Letters from the Goddess

Chapter 1
Nine Billion Faces:
Creating a Mentor

The first step in writing a correspondence with your inner voice is to choose a name and a face for that voice. This is not absolutely essential: some people find that they can write to themselves without ever picturing the person who replying. If you have trouble forming mental images, or if you find yourself paralyzed trying to choose a correspondent, you may want to skip this step.

Many people, however, have found it intriguing to choose a particular correspondent. This choice is not irrevocable or permanent. You may have more than one, or change from one to another as your needs change.

In this book, I will refer to this correspondent as a "mentor", because the voice will be guiding and helping you. Because of the way I stumbled across this kind of writing, my mentor is an image or symbol for God, and my journal-writing is a form of prayer. But if you are uncomfortable putting words in God's mouth, you can get the same benefits by choosing another kind of mentor. This chapter is designed to give you some ideas.

* * * * *

Writing Suggestion

Look over the following questions. You can either write answers to some or all of them, or just think about your answers.

After you have read the questions, pick one or more of the people to be your mentor. Remember, this is not an irrevocable choice. As you are doing the writing suggested in the next chapters, you can come back to this list and pick a new mentor at any time. You can also pick someone who's not on this list. Or pick no one at all: Some people have found that it worked to just write the correspondence without ever having a picture of who the correspondent was.

The possibilities are endless. You do not have to limit yourself to one mentor, or to the first one you choose. This is a game, and it should be fun. But it is a game that can become a lifeline when times get tough.

Here are some questions you may find helpful:

· When you were a child, what did God look like? Describe your first images of God.

· Describe what pops into your head now when you hear the word God. How is that related to your childhood image? Is it similar, or is it reaction against an old image?

· Who were your childhood heroes? Why did you admire them?

· Who are your heroes now? Why do you admire them? Are they different from your childhood heroes?

· Who are your favorite characters in books? What makes you like them?

· Did you ever have an imaginary friend? How old were you? What was the friend like?

· Did you have a favorite doll or stuffed animal as a child, one with a real personality? What was it like?

· Have you ever had a pet that seemed to understand you better than any person did? Or maybe you had an imaginary pet. Describe it.

· Have you ever had a real mentor who is no longer with you? Someone who guided you and helped you? Who was it?

· Is there someone in your family tree that you're curious about? This could be a grandparent you knew, or someone who died before you were born. Imagine what this person might have been like. Your image of the person doesn't have to be accurate.

· Do you have any favorite myths? Who is your favorite god, goddess or hero? What do you like about that character?

· Who is your favorite fairy-tale character? Why?

· Who are your favorite TV or movie characters? What do you like about them?

· Who are your favorite religious figures?

· If you had a guardian angel, what would it be like?

Chapter 2

This is the Goddess Speaking:

That Still Small Voice Within

In this chapter you will begin to give words to that “still small voice within.” The technique is fairly simple and well-known; some people call it “automatic writing”, though in my experience that there’s nothing automatic about it. If you really listen hard to that inner voice, you will have to be focused and alert, and use your mind as well as your heart.

The basic idea is this. You write a letter to the mentor you chose in the last chapter. Then use your imagination. If you were the mentor, what would you say in response to such a letter? The writing suggestions at the end of this chapter will lead you through that process. I’ve also included some art and crafts suggestions: I’ve found that it helps me to visualize my mentor if I have a representation of her, a picture or a statue. And I’ve included a few suggestions for rituals too. Some people find that a ritual sets the mood for the focus this kind of writing can take.

Are the responses you will get “real”? In the end, I don’t believe that matters. A more important question is, Are the responses helpful to you? In my case, they have been a lifeline sometimes

* * * * *

Writing Suggestion

Write about meeting your mentor for the first time. You may want to describe the setting. Are you on a mountaintop, in a garden, a temple, a forest glade, a seashore, a palace, or maybe a coffeeshop? Or are you in your own room? How do you approach your mentor? Are you sipping tea, watching a sunset, sitting on a lap, flying?

Write your self-introduction to your mentor. This can be a letter you're writing, or a transcription of the words you imagine speaking. Thank her for meeting with you, and tell her why you have chosen her to be your mentor. (For ease of writing, I am assuming your mentor is female, but of course that may not be true.)

Close your eyes moment and listen with your heart. Imagine that you are the mentor. Greet your guest with words of welcome. Be as kind and gracious as you can, but try to speak as the character you have chosen would speak. Again, this can be thought of as a letter, or as a transcription of words that are spoken.

Read over your mentor's words with the realization that they are addressed to you. How do they make you feel? If they are not warm and supportive, think carefully about whether you may want to choose a different mentor. Brusque and bracing is OK, if you feel comfortable with it.

Explain to the mentor why you have undertaken this journey. What do you hope to accomplish with her help? Tell your mentor about your current joys and concerns.

Again, write from the point of view of the mentor. Address each of the joys and concerns as you would if you were answering a letter from a dear friend. You don't have to have a solution for every problem. Offer love and support, and advice if any occurs to you.

You don't have to stop with one exchange. The conversation can include many exchanges back and forth between you and your mentor. I usually label my "letters" by beginning each one with a salutation: "Dear Lady", and ending with a signature: "Love, Karen". My mentor does the same. I also begin each one with a date, just as though it were a real letter. This can be valuable later, when you go back and read your journal.

If you are having trouble getting started, you may want to make your mentor more concrete by writing a description or making a representation. What follows are suggestions for ways to do this, along with rituals you may find helpful to set the mood.

Write a description of the mentor you chose in Chapter 1. What does she look like? How big is she? What is she wearing? What does her hair look like? What kind of expression is on her face? What does her voice sound like? How does the touch of her hands feel? Does she have an evocative smell?

· Draw or paint a picture of your mentor, and put it in a nice frame. Make a photocopy and put it in your journal. Or draw the picture in your journal.

· Make an icon by painting a picture on wood.

· Draw an abstract symbol to represent her.

· Sculpt a statue from baker's clay* (recipe below) or Fimo.

· Make a mask of papier-mache^† (recipe below) and paint and decorate it.

· Decorate a ready-made mask.

· Find a picture that looks like your mentor. If you have chosen a mythological or historical figure, you should be able to photocopy a picture from a library book, or find one on the Internet using www.google.com. Put a copy in a frame, and put another copy into your journal.

· You may be able to purchase a statue that looks like your mentor. I found one at a flea-market that looked like the Lady to me.

· Devotional candles in glass containers decorated with paper pictures of religious figures are available in the Mexican food aisle of many grocery stores. Maybe one of the figures represents your mentor, or looks like her. You could also buy a plain candle in a glass container and glue your own painting to it.

· You might want to use your own reflection as a mentor. Set up a mirror so that you can see your reflection as you write.

· It is the custom in some churches to light candles for joys and concerns. If you would like to, light a candle for each of the joys and concerns as you write about it. You can use a special candleholder, or set the candles as you light them in a tray or bowl full of clean sand. Sabbath and Hanukkah candles are available in most grocery stores, near the matzo crackers. Birthday candles work just fine in a sand tray. Or use votive candles in glass containers.

· You may prefer to light a single candle, perhaps in the form of a flaming chalice. If you don't have one, you can make a very nice chalice from an inexpensive small clay flowerpot along with its saucer. Turn the pot upside down and set the saucer on top. Put a votive candle in the saucer.

*Baker's clay statue: mix 2 cups flour, 1 cup salt, 1 cup water and 2 tbsp. oil. Adjust the amount of water so that the dough has the consistency of bread dough. Knead for ten minutes, and shape. Bake at 325^o 15 minutes for every 1/4 inch of thickness. For example, a piece one inch thick would bake for one hour. (Small pieces work better.) Or you can let it air dry for several days. If you want to, you can paint baker's clay with water colors or poster paints.

^†Papier-mache mask: Mix 1/2 cup flour with enough water so that it has the consistency of gravy. Tear newspaper into strips about 6 inches long and 1 inch wide. Dip each strip into the flour paste, then pinch the strip between your thumb and forefinger, and pull it through with your other hand to remove most of the paste. Lay the strip over your mask form. You can use an inflated balloon for a mask form, or make one of aluminum foil laid over crumpled paper. You might be able to shape the foil over your own face before setting it on the crumpled paper. Add strips of paste-covered newspaper to the form until you have made a mask. You can build up the nose and mouth and chin with small piece of rolled or crumpled paste-covered newspaper. Let the mask dry several hours, until the paper no longer looks dark. If you used a balloon for a form, pop the balloon and remove it. Use scissors to trim the edges. Paint your mask with water colors or poster paints. Glue on decorations such as fake fur, feathers, sequins, fabric, etc.

Chapter 3

Bloody Bones in the Deep Dark Cellar:

Naming our Deepest Fears

When I was a little girl, about six or seven years old, there was a favorite joke among children my age. In the story, a child opens the door to the basement and hears a spooky, ghostly voice coming up from the dark below, saying, "Bloody--bones--in the deep—dark—cellar--" The child runs away in fright and tells a younger sibling, who goes down a step or two farther before hearing the voice. Finally the youngest child in the house, who is about two years old, goes all the way to the bottom of the stairs before hearing the voice. "Bloody--bones--in the deep--dark—cellar--" The child replies saucily, "I'll 'bloody bones' you if you don't watch out!"

My friends and I thought that story was hilarious. And yet the phrase gave me the shivers. It still does.

"Bloody--bones--in the deep—dark--cellar--" Whew!

Why did we love those jokes so much as small children? I think it was because they were about hearing from our deepest fears, facing them, and getting the better of them. Scary stories are very popular, for that reason. But those childhood stories were especially powerful, because the scary thing spoke to the child, and the child was able to reply scornfully.

After I wrote my first letter from the Lady and my letter of thanks to her, I began working hard on my own therapy. I tried to identify what my deepest fears were, and to write, not about them, but from them. I let my deepest fears talk to me, and do their best to frighten me. And somehow, giving them words made it easier to answer them. I found myself arguing with them, saying, "You're not so scary after all," like the little child on the bottom step of the cellar stairs.

I tried to reach deep, deep down inside, into the reptilian part of my brain, and find the very scariest things I could think of. Some of the fears I conjured up seemed pretty bizarre when I brought them to light. You will see some of them in the journal excerpts at the end of this chapter.

Before you begin the writing for this chapter, I want to caution you that this topic can be very intense. If you think you may be digging up something that will be especially disturbing, you may want to do these exercises with the help of a professional counselor. On the other hand, I have found that this kind of writing, while often very painful, is the most healing as well. If you have the courage to face your fears, you may find that, like the little boy at the bottom of the cellar stairs, you are stronger than they are.

* * * * *

Writing Suggestion

Try to think of something that scares you--something that scares you a lot. Write a terrifying scenario; make it as frightening as possible. Use lots of hyperbole. You may want to personify the fear and give it a name. In that case, write the scenario as a letter to you from the fear. For example, if you worry about a burglar breaking into your house, write a letter from the Burglar. Write about the terrible things the burglar intends to do. If you worry about being poor, write a letter from Poverty, and the suffering it will cause.

Try to make your fear speak like a classic villain: “I’m coming to get you!” Have it tell you all the terrible things that will happen to you. If the possibilities seem absurd, all the better. Get them out in the open.

Now, like the stubborn little boy on the bottom of the cellar stairs, talk back! Tell that thing why it's not as scary as it thinks it is. Tell the fear why it's unrealistic, why it wouldn't conquer you, why you're not going to dwell on it. What reasonable precautions have you taken? If you haven’t taken any precautions, maybe take some for peace of mind. For example, when I had to send my children off to high school the day after the nearby Columbine shootings, I reminded them and myself that statistically they were much safer in school than driving there, partly because we always took the reasonable precaution of fastening our seatbelts.

You may want to talk to your mentor about your fears as well. It's helpful to remember that no matter what terrible things you may experience, that inner voice will always be with you, ready to offer love and support.

Using the voice of your mentor, remind yourself of some terrifying fear that did come true, and how you overcame it. Maybe it was a death or a divorce, or going to a new school, or losing a job. Remind yourself that there were still good things in life even after the disaster. Maybe you managed to learn from it, or maybe it even turned out to be a good thing. Remind yourself that if you’re strong enough to overcome that disaster, you can overcome others as well.

You may decide that this kind of writing is too scary for now. If so, leave it and go on to another chapter.

On the other hand, if you would like to pursue it, but are having trouble picking a fear, the following questions may be helpful. You can write about some of them if you like, or just mull them over before beginning the above writing. If more than one of the following resonate with you, you can address more than one using the above writing suggestion.

·
When you were a small child, were you afraid of the dark? Did you imagine monsters in the closet, or in the corners of the room? What fears made you lie awake at night in a cold sweat? How did you deal with those fears? I can remember wearing a silver bracelet to keep vampires away, when I was about ten. A nightlight made my basement bedroom a lot less scary. Shutting the bedroom door kept the zombies from getting in. And sleeping in the basement was actually pretty comforting when my fear of tornadoes struck.

Some children have to deal with things much more real and frightening than imaginary monsters. Did you have bullies in your life, or abusive caregivers? Maybe you were the victim of a natural disaster like a flood or hurricane or tornado. Maybe you were the victim of a terrifying religion that threatened you with hellfire.

Even if your childhood was idyllic, those imaginary monsters could be terrifying. You may have known on some level that the monsters weren't real, but the images alone may have been enough to give you nightmares.

Did you have ways of dealing with those fears as a child? Did you push them away and refuse to think of them? Did you figure out ways to protect yourself, amulets or charms or rituals? I remember that it was very important for me to have my mother say "Sweet dreams" when she tucked me in; I believed that would keep the nightmares away. What bedtime rituals helped you to sleep?

·
How old were you when you first learned about death? Did you lie awake at night, terrified, thinking of the long dark? Or maybe there was something even more terrifying than oblivion that you thought might await you. At least as UUs, my daughter and I didn’t have to deal with images of hellfire. And yet we both, at the age of six or seven, spent many sleepless nights thinking about a time when we would not be. I don't remember how I finally dealt with it, but my daughter began sleeping again after I told her about the near-death experiences that some people have. Do you have memories of learning about death as a child? Was it scary? Were you taught to believe in an afterlife? Was that comforting, or was it scary too?

·
What fears keep you awake at night now? Do you ever wake up at night wondering if there is a burglar in the house? Are you afraid you or a loved one may have a terrible illness? That your marriage may break up? Are you afraid of losing your job? Are you afraid of a terrorist attack or a school shooting? What about a natural disaster: tornado or earthquake or hurricane or lightning?

When my children were small, I used to wake at night in a cold sweat from a recurring nightmare that I had done something to injure or kill one of them. I knew that I would never intentionally hurt my children, but I also knew that terrible accidents happen sometimes. After I wrote to that fear, the nightmare mostly went away.

List the fears that come to you in the middle of the night, no matter how unrealistic they may seem in the light of day.

·
Do you have a frightening illness? Write to your illness, asking it what it can teach you. Write the answer. Note that this is not expected to cure you; I believe that our culture sometimes misleads people into believing that any illness can be cured by the power of the mind, or by lifestyle changes. While this is sometimes true, sometimes the illness is too strong. Blaming the sick person for being sick is not helpful. But even if the illness cannot be wholly cured, it may have something valuable to teach you.

·
Do you have some deep dark secret, something that seems so disgusting that no one would like you if they ever found out? Talking about it openly with your mentor, as Cathy did in the example, may be helpful.

Chapter 4

Sweet Lady, Hold my Hand:

Oh, Rock-a My Soul

When we are born, if things go as they should, our parents care for us and love us, nourish and nurture us. As we grow up, we learn to take care of ourselves. But in times of trouble, when we're tired and sad and frightened, we can often wish we were little again, small enough to rock in our parents' arms. Even if we have spouses or friends who nurture us, even if our relationships with our real parents are still wonderful, they can't be to us what our parents were when we were infants. That's as at should be; we're not infants anymore. And yet in times of trouble we can still wish for someone bigger and stronger and wiser than we are to take care of us.

That wish is probably one of the strongest driving forces in many religions. If it leads us to follow self-proclaimed messiahs, it can be very dangerous. But if it leads us to find the nurturing power we have within ourselves, I believe it can give us the strength we need to face our troubles.

If you have felt that wish, consider going to your inner voice for that kind of care when you need it. You may feel a little silly stroking yourself with kind words. But haven’t we all done that for our friends? Somehow it’s easier to nurture others than to nurture ourselves. If you have a friend with whom you correspond, you might want to dig out some of your letters or e-mails and look for nurturing writing. That might make it easier to springboard into writing that way from your mentor to yourself.

* * * * *

Writing Suggestion

When you're feeling in need of someone to take care of you, go to your mentor. Don't be afraid to ask for what you need. Sit still and listen for a moment.

Give your mentor a voice. If your beloved child came to you in tears, hurt or scared or sad or tired, what would you say to comfort that child? You don't have to be a real parent to imagine this; the child is yourself. Pour out your love, hold the child in your arms and rock it to sleep. Or if that doesn’t feel familiar, imagine you are writing to a dear friend, offering love and comfort.

Now go back and read the words, letting yourself be the child sitting in the lap of the nurturing parent, or the friend receiving the letter. Feel the rich, warm love surrounding you. Know that no matter what, you are loved and cared for.

If you’re having trouble getting started, the following writing suggestions may be helpful.

·
Look back at a time in your life when you were having trouble and needed love and guidance. Maybe you were in grade school and felt that you didn’t have any friends. Maybe you were a teenager getting over your first breakup with a boyfriend or girlfriend. Maybe you were a young parent, overwhelmed with raising your children. What lessons have you learned since then? Write a letter to your past self from your present self, offering your more mature insights, and offering comfort. Don’t scold, but instead give encouragement and hope. Let your younger self know that things did get better.

·
Go back in your mind to how you felt at the time referred to in the previous exercise. Imagine being that age again. Read over the letter from that exercise. How does it feel to get a letter from someone older and wiser who understands you so completely? You may even want to write a reply to that older self, thanking her for her help and wisdom.

·
Think of a time in your childhood when you felt comforted and nurtured. What troubles did you have, that you needed comfort? Who comforted you? Describe the scene. Were you sitting on someone’s lap? What time of day was it? What did the person say to you?

·
When you find yourself needing comfort, imagine that either you are as small as a child, or that your mentor is twice as tall as you are. In your mind, climb up into your mentor’s lap and pour out your troubles. Write what it is that you say. You don’t have to keep a stiff upper lip now; go ahead and whine and moan, feel sorry for yourself, let it all out. No one will hear you except your mentor, who will understand.

·
Did anyone sing you lullabies as a child? If you remember the words, write them down. If not, maybe you can ask the person to write them down, or find them in a book or on the Internet. Read over the words, hearing the tune in your mind. Remember what it felt like to listen to the words in the dark night.

·
If no one sang you lullabies as a child, you can still approximate the above exercise. Is there a lullaby you sing to your own children? Or one you’d like to sing to a child? If you’ve never thought about it before, look in a song book or on a CD or on the Internet and find a lullaby you like, and write the words here. Read over them, imagining that your mentor is singing them to you as you sit on her lap.

·
Sometimes we wear the face of the Goddess for other people. Have you ever been involved in a loving, supportive correspondence with a friend? Look back over your letters or e-mails and notice how you offer love and support to your friend, and your friend gives you the same. This will give you an idea of the tone your mentor should be using in writing to you. If a friend has written an especially loving and supportive letter, you may want to copy all or part of it into your journal. If you have written a loving and supportive letter to someone else, try rewriting it with yourself as the recipient.

Chapter 5

A Kick in the Butt and a Pat on the Back

The Voice of Conscience

Rocking the Lady's arms is a great comfort, but as I said in the last chapter, eventually we have to face the world again. In the words of Robert Frost's wonderful poem, "Stopping by the Woods on a Snowy Evening",

The woods are lovely, dark and deep,

But I have promises to keep

And miles to go before I sleep.

One problem I've always had with some of the new-age self-help books is that they forget this important part of what religion should be. Yes, you have to love yourself before you can love others. But some books I've read seem to ignore the importance of doing what's right, even when it's uncomfortable or inconvenient.

The Lady seems to know when to be gentle with me, and when to be stern (though she's never unkind.) Sometimes she reminds me of duties I'd rather not remember. And sometimes she helps me when I'm taking myself too seriously.

* * * * *

Writing Suggestion

Is there something you've been feeling you should do, but don't want to? Or maybe something about yourself you'd like to change? Do you need to make peace with someone? Your mentor can help you. Write to your mentor, and try to be honest about your feelings and motivations. Don't beat yourself up, but don't gloss over the problem either. When you write the answer from your mentor, continue to be honest, but remember to be gentle. Truth can be spoken with kindness. The following questions may give you some ideas to write about.

·
If you read the two chapters in Little Women, do you think Meg was really in the wrong? Was Marmee right to advise her to "be the first to beg pardon", or was she telling Meg to be a doormat? Is there anything we can learn from this story, even though it was written so long ago and in such a different culture? Discuss these chapters with your mentor.

·
How do you resolve painful fallings-out with people you love? Is there someone in your life now with whom you should make peace? Talk with your mentor about it, and follow her advice.

·
Name times when you have felt that you were caught in a moral dilemma. Have you ever felt that you should stand up against someone who was doing wrong, even though you were afraid? What did you do? What was the outcome?

·
Is there some wrong you should speak up about now? Why haven't you? What would happen if you did? Discuss it with your mentor.

·
Is there something you have thought about doing to help others, but have never tried before, like giving blood or volunteering at a soup kitchen? Pick one thing and try it once. Then talk with your mentor about the experience. How did it go? Would you do it again? Why or why not?

·
Write about a time you tried to help others and it didn’t go well. What went wrong? Why was the experience unrewarding? Did you feel resentful? Unappreciated? Talk to your mentor about the experience. Should you try to help in the same way again, or should you do something different?

For example, maybe you volunteered at an organization and were scolded by a supervisor. If you tried again, you might get a different supervisor. Or you could volunteer at a different organization. Or maybe you tutored a child and the child behaved badly. You could ask to tutor a different child, or a different age of child. Or maybe even give the same child another chance.

On the other hand, you may find that you want to look for a completely different way to help others, one more suited to your personality.

·
Do some brainstorming with your mentor about ways to help others that fit your personality. You may want to read Chapter 10 first, to find out how much you are doing already. Enough may be enough. If you are being a good parent, you are making a very positive difference in the world. If you are working outside the home, does your job make a positive difference in people’s lives? Be realistic about how much you can do. Ask your mentor for advice.

·
What kinds of things keep you from helping others? Ask your mentor for suggestions on alternative ways to help. Here are a couple of examples to get you started. If you’re afraid to stop and help a stranded motorist, maybe you could call the highway patrol instead. If you don’t have time to volunteer at an organization, maybe you could send some money instead, or vice versa.

·
Do you take yourself too seriously sometimes? Do you have trouble accepting criticism, even when it is honestly meant to be constructive and helpful? Try to think of a time when you’ve reacted with anger and hurt to something that could have been an opportunity for growth. If it was recent enough that it still rankles, all the better. Discuss the event with your mentor.

Chapter 6

Oklahoma City, Columbine, and 9-11:

The Problem of Catastrophic Evil

Anyone who isn't a complete hermit is faced from time to time with the problem of catastrophic evil in the news. I remember driving to work on September 11, 2001, and turning on the radio. It was a beautiful, clear, crisp fall morning in Colorado. As the unbelievable story of the terrorist attack poured out of my car radio, I looked around at the other cars on the highway and wondered if those drivers were as stunned as I was. Of course they were. I remember thinking, "Damn. If I hadn't turned on the radio, this would still be a beautiful day."

I’m sure you remember that morning vividly as well. And there are probably many other events that stand out as clearly. The Columbine shootings, the Oklahoma City bomb, violence that turned your stomach and wrung your heart. As the cliché says, you will always remember where you were when you heard the news.

Though there have always been such stories in the news, it seems that in the second half of the 1990s they came harder and faster than ever before. I'm not sure how I would have managed without the Lady's gentle voice and listening ear. She didn't explain evil to me, but she gave me advice and hope. Her advice in every case was to do something, no matter how small, to make the world a better place.

* * * * *

Writing Suggestion

It is entirely possible that by the time you read this book, some new horrible event that I can’t imagine now is unfolding in the news, or in your own personal life. If so, talk to your mentor. Pour out your horror and your grief. Then pause and listen.

Your mentor may tell you that she too is grieving. She may have some words of explanation about the roots of the horror. She may have suggestions about some small acts you can do to help, like donating money or blood or rescue supplies, or writing letters to the newspaper. She may suggest some way in which you can work against hate in your own corner of the world.

If no such event is twisting your gut at the moment, you may want to let this chapter go for a while. But if you still want to address catastrophic evil, the following questions may give you some ideas.

· What's the first news story you can remember that made you lose sleep? How old were you? Do you remember any news stories that shook you out of your childhood, and made you aware of a larger and more frightening world than the one you had known?

· What news story felt like a defining moment for your generation? When I asked this question in my family, my mother mentioned Pearl Harbor, I thought of the Kennedy assassination, and my children thought of the fall of the Berlin Wall, the Oklahoma City bomb, and the Columbine massacre. Besides answering this question for yourself, you may want to ask members of your own family for their responses as well.

· I'm going to list several news events. Most of them are horrific, though I have included a few good news stories too, for balance. Select one or more of the following, or select some other event that’s not on the list. Write about where you were when you heard the news. What do you remember about that day? How did you react? How did other people react? How did you find comfort? How did you share your feelings with others?

. the bombing of Pearl Harbor

. D-Day

. the Cuban missile crisis

. the assassination of John F. Kennedy

. the assassination of Martin Luther King Jr.

. the assassination of Robert F. Kennedy

. the fall of Saigon and the end of the

Vietnam War

. the murder of the Israeli Olympians in 1972

. Watergate and the resignation of Richard

Nixon

. the return of the American hostages from

Lebanon and Iran

. the explosion of the Challenger space

shuttle

. the fall of the Berlin Wall

. the destruction of the compound at Waco

. the Oklahoma City bombing

. the murder of Matthew Shepard

. the massacre at Columbine High School

. the terrorist attack of September 11, 2001

. the explosion of the Columbia space

shuttle

. other events more recent than the

publication of this book

· For the news stories you selected, how did they change you? How did they change society? Did anything good come of them? Did you learn anything new from them? As a small example, on the evening of September 11, 2001, I was startled by the long lines at the gas stations, twenty cars long at every station in town. I learned something interesting about human nature that night, about fear and helpless anger and the strange things it can lead to.

· What's going on in the world now that disturbs you? Looking back at your answers to the previous questions, how do you think it might change you? How will it change the world? Is there hope for anything positive to come out of it? What are you learning from it? Discuss it with your mentor.

· Evil doesn't have to be a big news story to be catastrophic for the person experiencing it. A mugging, robbery or other crime can be devastating. You may be experiencing injustice at work or in the legal system. If you are the victim of such a situation, ask your mentor for advice about how to respond.

Chapter 7

Mistress Flurry:

Fighting the Demons

God can be said to speak through a still small voice within, but that's not the only voice you can listen to. Unitarian Universalists don't often speak of demons. And yet, if you don't take them too seriously, they can be a useful symbol or metaphor for those inner voices that tempt us to anxiety and anger.

When I first discussed with the Lady the idea of choosing a face for my own inner demon of anxiety and worry, she advised me not to make it too scary. You fight the demons best by laughing at them. So I chose Mistress Flurry, a character from the Pogo comic strip by Walt Kelly. She was a dismal old woman in the guise of a crow, dressed in somber black, with a big poke bonnet and a crooked umbrella. She appeared in a poem that began, "Mistress Flurry likes to worry." She's been a great symbol for me. When I get to stewing, Terl will say, "I think Mistress Flurry is getting to you." It's even added a new verb to my family's vocabulary: flurrying. When I catch myself flurrying, I say out loud, "Mistress Flurry, leave me alone!" And she usually does, at least for a while..

We are most likely to be doing evil when we think we are rooting evil out of other people. That's why I think the best and safest place you can fight the "demons" is within yourself.

* * * * *

Writing Suggestion

Do you ever catch yourself obsessing over something, worrying about things over which worrying does no good? Do you nurse anger long after the quarrel is over? Is there an inner voice putting you down? You're not a good enough parent, or housekeeper, or worker? Sometimes that inner voice can be productive, when it spurs us to make positive changes. But more often it's unrealistic. Once we've taken the ordinary precautions of fastening our seatbelts and watching out for other cars, we should be able to drive without imagining terrible wrecks at every turn.

Give a face and a name to that nagging voice. You may have already done something similar in the Bloody Bones chapter. But this face should be something less scary than those horrific images might have been. Make it something you can mock. Feel free to borrow a character from the comics, as I did, or from a book or movie or TV show. It should be dismal but laughable at the same time. Gloomy Eeyore, or Puddleglum the Marsh Wiggle from Narnia, or the Wicked Witch of the West ("what a world, what a world!") come to mind. The book The Phantom Tollbooth, by Norton Juster, has a great comic demon called the Terrible Trivium.

You may want to choose more than one character: one for the obsessions over past hurts, one for worries about the future, and maybe one for the inner critic. As Susan did, you might want to give a name to other inner demons like her pain monster. On the other hand, I use one name for all the times unwanted, obsessive thoughts intrude.

It may be enough just to name the demon, and tell it to go away when it gets too noisy. If you need more ideas for dealing with it, the following may help.

· As you did for your mentor, find or make a representation of your inner demon(s). If it is a borrowed character, you should be able to find a picture. If you make up a character, draw a picture or make a statue or mask. Just be sure it's more comical than scary.

· Find a symbolic tool or weapon to fight the demons of worry and obsession. You can buy or make something new if you like, but it may be better to find something you already have around the house and use in your daily life. That way, you will be able to remind yourself to shoo away the demons every time you use the tool. I did some brainstorming and came up with a list of ideas for symbolic weapons. The more lighthearted and silly you can make this exercise, the better. Here are some ideas:

. Use a broom to sweep away those pesky demons. You can use your everyday kitchen broom, or make a fun witch's broom out of twigs from your garden. You can also shoo demons away with a feather duster, a paper fan, or a flyswatter. Whap!

. Use a flashlight to scare them away. Demons like darkness and secrecy, and the more you bring them to light the less power they have.

. Make a magic wand. You can glue a crystal to the end of a branch, and add feathers for a shamanistic-looking wand. A buckeye glued to the other end is a nice finishing touch. Or make a fairy wand of tinsel and glitter. Go to a party store for ideas.

. Get a letter opener in the form of a fantasy sword, or buy a toy plastic or wooden sword, or even a real fantasy sword. Or designate your favorite kitchen knife or garden machete. En garde, you demon!

. Use a special pen or font when attacking the demons of worry, to let them know you mean business.

. Wear a protective amulet. This can be a pendant on a necklace in the form of a cross or ankh or other religious symbol, or maybe a crystal. I myself don't believe that amulets have magical powers, but they can be potent reminders not to listen to demons.

. Use an icon of your mentor as a shield.

. Find a bell or noisemaker you can use to chase those demons away.

· You may prefer a virtual, imaginary weapon or tool, something that exists only in your writing. You can let your imagination go wild here: flaming swords and crystal shields, golden fairy dust, wizardly fireballs, force fields and circles of protection. Have fun! Write a detailed description of your magical tool, or draw a picture.

· If you are keeping your journal using a computer, an ASCII picture (made of typed characters) of your defensive tool might be fun. Paste it into your computer journal any time you feel it is necessary. If you don't feel artistic, there are many, many ASCII pictures available on the Internet. Or you could give your tool a name, and call it by name in your journal as needed. I have made up a few primitive ASCII pictures which I will include here to give you some ideas. You are welcome to use them or improve on them. Because I'm right-handed I've drawn them to be used with the right hand, but you could easily reverse them.

Angel

. .

.&. %%%% .&.

.&&. %(**)% .&&.

.&&&.%%||%%.&&&.

.&&&8 8&&&.

8~~~~8

@ / \ @

{ }

{~~~~~~~~}

U U

Feather Duster

>>>

>>>>>

>>>>>>>|

>>>>>>>||===========@

>>>>>>>|

>>>>>

>>>

Broom

========|||=

========||||==|

========||||==||XXXXXXXXXXXXXX##

========||||==|

========|||=

Fairy Wand

* * *

* * * #=*=*=*===================@

* * *

Sword

]

<=======================|~~~~~@

]

Big Sword

{o}

,,--------------------------------------------------------------------[.]………........(@)

< ---<>=<>=<>=YOUR SWORD'S NAME HERE=<>=<>=<>=[.]XXXXXXX(@)o

''--------------------------------------------------------------------[.]^^^^^^^^^^^(@)

{o}

Bell

__O__

/.......\

| |

|.......|

(_________)

Trumpet

/()

/(())

O===============<((( )

((___)) \(())

----- \()

· The most important part of fighting the demons is to recognize them and name them. When you realize that you're stewing needlessly over the past or the future, call the demon by name and tell it stop. "Mistress Flurry, leave me alone!" This alone will often do the trick. But you can take a swipe at her with your weapon for good measure. You can do this either physically (which is silly enough to make stewing difficult) or in your imagination. Ask your mentor to be with you, and to bring her broom too (or her flaming sword, or whatever she's likely to wield.) You may want to write a description of the "battle" in your journal.

· Make up or borrow a mocking song, a spoken charm, or absurd threat that you can use to chase the demon away. Again, the more lighthearted and silly, the better. A student once told me that his four-foot-eleven-inch mother used to stand on a stool to scold her six-foot sons. When they were misbehaving, she'd threaten them with "Don't make me get my stool!" You could substitute the name of your weapon: "Don't make me get my feather duster!" One of my favorite absurd threats comes from The Wizard of Oz: "Begone, before somebody drops a house on you too!"

· The next time you deal with someone who seems evil to you, talk to your mentor about using the opportunity to fight the evil within your own heart. You will want to do something positive in the world to counter that external evil, as I discussed in the previous chapter. But you may also want to ask yourself if you yourself ever do anything that is in any way similar.

For example, if you are struggling against prejudice in the world around you, ask yourself if there are any groups against whom you yourself have a prejudice. One of my in-laws is a self-proclaimed "right-wing gun nut and Christian fundamentalist." It took me a long time to get past that label and discover that there was much that I really liked about him.

As another example, if you are horrified by an act of violence, make it a reminder to treat others with extra kindness, and not to give in to exasperation and sharp words.

When you find yourself facing evil, ask your mentor to help you fight it in the most effective place, which is within yourself. It does make a difference in the larger world.

· Remember that you give demons power by paying too much attention to them. One way to give your mentor more power over them is to use positive visualization, as described in the journal entries above. When you are worrying about something, try imagining a positive, successful outcome. Even if you turn out to be wrong, you won’t have grieved longer than was necessary. And if you are right, you won’t have grieved at all.

Chapter 8

Ghosts from the Past:

How to Perform an Exorcism

Being able to stop the demons in their tracks is a useful skill. Sometimes just recognizing them is enough to send them fleeing for a while. But often, the broom or the flaming sword is only a temporary solution. To be truly free from the ghosts, we have to perform an exorcism.

Now and then I find myself in tears over something that happened ten, twenty, thirty or even forty years ago, some small unkindness that should have been forgotten the day after it happened. I've been able to put many of those things away for good by writing about them in the right way.

If your ghosts are truly horrific, if you are a victim of physical or sexual abuse, for example, you may require some professional help in laying those ghosts to rest. But even then, I believe the suggestions in this chapter may be helpful for you.

One way to let go of past conflicts is to try to get inside the other person's mind, to understand clearly what motivations led to the action. You may find that your mentor can help you do that.

Sometimes you wish you could say something to someone who has died, apologize or say "I love you" when it's too late. But it's never really too late.

* * * * *

Writing Suggestion

Is there some old memory that comes back to haunt you in the middle of the night, something you try unsuccessfully to suppress? In the "Bloody Bones" chapter, you faced some of your darkest fears, and found out that you were strong enough not to run away anymore. You can make haunting memories lose some of their power in the same way, by facing them with open eyes. You may find, like Susan and Roger, that just writing about them is enough. Getting them onto paper can put them somewhere besides the haunted graveyards of your mind.

On the other hand, you may wish, like Cathy did, to talk them over with your mentor. Or you may want to address someone from the memory, the way I did with Lindsey. If you're not sure how you want to approach this writing, the following questions and ideas may be helpful.

* * * * *

· Is there some old hurt that comes back to haunt you unexpectedly? Do you find yourself in tears over something that happened years ago? Tell your mentor about it. Explain who hurt you, and how it still hurts now.

· Without excusing the person who did the harm, have your mentor gently explain that person's motivations. What was the person thinking at the time? Have your mentor remind you of a time when you may have done anything comparable to someone else, not to blame, but to aid understanding. If the person is still alive and available for contact, have your mentor help you decide whether to write a real letter to the person and send it, or whether that would be counter-productive.

· Write a letter to the person who hurt you, explaining in detail how you were hurt. Mention what you have learned from your mentor that helped you to understand. If your mentor thinks you should really send the letter, do so, but only after very careful thought and revision. It may be better to keep the letter and imagine a reply; if the person is likely to hurt you again, you may get a more healing reply from your own imagination.

· Imagine becoming that person. Read the letter that was sent to you, and try for the first time to understand the hurt you have caused. Try to remember what you were thinking at the time. Was it a misunderstanding, or was there really bad feeling at the root of what happened? Write an honest apology, explaining your actions but not excusing them.

· Read the apology, imagining that it really came from the person who hurt you. You may have to exchange a few more letters before the issue feels resolved. It also is helpful to pray for the person to be blessed. Read Chapter 12 for more information.

It may be that after doing this exercise, you will feel comfortable approaching the person in real life, without the old anger to get in the way, and be able to make peace. If the person is dead or otherwise unavailable, at least you will have found peace in your heart.

· Is there a person you have hurt? If at all possible, write a real apology and send it. If that person is no longer available to you, write the apology anyway. You may want to write a reply from the person, or ask God to deliver your message. Praying for the person to be blessed will help too.

· Is there something you need to hear from someone? For example, did you have a parent or spouse or other family member who could never say "I love you"? If the person is still available, it may be enough to tell them outright what you need; sometimes they don't know without being told. But if the person is dead, or still unable to accommodate you, try writing a letter from that person to you. If you believe that the person did love you but was just unable to express it, explain that in the letter.

· Sometimes a person is unfortunate enough to have had a parent who really did not love them. If you feel that is true of you, try writing a letter to yourself from an imaginary parent, the parent you wish you had. It may be that your mentor is already such a figure. If you have done the exercises in chapter 4, you have probably already done something like this exercise. But take a conscious moment now to invent for yourself an ideal parent, and write a letter to yourself from that loving parent. Or another way of putting it would be that you can be your own parent. The exercise in chapter 4 about writing a letter to your past self is a way of giving yourself the love you deserve.

Chapter 9

Swimming in Grief:

Coming Safely to Shore

There’s a story told of the Buddha, about a young woman who came to him after her little boy died. She wanted the Buddha to bring her son back to life. The Buddha told her to bring him a handful of mustard seed from a house where no one had ever died. The woman went from house to house, but every family she talked to had lost someone. Eventually the woman came to realize that no one escapes grief, and to accept the death of her child.

All of us have felt the agony of grief at one time or another. It may be one of the great griefs, the loss of a parent, spouse or child. But griefs that may seem smaller to outsiders can still hurt: the loss of a more distant relative, a friend, or a pet. Sometimes we grieve other losses besides death. A best friend may move away, a relationship may break up. A job loss or failure on an exam can cause grief as well. And I have already written about the grief we share over terrible world events.

Grief is one of the most painful things a human being can experience. “Heartache" is more than a metaphor. Sometimes when I'm grieving, there's a real physical pain in my chest.

What I’ve learned from grieving is that it hurts like hell, but with time it does get better, if I only have the faith to believe that it will. But I have to let myself feel it before it can heal.

In the journal examples, you will see some entries addressed to the mentor, some to the person or pet that is being mourned.

* * * * *

Writing Suggestion

If you’re not grieving now, this chapter may be one you can let go until you need it. When the time comes, write to your mentor about it, and then you may want to write to the person or pet you are mourning, and write what they would say to you. If you want to address some old griefs, the following questions and ideas may help you get started.

· What was your first grief? How old were you? Try to remember how you felt; describe physical sensations if you can.

· How old were you when your first pet died? What do you remember about how you felt?

· How old were you when you first experienced the death of someone you knew? Who was it? Did you attend a memorial service? If so, did it help you? What do you remember about how you felt to have known someone who died?

· How old were you when you first experienced the death of someone you loved? Who was it? Did you attend a memorial service? If so, did it help you? What do you remember about how you felt losing someone you loved? How long did it take before the first sharp grief faded?

· What other griefs do you remember from your childhood? Did a best friend move away? Did you lose a beloved toy? Did your parents divorce?

· Describe other losses in your life. These might be the loss of people you loved, or of pets. They might also be other kinds of losses: a relationship that broke up, or a goal you were unable to reach.

· What was the greatest grief you have ever experienced? Describe your feelings at the time, and how you feel now remembering. Pay especial attention to how the feelings have changed with time.

· What was your most recent grief? Is the pain still sharp, or has it faded a bit?

· Choose a grief that still feels raw. If it the loss of a person (or a pet) you are grieving, write a letter to the person, pouring out your longing. Write what you remember about the person, especially funny or sweet moments whose memory you cherish. Then sit quietly, imagining the person sitting in front of you, or beside you.

· Imagine what the person would say to you now. Write a letter from your loved one to yourself, offering comfort and consolation.

Chapter 10

The Meaning of Life:

Making a Difference

There’s only one kind of afterlife I have any certainty of. That's the fact that everything we do makes a difference in the world around us, for good or ill. When I start feeling death looking over my shoulder, I ask the Lady for reassurance that even if my name is forgotten when I'm gone, I will somehow have made a positive difference in the world.

The difference doesn’t have to be a big one. Edward Everett Hale, the nineteenth-century Unitarian minister and author of The Man Without a Country, wrote: “I am only one but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something. And because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do the something that I can do.”

* * * * *

Writing Suggestion

Think of times when you've made a difference in other people's lives. It might be something as small at smiling at a stranger, or something as big as raising a child. Record those times in your journal, keeping in mind that small acts of kindness can ripple through the universe. My student Connie became a social worker, and went on to help others. You never know how far your actions will reverberate, but if you're lucky, sometimes years later, someone will come back to tell you.

What kinds of things do you do that make a positive difference in the world? Make a list. You may be surprised at all you do. Here are some ideas to get you started:

· Do you volunteer your time with any organizations that help others? This includes not only charitable organizations, but your church, environmental groups, public television and radio, political groups, etc.

· Do you give money to any organizations that help others?

· Are you a parent, or a mentor for someone?

· Do you shovel snow for an elderly neighbor? What other things do you do to help your neighbors and friends?

· Do you pick up trash in public areas? Do you recycle?

· Do you participate in political activities?

· Do you write letters to your representatives, or to the editor of the newspaper?

· Do you send cards or letters or e-mails to your friends when they have joys or concerns?

· Do you provide a sympathetic listener for a friend who needs one?

· List other things you do. They don't have to be big things. Smiling at a weary salesclerk counts.

· Have your mentor respond to your list, and tell you how the things you do impact other people.

· If you have never seen the movie A Wonderful Life, rent or buy it and watch it. How would the lives of people around you be impoverished if you had never been born?

Chapter 11

Interesting People:

Fictional and Historical Celebrities

One of the most entertaining and rewarding aspects of the type of journal writing I've been describing is the opportunity to receive letters from interesting people. These people may be historical figures or characters from fiction, people in the news or even entertainers we're interested in. If the mentor you've chosen is a famous person, you've already had experience with this sort of correspondence.

* * * * *

Writing suggestion

Look back at the list you made in Chapter 1. If you like, add a few more names. These names to not necessarily have to be people you admire or would choose for mentors. You may want to talk to villains as well. Choose one or more of the names from your expanded list. If you like, do a little research about the person. If it is a historical figure, read a biography. If it is a mythological character, read the myths in which the character appears. As you did with your mentor and your inner demons, you may want to find a picture of this person to look at as you write.

Write a letter to the person, explaining why you think she is interesting, and why you want to correspond with her. Is there some connection you feel between her life and your own? Is there something you’ve learned from her, or would like to learn? Is there something you’d like to offer this person, such as the comfort of knowing that her life made a difference in history? Write a reply from the interesting person.

You may find the following ideas helpful.

· Write a letter to your future self. Imagine yourself ten or twenty years from now. What would your future self find interesting about your present life? What about yourself do you expect to remain the same? What do you expect to change? If you like, try writing a reply. Instead, you may want to put this letter somewhere safe, and plan to reply to it in that future time.

· If you are single and do not currently have a romantic relationship, write a letter to your future spouse. (I use the word “spouse” to indicate a domestic partner.) Speculate about what your spouse might be like. Realize that this person really exists somewhere out there in the world, and that your paths just haven’t crossed yet (or maybe they have!) Again, you may or may not want to write a reply. It might be more fun to save the letter until you do have a spouse, and share it then.

· This is a modification of the above exercise. A friend of mine who never married speculated that one of the young soldiers killed in Vietnam might have been the man who was destined to be her spouse, but that his death intervened before they were ever able to meet. If you are in a similar situation, you may want to write a letter to the spouse you would have had if tragedy had not come between you. Write a reply from the person.

· Write a letter to your child or grandchild or more distant descendant. This could be a real person as you imagine her in the future, or someone yet unborn. You might want to write a reply, or maybe save the letter with instructions that it be opened at a certain time.

· Suppose that someone generations from now becomes aware of you and wants to know more about you. This person may or may not be a direct descendant. It may be someone who has found your journal, or read some of your professional work, or has read a newspaper story about you. Write a letter from that person to you, asking questions about your life. Then answer the letter.

· Make a time capsule and hide it somewhere in your house or yard. What should go into it? What would someone from the future find interesting about our time? You might also want to make a time capsule for yourself or your children, and keep it somewhere you’ll remember.

· Write a letter from your mentor explaining that she will be coming to town incognito. She should tell you to keep an eye out for her during the day; maybe she will be the homeless person you pass on the street, or the janitor, or the grocery store cashier, or the receptionist.

· After reading the letter from your mentor, follow its directions. Throughout the day, look at each stranger you pass as though that person might be extra special. At the end of the day, talk over the experience with your mentor. Were there any people you saw who seemed especially likely candidates? What happened when you met them? Did you exchange words, or only a glance or maybe a smile?

· Think of the different facets of your own personality as being different people. Give them names, and let them talk to each other.

· Go through a Tarot deck and select one or more cards that seem to relate to your current joys and/or concerns. If you do not have a Tarot deck, you can find pictures of the cards online or in a library book. If you are not comfortable with Tarot cards, you may prefer an art book or other source of pictures. Write about how the picture addresses your joy or concern. Write a reply from characters who appear in the picture.

· Repeat the above exercise, only this time, pick one or more cards or pictures at random.

Chapter 12

Instant Communication:

Unwritten Dialogs

After about ten years of writing letters to and from the Lady, I had come to equate the act of prayer with the feel of the keyboard beneath my fingers. Then disaster struck. My faithful word processor gave up the ghost.

It was not compatible with any other computer; ten disks full of novels, poems and journals were rendered unreadable. Fortunately, I had hard copies of most of it, but I still found myself grieving. One of the losses I felt most keenly was my intimate link to the Lady through those well-worn keys.

In time I bought a laptop. But in the meantime I began paying more attention to the internal process of prayer. How about just listening without writing? I discovered that by putting myself in that familiar frame of mind, I could hear that inner voice without any external tools.

* * * * *

Writing (and non-writing) suggestion

Put away your pen, notebook, computer, or whatever tools you use to write. Close your eyes, and put yourself in the frame of mind you've become familiar with when you write your letters to and from your mentor(s). Speak directly to your mentor(s), either silently or aloud. Listen carefully for the answer in the same way you would if you were writing. Put it into words, even if you're not writing them down. You may also have a visual or a tactile response, a smile or a hug. The exchange will probably be very short. When it is finished, record it in your journal. You may not remember it word-for-word, but record as much as you can.

You may also wish to try the following suggestions.

· Pray for a blessing upon your family, friends and enemies. One-by-one, imagine them bathed in a light that's like a shower of gold. As it washes over them, it transforms them, bringing joy and peace. Don't forget to imagine a similar blessing for yourself.

· String four groups of seven beads, separated by four large beads. You may choose any coloring scheme you like. You could chose black for the large beads, to represent the quiet and dark of meditation. The “Sacred” beads might be green, the “Joys” beads might be yellow, the “Concerns” beads might be blue, and the “Love” beads might be red. You may prefer to use rainbow colors for each group of seven, and beads with letters on them (S, J, C and L) for the large beads. (This is similar to the arrangement described by Casebolt.)

Or if you like, make a set of Moon Beads: let the first seven be white or pearly to represent the full moon, the second seven silver to represent the half moon, the third black to represent the new moon, and the last four silver again. You can select large beads of matching colors, or skip the large beads altogether, letting the colors of the beads be enough to separate the sections.

Note: There is nothing magical about having seven beads per section, unless you want to use them to recite the Seven Principles, or to represent the days of a month. You might want more or fewer beads per section. The four sections remind me of other things besides the four kinds of prayer, such as the four directions and the four seasons. If you were to use thirteen beads per section, each bead could represent one week of the year, and the four large beads could be the solstices and equinoxes. When the circle of beads is laid out, it looks like a medicine wheel or a mandala.

· Enter the sacred space: On the first large bead, ask your mentor to be with you on this journey. On the first section, name seven things that give you a shivery feeling that you are in the presence of the Sacred. They can be places, objects in nature, art or music, or relationships with other people, anything that feels holy to you. They might even be the Seven Principles! When you get to the large bead at the end of the section, pause and listen for the voice of your mentor. Spend a moment in quiet meditation.

· Name your joys: On the second group of seven beads, name seven things you are thankful for. If you picture your mentor as God, direct your thanks to her. In any case, ask her to share in your joy. As before, pause on the large bead and listen for a response.

· Name your concerns: On the third group of seven beads, name seven things you'd like to do better in your life. Ask your mentor to help you improve. You can also use this section to name things you are worried about, and ask your mentor to help you figure out how to solve the problems that are troubling you. Again, when you get to the large bead, pause and listen. You may get some concrete suggestions.

· Share your love: On the fourth group of seven beads, send your good wishes to seven people (including yourself), or to seven categories of people. Visualize each person bathed in a golden light. See the person looking up into the light with an expression of utter joy. On the large bead, pause and listen to your mentor. You may find that the mentor suggests something else you can do to help one or more of the people you prayed for, beyond your prayer. Try to follow up on the suggestion.

Note: As an example of seven categories of people, I often pray for the following:

1. Family

2. Friends

3. Enemies

4. Those in sickness and poverty

5. Those in captivity and danger

6. Wisdom for our leaders

7. Myself

If you would like other ideas for ways to use prayer beads, do a Google search on "Unitarian Universalist prayer beads" or "Anglican prayer beads" or just "prayer beads”. I have a website called “Karen’s Prayer Beads” at www.angelfire.com/my/zelime/beads.html

Conclusion

Whatever the objective truth may be, whether the Lady is a face of God or just a part of myself, or both, she has given me as much support as any human friend could do. She is always there for me, whenever I need her, and I love her.

I hope that through the exercises in this book, you too have found a friend to stick with you when times get tough, to share in your joys when you want to celebrate, to help you chew on the age-old questions that make life so fragile and so precious.

If you have tried the exercises, and would like to contribute some of your writings to future editions of this book, please send me an e-mail at leleni@hotmail.com. I would love to hear from you.