced Xander, unconsciously rubbing his palm against his thigh in an effort to get rid of the false sensation of Spike's hair clinging to his hand. "What? Sorry..so fucking sorry but I have this *thing* about hair, OK?" //I *really* didn't want to know that and I so very much don't want to know why you have such a *thing* about hair// "Don't worry Deadboy, I wouldn't tell you anyway and gee, sounds like someone has been hanging around Cordelia too much..Sorry..Jesus don't hang up...No, don't! Please?" pleaded Xander, his stomach lurching as Angel threatened to end the so far poor excuse for a conversation. As much as he disliked Angel, Xander forced himself to apologise, and with an eventual grunt of satisfaction from down the other end of the line, Xander listened as Angel ran through what Spike was currently experiencing. //So let me get this straight. You two have a fight last night, about what I really don't care, and you both go to your seperate rooms. You find Spike this morning and Spike is sort of dehydrating himself to death by crying continuously. Is that right?// "Yeah that's about right. Dea...Angel, he's dying..you know..Again. Angel, I like him. Since the crypt incident, we've become friends and I don't want to lose a friend. What's wrong with him and how do I fix it?" //Just friends huh? Are you sure about that? Alright..alright, just asking, no need to start yelling Harris. It's just..If its what I think it is and if I'm right...then it really isn't making any sense? Harris...Xander, have any other vampires or demons been hanging around either you or Spike?// came the firmly asked question. "Spike works for some Chinese demons and is pretty good friends with Lukas...Yeah thats right, the ones who own the restaurant and Lukas is the Kava demon..why?" Xander tentively answered. He really didn't like the path that Angel's questions were following and Xander was starting to have a bad feeling that he was going to have to tell Angel the exact nature of the relationship between Spike and himself, something he really didn't want to do. //Are you absolutely sure? You can't think of one other demon other than who you just mentioned that may be following Spike? Think Harris, this is *very* important// "None apart from the Veronkif's but we've never met them and anyway, Spike is the only vampire in Pennington. There's not much of demon community up here, its not like Sunnydale or even L.A. It's really small." //Veronkifs? No..they only stick to their own kind. They wouldn't touch Spike. What about vampires from another town?// With an exasperated sigh, Xander went on to tell Angel that the closest vampire lived in North Pole, a good forty five minutes away while both Fairbanks and Anchorage had a couple of small sized vampire gangs although they didn't cause many problems. "Seriously though Deadboy, we haven't crossed paths with any of them. All the demons up here sort of stay out each others way." //Uh-huh. This is making no sense at all. Ahhhhh..is Spike seeing anyone...Sleeping with anyone?// Angel hesitantly enquired. "No! I...I mean not that I know of and what does that have to do with how he is now? Look..are you going to help us or not?" demanded Xander, his fear for Spike's well-being giving way to another wave of annoyance due to the direction of Angel's questions. Picking up the wash cloth, Xander postioned the phone in the crook of his neck as he turned on the bath taps to rinse the blood from the once white cloth. //Harris, I'm trying to help you alright? Good. OK, does Spike have...um...any sort of feelings for you?// was the next obviously reluctant question. "What? No..I mean..we *are* friends but no...no way. I'm not gay Deadboy...and Spike..no fucking way!" Xander shot back, his heart starting to beat rapidly as Angel finally stepped into the very territory that Xander was trying to avoid. Xander couldn't believe he was lying so much and he only hoped that it wouldn't all blow up in his face, although he knew that by telling the truth he would make it so much easier, Xander just wasn't ready to declare himself 'out' to his lover's Sire. "What do you mean feelings...you so can't be meaning the 'happy..gay' sort?" //Exactly the 'happy gay' sort and I asked if Spike did, not you afterall, we all know you're not gay. You've said that often enough. So does he have more than friendly intentions towards you or not? Harris...Xander? Are you still there? Answer me?// Oh God, thought Xander, I can't believe I'm gonna say this. With a deep breath, he answered Angel's question. "I think so. Ummmm....one night, not too long after we first arrived here, we got really drunk and he...ahhhhh...sort of tried to..you know..ummm..kiss me. But..but..I told him straight away that I wasn't like that and we sort of never went to that scary little place again." said Xander, his annoyance giving way to shame by the need to place the blame solely on Spike. Unable to stop himself from the false confession, he continued. "That is until last night. He...he..tried to kiss me again, I sort of pushed him away and that's what we fought about. I said some really bad things and I'm the one that made him start crying. I just thought that he would stop, he always does in the end." Bottom lip chewed nervously, Xander felt his whole face flush with a deep heat as Angel gave a short laugh. With a familiar ease, Xander reached over, and with the damp washer, carefully wiped the twin trails of blood from Spike's dry cracked face. //Bet admitting that just about killed you huh Harris? Yeah..it did, I can hear it. Alright...alright, don't get so annoyed..Sorry alright? Fine. From what Giles told me about Spike after his accident, your the one looking out for Spike..is that right? He's somewhat dependant on you? Hmmm..thought so.// Oh Jesus. He knows, thought Xander. His palms sweating, Xander gulped audibly as his tongue stuck to the roof of his mouth in his suddenly dry mouth. With growing worry, Xander waited for Angel to continue. //Before you say it, I know you're not gay but have you..*ever*..given Spike any sort of come on...given him an indication that you in...let me finish Harris...in any way might possibly return his feelings? Think Xander, anything at all? A touch here or there...a few looks between you...did you return the kiss last night?// Hesitant once again to ask questions of this thread, Angel nethertheless plowed ahead. "W..why? I mean..no..no, I..I don't think so. Why..why are you asking me this?" croaked out Xander, horrified that he already knew why Angel was asking these type of questions. Xander couldn't help himself, he just had to hear Angel spellout what he already knew and with that thought, he found himself gently stroking Spike's hollow cheek as Angel continued. //You say no but you're really not sure. Xander, you said something earlier about Spike's skin being cooler than normal...how often do you touch Spike to know that?// "Aaaahhhh...errrrr, sometimes when he has a..uuuhhh..crying fit, he..he needs a bit...bit of human contact. A hug so I..you know..justdothatandnothingelse" Xander blurted out somewhat truthfully. Ashamed of himself and the need to lie almost compulsively, Xander found himself wiping a hand over his eyes in order to stop the pricking of tears. Never in his whole life had he ever felt such conflicting emotions as he was currently experiencing. Even thought Xander wanted to do all he could to help Spike, he just couldn't seem to do what was needed and what was needed was to tell Angel the whole truth. As he waited for Angel to make some sort of comment as to what he had just said, Xander admitted to himself that the reason he was so unwilling to tell Angel all was that he in no way wanted Angel to become interested in Spike again. //So a hug every now and again is the closest you two get? Uh-huh. Last night..you basically rejected Spike's advances..you did..right. And that's what the fight was about wasn't it...right. Last night...did you make a final rejection of him...I mean something...something more than before..like ask him to move out..threaten to end the friendship at all?// came the carefully worded query. "Yes." whispered Xander, collapsing heavily against the side of the bath as he recalled his carefully thought out punishment for Spike. Shock coursing through his body at the far reaching ramifications he had caused, Xander went on. "I...I sort of told him that I wouldn't put up with that type of shit anymore. I pretty much put my foot down and that's what got him so upset." //Harris, what do you know about vampire relationships? Particularly Claimants and Adored's? Harris...Xander? Xaaaannndeeerrr? Hello? Hello..you still there? Answ...// "Yeah...yeah. I'm still here. Ummm..sorry..sorry what did you say Angel?" asked Xander, forcing himself to concentrate on what Angel was repeating. "A bit. I do know a bit about it. Read about it in one of the books that the G-man thinks he's hidden away. Why?" //Ok...what I think is that, for a reason that totally escapes me, Spike has somehow latched onto you and is identifiying you as his Claimant and has convinced himself that he is your Adored. You following me so far?// "Uh-huh. Spike's my Adored and I'm his Claimant. Right." Xander replied, his heart sinking at Angels words. With a shaky hand, Xander reached up and wiped away the first of his tears. If only the earth would swallow him, thought Xander. He honestly couldn't ever remember being so ashamed, embarrassed and scared at the same time in his whole life. //Now I know you wouldn't have gone through the Claiming process so I won't go into that. What I'm pretty sure is happening is that your final rejection of Spike has started something called 'The Shaming'. I don't really know how to explain it, only that you won't find it in any of the Watcher's Diaries or in any books about Vampires. It's something that's only very, very rarely seen. What happens is that when an Adored has had, what they feel, is a final rejection from his Claimant, the Adored goes into a crying fit..exactly like you described..and pretty much cries themselves to death. The more they cry, the more their body breaks down and...disolves...into blood in order for them to keep crying. Finally, they get so dehydrated, they just crumble into dust.// Horrified, Xander just sat and listened as Angel described the ritual in a calm voice, a cold clinical tone taking over the hesitancy of the earlier questions. //Basically, what Spike is doing is committing suicide. He'd rather be dead than live with the shame of you rejecting him. It's a last ditch attempt to get your attention and hopefully convince you to accept him.// "Keep...keep going. I need to know?" Xander softly pleaded, hating himself for what he had caused. //It's rare because usually when a Claimant has had enough of their Adored, they either give them to another Claimant and they have a token fight with the old Claimant 'losing' to the new one to allow the Claimant taking over to iniate the Claiming process, turn the Adored away after five years has passed and allowing them to become a free vampire again or they just stake them. Sometimes, its even the Adored who chooses the new Claimant and organises the fight between his or her current Claimant and the new one.// "Why does this..this 'Shaming' happen? I mean I know why but...you know...*why*?" //Because this is the only option left open to them. When all the pleading, the offering of themselves and all attempts to become the Claimants most 'Adored' possession once again has failed, this is their last cry for attention and help. Do you understand? What happened last night between you both was the catalyst for this. Harris, what did you say to him...what did you do because for Spike to start 'The Shaming'...something big must have happened.// 'Offering of themselves?' With Angel's words sending chills down his spine, Xander couldn't help but think back to the night before when he had found Spike willingly offering himself like a woman to Xander. Barely hearing Angel's questions, Xander couldn't help but start crying out loud, something that prompted Angel to ask if he was alright. "No...no I'm not alright Angel. This is my fault. We didn't just have an argument last night. I had a shower and when I got back into my room, Spike was naked and...and..off..offering himself to me. He *offered* himself to me Angel and all I did was yell at him and drag him back into the spare bedroom." //*What*?// demanded Angel, his calm demeanour gone in an instant as he listened to what Xander was admitting. "I did. I yelled at him and rejected him totally and this is all my fault. I've killed him....Oh my God, I'm killing him right now..how do I fix this...Please Angel...Help me?" //I've only seen it fixed once and it doesn't matter how because it doesn't apply to you and Spike. Xander, this isn't your fault. You had no idea that Spike thought of you this strongly...ok, you knew he was attracted to you but not like this. The best and most humane thing you can do for him right now is to stake him.// Angel replied somewhat uncomfortably, trying his best not to sound too harsh. "NO! I will *not* murder him. I can't just *stake* him....Deadboy, I can't. How do I fix him?" asked Xander, every last bit of his pride vanishing as he was reduced to pleading with someone he couldn't even stand living in the same city as. //Just calm yourself down Harris. You are going to have to stake him to put him out of his misery. The sooner, the better. If you...no, you just listen...if you do it now, you can save him hours of agony. You don't want him to suffer do you...you are his friend aren't you? Of course it would hurt! How do you think it would feel to have your body disolving? Are you crying Harris?// "I..I couldn't tell if he hurt or not and fuck you..yes I'm crying. I..he. He's my friend and I've killed him so yeah, allow me to feel just a little upset about that...is that alright with you? Oh really...are you sure? Well fuck you very much *Liam*," spat Xander, unable to help himself from lashing out verbally at the only person available. Smiling bitterly to himself, Xander listened as Angel swore at him and abused Xander for calling him by his human name. //You asshole, what gives you the right to call me that? Hmmm..just what gives you the damn right? Don't you ever call me that again....never! No-one calls me that and if you know whats good for you, you'll never repeat that word anywhere where I or others can hear it. Do you understand? Good. The only reason I'm not hanging up on you is that my life wouldn't be worth living if Cordelia found out I didn't help you....you got that *Alexander Lavelle*?// came the icy reply. "Bastard! And lets all hail 'Queen C's' reign of terror on the undead shall we?" shot back Xander, wiping at Spikes tears before he put down the cloth and wiped at his own. His smile growing a mere fraction warmer as he re-called just how scary Cordelia could be up close and personal when offended, Xander knew that Angel had a very legitimate fear for his own life. Xander's anger towards Angel calming down a little as he finally found that they had something in common, he continued. "Yeah, she can be a little...vicious at times can't she?" //No...really? She's mellowed though..a lot. Suits her too but she's still more than happy to vent an 'opinion' when she wants to.// "Yeah, don't I know it. Deadboy....I'm sorry. I'm upset and I really want to fix Spike. Can we just forget about what I said?" tentively enquired Xander, both thankful for Cordelia's reputation for being a little scary and hating himself even more as he was forced to continue to beg for Angels help. "Fuck it! Angel...I'll pay you if that's what its going to take...I can sell the car..the stereo..whatever? Just tell me how the other Adored was fixed." //All forgotten Harris. Just bear in mind what I said and everything will be fine. You really like Spike huh? Yeah well, your pretty much the only who does then and don't worry, we'll call this a favour and one day maybe you can repay me OK? Good. Now, the only time I've seen it happen is when a Claimant finally decided that he wanted his Adored to stick around for a little longer. The only thing that's going to slow down Spike's 'Shaming' is either Sire's blood or Claimant blood.// "How...Tell me how?" //I don't know why you want to know this...it's not going to work for you two..you're not his Claimant. Ok..ok...don't yell at me, alright? It takes a vampire who is bound to the Adored by either scent or blood to halt 'The Shaming'. Sires are bound by blood and Claimants are bound by scent, sometimes both. Once the Adored has drunk enough blood and has stopped crying, the Claimant then has to nurse the Adored back into health and once the Adored is healthy enough, the bond between them is re-established and everyone is happy again. There, satisfied?// said Angel, a little snidely. "Just..like..that?" asked Xander, his mind reeling as to how he was supposed to find Diehl at such short notice. He knew that Diehl recruited for the army but where he was at that moment, Xander had no idea. With a deep groan, Xander forced himself to listen to Angel once again. //No..no, its not that simple. Harris, the Claimant has to repeatedly assure the Adored that they are wanted, needed and most of all, loved. Just suppose you manage to stop Spike crying, are you going to tell him that you love him? I really don't think so, do you? Because if you do, it's just going to give Spike the come on and when you reject his advances again...Do you know where I'm headed with this?// "Umm...Spike starts 'The Shaming' again?" Xander questioned even though he already knew the answer. Unconsciously, he nodded his head as Angel confirmed the truth. //Xander, stake him. Be a good friend and just do it. Put him ou...// started Angel in a soft voice before he was cut off by Xander. "Would it work if the Claimant was a human? Angel..would it?" //Harris...what's going on? Tell me you didn't?// came the demanding question. "Just answer me Deadboy, if Spike was Claimed by a human, would the ritual work?" Xander asked in an equally demanding tone of voice, his stomach fluttering in nervousness even as his hopes were bumped up a notch. After a lenghty silence on both ends of the phone, Angel was the one to break it, speaking in such a calm tone, Xander couldn't help but shiver at the underlying menace. //Are you his Claimant?// "No. I know who is and he's due to see Spike on Friday." //Spike's going to be dust by then, Xander...you have something to tell me don't you?// With a half choked sob, Xander found himself feeling a little lightheaded as he realised he was going to have to tell Angel the whole truth. Just as he wiped at a stray tear, he was struck with a sudden thought that made him give a half-hearted smile. "Yeah Angel, I have to tell you a big complicated something." |
