2-27-04


No more games in my life, no lies. Im calling all bluffs. I hate games, I hate things done in secret, I just dont work that way. I dont like to pretend. I may be a decent actress, but acting is not me. I dont like it. I wont do it.

Ok got that out of my system, I feel better.

Cool website of the day: verify internet rumors here!

I did in fact go to "my spot" last night. I went farther back into the woods on my mountain than I had ventured before. I spent I think it was 4 1/2 hours up there. It was dark before I came down, and I got "caught" in the rain. (Not really caught since I knew it was coming and was looking forward to it). It was wonderfull. and the moon.... SO lovely. I came away feeling so energized.

Later last night went to Percys with Fenris and Micheal. We had fun. Nothing too exraordinary there, other than perhaps the couple making out in the van parked outside the window LOL. We did agree that this weekend @ the dolphin we are going to have an "all goofy/all duets" night for the 3 of us. Should be amusing.

Jeff called me late last night. He wants to start over.. I dont know what I want. I know I love him, I always will. I spent the last months trying to learn to transmute that love into a friendship at his request. Now he wants it back. I dont know if Im ready. I dont know what to do. I do love him, but how much has it changed? You can only burn a bridge so many times before the natives stop rebuilding it. I cant honestly say in what state of disrepair the bridge between Jeff and my heart lies in. I am going to his house after work tonight to talk about things. I cant do more than talk! I dont need that complication.

I know where Jeremy's interest in me came from. Im not persuing that road, its a waste of time.

Now I cant type Brians name anymore, cuz he has the link to this site (nya nya). We did have a nice day tho.. (well for me anyway, probly bored him outta his mind) fed ducks in the park, they werent really interested in cereal LOL then went up to my mountain. We wandered for a while then sat at a nice place where the sounds of the city are almost gone. We talked some (he thinks Im a psycho now for sure!) and just sat in silence some. You cant help it up there. It makes you find your peace. I love that area. My soul is filled when I am in an area like that. Best place in the world is Sullivan Lake millpond. I havent been there in years.

I want to go horseback riding so bad the desire is like a physical ache. Damn springtime!

Dont think, just read... and I dont want any flack about typos on my site ever again! :P

Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a total mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Ptrety fcuknig amzanig huh?

Office Bingo – with a twist. Sounds like a game that has a great chance to be popular!
Do you keep falling asleep in meetings? Here's a way to change that:
1. Before (or during) your next meeting, prepare yourself by drawing a square - 5" x 5" is a good size.
2. Divide the card into columns and rows - five across and five down.
That will give you 25 one-inch blocks.
3. Write one of the following words/phrases in each block randomly:
synergy
strategic fit
core competencies
best practice
bottom line
revisit
IT can do it
24/7
out of the loop
benchmark
value added
margin
proactive
win-win
think outside the box
fast track
just a few minutes each day
result-driven
empower(ment)
knowledge base
at the end of the day
touch base
mindset
client focus(ed)
ballpark
game plan
leverage
4. Check off the appropriate block when you hear one of those words/phrases.
5. When you get five blocks horizontally, vertically, or diagonally, stand up and shout "BS!"

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Second Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:
LevelScore
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)Moderate
Level 2 (Lustful)Very High
Level 3 (Gluttonous)Low
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)Very Low
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)Low
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)Low
Level 7 (Violent)Very High
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)High

Take the Dante Inferno Hell Test




02-26-04


Warning! Warning! New month is coming! I will be archiving this months entries and starting fresh with 03-01-04. Dont worry though, the old entries will still be accessable. When I update each new month, there will be an "archives" section, seperated by month, at the bottom of the links section. Does anyone actually read this site? I guess so since its gotten over 120 hits in 18 days! Thanks everyone, make me feel special.. but I know, education isnt everything.

7 things to do to when your ISP goes down

1. Dial 911 immediately.
2. Open the curtains to see if anything has changed over the past 2 years.
3. You mean there's something else to do?
4. Threaten your ISP with an impeachment vote.
5. Work.
6. Re-introduce yourself to your immediate family.
7. Get that kidney transplant you've been putting off.

OK Mardi Gras, went to Big Easy and partied on free tickets from KCDA, had a lot of fun. I got a few beads, didnt have to "earn" any of them.. I had 2 cocktails and 7! bullblasters, and didnt have to buy myself any of them LOL. Yes, of course I got drunk!
Fenris, Micheal, and his GF Casey went with me. I had invited Brian, but he had other plans, invited Jeremy, ditto. Thats ok, I wasnt exactly well behaved anyway, probly best they werent there.

In the spirit of Mardi Gras, and for all my male friends who read this site, heres some happy pics for you...



Poor Brian.. he keeps accusing me of keeping him up all night chatting on MSN messenger.. Im telling you, its the other way around! Me and Fenris had a little fight last night after I got off work, so Brian gave me a ride home instead. He was so dead tired from being up till 7 AM last few nights talking to me that he fell alseep almost instantly. It was nice to just be next to him again.

Hopefully, he is going to go with me to "my spot" Friday afternoon, if its not rainy. I think Im going to go up there myself today. I just *need* to be there. I know its a public place and gets lots of traffic, but its so cold out that I doubt anyones been there in months. Its special to me. I need to go there to really find my center. I need to go there alone, so I better go today, since I invited Brian for tomorrow.

Funny website of the day: DriveMeInsane





02-23-04


How much fun in one night is legal? Went to the dolphin with Micheal, Fenris, and Charlie. Sang, me and Fenris played one of those stupid bar-game video machines and took high scores in almost every game. Poor Shane-- it became an ongoing thing for us to call him over everytime we bumped him from #1. He's such a sweety. Turns out he got schedualed 7 days a week between his jobs so thats why he didnt call me that day. Maybe he will in the future when he has the time. Hes one of the nicest guys and very smart.

website of the day: 18+ only!

Hmm was updating site, ended up instead spending all night into morning talking in IMs with Brian. Agreeing that just being friends is what we both want right now and making plans as friends to do friend things. I went to dolphin on sun night and it was so dead I went to Percies instead. Brian and Jeremy were there, Jeremy offered to give me a ride home. I didnt realize he was drunk and meant "his" home. He was sorta all over me that night, I ended up sleeping in the chair in the living room. He was really drunk, so Im not mad. If it was someone else I bet I would be tho!

Speaking of drunk guys trying to get in chicks pants, check out this site.

I love this.. its a drinking game I swear was written by someone who had just played.. and lost! I left in all thier typos for effect.
This game is best played with a minimum of four people. You put a full beer in the middle of the table and spread a deck of cards around it. Every card in this game has a meaning. If you draw a 2-8 and its black you take that many drinks. If you draw a 2-8 and its red you pass out that many drinks you can divide it up between different people or give all of the drinks to the same person. If you draw a nine this means you have to start a ryme. The ryme goes around the circle until someone can not think of a word that rymes with the original world. If someone says cunt, next person bunt, hunt, etc. If you draw a ten this is the social card meaning everyone has to take a drink. If you get a jack guess what you get to make a rule. There are no limits to what your rule can be. The queen means you ask someone a question. They can non laugh or answer it. The must ask you or someone else playing the game another question. First person to answer a question or laugh has to drink. The kink is a category. You start off by nameing a category like cars and then say corvette. this continues around the circle until someone fails to name an item in that category. Person that fucks up has to drink. If you draw an ace you get to start a water fall and decide which way around the circle it will go. For those of you who dont know what a water fall is.....The first person starts drinking the person next to him cant stop> until he stops and the person next to him cant stop til he stops and so on til it gets all the way around the circle. This game can be played with or without jokers. We always play joker is chug your beer card.

Looks like this guy has played a drinking game or two in his day...




02-22-04


What an absolutely lovely day. Spring is in the air folks! I got the chance to do some very seriouse centering while I took a nice walk thru some of the less crowded portions of River Front Park today. Now there's a nice purple and orange sunset outside my window as I type this. In 2 hours Ill be singing kareoke. I may be single and have no man to love to share this with, but I dont care. I truly dont! This day is too beautifull to waste it on regret of any sort. Happiness is being able to be alone on a day like today and be totally fulfilled.
Funny thing is, both Brian and Jeremy know where Ill be singing kareoke tonight. I dont know if either will show up, sorta doubt it, and I dont care! Actually, Im looking forward to a night of not being around either of them so Im not distracted from the wonder of this day.


That image comes from the cool website of the day: ameeron


DisorderRating
Paranoid:Low
Schizoid:Low
Schizotypal:Moderate
Antisocial:Low
Borderline:Low
Histrionic:Low
Narcissistic:Low
Avoidant:Low
Dependent:Low
Obsessive-Compulsive:Low

-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! --


14 things to do at Walmart while your spouse is taking his/her sweet time:
1. Get 24 boxes of condoms & randomly put them in peoples carts when they aren't looking.
2. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5 minute intervals.
3. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in Housewares . . . and see what happens.
4. Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.
5.. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
6. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they bring pillows from the bedding department.
7. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
8. Look right into the security camera, use it as a mirror and pick your nose.
9. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are. 10. Dart around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the theme from "Mission Impossible."
11. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.
12. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME! PICK ME!"
13. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!" And last but not least:
14. Go into a fitting room, shut the door and wait a while and then yell loudly "There's no toilet paper in here!"




2-21-04


Cool (in this case weird) website of the day: Weird Science

Last night almost sucked. We were so dead at work that I got "sent home" early. So instead of making money I ended up spending it. Damn. At least I got to go sing with my friends again, which I hardly ever get enough time for working there.

Fenris's wifey is in town. She actually told him she was going to try to get me fired. That would have been interesting to see her try. Im no unafraid of her that its almost scary *wink* She wont help him afford his own apartment so he can get out of mine so she can stop bitching about how hes here with me, but she can afford to stay at the Ridpath! Makes perfect sence to me! He couldnt give me a ride home from BJ's last night like usual cuz she wouldnt let him, so the ex who cheated on me did.

What am I doing? What am I thinking? He told me that he broke up with the girls he left me for because he realized over Valentines weekend that he just didnt have any feelings for her. He told me that he always had more feelings for me than he ever did her. He also said he wasnt into blondes.. does that make him an alien? I know I shouldnt believe him after all the lies hes told me before but the fact is, I want to believe him! Ive missed him!

Here it gets interesting. I have missed Brian. I want to trust him. I still have feelings for him. I went on a date with Jeremy, but we havent made any commitments to eachother... but then again Jeremy hasnt lied to me or cheated on me, and hes a really nice guy... So now the delima. Great thing is, I meant it when I said I dont want to get in a physical relationship with anyone untill I am in love again. That makes all this easier. Cant be cheated on if Im not asking them to commit, right? And Im not cheating if I date someone but I dont commit. So I can spend time with whomever strikes my fancy, get to know them, maybe eventually fall in love with someone again, then take it from there. As long as I dont lie to anyone, its ok... right? After I got cheated on I am so damn gunshy, and Im afraid of doing it to someone else. I know how much it hurts. Guess Ill just play it by ear for now.

You are the most universal mythical beast ever. Sightings of the unicorn have been reported from all over the world, even in modern times. Unicorns are pure and incorruptible. In China, unicorns symbolized gentleness, good will, and wisdom. Christianity links the unicorn with Christ. It is said that unicorns would only allow virgin girls to see them, let alone touch them. They were easily lured into fatal ambushes by a virgin with some poachers waiting for the unicorn in nearby bushes. A unicorn's horn was a highly prized possession, which was reputed to have great healing capabilities. With the touch of its horn, a unicorn could bring back a person who had been dead for several hours. But when separated from the unicorn's body, the magic was significantly reduced. The unicorn had the body of a horse, a unique spiraling horn, and a lion's tail. They were pure white in color.
What mythical beast best represents you? Take the quiz!



Well damn that sucks.. If Im a unicorn, I cant see myself! I'm not a virgin! No wonder I dont like putting on makeup :) You know the quiz only said unicorn cuz werewolf wasnt one of the options!

While we are on the subject, Heres one of the most accurate portraits of a unicorn Ive ever seen.. it follows all the mythos about thier appearance that I am aware of..


Lovely huh?

Further evidence to support the idea that the unicorn quiz didnt have a werewolf option!

werewolf
WEREWOLF And a real one too. You aren't controlled by the moon, but you probably
feel a link with it. You may also be drawn to
nature and possibly nighttime. Your emotions
can be extreme, but you probably enjoy being
free and protecting others rather than picking
a fight (most of the time at least). And I
don't know if you can grown fur, claws, and
teeth- but it's a possiblility. You are also
potentially very creative. And you enjoy and
respect nature.

Hopefully a Good Werewolf Quiz (Are you one?)
brought to you by Quizilla


Ok anyway enough for now, must get ready for work. Jeremy is working the kareoke tonight. Guess now it doesnt matter which one of them is doing it, I like spending time with them both.




2-20-04


*sigh* Ok now what? Life is so confusing sometimes. I was interested in someone for a while but didnt want to go after him because I wanted to be sure it wasnt for the wrong reason (revenge cuz hes my ex's boss). We go out on a date, and it was lovely. We had a great time, went to dinner, sang kareoke with Tom at Suzies (I miss singing with Tom and his group) then he actually went to Thirstys with me and didnt even get jelouse when I danced! It was marvelouse! If we had started the day a few hours earlier with horseback riding or a stroll in the park feeding ducks (if it was summer :P ) it would have been absolutely perfect!

After we went to his house to watch a movie. He actually was respectfull and didnt try to pressure me, so when I backed up, he didnt try to force anything on me. Does that mean I actually found a nice guy?!?

Ok now my first line was that life was confusing. None of this sounds confusing does it? Just wait, it gets better!

The ex I was talking about that works for this guy.. he cheated on me twice. He lied to me. He hurt me. He broke up with the girl he left me for the same night I had my wonderfull date. Should be simple right? No fucking way, you asshole.. right? *insert buzzer sound here*

Why oh why do I still care about someone so much who tore me apart inside so badly? Why am I willing to trust him again after all he lied to me? Why can I not be happy with the possability of a great guy without distraction?

I have no answers. I do know one thing though. I do not want to have sex with anyone untill I am sure I know what I want. Even better, Im not having sex again untill I can honestly say I am in love! Who knows, maybe Ill even hold out untill Mr. Right takes me out horseback riding LOL. Like that'll happen. Most guys couldnt ride a horse if you paid them.

Website of the day: dating tips





2-19-04

Ok ok so I havent updated in a while. So sue me. Over V-day weekend I had my son and spending time with him was the priority. He went back to my moms on Sunday afternoon, and then I did kareoke sun and mon nights, worked wed, now here I am writing again. Sorry I was "away" for so long but Im back and kicking again!

One of my friends got drunk last night at work and accused me of "stringing along all of my male friends". That bugs me more than I can say. I do my damndest NOT to string anyone along. If I see someone as just a friend, Ill tell them so in no uncertain terms. If there's some other reason I wont date them (like if I or they have a relationship already!!!) I tell them so. I have a lot of male friends. So what?? I dont tease them or make them think Im interested in them. Why oh why cant a woman have male friends that she doesnt fuck without being a tease???

You are an Innocent Flirt. Your constantly putting the moves on people, too bad you never realize you are. Pay more attention to the signals your putting out. You may not mean to lead people on but its confusing to the rest of us.

Are you a tease or a flirt?
brought to you by Quizilla Hmmmmmmmm... what do guy authors of quizzes know? :P

Website of the day:This guy makes custom order fangs, and hes good! He can even do bridges and make "realistic" dentures for someone missing a tooth they dont want made into a fang. Also has special contact lenses available on his site. Way neato.


Someone has WAY too much fun with snow!!



2-11-04


Wow what an interesting day. One of the earliest things that happened, I was playing on the computer and my roommate walks in the door. I had my back turned and asked "How was your day?" not knowing he was on the phone with his wife. SHE had the nerve to tell him "Tell that little bitch to shut the fuck up."
He hung up on her. He told me what she said. She and I had a nice chat in IMs. She went off on me about sleeping with her husband (which I assure you I am SO NOT DOING!!) and then turned her IM's off before I could reply. So, I sent it to her in an email. Up to this point I had been nothing but civil to her. This time, the gloves came off.
Theres a new rule in my house. If you are staying here by my graces and not paying rent, I dont want to hear anyone calling me a bitch in my own house. If that means someone on your phone saying it, take the phone outside or hang up. As it stands, since she calls me a bitch quite loudly every time she talks to him on the phone, he is not going to answer the phone when she calls if hes at my house. She made her own bed. She can rot in it.
Now shes talking about how shes gonna kill herself. I told him to tell her what I told him 6 years ago when we dated and he threatened the same thing... Scream my name, baby.


Ok enough of that shit.

Cool site of the day: EWSR

Im gonna have so much fun tomorrow. Im gonna go see You Got Served again (if you havent seen it, the acting is worse than a porn, but the dancing is OMG awsome) and afterwards Im going to ladies night at Thirsty's to do some dancing of my own. My boss, Mike, is coming along with me. Dont worry, its not a date, hes got a girl. We just going to hang out :)

Didja know Crystal Method is coming to town a week from Sat???? I have to get tickets and get the day off!! Bad thing is, thats the weekend I asked Shane to go to a movie with me. Maybe we can go out Fri, or maybe I can treat him to the concert instead.. that would kick ass! Now to get the day off.....

I did a quiz to see if I am naughty or nice.. fun! Here are my results:
You're better than bad, but not quite as good as it gets. Lying and cheating to get ahead isn't your style, but an occasional one-night stand isn't out of the question. (it was about 4.5 where 0 is angelic and 10 is demonic)

What did you score?

Praying mantis in a martini... finding religion in a glass!




2-10-04


Cool site of the day: Samantha, a very special dog

Ok so.. I had fun singing last night at the Blue Dolphin. Ran into a couple of friends from 9th grade in Ione! Tasha and Melody. Found out Tasha moved to Seattle after high school and went totally lez. She sorta enjoys rubbing it in the face of anyone from Ione who ever judged her. You know how small towns can be. Ione had an average grad class of about 30. Imagine trying to tell a place like that you are homosexual. I guess I cant really blame her.

I made a new rule for myself just 2 days ago.. never date a man who works at a bar. Good sound advice. Think Ill take my own advice? Ya, right! I already made plans to break my own rule. I asked Shane to go to a movie with me- we agreed on not this weekend but next. What am I thinking? Oh well, its a movie, its not like its fucking or something, right?

Oh and how did I spend today? Coloring! Yes, I can spend an entire day coloring! I have one of those giant posters that come with markers, this one is so complex that its not even fuzzy :) Its a wizard studying in his lab, there's a lot of subtle jokes. Theres things written in "runes" that you can decrypt if you pay attention to detail, and after you figure them out, theres a book on the shelf that reads "Alchemy for the complete idiot". Sorry, I think its funny, and its my website. You came here of your own free will, so if you dont think its funny, TOUGH!

Arg! What the heck are my neighbors doing? Ive heard all kinds of bumping and scraping over the last few hours. Its 10PM now.. they have to stop whatever they are doing and go to bed sometime or Im gonna send my evil henchie to eat them!


Quizzlet; Are you a glutton for punishment?
My results:
Your answers reveal that your radar is definitely fine-tuned. You give others the benefit of the doubt, but there is only so much you will tolerate. You understand that you need to have your own interests in mind. You appear to remain flexible; you are open to help others out but you insist on explanations for their behavior. You are not intimidated when it comes to requesting a mutual respect from the people you care about, and express your thoughts, feelings and opinions in a clear and direct manner. The bottom line is …you are certainly not a glutton for punishment. You offer consideration and expect the same in return. That seems to be a win-win situation!
how about you?

2-09-04


My day started with a call from my mom.. she and my step dad want to spend a nice romantic Valentines day together and they are bringing my son to me for the weekend so they can have some time alone. I always seem to be single on V-day. What man could possibly be more perfect to spend it with than my little angel? So, I am satisfied with my plans for the day *big smile*.

Tonight I am going to go to the Blue Dolphin for some kareoke. My "extended house guest" and my boss (sorta) are going to go with me. *waves to Fenris and Micheal*

I need to get around to depositing this money.. I have 2 small checks here and some cash I need to get outta my pocket before it burns a hole. Besides, Im about $70 overdrawn (ya know how one check will go thru before your deposit every time) so I really should fix that LOL.

Had to throw this in.. great shot of some of the guys from 10minutesdown practicing the long lost art of levitation.
I guess that sort of doubles for my "website of the day" entry as well, huh?
2-08-04

Cool website of the day: chinese astrology.. what does the year of the wood monkey hold in store for you?

Men are assholes. Wonderfull, my first entry here and its about that. Dontcha love it?

Take my advice, people. Dont EVER date someone who works in the same place you do. Whats more, dont ever date a man who works in a bar. They have access to drunk pussy every day. You think men can resist that? Women might be able to, cuz they only got one head to think with, but I wouldnt even trust every waitress I know. I would trust ZERO of the men I know who work in a bar. Why? Experience. Sure, there may be an exception to the rule out there somewhere. Ill never know cuz I refuse to date them!
Ok ok, so I already know Ill forget all about this vow when I meet that one guy who works at a bar that I decide to trust anyway. How long do you think that will last? Do you think its possible that there could be a man who works in a bar who can actually be trusted?

Ok, now for something on a lighter note...
Weird Animal Facts I bet you didn't know...
Elephants are the only animals that can't jump.
A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.
A snail can sleep for three years.
Butterflies taste with their feet.
The ant always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.
Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds, but dogs only have about ten.
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
All polar bears are left handed.
On average, people fear spiders more than they do death.
You are more likely to be killed by a Champagne cork than by a poisonous spider.
A group of crocodiles is called a "float".