______________________________________________________
My Locker
------------------------
Locker; N.
1. a person or thing that locks
2. a) a chest, closet, compartment, drawer, etc, usually of metal, which can be fastened with a lock, esp. such a container for individual or specified use.
This is a "locker" full of jumbled and messed up questions to myself. I'm not exactly sure where this page is going to go. Probably just scribbles of my very confused thoughts. Most of these pages are for me and expressing myself, but it makes me feel better to know that people are reading them. Maybe it's the attention. I guess, I don't really know. Anyway...let's see what I'm thinking.
=======================================
1-8-01
Did you ever feel totally and absolutely invisible? Did you ever decided to do something, change your mind, then go back to the first decision, and realize it was wrong? Have you ever attempted talking to a crush that won't talk back? Where do you go after death? In religion, who is right? Which place will we end up? Why are there so many different beliefs? Why can't we know which one is right so we can follow it? What if they are all right? What if none are right and we all just float around the earth for eternity? Where do animals go when they die? Why am I so against abortion? Why are people for it? Why do I tackle such big topics? Why can't we just know everything? Why won't he notice me? WHY CAN'T I JUST START TALKING TO HIM, AND HAVE HIM TALK BACK?
10-21-00
Why does it feel like my life is nothing when I have everything? Why do I feel deprived when I have so many loving friends that care? Why does it feel like I'm having a good day, then it turns bad? Why did she forget? Why did he get mad at that? How did I know about them? Why did I know in my dream and not realize it sooner? Why can't I stop moping? Why does it going to feel like I'm going to cry over everything? Why didn't I cry over him when I wanted to? Why do I feel like he isn't worthy of my tears? Why do I feel like I'm up on such a high horse, when I'm 3 centimeters off the ground? Why does everyone cancel on me at the last minute? Why do I hate doing concentrations for art? Why don't they turn out like I want them to? Why can't everything go smoothly? Why does everyone seem to be at the right place at the right time, while I'm always at the wrong place at the wrong time? WHY WILL LIFE NOT JUST RUN ME OVER AND KILL ME, INSTEAD OF RUNNING ME OVER REPEATEDLY?
9-23-00
Why is it so boring without him? Why can't I do what I was doing? How come it wasn't longer? Why does food that's bad for you taste so good, but food that's good for you taste so bad? Did you ever feel as if your head were swimming? Why couldn't he stay? Why ask why? Why can't I be 18? Why is he doing it? Is he doing it for me? Do people really think I'm crzy? Why Abercrombie guys? Why Hot Topic guys? Why pre-sale? Why don't I like U.P.T.'s? Why does it feel like home at work, but feel like work at home? Why do I act so independent? Why do I not like counter items? Why is 99 cents a bunch of bull? Nothing is free, no matter what, SOMEONE pays for it. Why is food so expensive? Why does water taste so good if it's tasteless? Why does Pepsi taste so bad? Why can't we pick the color of our skin? (I'd be purple!) WHY DOES MY OLD CRUSH MEAN ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO ME NOW THAT I HAVE A NEW ONE?
9-22-00
Why am I so snappy to people? Why do I feel like I'm always proving myself to someone? Why do I try to impress people? I say I don't care what people think, but do I? Why do little kids annoy me so much? Why am I attracted to him? Why does it feel like songs talk to me? Why am I clinging to the "Teenage Dirtbag" song? Why do people make fun of Hanson? Why am I crying? Why am I so sick of everything? Why can't I have patience? Why do I suddenly feel so confused? Why does it feel like I'm isolated; alienated; exiled? Why does it feel that no one notices me? Why can't a real guy like me? Why can't love hit me and get it over with...I don't want to wait for my dream man anymore! Why does it feel like time crawls when you're bored, but it flies when you're doing something fun? Do people do not know what common sense is? How come it seems some people are sent to irritate the hell out of others? How come people just can't drive? Why don't people think before they do? Why do people have to die? Why do innocent people die in car wrecks because of various idiots? Why do tears come so simply sometimes, and so complicated at other times? How come some things go your way, but then one event always screws it up - even a little? Why do we have to sleep? Why does it always seem that I have a 6th sense? NOTE: No, I don't see dead people. Intuition will never steer you wrong. WHO RELATES TO ME?
_________________
HOME
Email: blackkatt1983@hotmail.com